Almost Perfect (54 page)

‘Hey, where did you come from?' said Nick as Georgie charged through the front door carrying Nicholas in a baby sling. He peered out the front window. ‘Did Liam bring you over?'

‘No he didn't, as a matter of fact,' Georgie exclaimed. ‘Liam's too busy pissing off.'

‘What?'

‘He's leaving. Just like I said he would.'

‘Leaving, leaving where? What are you talking about?'

‘Who's leaving?' asked Louise as she came through the back door carrying an empty washing basket.

‘Liam is going to Melbourne,' said Georgie, striding over towards the kitchen. ‘I need a drink, it's so hot out there.'

‘Here, give him to me,' said Nick. Georgie turned around, and Nick supported the baby while she undid the clips on the harness.

‘How did you get here?' he asked.

‘I walked.'

‘You walked the whole way?'

‘In this heat?' Louise added.

‘You should have called me to come get you.' Nick had hold of Nicholas now and was proceeding to disengage him from his rigging. ‘How long did it take you?'

‘I don't know.' Georgie was at the tap, filling a glass. ‘I had to stop and feed Nicholas a couple of
times along the way, he was so hot,' she said, before gulping down the entire glass of water.

‘So is he gone for good?' asked Louise.

Georgie turned around. ‘What?'

‘Liam, has he gone to Melbourne for good?'

‘He said only a few months, but who knows?' she said, refilling the glass.

‘Well, is he going for work?' Nick asked.

‘No, he's going to “find himself ”,' Georgie sniggered, walking around the bench to the table where Nick had taken a seat, cradling his nephew on his lap.

He frowned. ‘Liam doesn't seem the kind of bloke who would feel the need to do that.'

‘No, he's the kind of bloke who'll find any excuse.'

Louise put the basket down, resting her hip against the table. ‘Georgie, you're talking but you're not saying a whole lot. Why is Liam going to Melbourne?'

She sighed loudly. ‘He reckons he needs some time to get over me.' She rolled her eyes. ‘That he can't be a good father the way things are.'

Louise nodded thoughtfully. ‘And he'll be back in a few months?'

‘Apparently.'

‘Well,' said Nick, ‘I suppose it's the best time to do it. As long as he's back before Nicholas is about six months, it shouldn't matter too much. It's a shame, though.'

‘Poor man,' Louise murmured in agreement.

‘What are you two banging on about?' Georgie cried. ‘You're not seriously on his side, are you?'

‘Who said anything about sides?' said Louise. ‘This isn't a contest, Georgie, it's just . . . an unworkable situation, I guess. He obviously loves you very much, but you can't overlook the past. And I respect that, I do. But I feel sorry for him as well.'

‘After everything he's done?' Georgie persisted.

Louise shrugged. ‘It is done, Georgie. He can't take it back, he and his wife have already split, and now you have Nicholas to think about. You have to move on and find a way to be parents together. If he needs to get over you to be able to do that, then I think that's fair enough.'

‘I don't get this,' Georgie groaned.

‘You have more compassion in you than anyone I've ever known, Georgie,' said Nick bluntly. ‘Don't you think it's about time you showed some for the father of your child?'

She just looked at him.

‘This isn't like you,' he added, his tone softening. ‘What's going on?'

Georgie could feel tears rising in her chest as she sunk down into a chair. ‘It wasn't supposed to be like this,' she sighed.

‘Like what?'

‘I used to dream about a white wedding, flowers, cars, the whole bit. And instead I got screwed by a married man up against the stationery cupboard and ended up pregnant.'

‘Thanks for loading me up with that image,' Nick grimaced.

‘Georgie, you can still have a white wedding if it's so important to you,' said Louise.

She shook her head. ‘It's not that.'

‘Then what is it?'

Georgie sniffed. ‘We'd never be able to tell our kids romantic stories about how we met, or celebrate the anniversary of our first date. Or even tell Nicholas how we came to have him. It's all been tainted.'

‘Georgie, that's greeting-card crap,' said Nick. ‘None of that stuff matters in the end. Relationships survive because people are able to take the good with the bad and move on.'

Georgie was pensive. ‘Liam said today it's all about forgiving,' she said after a while. ‘But how am I supposed to forgive him if I'll never be able to forget?'

‘Because you're only focussing on whether you can live with what he did,' said Nick. ‘When all you really have to decide is whether you can live without him. Whether you want to.'

She looked perplexed. ‘You think it's that simple, that easy to forgive him?'

‘Yeah, I do,' he nodded. ‘Because everyone suffers if you don't, not just Liam, but Nicholas, and most of all, you, Georgie. Can you honestly say you're happy right now?' He paused. ‘Think about it, wouldn't it have turned out a lot better for everyone if Mum had been able to forgive Dad?'

‘You can't blame her for the way things turned out,' Georgie declared. ‘What are you always telling me, Nick? “Don't blame the victim”? It was Dad who had the affair. Everything was fine before that, we were happy, we had the perfect family and he destroyed it.'

Nick glanced at Louise. She walked over and he handed Nicholas to her. ‘I'll take him out to see the girls,' she said.

Georgie frowned, watching Louise walk out through the sliding door and close it behind her. They heard the squeals of the girls obviously prompted by the sight of the baby. Georgie turned and looked expectantly at Nick.

‘Things were not perfect before Dad had the affair, Georgie, you had to know that. Mum was . . . she was not a well woman.'

‘What was wrong with her?'

He looked squarely at Georgie. ‘She had bipolar disorder.'

‘She did not, Nick. Where did you get that from?'

‘She was diagnosed when you were only little. She was on medication, but she'd get slack with the meds and things would unravel. The manic phases were the worst, she used to do some crazy things. Surely you remember? It got so Dad couldn't leave her alone with us.'

‘She was just unconventional . . .' Georgie said weakly. ‘Free-spirited, that's all.'

Nick frowned at her. ‘Georgie, why do you think Annette came to work for us?'

‘She was a housekeeper.'

‘She was there to keep an eye on Mum when Dad wasn't around.'

‘Why, because he was off having affairs?'

Nick sighed. ‘He worked long hours, Georgie. Mum had got them into some serious debt early on before she was diagnosed, and then work became a
habit, or maybe it was respite. I think he really loved her, but it got too much for him in the end. Maybe the affair was a kind of respite too, I don't know. People have their reasons.'

Georgie's head was hurting trying to take it all in. ‘Reasons or excuses, Nick? I mean, okay, Mum wasn't well, Liam's wife was infertile, so that gives them an out?'

‘I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying it happens,' said Nick. ‘You've always had such a black and white view about it, Georgie. Dad was to blame for everything. But the lines are more blurred than that.' He paused. ‘You even blamed Dad for the accident when Mum was the one driving.'

‘I know that. But she was distraught, it wasn't her fault.'

Nick leaned forward across the table. ‘You remember the investigation. There were no skid-marks on the road, no evidence of mechanical failure or whatever else they look for, she just drove off the road and over the embankment. There were no witnesses either, so the police recorded it as an accident. They couldn't prove anything, she may just have fallen asleep at the wheel.'

‘Exactly, they couldn't prove anything,' Georgie said shrilly. ‘Do you know what you're implying, Nick? That Mum killed herself and took Dad along with her? Come on, she may have been unwell, but–'

‘She had attempted suicide before.'

‘What?'

‘I don't know how many times. But I found her once.'

‘Oh, Nick . . .' Georgie's face went white.

‘I came home at lunchtime one day when I was a senior, she was asleep on the lounge. I couldn't wake her, I rang Dad, he arrived the same time as the ambulance . . .'

‘I don't remember . . .'

‘You were too young probably. I think neighbours looked after you and Zan that night. Mum was sick in bed for a few days afterwards, but that wasn't unusual.'

Georgie was staring across the table at him. ‘That's why you were so worried that time . . . after I found out Liam was married.'

Nick nodded faintly.

She stood up in a daze and walked around the kitchen bench, gazing out the window at Nicholas.

‘What if I'm like her, Nick?' Georgie said in a small voice.

‘We would have known by now.'

She turned to look at him.

Nick got up from the table and came over to lean against the bench. ‘I have kept a close eye on you, sis. And on Zan, though she's a different kettle of fish, I never seriously worried about her. But you, at times . . .' He shook his head. ‘All the research says it would have manifested itself by now, Georgie. Losing Mum and Dad was probably your biggest test. I don't think you have anything to worry about.'

Tears filled her eyes.

‘Hey there, Georgie girl,' he said gently, walking around the bench and putting his arms around her.

‘Do you really think she could have . . .'

‘We'll never know. She might have been distracted, or had too much to drink, or they both did. I try not to dwell on it any more.'

‘I remember being scared sometimes,' Georgie murmured after a while, her head resting against his chest. ‘Not of her, she would never have hurt us. It was just scary when she was out of control. Dad was always so calm, I felt safe when he was around. But then he was hardly ever around. He should have been there for us, Nick.'

‘I know, I used to get angry with him too. I wanted him to stay home more and look after her, then maybe she would have been okay. But I suppose he was doing the best he could.'

Georgie looked up at Nick. ‘After the accident, I remember being more scared than ever. I was terrified of what was going to happen to us.' She paused. ‘I guess I blamed Dad for leaving us all alone.'

Nick held her by the shoulders, looking squarely into her eyes. ‘It wasn't his fault. It wasn't her fault either. It was just a sad, tragic accident.' He leaned back against the bench behind him. ‘We weren't the perfect family, Georgie, I don't believe there is such a thing. Not even me and Louise are perfect.'

‘Please don't tell me some dark secret about you two, I couldn't take it right now.'

Nick smiled. ‘Don't worry, we're fine, we're great. But it may surprise you to learn that I can be a real pain in the arse. And Louise isn't perfect either, but I wouldn't want her any other way. It's no big deal to love someone who's perfect, Georgie. The trick is to love someone despite the fact they're not.'

Georgie swallowed back more tears. Nick was watching her closely.

‘So, okay, Liam's not perfect, but sweetheart, much as I love you, neither are you. It seems that's good enough for him.' He smiled. ‘What about you, what do you want?'

Georgie looked plaintively at Nick, biting her lip. ‘I don't want him to go.'

‘Then don't let him go.'

‘Can you drive me to the airport?'

‘What time does his plane leave?'

‘Um,' Georgie frowned. ‘Four, I think he said.'

Nick checked his watch. ‘It'll be tight, but let's give it a shot.'

Anna was glad she'd been able to secure a window seat. It was a while since she'd been on a long-haul flight. They had stopped going abroad once she'd started treatment. Now she had a sense of anticipation, of excitement, she hadn't felt in years.

Vincent hadn't brought her to the airport. He'd wanted to but Anna wouldn't let him. She insisted she didn't want to do the big farewell scene, she wanted to think of him there in the house. So they made love in the morning, and he cooked her breakfast and they sat out on the deck overlooking the
trees and the ocean. And when the taxi beeped out front, Anna hesitated, just for a moment. She told him she would never forget what he had done for her. He kissed her goodbye and made her promise to write. That was the whole idea, she reminded him.

She was among the first to board the plane, so she watched the other passengers filing in, settling themselves in for the long flight with books, portable CD players, laptop computers. Anna scrutinised their faces, trying to imagine their stories. Were they going on business; was it a trip they'd saved up for a long time; were they visiting family; were they leaving Australia forever, moving to another country? They would all be sharing this plane, this space, breathing the same air for the next twenty-four hours or so. They all shared the same initial destination, but the possibilities of where they would each end up were endless.

Finally the seat beside her was taken by a man wearing a blue shirt and light trousers. Anna didn't get a good look at him – she turned away discreetly once she realised he was about to sit next to her. She stared out the window as he sat down and made himself comfortable.

‘Look at that sky,' he said after a while.

Anna turned and smiled politely. He was a pleasant-looking man, around her own age.

‘Take a good look,' he said. ‘It's completely different on the other side of the world. The light, even the colour.'

She nodded slowly. ‘I'd forgotten about that.'

‘Not your first time overseas then?'

‘No, but it's been a while.'

He looked sheepish. ‘I want to assure you I'm not one of those people who'll talk your ear off the whole flight. But I'm also not one of those people who can sit next to someone for twenty-six hours and not even introduce myself.'

Anna smiled. ‘That seems reasonable.'

‘Joe Lichaa,' he said, offering his hand. ‘That's with two a's.'

‘I beg your pardon?'

‘Lichaa has two a's at the end. No one expects the second a.'

‘I guess they wouldn't.' She shook his hand. ‘Well, Joe Lichaa with two a's, I'm Anna, Anna Gilchrist.'

‘So, what does Anna Gilchrist do when she's not flying off across the world in a plane?'

She glanced out of the window again, to the wide blue expanse of a perfect sky, before turning back to look at him. ‘That's a good question.'

Georgie dashed through the glass doors and came to a dead stop, overcome by the magnitude of the domestic terminal. She had no idea where to go. Last time she was here, she'd just followed Liam around. And before that, well, it had been ages since she'd been on a plane. Nick had dropped her out front, he was going to park the car and bring Nicholas in. They both had their mobile phones in case they lost each other. Georgie felt lost already. She spotted a bank of screens and rushed over, scanning through
lines and columns of numbers and text. She had to filter out a lot of flotsam to get the information she needed, made worse by the fact she was in a rush, and still worse because it was all in twenty-four hour time, which confused her at the best of times. They'd flown Virgin to visit his family but there weren't any flights at 1600. Shit! There was one at 1545 and one again at 1615. She supposed Liam had had no reason to be absolutely precise when he'd mentioned the time of his flight. He couldn't have known she'd change her mind a couple of hours later and race out to the airport to try to stop him, like some kind of crazy person. Except Georgie didn't feel crazy. She felt like this was the sanest thing she'd done in a very long time. Nick was right. Liam wasn't perfect; he was flawed and complex, and wonderful and loving at the same time, and Georgie knew, as she had always known, that he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

Now she had to find him and tell him that.

One flight was leaving from Gate 34 and the other from Gate 32. Georgie went to run off until she realised that she didn't know which departed from which gate and it would make more sense to check the earlier flight first. The 1545 was departing from Gate 34 and the 1615 from Gate 32. Which way were the frigging gates? Georgie looked around frantically and saw the huge sign above the security checkpoint. ALL GATE LOUNGES. Thank you. She dashed over and had to wait impatiently behind a queue of people, who all seemed to have special requests, queries, issues, metal objects. Georgie
realised she didn't have to be waiting in this queue, she wasn't even carrying a purse. She pushed past the people, slowing down as she went through the metal detector so as not to arouse suspicion – the last thing she needed was airport security detaining her right now. Another sign above told her Gates 31 to 40 were straight ahead. She leaped down the escalators and skittered up the concourse, dodging people, luggage, trolleys, prams.

‘
This is the last and final call for passengers travelling on Virgin flight DJ 840 to Melbourne this afternoon. Please make your way to Gate 34 immediately
.'

Georgie saw Gate 32 on her left as she sped past, heading for the moving walkway. And then she sped right past Gate 34 as well. Bugger. She jumped off at the end and ran back to Gate 34. There were two men waiting to hand their boarding passes to the attendant, neither of them Liam. Georgie's heart was hammering behind her ribs as she rushed up to the counter.

‘Excuse me, can you tell me if a Liam, um, William MacMullen is–'

‘I'm sorry, we're not allowed to give out passenger information.'

‘But can't you just say yes or no?'

‘I'm sorry.' The young man looked genuinely regretful. Much good it did Georgie.

‘Then is it possible to get a message to someone who might be on board?' she said breathlessly.

‘Might be?'

‘Well, I don't know for sure, I only know he's flying to Melbourne at four but there are no actual
flights right on four so I had to assume it would be the flight closest to four and . . .'

The attendant was regarding her curiously.

‘So can I get a message on board?'

‘Not usually, unless it's an emergency.'

‘This is an emergency!' she blurted.

‘What kind of emergency?'

Georgie's mouth dropped open, but nothing came out.

The other attendant who had been collecting boarding passes came over behind the counter. ‘Fully boarded,' she announced.

‘Sorry,' said the first attendant. ‘They'll be landing in Melbourne in less than an hour, you could phone Tullamarine and have the person paged. Or you could wait and call his mobile.'

Georgie didn't really take in anything he was saying. But she nodded, smiled lamely and walked away, stopping at the vast glass window to look at the plane still parked alongside Gate 34. Maybe Liam would glance out his window and see her there, maybe he would recognise her from this distance. Then at least he'd know she'd tried.

‘Georgie?'

She swung around. Nick was walking towards her, holding Nicholas tummy down, lengthways along his forearm, gently patting his back. Only men held babies like that. Liam often held Nicholas like that.

‘Nick, how did you find me?'

‘I checked the departure board and worked it out. No flight at four, eh?'

She shook her head sadly. ‘The three forty-five had already boarded. I don't know whether he's on it or not, they're not allowed to give out that information.'

‘So we'll wait for the quarter past. At least it hasn't started boarding yet. We can't miss him.'

‘Unless we already have.'

Nicholas began to squirm and make a grunting noise. ‘Come on,' said Nick, ‘let's find a seat, I think he might want feeding.'

They walked back to the lounge at Gate 32 and found two seats together. Once Georgie had settled Nicholas on the breast, Nick stood up. He seemed restless.

‘I'll just go have a look around,' he said. He walked back to the concourse, peering up either way before turning around to survey the whole lounge area. Georgie gazed down at Nicholas and stroked his soft little head. She had a sinking feeling she'd missed his father already. And she couldn't help thinking it was fate. She'd had her chance back at the flat this morning to stop him from leaving, and that's when she should have done it. She couldn't call him once he got to Melbourne. What would she say? She didn't want to tell him over the phone that she realised she loved him . . . it wasn't even that, she'd always loved him. She'd just been too afraid, too caught up with an idea of how things should have been instead of seeing things for how they were. Too afraid to follow the path to where it might lead her.

‘
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
passengers travelling to Melbourne on Virgin flight DJ842 at four-fifteen this afternoon are advised this flight has now commenced boarding.
'

Nick wandered back, scanning the queue forming to board the plane. He sat back down next to Georgie.

‘Well, we can't miss him now. If he's getting on that plane, we'll see him.'

Georgie nodded faintly. They both automatically stared up at the television screen. Cricket. Liam liked cricket. She wondered if they'd screen it on the plane.

The queue started to thin and people wandered up in dribs and drabs. A few who had been sitting in the lounge the whole time finally got to their feet and strolled calmly over to the attendant. Frequent flyers, waiting till after the cattle call so they could walk straight onto the plane and take their seats. Feeling smug no doubt.

‘
Further boarding call for passengers flying to Melbourne this afternoon on Virgin flight DJ842 at four-fifteen, please make your way to Gate 32.
'

There was no one else joining the queue. There was no queue left to join. Georgie felt an uncomfortable cramping sensation in her chest. The same as when Liam had left this morning. And now she had to go through it all again.

‘
This is the final boarding call for passengers travelling to Melbourne on Virgin flight DJ842 at four-fifteen. Your aircraft is fully boarded, please proceed immediately to Gate 32.
'

‘They must be waiting on somebody,' said Nick,
standing up. He walked back to the concourse and looked towards the escalators. But Georgie knew it wouldn't be Liam. He'd never be late.

‘
Paging a Mr Graeme Digby and a Mr Les Byrne. Your aircraft is fully boarded awaiting immediate departure. Please proceed to Gate 32.
'

Georgie saw Nick's shoulders drop. He wandered back over to her as a man bolted down the concourse and across to the attendant.

‘Wonder if that was Digby or Byrne?' Nick mused.

Georgie didn't say anything.

‘Do you want to try Qantas?'

She shook her head sadly. ‘It's too late.' The words stuck in her throat.

‘It was a long shot, Georgie. But if he was on the first flight, he'll have touched down in Melbourne by the time we get home. You can call him then.'

She shrugged. ‘I just wanted him to know that I tried to stop him.'

‘You can tell him when you talk to him.'

‘It won't be the same.'

‘I know.'

She put Nicholas over her shoulder and stood up.

‘Do you want me to take him?'

‘No, I'm right.' Georgie held Nicholas close as they walked slowly back through the terminal. She'd never felt Liam's absence so strongly.

They drove back mostly in silence, with the radio down low. Georgie didn't really feel like talking and Nick sensed it. After a while she looked over
at Nicholas in the back. He was fast asleep; poor little man, being dragged from pillar to post all afternoon with barely a peep out of him. Georgie turned around again.

‘Is he asleep?'

‘Mm.'

‘You know,' said Nick, ‘I've been thinking lately.'

‘That's dangerous.'

He looked sideways at her. ‘I've been thinking we should have a proper Christmas this year.'

Georgie frowned. ‘What do you mean?'

‘You know what I mean. Like regular people. The girls are getting older, and now we have Nicholas as well. I think we should stop mourning the past and start celebrating what we have together.'

She thought about it. ‘Maybe you're right.'

‘I'll talk to Zan, see what she thinks.'

They fell silent again until they crossed the Spit Bridge and headed up the hill on the other side.

‘Do you want to come back to our place?'

Georgie shook her head. ‘I think I'd rather go home.'

He glanced over at her. ‘Are you sure?'

‘I'm sure.'

Ten minutes later Nick turned into Georgie's street and parked out front of her block. He jumped from the car to help her. Nicholas was sleeping, so rather than disturb him, he lifted the capsule out carefully and passed it to Georgie.

‘Thanks Nick,' she said. ‘For everything.'

He considered her, frowning. ‘Are you sure you're going to be all right?'

She smiled bravely. ‘Of course.' She picked up her backpack from the front seat and hooked it over her shoulder.

‘Do you want a hand? I'll walk you up.'

‘I'm fine, Nick,' she insisted.

‘Okay.' He gave her a hug. ‘Bye, Georgie girl.'

She watched him drive away and strolled slowly up to the entrance to her flat. The foyer was cool when she stepped inside out of the sun. She looked down at Nicholas, sleeping peacefully, cocooned in the soft liner of his capsule. He felt a lot heavier than last time she'd carried him like this. Or perhaps she was just tired. She trudged wearily up the carpeted stairs, relieved to get to the last flight. But as she looked up ahead, Georgie froze.