Authors: Tucker Max,Maddox
Tags: #Fiction, #Autobiography, #General, #Biography & Autobiography, #Biography, #Humorous, #Humor, #Form, #Subculture, #American Satire And Humor, #Sex, #Anecdotes, #Drinking of alcoholic beverages, #Form - Anecdotes, #Max; Tucker
ALSO BY TUCKER MAX
I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL
Copyright © 2010 by Tucker Max
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Gallery Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020
First Gallery Books hardcover edition September 2010
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Assholes finish first / by Tucker Max.
1. Max, Tucker—Sexual behavior—Anecdotes. 2. Max, Tucker—
Alcohol use—Anecdotes. 3. Sex—Anecdotes. 4. Drinking of alcoholic beverages—Anecdotes. I. Title.
ISBN 978-1-4169-5114-8 (ebook)
My real name is Tucker Max. All the events described in the following stories are true to the best of my recollection, though certain dates, characteristics, locations, and other trivial details have been altered.
I hope you enjoy reading about my life as much as I have enjoyed living it.
I went to law school at Duke, and as you may know, basketball is huge there. The demand for tickets, even for grad students, far outstrips the supply. In order to solve this problem, the people in charge make grad students camp out in a field to get into the lottery for the chance to get tickets. They expect you to spend a weekend sleeping in dirt and checking in every time they blow their whistles, like a fucking homeless kindergartener.
You think I’m exaggerating, don’t you? This is taken directly from the Duke grad student website:
“Welcome to Duke! Let’s get right to the most important issue on your mind: How can
get season tickets to this year’s men’s basketball games in Cameron Indoor Stadium? Eligibility to purchase tickets is determined via the
Graduate and Professional Student Council Basketball Ticket Campout.
Campout for Duke Men’s Basketball season will be held starting at 7:00pm on
Friday, September 8
, and runs through
Sunday, September 10
, at approximately 7am.
The rules are simple: make it through the weekend without missing two attendance checks and your name is entered in a lottery. Lottery winners are then drawn and each of these lucky individuals is eligible to buy one of the 700 graduate and professional season tickets.…