Billionaire's Pursuit of Love: Destiny Romance (14 page)

‘This is business. It’s got nothing to do with you and me.’ His tone emphasised his sparse choice of words. ‘I meant no secrets between us.’ He strode past her. ‘Let’s not get the two confused.’

‘But the Sanctuary isn’t business, it’s my life.’ She tried to eliminate the hysterical wobble from her voice. She’d spent years controlling how she felt, what she thought about, or, more to the point, what she didn’t think about. Blake had opened her emotional gate and her feelings had bolted.

‘Listen, I don’t expect you to understand, but my main rival has obtained competitively sensitive information about the most important product we’ve ever launched.’ He threw clothes into the leather overnight bag.

‘So you used me . . . used Daniel.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. You got a lot out of this, too.’ The words came fast and harsh and with a nasty tone of accusation. ‘Honestly, Sarah. I can’t discuss this now. This is extremely important and I’m on the wrong side of the bloody world.’

The sight of Sarah’s white and tortured face inflicted a stab to his chest. He stopped packing. What was he saying? It wasn’t Sarah’s fault. He should be better than this. Better at this. But relationships didn’t often come up as a priority in his life. He was way out of practice.

He clasped both her hands in his. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m being an idiot. I’ll explain everything when you get back to London. But this is important.’

‘But not as important as the release today.’ She sounded washed out and weary. He blocked his heart to the guilt. Stopped it gaining access, wreaking havoc.

‘Of course the release is important. But this is my business. I have to look after my business. You have to look after yours.’

He turned back to packing. The irony of the situation was not lost on him. Again he was in Brunei, again he was flying back to disaster and again Sarah had stolen his focus.

‘I’ll organise someone to return the car this afternoon,’ he said.

She walked into the kitchen. The bang of pots and scrape of cutlery filled the small space. He was glad. He couldn’t handle any more histrionic outbursts. He had to concentrate. Get his head in the game.

He tugged the zip of his bag closed with more forced than required. He’d broken his golden rule. Never take your eye off the ball. Helping the Sanctuary . . . helping Sarah, sure, it had felt good, but it wasn’t the main game.

He looked around. How had he allowed himself to be lured here? Wrong place. Wrong time zone. Wrong business. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Sarah stared at the door, the sound of it slamming shut still echoing in her mind. Blake had shut more than a door to her cabin. She dragged her sharp fingernail across her lower lip, over and over and over. She’d stupidly allowed herself to entertain the possibility of a future with Blake. That he had it in him to play a meaningful role in her life, Daniel’s life. Something at least beyond the confines of his working life.

Outside, the four-wheel drive roared to life. The familiar sounds of the forest soon obliterated the blare of the vanishing engine noise. She collapsed onto Daniel’s bed. Her mother had been right. They love you, use you, then leave you. She dropped her head in her hands.

‘Sarah.’ Tino knocked on the door. ‘Ready?’

‘Give me five.’ She dragged enthusiasm into her voice.

She hauled herself up and into her room. Pulling her khaki work overalls from the cupboard, she yanked them on. A month ago, this was the only life she’d ever really known. Battling for every dollar to keep her mother’s vital work going. Saving a species. It had never been enough, but she’d accepted this was her life. A worthwhile life. Then Blake had reappeared and tumbled everything into a jagged mess.

Those few weeks in London had been . . . what? She couldn’t admit she’d loved every minute. But that life was so . . . wrong! Big business, big city, wealth, a throwaway life.

She walked out the door. Sultan’s new enclosure was visible through the trees. The old male orangutan would never again be able to live in his natural habitat. A poacher’s bullet had seen to that. Now he could live his life with space and comfort. Blake had made that happen.

She pulled on her boots. Sweat trickled down her back.

Tino jogged back to her cabin.

‘Is it true?’ Joy danced all over his face, making him look ten years younger than his fifty years.

‘What?’

‘That game has already raised seventy-five thousand pounds. Blake told me before he left.’

‘Hmm. Must’ve sold more overnight.’ She should be swinging from tree to tree with ecstasy.

‘Incredible, isn’t it?’

He sat down next to her on the deck. Sarah flicked a glance at the man who’d stood by the Sanctuary even when things were virtually impossible.

‘You’ve achieved more in the few weeks you’ve been away than you have in the whole year,’ he said.

‘Thanks a lot.’ A treacherous stinging threatened the back of her eyes.

He laid a hand on her shoulder. ‘Did you ever consider you might do more good for us out there than you do here? More good for yourself? For Daniel?’

A few minutes ago, Sarah could have imagined a cage being flung open for her to run free. But Blake had shown where his true loyalties lay. She and Daniel would be cogs in the wheel of his business. They weren’t in his heart. They were a strategy. ‘You know I promised.’

‘Sarah, your heart has always been somewhere else. Remember? You always wanted to travel the world. Photograph the world. Tell stories about the world. Remember all those stories you’d write. Your room is covered in pictures. Even as a little girl you drew pictures of everything around you.’

She dropped her elbows on her knees and her head into her hands. ‘That was a long time ago.’

‘Maybe, but it doesn’t make it less important. You made a promise to Jill and you’ll keep it. But you don’t need to stop living your life to do it.’

She pushed aside his words. He didn’t understand. She stood. Tino didn’t move.

‘I’ve known you a long time, my girl,’ he said. ‘Stop living in the past. Stop living for your mother. It’s time to start putting yourself first. Stop living other people’s dreams.’

‘She died for this place. Sacrificed everything. If I don’t do the same —’

‘You’re wrong. She didn’t sacrifice anything. This was her passion. She wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. But this is not your passion.’

She stared at the jungle and its domination of the landscape. The dominance in her life.

‘Come on,’ she said, holding out her hand. ‘It’s showtime.’

He sighed. Sarah pulled him to his feet. One of her nails caught on Tino’s muddy glove and was ripped to the quick.

‘Ouch.’ Blood leaked from the side of her nail. Tino gently examined the wound.

‘You’ll need to treat that.’

‘Go on. I’ll be there in a minute.’

She threw off her boots and stalked into the house. Pulling the first-aid kit down from the top of the fridge, she took out the well-used tube of antiseptic cream. Infection could set in fast in the forest. She applied the lotion and stared at her hands – at her long, manicured nails. Grabbing the nail clippers, she roughly chopped her nails down to the nail bed.

Her life was the Sanctuary. Not the glitz of the city. Not a computer company. Not at Blake’s side. She’d go back to London, sort out custody arrangements and get back to where she belonged. After all, here, no one let you down. No one here used you for what they could get. And if they did, they weren’t close enough to her heart for her to care.

Sarah’s muscles ached. She stretched her neck and rolled her shoulders. With what seemed like a supreme effort, she pulled her suitcase from the airport carousel. Although Blake had booked her a first-class ticket back to London, she hadn’t slept. Her mind had whirled, analysed and failed. Failed to reconcile Blake’s insensitive actions. How could he not have thought she would be upset about him using the Sanctuary, using her, in some intricate web of deception? He could have lied about anything – his leaving the letters being a case in point.

She queued for what seemed like longer than the actual flight but finally cleared passport control. The baggage-claim hall was packed, but her bag was one of the first to tumble down the chute. She walked over to customs. Blake and Daniel were just on the other side of the wall.

She couldn’t deny that Blake loved Daniel. Seeing them together . . . She threw aside the thought. But what did that mean when Blake could so easily dump Daniel, use her and place his work at the pinnacle of his life with everything else sliding down the sides? Would she and Daniel at some point be reduced to a Sunday lunch with physical Blake, when mental Blake still plotted world domination?

She glanced at her watch. Thank goodness it was late at night. She could climb into bed when she arrived back at Blake’s apartment. Customs waved her through and she emerged into the arrivals area of Heathrow.

‘Mum.’ Daniel hit her like a bullet train running behind schedule. She held him against her heart and wondered if Daniel had any idea of the force of love she felt for him. She kissed his cheeks, ruffled his hair and hugged him again.

She didn’t mean to, but she caught Blake’s eye.
If you missed Daniel this much in a few days, how must Blake feel, missing out on a lifetime?
Whoa. Where did that come from? She deleted the thought from her emotional equation.

‘I’ve missed you,’ she said to her son. She slung her arm over Daniel’s shoulder and gave her son one hundred per cent of her attention. But Blake’s presence surrounded her like the spice-infused air at home on market day.

‘I’ve missed you.’ Blake kissed her on the cheek. ‘Welcome home.’

But this is not our home.

Daniel stared at them with a goofy smile on his face.

‘Thanks.’ She hoped her cheeks were as cold as her heart.

Blake took her bag. Daniel chatted away about cricket, school and all the fun he’d had at Jemma’s house. How he and Blake had ordered pizza and played a game called Angry Birds.

‘It’s not a bad game, Mum. You slingshot birds at pigs. It’s so funny. I’m ace at it now.’

Sarah could feel Blake’s eyes on her during the walk to the car. She ignored him just enough to deliver the message but not enough for Daniel to notice.

On the drive back to Blake’s apartment, Sarah updated Daniel on her trip and the goings-on at the Sanctuary. By the time they drove past the luxury stores of Knightsbridge, Daniel had fallen into silence. Sarah stared through the window and watched the city lights. She wanted to hate the place. Hate everything it represented, but she couldn’t deny that somewhere deep inside she . . . ached? For what? The adventure? The opportunity? The freedom?

Daniel was asleep when they pulled into the driveway. The valet helped with the bags then looked after the car. Blake walked the half-asleep child into the building.

A few minutes later, Blake tucked Daniel into bed. Sarah sat and stroked her son’s hair.

‘I love watching him sleep,’ Blake whispered.

Sarah’s heart twitched. She knew exactly what he meant. Her son, so peaceful with his dreams. Blake had missed so much. She stood and walked from the room. That wasn’t her fault. But, it wasn’t his, either.

Blake followed her down the hall to the living room. ‘Let’s talk.’

‘Not now,’ she said.

‘Yes, now.’

‘I’ve flown eleven thousand kilometres.’

He pulled her into his arms. ‘How much longer? I want us together. The three of us. A family.’

Yes, when it suits you.

She disentangled herself. ‘How is this ever going to work? You live here. We live in Brunei. You won’t leave your work and I can’t leave mine. There’s no workable solution.’

‘But you’ve spent weeks in London away from the Sanctuary and in that time, you’ve generated record funds for the organisation. You belong here. You’re better for the Sanctuary here. Everything is better when you’re here.’

‘We’ll always come second to your job.’

He hesitated for a moment. ‘That’s not true.’ But his voice had lost a fraction of its conviction.

‘Yes, it is. You want everything on your terms.’

‘You and Daniel can’t go back to living like that.’

Heat bubbled up through her body. ‘Like what, exactly?’

‘Be reasonable, Sarah, your house is . . .’

‘What, Blake? My house is what?’

‘Unacceptable.’

His words stung as though she’d landed in a hive of enraged bees. Every insecurity about her circumstances, the way she provided for Daniel, her lifestyle, rushed up in a torrent.

‘Are you saying I don’t provide well for my son?’ Her voice shook with fury and doubt.

‘No, I’m saying you don’t provide well enough for either of you.’

Hot blood burned through her veins. She turned her back on his accusations and walked to the window. The lights of London blurred. Poking at the fabric of her life could destroy the whole flimsy tapestry of rationalisations. She couldn’t listen. She wouldn’t listen. Not everyone had a choice about how they lived.

‘Look around, Sarah. This is the life you should be living. Daniel should be with his father and you should be with me.’

She whirled to face him. ‘Oh yes, we can be with you, but only when it’s convenient.’ The words tasted of bitter ash.

‘What the hell does that mean?’

‘You really don’t know, do you?’

‘Is this about that stupid cricket match? For God’s sake, Sarah, don’t be so damn melodramatic. So I missed a game. So what? There’ll be other cricket matches. And
Food Fight
? That benefited both of us. Don’t turn that situation into something more than it was. I couldn’t tell you about our plans, it was on a need-to-know basis only.’

Exhaustion prevented her from protesting. She flopped onto the couch. ‘You rank us lower than a computer game.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

That bloody word again. If he called her or her views ridiculous again . . . The burning anger rose up and out. She stood.

‘Look at how you treat your own family.’

A look she’d never seen before locked up his face. ‘What about my family?’ His voice held a sharp edge, which came with a steely warning.

‘You bring some stupid oversized hamper, stuffed with a whole pile of stuff Jemma doesn’t want or need. You spend the whole time on your mobile or computer, without really communicating with anyone, and then you leave. You may be a brother in name, but really you’re a benevolent stranger bringing expensive, useless gifts.’

His Adam’s apple ratcheted up then down. ‘Did Jemma tell you that?’ Raw shock threaded his words.

She felt like one of those cruel women from a Charles Dickens novel, but she didn’t care. If he could be so careless with her feelings then he could learn some hard home truths.

‘She didn’t have to tell me. If you had any insight at all, you’d see it for yourself. But no, you’re all wrapped up in your company, your games and making obscene amounts of money.’

Every muscle in his body tensed as though torn between fight or flight. She waited for his usual rational high-handed retort. For him to dump all her words in the don’t-be-ridiculous category. But he walked to the couch and his body buckled. His strong, conquer-all features fell from resolute to ruined. It felt as though each of her ribs had turned into a clamp twisted to its tightest position. She stood frozen, lost as to how to handle the situation she’d ruthlessly engineered.

He placed his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands. ‘I don’t know any other way.’ His hushed tone wrung the blood from her heart and the breath from her lungs. What had she done?

‘Oh, Blake.’ She flew to the couch and slid her arm across his broad, hunched shoulders. ‘I’m so sorry. I . . .’ She didn’t know how to proceed. Their relationship only knew the tediousness of dispute or the overwhelming pull of desire. She’d been so busy trying to get him to understand her position that she’d never really considered he was anything but as he presented himself. Hard. Single-minded. Driven. She’d never dreamed there might be more to this corporate giant.

She rubbed his shoulder softly with the tips of her fingers. He didn’t move. Fear gathered more strength with every heartbeat. She’d pushed too far.

‘I’d been about to board a plane to find you when I got the call about Dad’s death,’ he said.

The words forced the air from her lungs. She held him tight, hoping her words hadn’t wreaked permanent damage. Why hadn’t she believed him earlier?

‘He’d called me but I was too distracted to talk. Too consumed by you, my love for you, my plans for a life with you.’

She could hardly breathe, terrified any sound might cut short the words he needed to say, the words she needed to hear. He didn’t speak for a few minutes. She wished she could draw away the terrible pain that clearly throbbed through his body.

‘After the company’s collapse, the vitriol directed against my father and our company was vicious. His face was splashed across the front page of every newspaper and was the lead story on the news every night for days. I got it. I understood it. Thousands of people had lost money. A lot of money. In some cases, a lifetime of savings. Hundreds of people lost their jobs. My father went from hero to demon. I couldn’t bear it. They didn’t know him. They didn’t know that he’d been devastated, that he couldn’t face the misery he’d unwittingly caused.’

He expelled a long, heavy, defeated breath.

‘After the funeral, I vowed I’d restore the company and my father’s name. I’d try to pay all our debts. I wouldn’t stop until Hunt-F Tech was number one, the undisputed leader. I’d pay everyone back with interest. I’d employ more people. I wouldn’t be distracted until I’d achieved that. Until I felt my father could rest in peace. That I could be absolved.’

‘Your father’s death, the company crash, it wasn’t your fault.’

‘No? I don’t know about that. But one thing I do know is that I can deliver what I vowed and then, maybe then, I can feel I’ve done right by him. Made up for not being there when he needed me. Then maybe I could stop asking myself the question, what if I’d been there that night?’

He rubbed his hand slowly across his brow, as if doing so might wipe away some of his pain. He shifted and turned to her. ‘Don’t you see? I can’t deviate. If I change my approach, if I allow myself to be distracted again, something . . . something terrible will happen. And now it’s worse. I have you in my life. I have Daniel. If I get too close . . . if I let you down . . . if anything happened to you . . . I couldn’t live through that pain again, that grief. It would kill me.’

He briefly closed his eyes. ‘If I keep everything at a distance, everything manageable, everything . . .’ He simulated a box with his hands. ‘Everything tight . . . controlled . . . in the realms of practical. It just keeps . . . I know it sounds idiotic, but it keeps anything bad from happening.’

She took his face in her hands. ‘Can’t you see you’ve already achieved all that you set out to do? Blake, you brought back your family home two years after the company’s collapse. Hunt-F shares are some of the most sought-after in the market. You’re there.’

He gently removed her hands from his skin. ‘No. No.’ He shook his head. ‘After
Everest
’s launched. Then . . . then I’ll have done it.’

She’d had no idea of the agony stored in Blake’s heart. She’d re-entered his life right at the pointy end of a mission to restore his father. But really his plan was to restore himself. She’d been the original source of his distraction. Therefore she’d help him gain the absolution he so desperately craved.

‘Okay.’ She stood up and held out her hand. ‘You get to bed. It’s midnight. You have the biggest day of your life coming up. You’ll hear no more demands from me, well, at least for the next seven days.’ He took her hand and stood. ‘And Daniel and I will watch with pride when you stand up on stage and launch
Everest
. Then I’m going to teach you how not to be an emotional cripple.’

‘That’s going to be a tricky job.’

‘Well, fortunately I have a secret weapon. There’s a little boy down the hall who’s taught me a thing or two. After
Everest
, we’ll go away together and work out how to make our crazy situation workable. Promise.’

He ran his finger up her arm and across her chest. ‘I know what would really, really help me relax.’ That come-sleep-with-me smile informed her Blake the Almighty was back.

She tilted her head to the side and raised her eyebrows. ‘And what would that be?’

He slid his hands down her back, cupped her bottom and drew her hard against his groin. ‘You naked underneath me.’

Pulsing heat pooled between her thighs. ‘I don’t want to be a distraction,’ she said, her voice already husky.

‘You’ve got it all wrong. I need this type of distraction.’ He flicked his tongue up the side of her ear.

She groaned inwardly. How was she supposed to avoid being a complication? ‘Don’t you need to focus?’

‘Great.’ He threw up his hands in mock horror. ‘I reveal my tortured soul, spill my deepest darkest secrets and you use them against me.’

‘Well,’ she said, slowly unbuttoning her blouse. ‘If you think it would help.’

A hungry smile crossed his face. He reached for her.

‘Nope.’ She playfully slapped away his hand. ‘Not here.’ She walked to the entrance of the hall and slid her shirt from her body and whirled it seductively; her lacy white bra the only fabric between her and the chill of the air-conditioning. She turned and ran down the hall to his room. He raced in after her.

‘Remember, not a sound,’ she said. She shut the door quietly and locked it.