Clear as Day (9 page)

…
I love you, Kay. Always have. From the moment I first saw you.

He couldn’t have loved her. They were
friends
.

****

Nate took a long swallow of the beer he didn’t really want. So, how did he fix this mess he’d made?

Night had settled in, the music long ended, and everyone sat kicked back in beach chairs. They’d hang out yacking and joking along until they couldn’t keep their eyes open, as they did every year.

He couldn’t relax. Kay had abandoned his lap for the chair beside him. He let his hand stray over to rest on her arm, tracing his fingers over her skin. He just wanted to get her alone. So they could relax. So they could talk.

Trouble was, everyone always made talking out a problem sound like it was so simple and solved everything, but actually doing it, and securing the desired outcome without screwing up, seemed about as easy as rowing upriver with a teaspoon.

Their future was on the line here. Big stakes.

And to be honest, as much as he wanted answers, he was too damned tired. His nap in the afternoon had been nice, but nowhere near the real rest he needed. He just wanted to crash with Kay in his arms, stop worrying, and sleep.

Question was, would he be sleeping with Kay tonight, or on the Whisper by himself? He’d planned to move the Whisper around to her cove in the morning.

A stifled yawn from Kay was his cue. He downed his beer and stood. He made his voice come as casually as he could. “Walk you back to camp? I’m majorly jet-lagged and need to crash.”

He got some guffaws and heckling from their friends. He laughed and ribbed them right back. Just like old times.

He held out his hand.
Come on, let me go with you. Let me work this out
.

Kay set her hand in his, regarding him with uncertain eyes. “Yeah, it’s late.” She stood and waved to their friends, giving them a smile. “We’ll see you all in the morning. Sleep tight.”

The conversation of the camp faded behind them as they hiked their way up the hill and along the trail to Kay’s camp.

Stars powdered the dark sky above. Their footsteps on the dry, rocky ground crunched along, loud in the quiet above the faint lapping of the lake over gravel and sand below. Bats winged in dark blurs.

He gave her hand a soft squeeze. She squeezed back.

They reached the bottom of the trail into her camp. “Kay—” What he wanted to say crowded his head. Apology, plea, demand all snarled in his mind, clogged in his throat. Shit.

She backed a step away. “Nate, honestly, I need space on this.”

“Is it because I asked wrong? I fumbled that.”

Great, now you sound even lamer
.

She sighed and looked away. “No, that’s not why. I never planned on ever marrying, anyone.”

A chill, sick sinking plummeted through him. “I believe we can make it work.”

“But I don’t know if I believe it.” She turned to him, her expression despairing and confused.

His heart clenched. Was he dealing with far heavier stuff here than her merely having cold feet about their relationship? He’d never imagined…She’d never been married, so it couldn’t be mental shit from a bad marriage and divorce like JoAnn had gone through—

Hell, could it be worse? His mind choked on worse. Assaulted? Abused? No, as a survivor of an abusive relationship, and very protective of Kay, JoAnn would have warned him if he’d been wandering into that territory. They’d never said anything more than a simple “be careful, don’t hurt her,” no different from the casual “be careful” conversation he’d had a few years ago with his now brother-in-law, Zeke. Right?

Except Kay had pride and she never talked much, if ever, about deeply private things. So if some shit like that had happened, what if she didn’t tell anyone? Shit.

How little he really knew about this woman he loved staggered him. Together, they’d always been so in sync, in bed and out. They’d talked so easily online over the years while apart. He was such a fool. Everything had been so easy. He’d never thought.

For a moment, a blind rush of anger punched through him. He wasn’t much for using his fists, subscribing to the lover, not a fighter theory of life, but he’d happily beat the crap out of the asshole who’d hurt her and left her so damned skittish and sad.

With no clue what else to do, he caught her hand and gathered her close. She tensed, but he just wrapped his arms loosely around her, enough to hold her where he needed her. A long knife-edged moment, and then with a nod, she slid her arms around his waist and rested her head against his shoulder.

“I swear you can talk to me, Kay. No matter what the problem.”
Please, let that be true.
He stroked his hand over her hair, nuzzled her cheek, and brushed a kiss to her forehead. “Like always. Anything. Anytime. Talk to me.”

She sighed and, little by little, with each breath, relaxed against him.

So how did he go about convincing Kay, heck, coercing her, into admitting she loved him like he knew she did? Damn it, he knew she did. How did he dig out and fix what hurt her? Twelve days, he only had twelve days.

And what the hell are you going to do if you fail?

No. He couldn’t deal with that thought right now. No wasn’t an option. Somehow, he’d figure this out.

She’d asked for space. Giving her space was the last thing he wanted. His raw, fresh fear demanded he hold tight. He cleared his throat, not wanting to hear her possible answer, but needing to ask, to do the right thing and be fair. “Do you want me to sleep on the Whisper tonight?”

His heart hovered in his throat for the several steps they walked along between his asking and her answer.

“No. I want you to stay.”

Thank you, God.

Just don’t screw up again, Quinn.

“Let’s get some sleep, okay?” He’d figure it out. Somehow. He caressed his hands over her shoulders, ignoring his body’s rousing leap at the idea of being in bed with Kay.

Give it a rest, dude. Whatever the hell she wasn’t talking about wasn’t going to be fixed with sex.

He lit the lantern. The intense white glow drove back the shadows but ruined their night sight, making the dark beyond deeper. He pulled his toiletry kit from his backpack. Getting ready for bed was so comfortably familiar. They fell into their joint routine as if a year hadn’t gone by: teeth brushed, a last piss, faces washed, swimsuits stripped off, rinsed and hung to dry.

He thought of the master bathroom in his new house and its two huge windows to the lush green of the yard and the blue Pacific beyond. It’d be like bathing in the Garden of Eden. He’d stood in that room and seen Kay and himself there, as clear as he saw her now as she unbraided her hair and brushed out the tangles.

God willing, and if he didn’t mess this all up anymore, he would.

He ducked inside the tent for a moment to drop his case by the cot. Kay had the same double cot and olive green lightweight sleeping bag as last year, along with the homey, soft pink cotton blanket and down pillow with ruffle-edged case she liked to sleep with.

His mind flashed to the currently bare and dusty master bedroom in the new house. What if she wanted the room all pink and stuff?

Instantly the picture in his head filled with a feminine, floral bedroom set like from one of his sister’s favorite decorating magazines, complete with Kay relaxing against the pile of fussy pillows…nude…Oh, yeah, not a problem. He could live with pink, lavender, ruffles, flowers, lace, whatever Kay wanted on the bed, as long as she was there with him.

They both moved to shut off the lantern at the same time. Nate let her dowse the light and the moment she turned, he caught her into his arms and scooped her close, rubbing his cheek against hers, sinking his hand into her hair, needing to just hold her.

Her arms looped around his waist and, with a long, weary exhale, she rested her head on his shoulder.

He shut his eyes, breathing her in, the thump of his heart loud in his ears, the rise and fall of her own breathing against his chest comforting. Having his arms full of Kay perked his body right up beneath his shorts despite his weariness. He had full intentions of ignoring his insistent hard-on, as much as he could anyway, but Kay shifted, a purposeful rise and press of her body against his, and again.

So much for noble intentions. He surrendered and whispered a kiss over her neck. Kay tipped her head, easing his access to her sensitive skin, leaning back in the support of his arms, her body swaying against his. He trailed his kisses to her mouth, and her lips softened and parted in sweet invitation. She was all heat and mint as he kissed her deep and slow, as he’d dreamed of doing so many lonely nights.

“I love you, Kay. I won’t apologize for saying it. It’s a fact.”

She sighed sadly against his mouth. “I don’t want you to apologize.”

“What do you want, Kay? Right now? Just talk to me.”

“I…I’m sorry. Right now? I want you. I just want you to take me to bed. Please?”

Enough starlight illuminated them to see the hunger in her eyes. She meant it. Considering he wanted her more than he needed to breathe, her plea wasn’t a hardship to agree to. They needed to talk, they would talk, but for now, maybe it was simply time to turn the brain off. Maybe if he just continued showing her how he felt, that would be enough. But he wouldn’t hold back the I love you’s anymore. That was a promise to her—and to himself.

He straddled her between his legs, gliding his hands over her rear, caressing and drawing her close to ride against his aching erection. He caught the hem of her tank tee and in one swift motion, stripped the top over her head and dropped it aside onto the nearest chair. Kissing her deep and slow, he backed her to the tent door, his hands on her hips, her breasts grazing and rubbing against his bare chest.

They broke the kiss barely long enough to unzip the tent and duck inside to fall on the cot. Kay fumbled to rezip the tent, while he worked on stripping her shorts down. He abandoned his efforts on the shorts, letting her wriggle them off under him, while he focused on her breasts, suckling at one while fondling and teasing the other.

Nate rose up on his knees, hands planted on either side of her shoulders, and took her mouth hard and hungrily. Kay caught his waistband and pulled at his trunks, yanking them down enough for him to work and kick them off, still not breaking the kiss. Then time vanished and it was all hands and kisses and nips and stroking and frantic breathing and racing hearts.

Nate flung himself to the side, catching his breath and grabbing for his kit beside the bed, searching for the condom before he did anything stupid. His hands shook. He dropped the damned thing twice and finally got himself covered. Then he was between her legs, leaning over her, his body aching for her, and he caught her wrists in his hands.

Kay locked her eyes on him, deep and dark. Her hair tumbled all wild around her beautiful face. Her hips rose, welcoming.

“I love you Kay. Always have. Always will.” He slid home, burying himself deep into her and the sultry sweet pleasure she gave with generous abandon.

Thinking crashed and feeling reigned supreme in breathless, pounding strokes, Kay meeting him with as much passion, both reaching hard and fast for release. The cot creaked and rocked underneath them. Wild whispered words and sighs and cries filled the dark of the tent. All he could do was feel and go with the burn, taking, demanding the hard, fast and furious they hadn’t done in the afternoon. Her sweet cries and gasps, urging him on. Her hands, her mouth.

“Love. You!” The words tore from his throat.

She convulsed around him with a sweet cry, her body milking him, sparking his own release off like a rocket to crash and blaze through, giving them the peace of body they craved, if not peace of mind.

Chapter Six

In the cool of the next morning, Kay lazed on the cot and watched Nate puttering around, making coffee and whistling soft and cheerily to himself, as if great sex and a good night’s sleep fixed everything.

Well, they fixed some things. She stretched on top of the sleeping bag and snuggled against her pillow, deliciously achy and some of her nervous anxiety pleasantly blunted.

But the ring weighed on her finger and her mind.

Yesterday, oh, boy…how was she ever going to sort this out? She didn’t doubt he believed he loved her.

But what a sad state of being that she couldn’t even figure why she still wore his ring. Part of her was desperate to have a redo of the afternoon and avoid this mess, part of her was chewing on what “really” accepting would do to her well-ordered life, a massive part of her remained mutely panic stricken, and yes, to be honest, a tiny part of her was delighted and amazed.

She’d told him the truth—she had never planned on marrying.

She stretched out her hand on the pillow. Truth was she adored the ring, and his choosing something so beautiful and unique made her want to cry. She even liked how the band didn’t fit her ring finger. Mother would frown at the completely non-traditional ring.