Collection (9 page)

“I told her to go and sit by the water.”
 
She turns and looks over her shoulder.
 
“My Mom isn’t going to let me out of the house after this.”
 
She puts the cigarette to her lips and her face glows red.
 
“Oh well, might as well enjoy tonight, right?”

We stand there for a while, quiet, not looking at each other.
 
My stomach hurts, my arms are weak, and my tongue feels too big behind my teeth.
 
I take another drink and drop the empty bottle on the ground.
 
“You want to sit in the car?”
 
I say, not looking up.

Tanya drops her cigarette and crushes it with her foot.
 
“Sure,” she says.
 
“Why not.”

~

Tanya tastes like beer and strawberry lip-gloss.
 
Her tongue stabs in and out of my mouth in quick circles, and I move my hand in slower circles over her stomach.
 
I let my pinky finger slide under her pants and I feel the elastic top of her underwear.
 
I move lower with each pass, hoping if I move slow enough she won’t notice, but she does, and eventually she grabs my hand and pulls it back.
 

I wait a few minutes before I try again.
 

This time my finger touches hair, and my heart practically explodes in my chest.
 
She doesn’t stop me, and for a moment I’m unsure what to do next.
 
I slide my hand down further, working slow, trying not to draw attention to my actions.
 
My chest aches, and I realize I’m holding my breath.

Megan knocks at the window, and Tanya jumps up.
 

I pull back and breathe.

“It’s too dark out here,” Megan says.
 
Her voice sounds flat through the glass.
 
“I can’t see anything.”

Tanya rolls down the window and speaks slowly.
 
“Go away.”

Megan folds her arms across her chest. “You can’t do this, Tanya.
 
It’s dark out here, and I want to leave.”

“Then go.”

“Tanya!”

“I’m not stopping you.”
 
She points in the direction of the road.
 
“You want to go home?
 
Go.”

They stare at each other, and for a moment neither of them says anything.
 
I open another beer and take a long drink.
 
I can still feel my heart pound against my ribs.
 
Tanya starts to roll up her window.

“Tanya?”
 
Megan says.
 
Her voice sounds weaker now.

“What?
 

“You’re suppose to—”

“This is what we’re doing.”
 
Tanya yells, and Megan takes a step back.
 
“If you don’t like it, then walk home.”

Megan looks from the car to the road, then back.
 
“Fine,” she says, turning away.
 
“I will.”
 
After a few steps she’s gone, lost in the darkness.
 

I take another drink.

“What a bitch,” Tanya says.
 
“She’s going to tell my Mom all of this, watch.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t let her go.”

“Why?
 
If she wants to walk home, let her.”

I hold the bottle out for her.
 
“What if someone picks her up?”

“Who?” Tanya takes the beer and finishes it.
 
“There’s no one out here.
 
Let her walk for a while.
 
She’ll come back when she gets tired.”

Something inside tells me this might be a bad idea, but then Tanya is on top of me, and I stop listening.
 
I reach my hands behind her back and find the latch of her bra.
 
It turns out to be more difficult than I expect, and after a while I swallow my pride and ask for help.
 
Tanya giggles, ignores me, and leeches her teeth into my neck.
 
Between the pain of her mouth and the security of the bra, I get frustrated.
 
Finally, after pulling as hard as I can, the bra comes off.
 
Tanya sits up fast, holding her arms across her chest.
 
She looks surprised, and for a moment, in the light of the dashboard clock, I think I see a nipple.
 

“What’s wrong?”

“We should go find her,” Tanya says, pulling her shirt down.
 
“What if someone picks her up?”

“No one will pick her up,” I say.
 
“No one’s out here.
 
We can get her later.”
 
I pull her closer.
 
“She’s probably sitting down the road a little ways, waiting for us.
 
It’ll be fine.”

Tanya pushes away and sits up.
 
“No, I’m serious.
 
I think we should go get her.”

“Come on.
 
It’s fine.”

“No,” she says, adjusting something under her shirt.
 
“We need to find her.”

I try to think of something to say, a way to stall, but she looks upset, so I give in and start the car.

~

The windows are fogged, and as I pull out onto the road I wipe a spot clean with my sleeve.
 

Tanya leans forward and squints into the darkness.
 
“I can’t see shit.”

I switch the one working headlight to bright, but it doesn’t help much.

Tanya shakes her head and opens her purse.
 
“I’m going to kill that bitch when we find her,” she says, taking a cigarette and putting it to her lips.
 
“Why is she so stupid?”

“You can’t smoke in here, remember?”

Tanya lights the cigarette.
 
“I thought you said she’d be waiting for us down the road.
 
Do you think we missed her?”

“She’s around someplace.”

Tanya sits back and puts her feet on the dashboard.
 
“I’m gonna kill her.”

I don’t say anything else, and we drive in silence.
 
After a moment, Tanya leans forward.
 
“Is that her?”
 
She points and hits her hand against the windshield.
 
The tip of the cigarette explodes against the glass and drops in her lap.
 
“Shit,” she says, pushing herself up off the seat.
 
“Shit, shit.
 
Where did it go?”

“I told you not to smoke in here.”
 
I look over and run my hand along the cushion.
 
“Sit up more.”

“I can’t.”
 
She moves to the side.
 

I see the red tip and pick it up.
 
It burns my fingers, and I drop it again.
 
“God damn it,” I say, and smack the seat.

Tanya is smiling.

“This isn’t funny,” I say.
 
“This is my dad’s car.
 
He’s going to kick my ass.”

“I’m sorry.”
 
She’s laughing now.
 
“It was an accident.
 
I didn’t mean—”

The car jumps, and something hard passes under the tires.

Tanya drops back down, bracing herself against the door.

For a moment, everything seems to stop.

“What the fuck was that?” I say, pulling off the road.

Tanya stares at me, her eyes wide.
 
“Oh, Christ.”
 
She covers her mouth with her hands.
 
“Oh, my God.”

I keep quiet and search my mirrors for movement.
 
The road is dark and the taillights turn everything red and stretch long shadows out behind us.

“Do you think I should—” My voice cracks.
 
I clear my throat.
 
“Should I go check?”

Tanya doesn’t answer.
 
She has her head in her hands, rocking back and forth, mumbling something I can’t quite hear.
 

I pull the door handle and the overhead light shines bright and yellow.
 
“Should I go see?”

“It was a dog, right?”
 
She looks up.
 
Black make-up snakes down her cheeks.
 
“Tell me it was just a dog.”

I don’t say anything.

The wind coming off the river is cold, and as I step out of the car I hear the rustling of the cottonwoods in the distance, the leaves shuffling nervously in the breeze.
 

I take a few steps, moving slowly.
 

Behind me, I hear the car door open, and I look back.
 
Tanya leans out and shouts.
 
“Megan?”

I keep walking.

Tanya’s door slams, and I hear her footsteps on the gravel.
 
She moves fast, and as she passes me she’s crying.

I watch her disappear down the road, and I don’t follow her.

Above me, the sky is a pinwheel of stars.
 
The sight makes me dizzy, and I slip to the ground and close my eyes.
 
I can hear the echo of rushing water in the distance.
 

The sound covers me, and when the screaming starts, I barely notice.

The Walls Around Us

M
orris knew the police wouldn’t come;
all he had to do was look out the window.
 
The storm started that afternoon, and within an hour the woods outside dissolved into a haze of white and were no longer visible from the house.
 
The radio was reporting road closures all along the western slope and advising people to stay indoors.
 
He knew, even before he dialed the number, what the police would say, and he was right.
 
When he set the phone back on the cradle, he told Evelyn the news.

“Frankly, I’m amazed the lights are still on,” he said.
 
“Or the phone.”