Day of Atonement (10 page)

Diane did not respond. She was too busy repeating some mantra to herself about not being broke.

Natalie shook her head and went up the stairs. Upon further examination, she understood why Diane was so quick to discard the purse. It was a fake. Natalie could tell from the stitching pattern that looked a lot different from the Guccis she owned. It felt different as well. “I bet you wouldn't have been so quick to throw it out if it were real,” she said to herself and then threw the purse in the can in Troy's room.
Troy
…she wondered what was up with him. She tried calling. No answer. She sent a text.
What's up?

It was a few minutes before she got his response.
Is everything ok?

Yes. All is well. Wanted 2c what was up w/u?

Not a good time 2talk rgt now. Sorry.

That was a lot of words to explain nothing!

Realizing that she hadn't yet called Aneetra back from this morning, Natalie changed into her pajamas, washed her face, and dialed her best friend.

T
roy was mentally and emotionally drained after leaving Lilly's. He knew he would have some explaining to do to Natalie about why he didn't answer her phone calls. She called again,
twice,
even after he texted and told her it was a bad time. She finally left a message, which he listened to on the way back to his parents'. Her attitude was apparent as she explained that she was “bored” like it was his job to entertain her.

He pulled into his parents' driveway a little after ten, expecting to walk in and find his mom, hopefully accompanied by his wife, in the living room watching some typical chick flick on Lifetime. With any luck, it would be the distraction Troy needed to calm Natalie's nerves. She'd always been a tad bit high-maintenance thanks to her inner model diva, but the degree of her neediness seemed to have been turned up with this current pregnancy. He didn't recall her being so moody with Nate. Maybe she was and he didn't remember.

There were two people in the living room when Troy walked in. Instead of his mom and wife, it was his father and Nate!

“Daa-dee!”
Nate jumped off his grandfather's lap and ran and gave Troy a big hug. His son was the only reason why the lid had not come off of the boiling rage inside of him.

“Hey, lil' man. Why are you still up? Where's Gigi and your mommy?”

“Upstairs.”

“I think Natalie is sleep, but your mom will be right back. She went to change into her nightclothes.” The voice of his father felt like needle pricks in his ears.

“Hey, man, let's go upstairs with Mommy, okay?”

“But I wanna stay down here wif Grandpa. He was tellin' me funny stories about Santa Claus.”

“You know Santa isn't real, right?” He and Natalie had agreed that they would not make the fictitious philanthropist part of their tradition. They wanted Nate to know the true meaning of why their family celebrated Christmas.

“Yes, but Grandpa still has stories about him.”

“Why don't you come upstairs and tell me the funny stories.” He took Nate's hand and the two of them proceeded up the steps—Nate, rambling; Troy, fuming!

“Troy!” He was startled and stopped in his tracks by his mother's sharp tone. “Let him go. You're hurtin' the poor baby.”

Troy looked down and saw that he did not have hold of Nate's hand. It was his arm, and Nate was being dragged along like a rag doll. What Troy thought were “ramblings” of Santa Claus stories, were actually cries from Nate that he was going too fast. “I'm so sorry, lil' man.”

“ 'Dat's okay.”

Troy's mom looked like she was about to pick up Nate. Troy beat her to it. There was no way his son was going back down there without him. Without saying anything else to his mom, Troy burst into the bedroom where he found Natalie lying on the bed playing Candy Crush Saga on her iPad.

“Nice of you to finally come back.”

“Why weren't you downstairs with him?”

“Because he was with your parents.”

“No, my
parents
were not with him. I came in and found him alone with my dad.”

“And?”

“How could you be so careless with my son!”

“He's not only
your
son. And if you cared that much, then why weren't you here with us?”

“Don't start with that. I asked you to come with me and you wouldn't.”

“I didn't think you would be gone all day.”

“Can I go back downstairs wif Grandpa?”

Both Natalie and Troy answered at the same time. She said yes; he said no.

“Get dressed. We're going to a hotel,” he demanded.

“You can go wherever you want, but Nate and I are staying here. You're being ridiculous.”

“What's ridiculous is that everyone seems to forget all the crap that man put our family through.”

“It's called forgiveness. Try it!”

“I wanna go downstairs!” This time Nate was crying.

Natalie tried to appease him by giving him her iPad so he could take over her game. That didn't work. Neither did her suggestion of Angry Birds, which Nate generally liked to play. He shoved the iPad aside and kept crying.

Troy knew being here with his dad was a bad idea. No, it was beyond a bad idea. It was a horrible one. The stupidest thing he had ever let his mom talk him into doing. He wanted out of the house. He needed out of there. Too many negative memories of his mom swollen and bruised and his sister screaming her head off. The stress of those occurrences and the emotional buildup
from witnessing Lilly have two meltdowns, plus the guilt he felt about Elana and the determination he had to find the person responsible for her death, all seemed to be colliding at once. Like a Boa constrictor wrapped around its prey, the pressure of these things were squeezing the life out of him. He needed to get out of this house, away from his dad, and get some fresh air. And he was taking his family with him!

“Get up and let's go now!”
Troy screamed at the top of his lungs and kicked the trash can across the room. Natalie gasped and Nate clung to her crying frantically in a manner that Troy had never seen before.

His mom ran into the room. “What's goin' on in here?”

Troy stood frozen, in shock that he had put that look of fear on his son's face. He knew that look all too well. He'd seen it on Tracy's face when their father went into his rages. And the anger in Natalie's eyes toward him, he was sure resembled the way his eyes had bore into his father. Troy always felt that his father was wrong for coming home and yelling so viciously at his mom in front of him and Tracy. Yet, Troy had barged into the room exhibiting that same abusive-like behavior. Behavior he now deeply regretted and hoped would not be seared into the mind of his young son.

Troy's mom grabbed a screaming Nate from the bed and left the room. Troy didn't catch everything she said on her way out, but in so many words, she colorfully told him what she thought of his behavior.

Natalie continued to glare at him. He read her expression effortlessly. Confusion…anger…hurt. Of the three, it was the hurt that bothered him the most. The intensity of her gaze was only softened by the tears he saw filling her big brown eyes. He genuinely loved
her and pain was the last thing he ever wanted to cause her. His mom was right. He was a dumb butt. He deserved every foul word she'd said to him. He couldn't even get upset that she'd said them in front of Nate. He'd done worse. “Natalie,” he said softly, walking gently toward her, “I'm sorry, babe.”

She remained quiet. Tears spoke in her place.

He sat next to her and pulled her into his arms. Her body was tense. “I'm sorry,” he repeated. “I have a lot on my mind, but that's no excuse for the way I talked to you. I should have never done that at all and I definitely should not have done that in front of Nate.”

She cried into his shoulder. Whether this was her natural response to his behavior or her hormones, he didn't care. He'd caused a deep wound to her heart and it was his responsibility to repair it. He would hold her until it healed. No matter how long the process would take.

N
atalie and Troy stayed up half the night talking. There was no arguing, simply a good heart-to-heart between husband and wife about what had taken place between them. Without making excuses for his behavior, Troy explained to her what had been going through his mind and how concerned he was about Lilly.

“I'm worried about how she's going to handle the service,” he told her and then described her two meltdowns. The first was at the funeral home. The second, after he and Elvin had come from meeting with the private investigator. “Lilly had gotten herself stirred up again by thinking about all the things that Elana possibly went through. She'd worked herself into an emotional frenzy to the point where Elvin and I had to stronghold her until she calmed down. That happened right before you called and I could not tell you what was going on at the time.”

Natalie felt bad. “I'm sorry. I'm sure I didn't make the situation any easier for you by calling like I did.”

“You're cool. You have to remember that when I am working, I'm not always going to be able to answer your phone calls.”

Natalie wanted to remind him that he wasn't working. He was on vacation, but she thought it might sound callous. She told him about her day and how his mama worked her nerves about the purse thing. “Has she always been like this?”

“As long as I can remember. I never gave it much thought.”

Natalie had been struggling with how to approach Troy about his relationship with Reed. He helped her segue into it when he mentioned having to talk to Nate first thing in the morning.

“How do I explain to a three-year-old what happened? I feel like I have shattered his trust.”

“Oh, I don't think it's that deep. You scared him half to death for sure, but you guys will be all right. Tell him that his daddy had a big temper tantrum, apologize, and ask for his forgiveness. Then show him that Daddy is a changed man through your actions.”

“It's that simple, huh?'

“It can be. The best way to teach your son forgiveness is to demonstrate it for him.” She ignored the tension in his jaw line and chose her words carefully. “You're angry about how Reed treated Diane and I absolutely agree with you that it was wrong. Troy, it could have been much worse. There are fathers who beat and sexually abuse their own children. He never laid a hand on you guys. That's at least something to be thankful for. You blame him for everything, but your mom has to bear some of the responsibility. She's the one who continually allowed you and Tracy to be subjected to his behavior by staying with him.”

“So, now you're trying to make me mad at my mama?”

He was joking. Perhaps a sign that Natalie was getting through to him. “No, silly. My point is that you need to consider all sides of the story. Reed was not perfect, but I'm sure your mother wasn't either.” Natalie was uncomfortable by Troy's blank stare. She had to look away, afraid that somehow he would read her mind and uncover the secret Diane had shared with her about Henry. “No one is perfect. You proved that tonight by coming in here acting like a lunatic.”

“It's called forgiveness. Try it,” he teased, repeating the words she'd thrown at him hours earlier.

She chuckled. “I do forgive you. How would you feel if you sincerely asked and I wouldn't give you the time of day?”

“My dad has not asked me.”

“You haven't given him the chance. Besides, didn't you hear that prayer this morning? He wasn't only asking Jesus, he was asking you. Will you do your mom and me a favor and please talk to him?”

“Do I have to?” He pouted like their son when being instructed to do something against his will.

“Do it for Nate. He needs to see you positively interact with his grandfather. Like it or not, Reed is all he has.”

“What about Richard?”

Richard was a friend of Troy's and had also been Natalie's mom's boyfriend at one time. He was the one who introduced them to each other, initially oblivious of the sparks that ignited between them. Richard was now married to Natalie's godmother and the two of them did act as surrogate grandparents to Nate, which Natalie appreciated. “You and I both know that Richard and Sylvia will always be there for Nate. There's room in his heart for your dad as well. So, will you talk to him?”

“Sure, Natalie.” Troy seemed as enthusiastic as someone signing a contract with a gun pointed to his head.

She smiled warmly at him, rubbing his thigh as reassurance that all would be okay. The way she saw it, Troy should be thankful he still had a father. She'd give anything for a chance to talk to her daddy again. He was only in her life for five years before he died. He lived in her heart forever.

“Can we stop talking about my dad now? I'm tired.”

Natalie glanced at the clock. It was almost two in the morning!
“I didn't realize it was so late. I know this sounds bad, but I'm so glad we get to attend Bedside Baptist in the morning. I don't think I would have the strength to get up for church. I am pooped.”

Before moving to the other side of the bed, Troy once again pulled Natalie into him. He hugged her tight. She felt at ease in the arms of the man whose desire to protect his family was so strong that it sometimes got in the way of good judgment. “My protective detective,” she whispered.

“I love you, babe. Again, I'm sorry about tonight.”

“Shh. It's over. Let's move on.”

He lifted her chin and greedily took her mouth into his. She matched his fervor. After four-and-a-half years of marriage, almost three kids, and a little bit of drama, Troy's kisses still had the power to flutter her stomach. Wait…the current movement was due more to her active incubating twins than his kiss. Maybe a combination of both.