Diane's Remembrance (Second Chance #4) (2 page)

“Diane, I know what you want and I can get it for you. All you have to do is please me and it’s yours.” Gavin tells me as we sit in the back of his van. It has been two years since Karla and Ann died and I am doing everything I can to keep a constant supply of my preferred pain killer.

“Then let’s do it. You know I will do anything for it.” I tell him and raise my skirt.

“Oh, no, Diane. I don’t want to have sex. I know where that has been and I want no part of it. I want you to use that smart little mouth of yours on me.”

I roll my eyes and reach for the button of his jeans. When I wrap my lips around him he fists his hands in my hair and holds my head still. He’s letting me know he’s in control and I don’t care as long as I get my hit after. I need to make the pain go away.

“Diane, psssttt, Diane. You awake?” Carol asked from the top bunk of the cell, pulling Diane from her dream.

“I am now. What’s wrong?” Diane answered irritably.

“You were mumbling and I couldn’t get to sleep because of it.” Carol snapped.

“Sorry.” Diane mumbled and covered her head with her pillow. The dreams were coming more frequently and nothing she did stopped them.

“Just keep quiet so I can get some sleep. My man is coming to visit tomorrow and I wanna look my best.” Carol said as she rolled over and faced the wall. After a couple minutes Diane heard Carol’s soft snores and knew her cellmate was out for the night.

She rolled over, closed her eyes and was instantly transported to the past again.

“Diane, Dr. Thatcher called and said you missed your last three appointments. Is everything okay?” My Dad asks when he picks me up from school.

“Everything is fine, Dad. I am doing better and don’t think I need to see her anymore. I’ll be sixteen in a couple of weeks and was hoping I could get a job and get my driver’s license.”

“I think a weekend job would be good for you. We will check around town and see if anyone is hiring.”

I smile and look out the window. If I can get a job I wouldn’t have to keep doing some of the things I am doing to get my next dose of pain killers. “Thank you, Daddy.” I say and see the smile broaden on his face. It’s been almost four years since I called him ‘Daddy’.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Now, I think you should still meet with Dr. Thatcher a couple times a month, just in case.” He tells me and I grimace. I stopped seeing her because she was getting nosy and asking questions she didn’t really want the answers to.

“I’ll meet with her two times a month for a couple months then I want to drop to once a month then, eventually, not at all. How does that sound, Daddy?”

“I think we can agree to that. Now, let’s stop in at the drug store and see if they’re hiring. If not there is always the diner.”

“Thank you, Daddy.” I say sweetly. I hope the drug store is hiring. I will have access to pills then and could really numb the pain.

“You’re welcome, kiddo.” Dad says as he stops the car in front of the small pharmacy located just off the town square. We live in a small town in Texas and I hate it, but when I get my license and a car I can go into the city and work. Maybe at a hotel so I can meet new people and try new things.

Diane was jarred from her memories by a noise just outside of her cell. As a guard approached the cell adjacent hers she smiled. Someone new was being brought in and she loved making new friends. Even in the few days she’s been here, she’d learned that the more people you knew, the better your chances were of getting what you needed.

Once the commotion was over and the new person was safely tucked away in her cell, Diane laid back down and drifted off to sleep.

“Missy, can you swap tables with me? I want the lawyers’ table tonight.” I ask my co-worker. None of the other waitresses have swapped with me, even though I have asked all week.

“Sure thing. I had that group night before last and they’re a bunch of hotheads. Good tippers though.” Missy says and walks off to handle the two tables I had. We work at one of the smaller hotels in Fort Worth, but it is big enough to attract this handsome group of lawyers from Puerto Rico.

“Hello, I’m Diane and I’ll be your server this evening.” I say as my eyes lock on the youngest man at the table. I know his name is Alexander and I know he’s married because I have already tried to get in his pants, but he shot me down. I wasn’t worried though because if my plan works I will have a piece of that tonight. “Can I get y’all something to drink?”

Before I deliver the drinks to their table I pour a sleeve of powder into Alexander’s Coke and stir it in. My plan will work and then I will know if what they say about Puerto Rican men is true.

An hour later, after having slipped Alexander another dose of the drug, I walk up to Missy. “Missy, I’m sick and need to go home. The lawyers are finished and you can keep the tip, but I really need to go.” I don’t give her time to respond before I pull off my apron and run from the dining room. Once in the hall I look for Beth, one of the maid staff. She owes me for some pot and I know just how she can pay up.

After a couple of minutes I spot her and smile. “Beth, you owe me fifty bucks and if you let me in room two fifteen I will make that debt go away.” I say quietly.

“Sure.” She answers with a grin. She was getting off cheap and she knew it.

“Thank you. Don’t say anything to anyone or the man you really owe the money to will come find you.” I tell her as I slip into the room and close the door behind me. My plan had worked.

“Guard!” Diane yelled loudly to get the guard’s attention. When he approached her cell she smiled. “I need a pencil and some paper.” She told him quickly.

“Sure, Diane. I’ll get that for you. Give me just a few minutes.”

“Thank you.” Diane said and watched him walk off.

“What you need paper for?” Carol asked from her perch on her bunk.

“I need to write a letter to my daughter. There are some things she needs to know.” Diane answered quickly.

“You got a kid? How’d I not know that?” Carol asked irritably.

“I don’t talk about her much. I don’t really know her even though she lived with me for six years. I was never a good mother to her because I never wanted her. She was a burden that I put off on my parents, but they died and I was saddled with her.”

“Why did you have her then? Why not get an abortion?” Carol asked.

“I had her to punish myself for the way she was conceived. I was sixteen, almost seventeen, and was working as a waitress in a small hotel in Fort Worth, Texas. Her father was a lawyer from Puerto Rico and was staying in the hotel with some associates of his. They were in town for a convention of some sorts. Anyway, he was older and oh so cute and I wanted him. I was used to getting any man wanted so when he shut me down I was furious. The last night of the convention I swapped tables with the waitress who was supposed to have his table. I had a plan, but I had to be his waitress to be able to put it into place.”

Diane paused and Carol looked at her expectantly. “What did you do?” She asked.

“Well, after they ordered their drinks I drugged his, then I drugged the refill I brought him. Once that was done
,
I claimed I was sick and handed the table over to another waitress and left. One of the cleaning staff owed me money for some pot I sold her
,
so I went to her and told her that if she let me into his room I would forget that debt and she happily agreed. I waited in his room until he stumbled through the door then I helped him undress and took what I wanted. It was the best sex I had ever had, even with him being drugged. He took me to places I had never been. My plan was to be out of his room before anyone could find out what happened, but I was exhausted after our romp and I fell asleep. When he woke up the next morning I was still there. He freaked and called security. I lost my job, but he never filed any charges. Six weeks later I discovered I was pregnant.”

“Oh, wow. I think I just earned more respect for you, girlfriend. I was a bad girl at sixteen, but even I wasn’t that bad.” Carol said with a laugh. When a guard unlocked the cell Carol added, “Now, visitation starts soon and Imma gonna see my man. Later, toots.”

Once Carol was gone Diane sat at the small table in their cell and slipped into the past once more.  
 

I’m pregnant. How in the hell am I going to tell my parents that I’m seventeen and pregnant? How could I be so stupid that I didn’t use protection? I always use condoms because there is no telling where the guys I have sex with have been. Ugh, I am so stupid.

“Diane, honey, are you okay in there?” My Mom asks from outside the bathroom door.

“Yeah, Mom. Be out in a minute.” I tell her. Once I hear her walk away I grab the pregnancy test off the counter and shove it in my jeans pocket before I open the door and walk to my room. I haven’t had sex since that night I drugged Alexander so I am almost positive he’s the father.

I take a deep breath and pull the test from my pocket and look at it again. Two lines, nope, I wasn’t seeing it wrong. I toss it in the trash and open my door.

“Mom, Dad, I need to talk to y’all.” I say as I enter the kitchen where Mom is cooking supper and Dad is sitting at the table reading.

“What’s wrong, honey?” Dad asks as I flop into a chair across from him.

“Umm… I..umm… have something I… umm… need to tell y’all.” I mumble quietly.

”What is it, honey?” Mom asks as she flips the nobs on the stove off then takes a seat at the table. ”You know you can tell us anything.”

”Okay.” I say then take a deep breath. ”I’m pregnant.” I say quickly.

“Did you say pregnant?” Mom asks breathlessly.

“Yes, Mama, I said pregnant.” I answer.

My Dad sits there quietly and just looks at me for a long time before he speaks. ”Diane, I know that after everything that happened you went a little off track for a while, but I thought you had moved past that stage.”

“I am very disappointed in you, Diane. We raised you better than this.” Mom tells me. I can hear the shame in her voice and it makes my temper flare.

“I’m not keeping it. I’m going to get an abortion. The father is an older, married man, who I seduced at the hotel the night before I got fired.”

“What?” Dad asked in astonishment. “No way are we signing for you to get an abortion. You will have this baby. If you don’t want it after its born then you can either put it up for adoption or we can raise it. You are not murdering that child.”

“Fine, whatever, but I never asked for this and I don’t want it. You can do whatever you want with the little thing once it’s born.” I say snidely then I stand up and walk out of the kitchen.

Diane is pulled from her thoughts by the guards changing shifts. She shook herself and sat there for a minute before she put the pen to the paper and started writing a letter to the baby she never planned to have.

“Diane, do you want to know the sex of the baby?” The ultrasound technician asks as she takes several pictures of the baby.

I feel a joy rise inside me as I look at the screen and see the baby growing inside me, but I cannot let my Mom know how much I want this baby. She cannot know how I really feel. “I don’t care. Mom may want to know though. She’s the one gonna be raising the brat anyway.” I respond with a shrug of my shoulders as I hope Mom says she wants to know.

“Of course I want to know. I have to start buying clothes and we need to plan a shower so we can get everything we need before the baby arrives.” Mom answers and my heart fills with a joy I have never felt before.

“Well Mrs. Hall, you are going to have a granddaughter. It’s a girl.”

A girl. I’m having a girl. “Karla Ann.” I say quietly and my Mom looks at me and beams with joy.

“That is the perfect name. Karla Ann Hall.” She says and then turns to the ultrasound technician. “May we have a recording of the ultrasound please?”

“Sure. I have it right here and congratulations on a healthy baby girl.”

“Thank you.” Mom responds as she takes the tape and slips it into her purse.

“Can I get dressed now?” I ask quickly. I need a minute alone and I know they’ll both leave for me to get dressed.

“Sure. When you’re finished you’ll be in exam room three. I’m sure you remember where that is.”

“I do. See you in a minute, Mom.” When they’re both gone and the door is firmly shut behind them I lay my hand on my stomach. “Karla Ann.” I whisper almost soundlessly. “I love you.”

“Diane, are you with us?” Diane is pulled from her thoughts by the group leader. She was supposed to paying attention in her group counseling session, but memories of the past kept creeping up on her when she least expected them.

“Yeah, I’m here.” Diane answered and shook her head to clear it.

“Good, because you need these sessions if you want to be released any time soon.” The councilor told her before he looked around at the rest of the group and nodded his head. When his eyes landed on her again he said, “Now, do you want to share anything with the group that has been weighing on your mind?”

Diane sat there for a minute before she straightened her shoulders and locked eyes with the councilor. “When I was seventeen I gave birth to the most precious little girl on earth. Her name is Karla Ann and, even though she doesn’t remember it, I loved her more than anything in the world at one time.”

“Wanna tell us what happened?” Miranda, one of the women in the same unit as Diane, asked.

“When I found out I was pregnant with Karla I was devastated and scared because of the circumstances surrounding me getting pregnant. I drugged and raped her father because he turned me down. Anyway, as the pregnancy progressed I grew to love the baby growing inside me and when I found out I was having a girl I was really happy. The night she was born was the happiest night of my life. She was perfect. The first time I held her I fell in love with her, but I still hadn’t contacted her father. I knew I had to, but I didn’t want to. I wanted this precious angel all to myself.”

“Where is she now?” One of the other inmates asked.

“She’s with people who will care for her like I never could.” Diane answered.

Before anyone else could say anything the councilor stood up and announced that the session was over and all the inmates were lead back to their cells. Once inside Diane laid down across her cot and slipped into memories again.

“Oh, Diane, she’s simply beautiful. I can’t believe her eyes turned green.” Mom gushes as she gets Karla ready to go to the store. Karla just turned six months old and everyone is totally in love with her. When she was born she had blue eyes, but we were sure they would turn dark because of her father’s nationality. When they turned the deep emerald color of mine we were thrilled.

Once Mom and Karla were gone I took a deep breath and pulled a piece of paper from my pocket and took a deep breath. I had finally tracked down Karla’s father and it was time to call him. I slowly dialed the number and waited for someone to answer.

“Hola.” A male voice answers and even after more than a year I recognize Alexander’s voice instantly.

I take a deep breath and start talking. “Hello, is this Alexander Figueroa?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“Si.” He answers quickly.

“Umm…. You probably don’t remember me, but my name is Diane Hall.” I say and hear him draw in a deep breath. Clearly he does remember me.

“How did you get my number and what do you want? Wasn’t drugging and raping me enough?” He says sharply.

“I have been looking for you for more than a year. First, I want to tell you how sorry I am for what I did that night. I was stupid and was used to getting what I wanted. When you turned me down I lost it. I know there isn’t anything I can do to change what happened, but I am truly sorry for what I did. Now, for the real reason I tracked you down and called.”

I pause for a moment and he waits silently for me to finish what I have to say. I take a deep breath and continue. “I got pregnant that night. You have a daughter. She’s six months old and is the most beautiful baby in the world."

I hear what sounds like chocking on the other end of the line and know I had made a mistake. “You’re lying.” He finally says and I cringe at the anger in his voice.

“I’m not lying. I had a baby on July fourteenth and she’s yours. You have a daughter here in Texas. I’m only telling you because I feel you need to know. I don’t want anything from you and you never have to acknowledge her.”

“Never have to acknowledge her?” He gasps in shock. “You cannot be serious. If I have a daughter there you can bet your ass that I will acknowledge her.” He pauses for a minute before he continues. “My wife and I will come to Texas. I want a DNA test to confirm she is really my child. If she is I will use every resource I have to make sure she comes back to Puerto Rico with me. I will contact you when we arrive.” He says and hangs up before I can respond.

Diane was awakened from her dream by a commotion in the quad. When she went to the door and looked out she saw Carol, Miranda and another woman she didn’t know in a fight. They were surrounded by the rest of the women of the cell block and Diane knew they were all going to be punished.