Read Fairly Wicked Tales Online
Authors: Hal Bodner,Armand Rosamilia,Laura Snapp,Vekah McKeown,Gary W. Olsen,Eric Bakutis,Wilson Geiger,Eugenia Rose
Tags: #Short Story, #Fairy Tales, #Brothers Grimm, #Anthology
Fairly Wicked Tales (45 page)
It was not until she stumbled across a stranded pumpkin coach that her domestic problems were finally solved. The ragamuffin girl, sobbing her heart out, who she discovered sitting inside was quickly silenced. Afterward, the forest creatures that had gathered in droves outside the ruined conveyance followed Gretel home and, once there, immediately set in to work with gusto. The squirrels and mice swept the cottage clean. The rabbits kept the vegetable garden well-planted and free of weeds. The raccoons, deer, and larger animals somehow managed to rebuild the barn and the stables. Rather than question their motives, Gretel simply accepted the unexpected gift of the extra free time and put it to use working on improving the Gingerbread House.
Over the years, she carved out quite a nice lifestyle for herself and Hansel. She added eight swans to the small pond just beyond the cottage and several lily pads for frogs to perch upon. Between the two, and with the help of a particular spell from a book she’d found in the witch’s attic, they more than sufficed to fill her needs as a woman when necessary.
Even better, during one of her lengthier treks through the woods, she came across a fairy ring made of mushrooms and toadstools. Returning the following night with the spell book, she found a way to capture a few of the tiny winged creatures. In exchange for their freedom, they were more than happy to provide her with candy which Gretel joyfully used to trim the house and decorate the garden. The fairies were too small, of course, to carry as much candy as Gretel would have liked at any one time. However, as they were creatures of habit and not particularly intelligent, it never occurred to them to move the ring. Consequently, she always knew where to find them, and had no difficulty catching and releasing them, over and over, whenever she ran out of sugar plums or candy canes or gum drops.
As for Hansel, though her love for him never waned, she found it more and more difficult to care for him. Sometimes, her obsession with fixing the cottage would cause her almost to forget he was still around. Then, in a burst of guilt she would remember and rush to unlock the cage and cradle her brother in her arms while she tried futilely to feed him. In spite of all her coaxing, Hansel consistently refused to cooperate.
One day, Gretel was standing in the front yard when she suddenly knew the house was finally finished. It was indeed a marvel of gingerbread and candy perfection needing only to be maintained. Thrilled with her discovery, she rushed inside to tell her brother the exciting news but she could not get him to muster any display of interest. Saddened and slightly miffed at his refusal to share in her great joy, she was startled to hear the front gate creak open followed by an alarming snapping sound.
She rushed outside and, to her great dismay, she found two young children in her front yard, a boy and a girl. Frozen with shock and horror, she watched as the little brats proceeded to
eat part of her house
! Furious and appalled, she nonetheless summoned a smile and invited the children inside where, she promised, there were far better things to eat.
Blindly trusting, they followed her. She made short work of the girl but the little boy was very skinny and, in some indefinable way, he reminded her of Hansel as he had been so long ago. She silenced the youngster’s screams without hurting him too badly. Then, with the heaviest heart she’d ever known, she kissed her brother gently on the forehead and, with her favorite broom in hand, she sadly began to sweep out the cell which had been Hansel’s home for so long.
Once finished, she placed little boy tenderly into the cage and set out a tray of yummy things for him to eat when he awakened. Yes, the child was far too thin for her liking. There was no question she would need to fatten him up. In the meantime, there was the damage to the front of the house to repair, not to mention salting and preparing the sister for the larder before she began to stink.
So much to do, so very much to do! Yet something was missing from the cottage, some undefinable something that was absent from the place. Puzzled and unable to put her finger on just what, Gretel sat for a long time, thinking while scratching a small wart on her chin. Suddenly, she had it! Even with the arrival of her new guest, the house seemed empty and oddly hollow. It was a beautiful cottage, to be sure, clean and comfortable. But her home lacked a certain … warmth.
And she knew just how to fix the problem. Why, the answer was simplicity itself! She would fill the air with a wonderful, enticing smell, a lovely smell any child would surely respond to. She had only to whip up a nice batch of gingerbread.
About the Author
Hal Bodner is the author of the best-selling gay vampire novel,
Bite Club,
and the lupine sequel,
The Trouble with Hairy
. He tells people he was born in East Philadelphia because no one knows where Cherry Hill, New Jersey is. The obstetrician who delivered him was C. Everet Coop, the future US Surgeon General who put warnings on cigarette packs. Thus, from birth, Hal was destined to become a heavy smoker. He moved to West Hollywood in the 1980s and has rarely left the city limits since. He cannot even find his way around Beverly Hills—which is the next town over. Hal has been an entertainment lawyer, a scheduler for a 976 sex telephone line, a theater reviewer and the personal assistant to a television star. For a while, he owned Heavy Petting, a pet boutique where all the movie stars shopped for their Pomeranians. Until recently, he owned an exotic bird shop.
He has never been a waiter. He lives with assorted dogs, and birds, the most notable of which is an eighty year old irritable, flesh-eating military macaw named after his icon—Tallulah. He often quips he is a slave to fur and feathers and regrets only that he isn’t referring to mink and marabou. He does not have cats because he tends to sneeze on them.
Having reached middle-age, he remembers Nixon.
He was widowed in his early forties and can sometimes be found sunbathing at his late partner’s grave while trying to avoid cemetery caretakers screaming at him to put his shirt back on.
Hal has also written a few erotic paranormal romances—which he refers to as “supernatural smut”—most notably
In Flesh and Stone
and
For Love of the Dead
. While his salacious imagination is unbounded, he much prefers his comedic roots and he is currently pecking away at a series of bitterly humorous gay super hero novels.
He married again—this time legally—a wonderful man who is young enough not to know that Liza Minnelli is Judy Garland’s daughter. As a result, Hal has recently discovered that the use of hair dye is rarely an adequate substitute for Viagra.
Hal’s website is www.wehovampire.com and he encourages fans to send him email at [email protected]. It may take him a month or so, but he generally responds to almost everyone who writes to him with the sole exception of prisoners who request free copies of his books accompanied by naked pictures.
Other Anthologies By Angelic Knight Press
The Satan’s Toy Box Trilogy
Fading Light: An Anthology of the Monstrous
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