Finding YOU Finding ME (You & Me Trilogy Book 2) (8 page)

“Don’t…”
Collins growled, his eyes dark with desire.

“Why?”
I asked, increasing the intensity of my strokes.

“Because,”
Collins growled deeply, “I will have to move to the next step, and I’m not sure
if you’re prepared for all the mind-blowing fucking that’ll come with it.”

“That
doesn’t sound so bad,” I said, getting aroused from pleasing him and
anticipating the next step, as Collins called it.

“No,
I’m serious,” Collins said. “You are not prepared.”

“Wouldn’t
you just stick it in?” I asked.

Collins
grunted in both disgust with what I’ve just said, and pleasure with what my
hand was doing.

“No,
that’s so not a romantic and hot way to put it, Sam. No, I’m talking about
taking it to the next step for me. What turns me on beyond belief. There is
nothing like it, and I want you to build to that with me. You won’t be able to
handle it right now. It’s too dark.”

“Collins,”
I said, “I’m Susan, remembered? I know all about your dark desires. I want to
help. Use me as your therapy for this, Collins. Use me to get over or at least
pass them.” I pulled my face up close to his and kissed him passionately on his
mouth, delving in with my tongue to taste him.

As
wound up as he was, he immediately took possession of my mouth, turning my body
over until he was on top while fully and thoroughly kissing me until I was
seeing stars.

“This,”
Collins said, “I can do with you right now,” he dipped down and pulled my shirt
up, exposing my breasts which he devoured with his mouth, giving each one
lavished attention. With his free hand, his fingers dipped into me again,
rubbing hard and pressing hard against my sensitive spot. In seconds, I was
moaning and writhing.

“Can
I have another one so fast?” I asked Collins.

“Baby,
you can have as many as you’d like,” he grinned seductively.

“But…I’ve
read… in all my studies,” I began, thinking of what I’ve read in psychology.

“Stop
thinking, Baby,” Collins said. “Go with it or I’ll spank you again.”

“I
can’t…” I said, thinking out loud. “It’s impossible.”

“No
it isn’t,” Collins said. “It’s happening right now, if you’ll let it. Stop
thinking about it or I’ll really get upset and really spank you.”

“Oh
my God,” I clenched my jaws and grabbed fistful of the bedsheet. My body was
shaking, and I threw my head back, writhing in Collins’ skilled hands. “Go…go
ahead and spank me. I beg you, spank me now!”

Collins
slid down the bed to sit at the edge closest to me. With his strong arms, he
lifted me and placed me over his lap. “Such perfection,” he said, running his
hands over my butt. “You are flawless, Sam, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever
loved.”

I
closed my eyes, relishing his confession of love.

Then he
spanked me, hard.

I
didn’t even had time to process it, my body went into complete explosion, with
a strong orgasm that lasted for a long time.

When
my body subsided, Collins pulled me in close to envelope me in his arms,
kissing the top of my head. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? Please tell me if I ever
do. I love how you look when you’re coming, Sam. You look so free, wild, and
happy.”

I
smiled up into his beautiful handsome face. “Then we should do it more often,”
I said.

“I’m
happy to make that happen for you, Sam,” he said, kissing me. “Now,” he winked.
“I didn’t know how much you were going to respond to me spanking you, but it
seems you get a lot of pleasure from it…”

My
mind suddenly became alert when he hesitated. Then I fully remembered our
conversations over the phone when he was Daggers and I was Susan at the Call
Center. He was used to the heavy stuff. It was the way he found his release,
unlike the way I just did.

            “It
makes me believe, Sam, that this is what I’m waiting for. You’re the woman of
my dreams, Sam. Not only are you so sweet and loving, so giving, beautiful
inside and out, but you and I have an innate understanding and similar tastes.”

            “Spanking?”
I asked.

            “That’s
just an indication,” Collins said. “You have a predisposition for it, like I
did.”

            My
heart began pounding. I remembered how Daggers was distraught about his dark
desires and how he wanted to escape it, not embrace it. I was helping him
through it, helping him become normal. But now…it seems I was being pulled into
the darkness itself. Collins wouldn’t agree to it, not after talking to Gail
about us and hoping to get over it so there can be an ‘us’.

            “Collins,”
I said, getting up, “You said there’s a next step?”

            “Yes,”
he grinned. “My next step. Do you want to see it?”

            I
nodded.

            He
got up and pulled on a black silk bathrobe. He handed me a smaller black silk
bathrobe, wrapped it around me, and tied the tie at the waist, pulling me in
for a kiss. I’ve never seen him with a satisfied happy look on his face.

            “If
you look so happy every time I orgasm like that,” I said, “then by all means,
we should do it again.”

            “That’s
what I have in mind,” Collins said, kissing me again. His arm snaked around my
waist, and he pulled me with him to walk out of the bedroom and down the hall.

            “Where
are we going?” I asked.

            “Well…I’m
hungry for one, so we’ll stop by the kitchen, your new kitchen for a snack, and
then we’ll head over to the Production Room.”

            The
kitchen was right around the corner, and when Collins opened the refrigerator,
it was fully stocked, even with containers of full meals that needed to be
heated. “Remind me to give Vincent a raise,” he said.

            He
pulled out two containers, popped it into the microwave, and when it was done,
arranged the curry chicken and rice with asparagus meal on two elegant china
plates. We ate in front of the large flat screen television in the living room,
with Collins feeding me with big forkfuls of food. “Eat. You need your
strength.”

            “I
do, do I?” I asked. “Am I going to be running some kind of marathon anytime
soon?”

            “Something
like that,” Collins said. “I need you to keep up your strength and stamina in
the next few days when we do this.”

            “What?
The marathon?”

            “No,”
Collins said, almost frustrated, but still in a happy mood. “My next step.”

            Again,
my heart skipped a beat when hearing about the next step.

            When
we were done, Collins took the dishes away, rinsed them and placed them into
the dishwasher. I was going to help clean up, but he said, “Barbara, your
housekeeper will be here tomorrow to clean up.”

Raising
an eyebrow, I silently asked, when did I get a housekeeper?

            “It’s
part of the deal, Sam,” Collins said, noticing my raised eyebrows. Can I get
nothing pass this Greek god look-alike? “You need a housekeeper. I want you to
focus on your studies and work…it’s the least I can do for you when you gave up
going to Stanford for me.” He kissed me lightly on my forehead. “You are one
incredible woman, you know.”

He
then led me down the hallway, holding my hand in his. We reached a door at the
end of the hallway that blended into the wall so it was camouflaged, as though
it was a built-in door. He slipped a key into a small inconspicuous hole on the
side, and slid the door open. From the side, he lifted the light panels, and
the room slowly came into view. 

The
tapes had not prepared me for this.

All
the calls between me and Daggers had not prepared me for this.

I
had walked into a movie set straight out of some horror film, complete with
cameras set up at every corner.

Chapter
9

           
H
ow I was able to make it into Sawyer House the
next day after I fainted, and Collins had to carry me back to my room, was
beyond me.

            When
I came to, Collins was by my side, handing me some water, looking worried and
disheveled. It was obvious he didn’t sleep at all last night.

            I
took the water from him, and took a sip. The glass shook, and I realized my
hands were trembling. Collins noticed too, and took the glass of water away
from me, setting it on the nightstand.

            “How
are you feeling?” Collins asked.

            “A
little shaken, but I’m fine,” I said.

            He
traced his index finger over my cheeks and scooted in next to me, resting his
cheeks against mine. It felt warm, cozy, and intimate. “I was really worried,
Sam,” he said. “Not just that you fainted, but that you may break down. I knew
it was too soon. I was too eager, too excited. I know it takes getting used to,
especially for someone so innocent and fresh like you. But the last couple of
weeks, you’ve surprised me with how quick you were adapting, how you were
making progress, I thought you could make some huge leaps. I never thought…”

            He
trailed off, looking down.

            “That
I would faint,” I said.

            “That
and the look you had before you fainted…it was as though you thought I was a
monster, that I was going to hurt you.”

            “Collins,
I knew you were into things, but I just wasn’t prepared for it. I thought it
was like what was in the videos, but it’s not even that.”

            “You’re
scared about it, aren’t you?” Collins said.

            “I’m
not exactly on my toes waiting to try it out right now honestly,” I said. “But
that doesn’t mean I’m completely against the idea.”

            “Look,”
Collins said. “I would never hurt you. I would cut off my right hand before I
would hurt you. And if you have such a strong disdain for what’s in the
Production Room, then we can hold off on that. We’ll find other ways to amuse
each other. I just don’t want you looking at me like that…” his voice broke,
and I knew he was hurt by the way I reacted.

            “I’m
so sorry, Collins,” I said. “Seeing the room and associating that with sex, it
does scare me.”

            “Maybe
if we slowly ease into it,” Collins said. “We can try that at first, and we
don’t even have to be in that room…I love you, Sam, so very much. I want to be
able to make love to you…I want to be your first time and your only. I want so
much for us. I just don’t want us to end here because we can’t get over this
issue.”

            “I
know, Collins,” I said. “I love you so much, too.” I pulled his face close to
mine and kissed him deeply, trying to show him I still loved him so much,
although I knew it would be a challenge overcoming his darker sexual desires
with my traumatic sexual past.

*****

            It
felt strange going to Sawyer House and acting like I’m the same person that I
was the last time I was here, before Collins had returned from Europe and
picked me up for dinner, which turned out to be a dinner plus meeting with
Collins’ long-time therapist, Gail, who happened to be my mentor and boss at
Sawyer House.

            I
thought it would be awkward seeing her there in her office when I came in, but
all she did was smile and waved, eating a dish of Derek’s famous homemade
chocolate chip cookies in front of her.

            I
waved back, smiling, hiding my concerned about Collins and my inability to
fulfill his dark sexual needs. I didn’t want to let her know after having had
an incredible double orgasm with Collins. Collins could fulfill my needs fine,
but I couldn’t even reciprocate. What kind of a lover and girlfriend would I be
if I couldn’t? Would Collins seek out someone else who could fulfill those
things for him?

            I
was wracked with insecurity sitting in my cubicle when I felt a hand on my
shoulder.

            “Hi,
Stranger,” Derek said, smiling sadly. “It’s been a whole week and a half since you
were here. I hope that encounter with that prankster wasn’t the reason why you
stayed away for so long.”

            “Nah,”
I shook my head. “That couldn’t scare me from coming here and helping people
deal with their problems. I’m very dedicated,” I said brightly.

            Derek
sat down in the chair opposite of me, his usual spot when he used to train me
at my desk. “Glad to hear,” he said. “I thought maybe because Collins McGregor
had returned, and you were graduating…moving onto Stanford…”

            “Didn’t
you hear, Derek. I thought you knew already. I thought I told you…but I’m not
going to Stanford. I’m staying here. Enrolling into the same major as you at UC
Irvine.”

            Derek
went from surprise to instant elation. “You’re here to stay?” he asked.

            “I’m
not going to go to Stanford in the Fall, and I’m going to be going to UC
Irvine, so, yes, I’m here to stay.”

            Derek
jumped from his seat to grab me and pull me out of mine. His arm encircled my
waist, lifting me high in the air. His handsome chiseled face leaned in close
until he was whispering into my ears. “You don’t know how happy that made me.”

            Before
I can stop him, before I can pull back, his lips were on mine, kissing me
hungrily and passionately.

            “Derek,”
I pushed him away. “Stop. I can’t.”

            “Why?”
Derek asked. “You’re not going to Stanford anymore so I assume, you didn’t take
Collins McGregor’s scholarship money, which means you didn’t want anything to
do with him when he left you and went to Europe. You’re not seeing anyone right
now, and as far as that body chemistry between us, that camaraderie between us;
it’s ripe for picking right now, Sam. You’ve known how I’ve felt about you, and
we’ve been close since Collins left. He’s back, and it isn’t like you’re
suddenly spending all your time with him…”