Girl Gone Nova (8 page)

Hel seemed awkward with his boys, but there was love and caring bubbling below the surface. They must look like their mother. She’d have been beautiful. He missed her. Doc heard it in his voice when he talked about her, felt him missing her in the subtext of his words. A strange sensation tightened her chest. She had no experience, no parallel in her past to identify the feeling. She rubbed the spot, which didn’t help, and focused on the inputting what she’d learned from the boys.

After a time, as she ran the translation program she’d created, the tightness lessened, though it failed to disappear. The Gadi patients had talked freely, confident that none of the expedition spoke the language. There was a saying that eavesdroppers never heard good about themselves. What they were saying pretty much proved the saying. Kind of crappy of them, considering they were getting free medical care aboard the
Doolittle.

This research was not part of her mission objective, but if they lost the outpost before she got there, her mission objective became moot. She frowned as her mission brief bubbled back to the top of her thoughts. Doc was a scientist, but her skill set was both broad and narrow. Usually her missions involved science
and
guys with guns. She went places where geeks were required but feared to go. Her mission on the
Nimitz
had fit her deployment criteria. The expedition still controlled the outpost, so she shouldn’t have to shoot her way to whatever it was the Major wanted her to do in this galaxy unless they lost the outpost.

That
might
explain her presence, if the head of the expedition, General Halliwell
knew
they might lose the outpost, but she’d found no sign anyone knew their control was at risk when she browsed through the
Doolittle
’s
computers. She didn’t know what was in the General’s head, but would he have gone to a party if war were about to break out? Would he have entered Gadi space? The Gadi had more ships in the galaxy and even with hyperdrive capability they were too far from Kikk and the only other Earth ship in many millions of light years.

If the Gadi launched an attack to take back the outpost, they’d take it. Even with help from the outpost defenses, the expedition would be forced to withdraw from the galaxy or be destroyed. Doc was surprised the Gadi hadn’t already taken it back. Hel hadn’t indicated this level of patience in his past dealings with the expedition. Doc could think of one reason for it—the Key.

Doc probably knew more about the Key than anyone
but
the Key, so it was a shock to realize the official record listed the Key as a
device.
Only one person could have buried the information that deep, which made the upright General Halliwell at least as devious as the Major and brought her back to her question: How could the General not know how close they were to war with the Gadi?

She wasn’t here to advise him, but he needed to know. And he needed to find out who
wasn’t
telling him what he needed to know.

But would he believe
her
?

* * * * *

Doc finished her shift without finding an opportunity to talk to the General, at least not one that wouldn’t draw unwelcome attention to the meeting. So far she’d managed to stay under the radar of whoever was gooning up the process, and she intended to stay there until it was time to act. On the upside, she’d found something to do while she waited to find out more about her mission on Kikk. If she could serve up the traitors, it might help her mitigate the downside of spilling what she’d learned to the General. The General wasn’t going to like what she had to say. The war would probably happen whether he believed her or not, but if she could delay the inevitable, she might have a shot at completing her mission.

This wasn’t about Hel and his odd effect on her. With or without a war, she wouldn’t be paying a house call. She didn’t plan on doing—she couldn’t do whatever it was he wanted to do. If he wanted to do something. Which he probably didn’t. If part of her wished he did want to do something, then it should stop it. It couldn’t happen. This wasn’t just a different way to say potato. They were from different freaking galaxies. And that was before she added in all of her baggage and his.

She should get some shut-eye, but she couldn’t sleep. Too much noise inside her head, too much data to sort through. Her thoughts were chaotic, her worries too pointed, and
they
were too close for sleep. She needed movement. She needed focus. The right words were there. She just hadn’t thought of them yet. She pushed her primary problem to the back burner. Her mind knew it, hated it, and would work furiously on the problem in the background, eventually assembling the pieces she needed into the right configuration.

That left a lot of stuff for the front burner. If the prospect of war with the Gadi weren’t huge, she’d have saved the back burner for Hel. What he did to her was unsettling in a way unprecedented in her experience. It was as if he had the pin number that brought down her defenses. He walked into a room and she turned, not just into a girl, but into a
real
girl. Doc had been many things in her life, but she’d never been that. Even as a child, she’d just been a short adult who calculated everything.

The curious part of her found it interesting in a disturbing way. How weird was it to have a piece of brain enjoying watching the rest of her squirm?

And most of her was dying to kiss him, seriously dying for it. It hadn’t interfered with her concentration yet, because she was at her best when multi-tasking, but deep inside she wasn’t sure she could keep all those balls in the air when one of them was obsessed with a kiss. And what would happen if she got what she wanted? That scared her as much as the thought of not getting it.

The only way she knew to deal with it all was to get active, wear her body down to the point where exhaustion took down her brain. She was reaching for her iPod when Briggs strolled in the ship’s gym. He was a big man with an imperfectly squared face. His skin was reddened by his years in the sun and his hair had been cropped to the point of near invisibility. His gaze had a piercing quality that made her feel like he saw all her secrets. If he did, they hadn’t scared him off.

The retired Sergeant Major was the closest thing Doc had to a friend on the
Doolittle
. Sara, Doc’s only other friend in several galaxies, had introduced the pair not long before Doc had been deployed on the
Nimitz
. While the friendship with Briggs had been orchestrated by Sara, the friendship with Sara was accidental. Doc happened to be there when Sara went into labor. Doc had no experience with friends, so it took her a while to figure out what was happening. She wasn’t an easy person to befriend, but Sara didn’t know how to quit. Doc trusted her more than anyone and that included the Major. Not that she trusted the Major. That would be stupid.

The trust between her and Sara was mutual and a surprise. Doc was, she knew, one of a handful of people who knew Sara’s story. And Sara, and her husband Fyn, were the only ones who knew Doc knew. Doc didn’t know what Briggs knew about her or Sara. The truly weird part: she didn’t mind.

“Haven’t seen you for a few days,” the laconic Briggs said, looking her over as if it had been longer than a few days.

Doc half expected him to tell her she looked like hell, but he didn’t. He never did what she expected.

“I’ve been helping out in the infirmary.” He probably knew that already. There wasn’t much that went on that Briggs didn’t know.

“Then you probably need a workout.”

“I do,” Doc agreed. She docked her iPod and selected “their” play list. Dancing with Briggs even made
them
tired. And it was fun, a benefit missing from most other aspects of her life.

* * * * *

After a quick shower, Doc headed for her office to check her email. An update was due through the communication array. Maybe she’d received something more from the Major. By this time he’d know the
Doolittle
had detoured to the Gadi home world. Surely he’d have a comment on that. He had a comment on everything, even if it was just one word.

Doc opened her door, her hand going to the light switch, but before she could flip it, she sensed a presence. Doc froze, her whole body poised to spring, every cell abruptly, lethally online.

“I was hoping you’d come back before I had to leave,” Hel said.

Her heart pounded with adrenaline that had no place to be expended. She’d have bet money that her workout with Briggs had left her with nothing but a butt load of tired. And she’d have lost.

“I’m sorry. I was working out.” Her voice was thin with the strain of keeping herself in check.

“I startled you.”

Startled? “A bit.” She uncurled her fingers and flexed them. The fading adrenaline left a series of tremors in the wake of its retreat. She needed to do
something
or she’d explode. And then he was so close she could feel his body heat, could see the glint of his eyes in the dark.

“I am sorry.”

Was he sorry? He didn’t sound sorry. He sounded, well, not sorry. She wasn’t sorry either. In the dark she wasn’t Doc or Delilah or the Major’s creature. She was a girl wanting to kiss a guy, if she could figure out how to make it happen. The Major hadn’t covered kissing in her training. Doc didn’t know if he sensed her thoughts or just heard her breathing pick up. Maybe he was just a guy doing what guys did with a girl. His hand, warm and strong and big, slid along the side of her neck, cupping her nape. This cause had the effect of tilting her head to the side just enough to be encouraging. That it was also the right angle for kissing was an added benefit and one he took advantage of, though he didn’t rush it.

His lips brushed across one eyelid, then the other, found the tip of her nose and stroked across each cheek. Part of her wanted him to hurry, but most of her was lost in mind-reeling sensation. She thought she knew chemistry, understood biology, the mechanics of attraction, but this wasn’t mechanical or scientific.

She didn’t understand it, didn’t want to study it. It was enough to
feel
.

His mouth finding hers was a shock and a shocking pleasure. No amount of study had prepared her for this, her first kiss. His mouth was warm, his lips firm and gentle, confident and inviting. There was taste
and
texture and magic. Lots and lots of magic for a girl who didn’t believe in magic.

The smell of him so close made her head spin. She found his shoulders, gripped with her hands and that helped anchor her in a moment that felt a bit like slow dancing. His other hand found its way to her waist. They flowed together, as if to music, her hands sliding up his shoulders and into his hair, as his mouth stopped teasing and settled onto hers with confident authority.

So this was hugging.

So this was kissing.

She’d read the books, the poetry, seen and studied the science and none of it had prepared her for the reality of being held and wanted by a man. To feel safe and not safe, to feel powerful and out of control. A wonderful insanity that explained everything and nothing.

The hard wall of his chest, the feel of his arm holding her close, the grip of his hand at the back of her neck felt incredibly
right.
His mouth left hers and she almost moaned, but then his lips were against her throat. That was good, too.

“I knew you’d be good at this.” She sighed and angled her head as his wonderful hands smoothed her hair back so that his mouth could slide across her neck.

“I am the best at everything I do,” he assured her, his voice a husky growl.

Doc believed him and she believed in learning from the best—

The intercom on her desk buzzed, popping them apart almost a whole inch. The smell and taste of him still held her in thrall. She should do something, if only she knew what that was.

His blue eyes burned with desire, like high beams in the dark. Doc was a person who had to believe the impossible, in order to do it on a regular basis, but it was still hard to believe that look was for her.

The intercom buzzed again. Doc felt her brain do a partial reboot. She put as many inches between them as the small space allowed, found the switch and turned the light on, blinking in the sudden glare. That was good, because it meant she didn’t see Hel right away. Of course, when she did see him, her brain almost seized up again. Questions about why he was the one to find her inner girl swirled in her head, but for once answers didn’t matter.

“I think you fried my brain.” She wasn’t embarrassed, just curious. Curiosity always trumped everything, well, until now. Clearly passion ruled, even in her world.

The intercom made itself heard again.

“I should answer that.”

“Yes.” Hel stepped back, as if he, too, knew that touching would be a bad idea if answering was going to occur.

Doc sank into her desk chair and pushed the button. “Yes?”

“Have you seen the Gadi Leader, ma’am?”

“Yes.” Her eyes met his. Heat scorched through her like a carpet bomb. “He’s here in my office.”

“It’s time for rounds, ma’am.”

“Of course. He’s on his way back now. I’m sorry. I didn’t notice the time. Please give the Colonel my apologies.”

She sat back, trying to find her way back to mental certainty. She didn’t regret the kiss, but it couldn’t happen again. He had a galaxy to run, and she had an impossible mission and
them
on her heels. Even she sometimes found the impossible well, impossible.

Hel half turned to leave but stopped, his face not quite facing her, as if he didn’t want to look into her eyes. “I’ll be returning to my planet in the morning.”

“They are releasing you?”

“I must return to my duties.” He seemed to hesitate. “You could visit.”

The words were weighted with what he wasn’t saying. He didn’t know she knew what he couldn’t say, what he feared, but she couldn’t let him know what she knew. He was loyal to his people, his agenda. She had to be loyal to hers. It wasn’t the only thing that divided them, but at the moment, it was the one that mattered.

“You know that’s not possible.” She hesitated. Based on what she’d heard, he could be in trouble, too. “Please take care of yourself.”