Godforsaken: Book 1 (Shade of Light) (2 page)

“Lily,” Nancy called out from the
bathroom.

“Yeah?”

“Have you seen my pink slippers?” she asked
grumpily.

“They’re on the shelf in the corridor,” Lily
replied composedly lighting the candles.

She had put Nancy's slippers on the shelf
the day before, while Nancy had been out with her boyfriend. Unlike
Nancy, Lily enjoyed spending her evenings at home, whether she was
reading, or even when she was just cleaning up Nancy’s messes.
Although Nancy's life of choice sounded fun, it never seemed to fit
right on Lily. Instead, Lily favored her solitude, and spared some
especial pleasure for her dreams of her mystical prince.

“Ugh,” Nancy said, complaining, as she
walked out of the bathroom still barefoot.

“Come over here, I’ve got something for
you,” Lily called to her.

“What’s up?” Nancy still sounded grouchy as
she walked into the kitchen. She was already wearing white pants
and was just yanking her shirt on when she saw the cake. A
surprised smile curled across her face. “Lily, is this for me?”

“Of course it is,” Lily said with a smile.
“It's your birthday, isn't it?”

“I almost thought you forgot,” Nancy
replied, still staring at the cake.

“Why would I forget?”

“Oh, I don't know. It's just...you're always
daydreaming. Sometimes I think you're totally disconnected from
everything else in the world. I figured you would've forgotten what
date it was. You didn't even say anything this morning!”

“Of course I didn't say anything. I wanted
to surprise you with my present, that's all.”

The friends met each other's eyes with a
smile.

“Thank you,” Nancy whispered, dragging Lily
into a hug.

“Okay, okay,” Lily said, struggling out of
the hug. “Time to make a wish.” She ushered Nancy closer to the
table. “Wish for something really nice, yeah?”

“Something nice,” Nancy mused. “I think I'll
wish for something for me and Mike.” Her eyes gleamed in the
candlelight.

“Good idea.” Lily readied the camera,
snapping a picture just as Nancy blew out the candles.

Setting the camera aside, Lily crept up
besides Nancy and planted a big kiss on her cheek.

“This is your day, Nancy,” she whispered.
“Do something fun with it.”

“'Course I will. But you're going to be
there with me... No exceptions,” she added, raising a disapproving
forefinger as Lily opened her mouth to object. “See, I'm having a
birthday party, and I want you to enjoy it with me.”

“A party?” Lily mumbled.

“Yeah, it was Mike's idea. He's taking us to
a club tonight.”

Of course it was Mike's idea
, Lily
thought.

Mike was Nancy's boyfriend, another college
student like them. He was nice enough as a friend, funny and
jovial, the kind who was always getting smiled at by pretty
girls.

“Nancy, you know I'm not a dancing-in-clubs
kind of girl. I'll just get in your way-”

“No, you won't.” Nancy interrupted with a
smirk, before she turned around to retrieve some plates from a high
shelf. “My day, remember? And you're gonna help me make it truly
unforgettable. Besides, Mike wants you to go out, too.”

“Why?”

“He worries about you, same as me.” Nancy
shrugged, setting the plates down on the counter. “Lily, you don't
have much of a real life, no offense. You spend all your time
dreaming about a prince on a white horse who's just going to show
up one day and take you to heaven with him.”

“It's my life, Nancy.” Lily's exasperation
was beginning to show through her voice.

“But you have to actually live it, though.”
Nancy started cutting the cake into slices. “I don't know what your
hang-up is. You're young, you're beautiful, there are lots of guys
who dream about stuff like that.”

“I'm not interested in being part of dreams
like that.” Lily took a big bite of cake. “Yeah, maybe they dream
about me. Dream about fucking me in a car park or something. And
what happens after that, Nancy?”

“Lily-”

“I know what you meant, Nancy. I'm not going
to waste my “young,” “beautiful,” self on guys like that.”

“Then who
are
you going to waste it
on?”

“...I dunno,” Lily stuttered.

“Life is passing you by, you know. I just
don't want you to regret it.” Nancy's voice was assuring, but Lily
wasn't really convinced. “So tonight, you're going to go along with
me, okay? Don't ruin my birthday party, yeah?”

“Fine,” Lily said with disinterest.

Nancy was too hard to argue with sometimes.
One night in a club surrounded by stupid people drinking and
dancing. She could survive that.

She and Nancy sat and ate their slices of
cake in silence for a while before Nancy put her fork down on her
plate and stood up. Lily's narrowed eyes followed her.

“Hey, Mike's going to drop me at the
college,” she announced. “You coming?”

“No, I'm fine. Go get with your boyfriend, I
don't want to disturb anything.”

“You always say that,” Nancy said in
exasperation. “How many times do I have to tell you that you don't
disturb us at all?”

“Trust me on this one, Nancy. Mike won't
want me around. He's probably got a gift especially for you,” Lily
reckoned, staring down at the half-eaten remains of her cake. “I'll
catch a train, don't worry.”

“Okay, sure,” Nancy agreed. “I'll see you
there, right?”

“Of course.”

Nancy put her plate in the sink and made her
way out of the kitchen, before stopping short.

“Oh, one last thing – don't be mad,” she
said in a rush. “But Mike's friend Alen is going to the party with
us tonight.”

A surge of anger twisted through Lily. She
felt the urge to stand up and shout at Nancy, demanding that she
and Mike and that idiot Alen just celebrate without her, but
politeness rendered her all but mute.

“Okay, I guess.” Lily shifted in her
seat.

She hated Alen, and for whatever reason he'd
decided she was the girl for him. His haughtiness was intolerable,
and right now Lily could easily picture him as the literal worst
person on earth.

“Cool,” Nancy said, before she left.

Lily stared at the place her friend had left
until she heard the door shut, then she sighed, rose, and took her
plate to the sink.

* * *

Lily, preoccupied by the headphones in her
ears, sat down on a seat and listened to music while the train full
of people carried her away. While her eyes were tilted down at the
floor, her thoughts drifted back into her morning’s dream full of
life and love. Who was the man that had held her hand and invited
her into a more beautiful garden than she could ever imagine? She
wondered suddenly whether he was real, if she could ever meet him
again. Surely she would recognize him. Her
heart
beat faster every time she thought of looking at
the man and his mystical black eyes again.

It’d been two years ago when she had first
had such a real, beautiful, unearthly dream. The man had always
been there, in those dreams, but until today his face had remained
a mystery to Lily. Before, she’d recognized his silhouette, or his
hair, but his face had always been obscured. Tonight something had
changed: he had come closer.

Lily was so deeply stuck in her memories
that she was about to miss her station. As her eyes slid up and she
glanced out the windows, Lily jumped to her feet and breathlessly
hurried out of the railcar. Her rucksack slid off her arm and fell
down onto the platform in the moment she shot out of the train. Her
lipstick, which Lily had never used before but which she had been
keeping in her rucksack fell out of an unzipped pocket and rolled
away.

“Damn it,” Lily muttered under her breath
and knelt down to pick up her things. Annoyed, she got to her feet,
still looking down at the floor for the lost lipstick. She made her
way forward, mumbling in exasperation, when she banged into someone
and recoiled, startled.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, quickly taking
the headphones out of her ears.

“A girl as beautiful as you shouldn't
apologize for anything,” a man's voice said from above her. Lily
stood up. Standing in front of her was a young man holding Lily’s
lipstick, regarding her from head to toe. “I believe this is
yours?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Lily said brusquely, taking
the lipstick. She turned hastily and bustled toward the exit.

“Hey,” the guy called after her, sounding
confused. “Wait a minute.”

“I thanked you for the lipstick. Please,
leave me alone now,” Lily shot back curtly over her shoulder.

“But–”

Lily kept on walking and set off at almost a
run out from the platform and toward the escalator. As soon as she
blended into the crowd, she peeked back nervously, looking for the
guy on the platform, but it seemed he’d given up very quickly and
was nowhere to be seen. Lily exhaled in relief and put the
headphones back into her ears.

From there on it took her about ten minutes
to get to the college. On the way she barely remembered the guy she
had seen just some minutes ago, as the man from her dreams
commanded her attentions again. In some ways, Nancy was right, Lily
did like to live tied up in her dreams while letting real life fall
to the wayside. Finally, she arrived at the college.

Lily took out her headphones for good and
put them into her rucksack. The college courtyard was full of
students, some of them, like Lily, hurrying toward the main
entrance, while some seemed content to just sit on the grass. Lily
passed all of them holding her eyes only on the cobbled path. She
felt as though everyone was staring at her. Lily knew why – as
Nancy had mentioned earlier, she was a dream to a lot of guys at
the college. This made her uneasy, but she knew there was no chance
for any of them. None of them were right for her. Lily spent all of
her time studying, but she was waiting for a prince like the one
from her dreams. But it seemed that her prince had gotten lost
somewhere on the way to her.

And Lily
was
beautiful; her golden
hair shining in the morning sun. Her skin was soft and white, her
light gait attracted the guys’ attention involuntarily.
Increasingly, this eighteen-year-old girl became more beautiful.
Even Mike, Nancy’s boyfriend, standing by the entrance and holding
Nancy in his arms, couldn’t help staring at her with an almost
greedy air.

Mike was one of the rare guys in her college
that Lily liked. He knew how to have fun and not be a pain in the
neck at the same time.

“Hey, Lily!” Mike called out breezily, still
holding Nancy. He wore blue jeans today over his athletic body, his
tremendous forearms and his muscles bulging in his tight black
T-shirt.

“Hey, Mike,” Lily said in reply and came to
a stop before them, forcing a smile on her face.

“Get here okay?” Nancy asked.

“Yeah.”

“I thought you would come with us,” Mike
spoke again.

“It’s your girlfriend’s birthday, you know,
I just–” Lily stuttered.

“Yeah, but Nancy’s already told you about
our plans for tonight, hasn’t she?” Mike looked down at Nancy’s
neck from where he held her.

“Yeah, she has,” Lily answered.

“And she’s up to it,” Nancy said, looking
blithely at Lily. “She’s impatient. She just can't wait for the
dances and drinks,” she added, and chuckled with her hand over her
mouth.

“Don’t tease me,” Lily interjected. “You
know I don’t like dancing and drinking.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course we know,” Nancy
peered back over her shoulder at Mike. “She’s doing this for me.
Isn’t she nice?”

“Yeah, she is,” Mike smiled gingerly then
tilted his head to put a quick kiss on Nancy’s lips.

“Guys, aren't you going to be late for
class?” Lily asked.

“Oh no, sweetheart,” Mike answered. “I don’t
think it's fair for Nancy to stay in her boring classes on her
birthday.”

“We’re going to the park,” Nancy added,
quickly wrapping Mikes arm over her shoulder.

“You should come with us, too, it’ll be
fun,” Mike invited Lily looking down at her from where he stood at
a head taller than the girls. “Maybe you’ll meet a guy there who
will break through your stony heart.” Nancy elbowed Mike and he
looked at her suddenly, wearing an expression that said “what did I
say wrong?”

“No way. You two go and have fun,” Lily
retorted disapprovingly. “Besides, what would I do with two
lovebirds?” She teased.

“Come on, Lily,” Mike urged, sounding
unhappy.

“I really can’t. I have to go to my
economics class, sorry,” Lily grinned and stepped slowly toward the
entrance. "Don’t worry, I’ll catch up with you tonight.”

* * *

Mike's big brown eyes stared after Lily as
she fled away into the building.

“You know,” he said to Nancy after Lily
careened behind the entrance, “she’s really very pretty from
behind.”

“Hey!” Nancy sniffed indignantly, jabbing
him in the arm and turning to face him. “You’re talking about my
friend,” she frowned.

“You jealous?” Mike’s mouth twitched into a
complacent smile.

“It's rude of you.”

“Don’t worry, baby, I love only you,” he
kissed her forehead gently. “I’m just curious why Lily is so–”

“Closed up in herself?” Nancy finished.

“Something like that, yeah. Is it because of
her parents?” He glanced down on Nancy pensively. “I mean, it was a
long time ago that she lost them.”

“So you're wondering if she’s recovered from
it. I dunno,” Nancy sighed, mournfully struggling out from Mike’s
embrace.

“You know, I like her.” He met Nancy’s
flashing eyes and added promptly, “Like a sister, I mean. I worry
about her.” He grinned awkwardly. “She’s an extremely beautiful,
good girl, but there is something about her. Maybe her bad memories
are corroding her from the inside out.”