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Authors: Patricia-Marie Budd

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Hadrian's Real News

An Interview with President Stiles
HRN—Melissa Eagleton Reporting

“President Stiles, thank you for honoring me with an interview. I know my viewers are anxious to hear you outline the platform for your political campaign.”

“Thank you, Ms. Eagleton. Let's dispense with all the pleasantries and get right into it.”

“I concur.”

“Hadrian, during my four years as your president, I have brought about a few changes that have disgruntled a few of our citizens. The first serious change was to appoint Jason Warith as head of our National Reeducation System. Granted, he just stepped down after exposing himself as strai, but no one can deny the more humane procedures he instigated in our reeducation system. The use of corporal punishment, a system of punishment much abused, is no longer administered at any of our camps. Another unsavory practice administered against our students was ‘Medicinal Sexual Relations.' Rape would be a more accurate term! Thanks to Jason Warith, rape is no longer a part of our youth reeducation. I was disappointed to receive his resignation and felt his exposure only verified his ability to run our reeducation camps, he himself being a prime example of how heterosexual tendencies can be controlled.”

“So is that a focus for your political campaign, Madame President? Do you intend to place an emphasis on teaching members of our society about controlling their heterosexual tendencies?”

“It is one focus, but not the only one, and it is certainly not limited to encouraging celibacy amongst the heterosexual community. Though, I do believe self-imposed chastity is the best approach for heterosexuals to take, I am unwilling to enforce that as law.”

“Why, Madame President?”

“Because chastity is a personal decision and not one of the State. Ms. Eagleton, I think it is time Hadrian's government got out of the bedrooms of our citizens.”

“How, then, do you propose population control? It seems counter-productive to allow heterosexuals sexual freedom when the ultimate outcome of their sexual expression is pregnancy.”

“It was pointed out to me, Ms. Eagleton, and quite wisely, too, by Mother Stuttgart, that there is only one type of heterosexual sex that induces pregnancy: penile vaginal intercourse.”

“Of course, and that form of sexuality is illegal. If people are caught in the act or it is discovered through an unwanted pregnancy, then the guilty parties are subject to exile.”

“Yes, that is correct.”

“Do you plan to remove that law?”

“No.”

“I don't understand, Madame President. Birth control is a viable solution. Any heterosexual engaging in sexual acts that could induce pregnancy can avoid that outcome with the use of condoms, spermicidal jelly, the pill our doctors still prescribe to young women who could potentially suffer from gigantism, as well as diaphragms, even the female condom.”

“Yes, Ms. Eagleton, I am aware of the varieties of birth control heterosexuals can have access to; however, there is only one guaranteed approach to avoiding pregnancy and that is through abstinence. In the case of heterosexuals, abstinence need only be exercised with penile vaginal intercourse. This will not change, not during my tenure as president.”

“Then what will change, Madame President?”

“I will remove the Anti-Strai Propaganda Law I signed into being when I was first elected president. This law is wrong, Ms. Eagleton. It is a form of censorship unbecoming of Hadrian. We have always valued full disclosure and honesty above all, and I wish to return our country to that state. I have pledged funding for reeducation and a better understanding of the whole of human sexual expression. Our children need to learn that it is okay to be different and not have to fear bullying simply for being who they are. With that in mind, the Anti-Strai Propaganda Law must be revoked and a series of informative sex-education lessons need to be developed so our children can learn to understand and accept a variety of sexual identities.”

“Including heterosexuality?”

“Including heterosexuality. We must never forget these are our children.”

“So, under your leadership as Hadrian's President, no one will ever be expelled for being heterosexual.”

“No one ever was, Ms. Eagleton. That is the biggest misconception of our governing laws. The only way one would ever be expelled was if there were concrete evidence of heterosexual intercourse or the individual confessed to having had said intercourse.”

“Then why the new law, Madame President? Why legalize heterosexuals?”

“Again, another misconception. I never actually input a new law into our system, Ms. Eagleton. I merely reminded people of what the law already states and insisted no one be unreasonably persecuted. It has always been legal for a person to be openly straight, even to engage in a variety of sexual acts with someone of the opposite sex. All I did was remind the nation that the only illegal form of coitus in Hadrian is penile vaginal intercourse. What has evolved, or perhaps I should say mutated, from this one law is a deep-rooted belief that all forms of heterosexuality are dangerous and thus any acceptance of opposite sex attractions and behaviors must be quelled.”

“So what do you propose to do about Hadrian's misconceptions and overwhelming prejudices towards our straight and bisexual citizens?”

“I believe education is the answer. We must create education packages that will help our teachers better instruct our students in the full spectrum of human sexual expression as well as promote understanding and acceptance amongst ourselves.”

“What about the issue of sterilization? Even with all the reforms Jason Warith brought into reeducation, I understand sterilization is still being imposed upon any youth sent to these facilities.”

“Sterilization is based on the idea that there is a heterosexual gene that must be eradicated from the human genome.”

“Do you agree with that idea?”

“No, I do not. I have put forth a bill that would make the sterilization of our reeducated youth illegal, but it has yet to pass the House of Commons.”

“So, I guess this is proof positive that the President doesn't have complete control.”

“That is correct. Hadrian is a democracy, not a dictatorship. And within a democracy, rules need to be in place to help abate one person controlling everything.”

“Will you continue to push for this much-needed change in our laws?”

“Yes, I will.”

“So, along with sexual reforms, or rather informing Hadrian of the true nature of its the laws, and improving the quality of our educational system, what else do you hope to accomplish as Hadrian's President, if elected for a second term?”

“I hope to increase funding to Hadrian's military. Though we have experienced fewer attacks these past few years, the war games scenarios held by the Midwest Gate have clearly identified potential weaknesses in our security system. We need to better train our soldiers for all conceivable contingencies, even those that seem the most unlikely.”

“Good answer. So, tell me, Madame President, how do you feel about the schism in the Stuttgart family. Mother Stuttgart has thrown her weight and backing into your ring whilst her son, Gordon Stuttgart, is propping up Cooper Johnston as the leader of the opposition. Can you give any rational explanation for how this one founding family could become so polarized for this electoral campaign?”

“Yes, good question. It seems the Stuttgart family is a microcosm of our nation. We, too, are divided on the issue of sexual equality. Nearly twenty-seven years ago, we, as a nation, grieved along with Gordon Stuttgart when it was announced that his son had died in a car accident, having hit a moose; the bubble, supposedly being driven by the boy, had been completely demolished and the teen's remains were so mutilated that only a DNA test could identify him. Dean Stuttgart was positively identified as the youth in that bubble, and yet Dean Stuttgart is alive today. When it was first announced to the world that he was alive and a graduate of our reeducation system, people were shocked and stunned. Many even exonerated Gordon Stuttgart for having created this fiction. So, though the only legal action taken against this man for fabricating a lie was a hefty fine of a million credits, which was allocated to reeducation reforms, it would be wise of Hadrian's citizens to consider the morality of the man behind Cooper Johnston. This is a man who abandoned his own son and imposed a hateful lie on Dean Stuttgart's life.”

“Good point, Madame President.”

“Destiny Stuttgart, Gordon's mother, on the other hand, is our founding mother. She helped draft the original constitution and, though close to ninety, she still has all her faculties. She tires quickly and is easily distracted,
which are both normal considering her age, but she is far from senile and as she likes to say, she ‘knows a hawk from a handsaw' if you know what I mean.”

“Yes, indeed. For those viewers unfamiliar with William Shakespeare's work, this is a line from
Hamlet
where the titular character is warning his friends that he is not what he appears to be, in Hamlet's case insane, in Mother Stuttgart's case, senile. And, like Hamlet, Mother Stuttgart is reminding those who pretend to be her friends that she knows who her enemies are. Don't be fooled by the Conservative Right in its determination to undermine our founding mother's intellectual skills. She may be old, but she is certainly not stupid!”

“Agreed; all one need do is spend a half-hour in her presence to know our founding mother's faculties are all there.”

“Now, Madame President, no doubt you watched the
Salve!
interview with Cooper Johnston.”

“Yes, Ms. Eagleton, I did.”

“Any thoughts on Cooper Johnston's use of terrorist footage to win over the voting populace?”
45

“Yes, that was rather unseemly of him, and HNN, for that matter. After that horrific attack, it was decided at the highest levels of government to make known the details of the footage but not to air it over the waves. Such footage is far too graphic and gruesome for younger, sensitive minds to grapple with, which is why we left viewing to the discretion of the parent, rather than mandatory viewing for all to endure. The footage itself is stored on the Hadrian gov site and the address made widely known so anyone over eighteen can access it, but it was never intended that the footage be used by social media.”

“And yet, Cooper Johnston had
Salve!
air it twice. Why do you suppose that is?”

“I'd rather not speculate as to the motives of the Conservative Right, Ms. Eagleton. My campaign is based solely on what I, as leader of Hadrian's National Party, will do for the development of Hadrian and for the improvement of the quality of life for
all
our citizens.”

“That is as safe a response as it gets, I suppose, but at least you aren't stooping to the level of the Conservatives, whose entire campaign seems
built upon a malignant spirit determined to foul your reputation and terrify the masses.”

“I am not interested in pointing out Cooper Johnston's flaws, Ms. Eagleton. I prefer to let his words and actions speak for themselves.”

“And they do speak quite loudly for all those not taken in by his excessive use of fear tactics. I hope the majority of Hadrian's citizens are rational and aware enough to know that any leader who condescends to terrifying the populace for votes is only evidencing how his rule is equally likely to be based on keeping people's emotional senses heightened in order to prevent the intellectual neurons from working inside the brain. Fear tactics are used by governing powers that want only to control the mass populace, not work with them for the country's overall betterment.

“Madame President, thank you so much for joining me today. I appreciate the candor of your responses, and I wish you luck in the upcoming election.”

“Thank you, Ms. Eagleton.”

“To all my viewers, good night; may the media and your government always present you with the truth.”

TRU—!

“No!”

“I'm sorry? Is something wrong Madame President?”

“Yes, it's me. I haven't been entirely truthful to the electorate.”

“What do you mean, Madame President?”

“My campaign manager warned me against doing this.”

“Doing what?”

“Granted, I have never lied, but I do feel as though an omission is equivalent, or rather that somehow one is playing a dangerous game when always equivocating.”

“And, what is it you have omitted to announce to the electorate, Madame President?”

“That my daughter is bisexual. People are constantly asking me where my sympathies for strais comes from, and the fact is, though all my other answers have been truthful, the real truth lies a lot closer to home.”

“I see.”

“There is a lot more to this story. You see, my daughter, Crystal Albright, was having relations with a young man.”

“And who was this young man, Madame President?”

“Todd Middleton.”

“The boy whose murder case set this country on fire?”

“The boy, who, I believed at the time, had raped my daughter.”

“When did you learn otherwise?”

“Just prior to Frank Hunter's trial.”

“Please, Madame President, continue.”

“I received a text message between Crystal and Frank Hunter's papa, Dean Stuttgart. We only knew him then as Dean Hunter.”

“What did this text message say?”

“Well, it turns out Crystal initially thought she was texting Todd since Dean Hunter had the boy's phone. This message happened before Todd Middleton died.”

“And, in it?”

“In it, Crystal admitted that Todd and she had had consensual intercourse. She was never raped.”

“Why did you not share this evidence in the trial, Madame President? It certainly would have made a huge difference in the outcome of this case.”

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