Hard Habit to Break (A Chicago Love Story #1) (4 page)

I lost my virginity in high school in the back of a truck. We’d gone out to watch the stars and ended up giving into our hormones. My boyfriend pulled a condom from his wallet and the whole thing lost its magic. It felt like he had been waiting for it. It wasn’t a moment of passion or love; it was just hormones.

As I lay beneath Isaac, feeling him inside me, I am in awe of how different this is from that first time. We move together and it is full of passion and desire. He’s kissing my neck and drawing my nipple into his mouth. I cry out quietly when he nips at it and flicks it with his tongue. He groans and brings his mouth back to mine. This feels right.

He slows to an achingly deliberate movement and I can feel myself approaching the edge. Our breath is ragged as he takes me over the edge. His eyes get big as my muscles clench him in place. I moan and every muscle in my body locks up. He moves slowly a few more times before he groans and pulls out quickly.

He jumps up and returns with a towel. He gently wipes my skin clean, then wipes himself. I watch him and feel a pull in my groin when I catch a glimpse of his naked full-frontal. He pulls on his boxer briefs and pants and picks up my underwear from the floor with his forefinger and thumb. He hands them to me with a sexy grin and I slide them on. He barely pulls on his shirt when the doorbell rings signaling the arrival of pizza.

While he answers the door, I finish getting my clothes back on. I don’t know what’s going to happen next so I sit on the couch and wait for him to return. He walks in with the box, looking disheveled in the best possible way. He sets the pizza on the coffee table and sits down next to me. He turns and gently takes my hands in his.

“I feel like I have to tell you that this is not the norm for me. I . . . actually haven’t been with anyone since my wife.”

“I don’t do this either. I wasn’t, um, intimate with my boyfriend from a few years ago. The only guy I’ve ever been with was my high school sweetheart.”

“I don’t want this to be a one-time thing.”

I laugh out loud, “Sorry, did you want to do it again now? Because, that pizza smells amazing and I’m starving.”

“No, I mean I’m not a one-night-stand kind of guy. I would much prefer that we get to know each other and pursue a relationship. I understand if that’s not what you want, but I had to put it out there.”

“A secret romance? Dr. Miller, are you trying to make the rumors true?”

He kisses me again, this time it’s soft and gentle, full of possibilities. He pulls back suddenly as a thought seems to occur to him.

“Are you sure our age difference doesn’t bother you?”

I study his face and wonder exactly how old he is. I don’t think he can possibly be older than mid-forties.

“It doesn’t bother me. But, we should just get it out of the way, how old are you?”

“42. You?”

“23.”

“Fuck.”

“It bothers you, doesn’t it?” I say as I feel my heart sink.

“It’s not that it bothers me, it just surprises me. You’re much more mature than your age. I guess I should have guessed as much considering that you’re still in school.”

My stomach growls and he laughs. We dig into the pizza together and finish it before we know it. I can’t help but stare at him. Only yesterday I was admiring him from afar every morning in a coffee shop, now I’ve had unprotected sex with him in his house. What the fuck was I thinking?

I look at the clock and realize we’ve been at it for hours. It’s nearly ten o’clock.

“I’d better get going. It’s a long walk home,” I laugh.

“I’d hate to send you home right after you eat. Maybe you shouldn’t leave yet.”

“Ya know, I heard it’s not good to walk after you eat. I shouldn’t be out much later though, CeCe freaks out if I walk home in the dark, even if it’s next door.”

“It won’t be dark in the morning,” he says softly.

I feel the heat rise in my cheeks and the fire start in my belly. He’s kissing me again and I melt into him. He takes my hand and leads me upstairs. My head is spinning. Even if this doesn’t go anywhere else, I wouldn’t change a thing. We get to his bedroom and he seems to have changed his mind. He heads into the closet, leaving me standing in his room alone. I’m not sure what to think so I go into the doorway to peek inside. There’s another door at the end of the closet so I go inside. The steam pouring in through the other door indicates that it leads to the bathroom. I see he’s left his clothes in a trail on the floor so I do the same.

I walk into the bathroom completely nude. He’s in the oversized shower and he’s left the door slightly open. I take a deep breath and step in.

“Liv!” He says, surprised to see me.

Oh, shit. This was not what he’d intended. He just wanted to clean up. Shit, shit, triple-shit. I am mortified and turn to leave but he catches my arm.

“I’m sorry. I thought you wanted me to join you. Words cannot express how completely embarrassed I am.”

“I was just going to shower then join you in the bedroom. It wasn’t what I had in mind, but this is better,” the hunger in his eyes gives me chills despite the hot water.

He pulls me into his arms and shifts me into the water. The shower head is center mounted so it pours over both of us. My hair is soaked and he’s massaging his shampoo into my scalp. It smells amazing, it feels amazing. I grab the soap and start washing him. When I get to his groin, I discover that he’s really enjoying this. So am I. Isaac is looking at me like he doesn’t know if he can control himself. I press into him and kiss his neck. My lips travel down to his shoulders and chest. He has sparse chest hair and it tickles my lips as I graze them across it.

In an instant I’m against the shower wall. The air is momentarily knocked out of me but I don’t care. He lifts me and I wrap my legs around him as he lowers me onto him. I’ve never done anything like this and I’m surprised by the sensation. He’s deeper and bigger than he seemed on the couch. He seems pleased by the depth. We’re less gentle this time. He’s got me against the wall and I move up and down with his thrusts. I cry out in pleasure as he picks up the pace.

“Liv,” Isaac says my name in a moan and claims my mouth.

The rhythm increases as we both reach climax. I notice that this time, he doesn’t pull out. Something about that makes my orgasm more intense and a cry rips out of me at the intensity of the moment.

“I’m so sorry,” he says as he realizes what he did.

“It’s alright. I have an IUD. I’ve had one for a few years, no interest in having kids anytime soon. But, we better get some condoms if this isn’t going to be a one-time-thing,” I laugh.

We both finish showering without further complications then we head to the bedroom. We lay down on the bed and he holds me in his arms. This is somehow more intimate than sex. He is softly running his fingers up and down my back as I lay with my arm comfortably wrapped around his waist.

“Tell me about your wife.”

He clears his throat as though this subject surprises him, “We married young. Right out of high school. She was my first love. We went to college together and started to build our life. She was beautiful. She had deep brown eyes and hair that was almost black. I loved her.”

“What happened?”

“She was working late one night and it was snowing. Her car went off the road and she was killed when it struck a tree.”

I shift so I can see his face, “I’m so sorry.”

“It was a long time ago. I never looked at another woman like that and I refused to take off my wedding ring. I was still completely committed to her.”

“You don’t wear a ring now.”

“No,” he looks intently into my eyes, “I took it off about two months ago. I remember the day well.”

“What made you do that?”

Isaac is quiet for a moment as though he’s trying to decide if he should tell me something. That’s when I realize I’m the reason he took it off.

“I’ve been watching you quietly for a few months; there’s just something about the way you sit on your own reading books that makes you special. It was obvious to me that you didn’t have the patience for that annoying barista and I loved watching the facial expressions you made when she flirted with me.”

“She’s annoying.”

“I agree. But, I started to take more notice of you when some guy came up and tried to flirt with you. At first, I’d thought I was just coming back to the Daily Grind for the coffee and the atmosphere. It hadn’t clicked with me that I was intrigued by you until that day. The kid looked like he hadn’t showered in a month and he sounded like one of those kids who’s always high.”

“I remember him! He did not want to give up,” I laugh.

“Well, I was getting annoyed with the way he pushed you and almost intervened. You put him in his place before I had to do anything. The jealousy I felt then told me I was finally ready to let Ellen go.”

“I can’t believe it took you so long to talk to me.”

“Your age stopped me. I didn’t want to come across as the creepy guy. I could be your dad.”

“But you’re not.”

“No, thank god for that.”

I lean forward and place a kiss on his cheek, “So here we are.”

His smile makes me feel warm all over, “Yes, here we are. And I don’t want to sound like I’m unhappy about it, but how did we get here? You don’t seem like the type to rush into a relationship.”

“I’ve been watching you too. At first it was just your cologne and the way you say caramel.”

“Caramel?”

I laugh, “Yes, it’s fucking hot.”

“Caramel,” he whispers.

“Oh, don’t do that to me unless you’re ready for round three.”

Now it’s his turn to laugh. He kisses my nose and I kiss his chin. It amazes me how comfortable we are together.

“I loved that you didn’t notice when the barista flirted with you. You just ordered your coffee and went about your business. You have no idea how hot you are.”

“I’m hot, huh? I don’t think anyone has ever described me that way.”

“I think you’d be surprised.”

“Can I make you breakfast tomorrow morning?”

“I like eggs. Scrambled. With cheese.”

“You got it.”

Isaac gets up and tosses me a t-shirt then pulls on a pair of shorts. He climbs back into bed and pulls me close. I snuggle in and fall asleep within moments.

Chapter 5

I open my eyes and look around. It takes me a moment to register where I am. The weight of Isaac’s arm on my waist is comforting and terrifying. I stretch and he pulls me closer and buries his face in my hair. He sighs contentedly and kisses my neck.

“What was that you said about breakfast?”

“I said I’d make it, woman!”

I laugh and he tickles my side. I try to squirm away. He climbs on top of me and continues to attack my ribs. I try to slap his hands away but he grabs my arms and pins them down. Isaac is now straddling me and holding my arms above my head. My heart is beating fast as he leans down, arms resting on either side of my head.

“I’d better get up or we’ll be here awhile.”

I lean up and kiss him deeply. He returns the passion I put behind the kiss but ends it gently.

“I would love nothing more than to stay in bed with you all day.”

“But, I’m hungry.”

Isaac kisses me again before getting up and heading downstairs. I get up and gather my clothes from the closet floor. I dress quickly and do my best to make myself presentable. My hair is a mess so I pull it up on top of my head and finish it in a bun. I make my way to the kitchen where I can smell breakfast. I come up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist.

“You said you were hungry. I made plenty of eggs. With extra cheese.”

We eat breakfast in silence. I worry that things are going to get awkward so I tell him I have to leave. I’m sure CeCe is wondering where I am and I don’t want to overstay my welcome. I know we’re both interested in more but I don’t know if he’s regretting last night.

“What do you have planned for today?” He sounds hopeful.

“I’m going shopping with CeCe.”

“Damn. Dinner later?”

“It’s a deal.”

I give him my number and head back to my apartment. As soon as I walk in the door, I’m ambushed by CeCe. While she starts her concerned tirade, I plug my phone in and power it on. I interrupt her by holding my hand up.

“Wait, you have to hear where I’ve been before you rip me a new one.”

I tell her everything. Every detail. She makes excited noises at all the right moments. I finish my tale and she has her hands over her mouth.

“Oh, my fucking god. You’ve had a fucking three-year dry spell and suddenly you do it twice in one night. With a hot old guy? Holy shit.”

“He’s not old. He’s older. It’s totally different.”

“What aren’t you telling me, Olivia?”

CeCe only uses my full name when she thinks I’m hiding something from her.

“You better sit down,” I tell CeCe who my mystery guy is.

“Holy shit. Olivia Lea Hanover! I cannot believe you are letting him use you as his latest conquest. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“It’s not like that,” I tell her his story.

“Sounds like a line of bull shit to me, but if you’re happy, I’ll support you. Just don’t forget that I spent a night in jail the last time you had a relationship that didn’t end well.”

My phone vibrates. I pick it up and grin. I gave Isaac my number to give him a chance to back out of our dinner plans, but here he is texting me that he misses me already. CeCe lunges for my phone and pries it from my fingers.

“Oh, my fucking god, he already misses you?”

I roll my eyes and take the phone back. While we shop, CeCe makes me go over the story at least two more times pointing out things she missed the first time. We reflect on what happened with Jeremy compared to what happened with Isaac. The feelings were very different. When I was with Isaac I felt safe, I wanted to be with him. The connection I feel with him could turn into something real. But when I was dating Jeremy, I felt pressured to be someone I’m not.

By the time we finish our excursion and get back home, it’s time for CeCe to leave for work. I’m exhausted. Isaac wants to meet for dinner, but I need to sort through my feelings. So much has happened in the last 48 hours and I’m not sure I’ve processed it all. I send a text to Isaac and let him know I don’t feel like going out. He doesn’t answer for a while and I start to drift off to sleep. My phone buzzes and I know it’s a phone call, so I answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Liv,” Isaac says on the other end of the line

I know I sound groggy when I ask, “What’s up?”

“Did I wake you?”

“Yeah, but it’s alright.”

“Is everything okay, Liv?”

I tell him that it is, but I don’t say anything else.

“I knew it,” he says, “You’re totally freaked out. I understand if you regret what happened between us.”

I feel my stomach tighten at the pain in his voice. I feel terrible for letting him think he was the source of my hesitation.

“No, Isaac! It’s not that at all. I was surprised by last night, but it was perfect. I just need some time to process things a little. I just didn’t have the greatest experience in my last relationship and I just feel a bit overwhelmed.”

“What do you mean?”

“My ex-boyfriend was bad news. I haven’t seen him since my statement put him in jail.”

“What? Oh my god, Liv. I’m coming over.”

He hangs up the phone and within moments he’s knocking on the door. I get up from the couch and let him in. He walks in and starts pacing the living room.

“When did this happen?”

“Towards the end of my sophomore year.”

“Jesus, Liv! What happened?”

I sigh and launch into my story, I decide to tell him every gory detail. How else will he know just how screwed up I am?

“When I met Jeremy, I was still getting over the sting of my first love deciding to go to college in New York instead of here with me. Jeremy seemed like a sweetheart. I really liked him. He made me laugh. But, after we’d been together for a few months he started to change. I didn’t really see it because I’d built him up to god status in my mind, just like he wanted me to.

“He started making fun of me for being a klutz, for enjoying school, for studying instead of partying. He convinced me that I needed him in order to be happy. He destroyed my confidence by making me feel like I was nothing before him and would be nothing after him. When I wouldn’t sleep with him. . .”

Isaac was holding both of my hands and listening intently to every word I said. Other than my parents, CeCe was the only other person in my life who knew what I’d been through with Jeremy. I didn’t know how showing Isaac this vulnerability would help, but he had to know why I was skittish.

“What did he do to you?”

I don’t know if I should tell him the details. I don’t want him to think I’m a damsel in distress. I can take care of myself. I take a deep breath and tell him, “He came to my dorm while CeCe was working. He said he wanted to cuddle and watch a movie. Funny thing is, I had actually let him convince me that I was so stupid that I actually started acting like it. We were kissing and he started trying to take my clothes off. I resisted. It was like I suddenly remembered who I was before him, the strong girl who didn’t take crap from anyone. He was stronger than me, though.

“He beat the tar out of me and was in the process of trying to rape me when CeCe came in. It was like my friend had been replaced by an MMA fighter. She took one look at my bruised and bleeding body and went batshit crazy. She beat him to a bloody pulp and spent a night in jail for her efforts.”

“If I knew I wouldn’t have been so forward with you. You must think all men are only after one thing.”

“That’s not fair. I wasn’t exactly expecting, well, any of it. The difference here is how I feel. Jeremy tried to take what he wanted. I chose to be with you, you chose to be with me. The situations are incomparable.”

He gently pulls me into his arms and tenderly kisses the top of my head.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” I ask into his chest.

“Yes, you pick.”

We snuggle into watch
Jane Eyre
. He chuckles and pulls me closer to him.