Heart Of The Wolf (6 page)

But shutting
stuff out was impossible now. She couldn't do that with all three
males ingrained into her DNA, and while being with Ryan and Taylor
came naturally in many ways, Lawrence's mere presence brought up
everything in her she'd ever tried to suppress. Why on earth he
made her
feel
so much was anyone's guess, but the one thing
she knew was that she couldn't 'just get on with it' where he was
concerned. If she wanted this man to trust her, to open up to her,
she would have to strip every last piece of herself away, like he
had been stripped. That's the only way he would let her in. The
challenge seemed insurmountable, maybe because he seemed
insurmountable.

She was
brought out of her thoughts by the heat prickling her skin where
his gaze fell, which was pretty much everywhere.

If
he
was teetering on some kind of lunar orgasmic edge, he didn't show
it. But then, he'd spent the last twenty years learning how to
control every single aspect of himself, hadn't he. Her heart, her
wolf, her entire being suddenly expanded in a swell of empathy for
him.

Seemingly
unaffected by …
anything
, he continued. “The meeting with
the pack tonight will be difficult. I'm not going to lie and say
there won't be any hostility towards you because there will be,
but,” and he brought his head down to catch her eye; to make sure
she took his words in, “we will
not
let them say a word
against you. Times change, evolution takes place… Wolves aren't
good with change by nature, but storm-wielders need to be embraced
rather than feared. The only reason we fear them is because we
don't know enough about them – that is the message we'll be putting
out tonight. That, and…” The first flash of defencelessness crossed
his features, so quickly covered up she wasn't sure anyone else
would have noticed it. The only reason she had, was because she had
felt
it, not just seen it. “I will be reclaiming my status
as Alpha of the pack … at Ryan's insistence,” he added with a
mumble.

“Good,” she
blurted out.
Smooth, Lydia.

But it just
felt right that he should lead the pack on his own grounds, and
that meant no disrespect to Ryan at all. Ryan was clearly Alpha
material, and it was obvious how everyone respected him. But
Lawrence was somehow unsung: a performer without a stage, a dancer
without legs, a wolf without family, a king without a crown… A
fundamental part of her, which she didn't fully understand, needed
to see him shine.

His eyes met
hers, surprise lighting them. “You think so?”

“I know
so.”

The corner of
his mouth twitched in what she hoped was the start of a smile, and
she all at once realised she'd never seen him smile. Small, crappy
attempts at smiling, yes, but
really
smile… She wondered
what he would look like beaming with joy. A resolution, wrapped up
in determination (although her mother had always called her special
brand of determination, 'stubbornness') sparked deep inside her
with an alarming force.
I'm going to make him happy.

“Lydia-knowledge?”

Her own mouth
curved upwards. “It's rare and precious – don't knock it.”

Yes!
There was the beginning of a smile. Her wolf wagged her tail in
delight.

Whatever it
takes, I'm going to make him happy.

The 'U' of his
smile halted a quarter of the way up and then fell again. “Your
first change takes place tonight.”

Her heart rate
accelerated.

“Ryan and
Taylor will run with you.”

“Run with
me?”

“A female's
first change is a cause for celebration. It's traditional for her
mate to run with her – a symbol of union, freedom and protection… I
can't run with you, Lydia. Not in wolf form.”

Oh.

She tried to
meet his eyes as he had hers, but he seemed to be finding his desk
rather intriguing.

“Then run with
me in this form.”

He shook his
head, refusing to look at her. “I wouldn't be able to keep up and
believe me, you'll want to run fast. That first taste of … liberty
… when the wolf is finally free…” He trailed off, swallowing hard.
“It's a rush. There's nothing like it.”

And now her
heart was slamming in her chest, her nerves taut, her eyelids
blinking back threatening tears that she didn't even realise had
risen … because every single word mattered. This man was so
sensitised to pain that one misplaced adjective might send him back
into his armed fortress. “Then, I'll run to you.”

Now, he did
look up.

“Pick a place
you know is safe for your wolf. Tell me where it is, and I'll run
to you.”

He looked
stunned.

Was it really
that weird a suggestion? Maybe it was a dishonourable suggestion –
she knew fuck all about werewolf tradition and customs – maybe
she'd just insulted him. She could feel embarrassment rising.
Obviously, she had said something stupid and it wouldn't be the
first time – her foot found her mouth quite often.

Before she
could really comprehend it, some flow of emotion passed though
Lawrence's eyes – a whole flood of them over the space of a
deafening heartbeat – until he had shifted position and was
standing over both her and his desk, only half an inch between
them; not touching her at all, but they might as well be skin to
skin with the weight of his intensity. The ruling emotion that had
won the battle and now shone through those pale blue irises was …
protective
.

Her head spun
at his change of course.

“Did he treat
you right?”

She shook her
head, not understanding, and not able to make her throat work
because her entire being was now screaming for his.

“Taylor.” He
sank his fingers into her hair against the back of her head, tugged
the strands and arched her neck back. “I can smell you've both
bonded.” The tip of his tongue, so lightly – far too lightly –
touched the scar he had left on her a month ago.

Oh, god!
The heat!
She was going to combust.

The world
tipped again when he brought her head back up, his fingers still
entwined in her hair. His stare pierced her right through to her
soul. “Did he treat you
right
?”

She remembered
that same protective sheen to his look when he had been warning her
off that actor, Russell Maddox.
He wants to know if Taylor's
worthy.

“Did he do
good by you, Lydia?” And now his voice was almost a plea.

“Yes.” She
grasped his arms to steady herself; the centre of her balance
seemed to be where he held her at the back of her head. “Yes –
always.”

Lawrence
visibly relaxed, relief taking over that raw protectiveness, but
now, it was her who tensed.

The front door
downstairs opened, and Taylor's scent wafted up towards them along
with …
Selena's
.

Her brain went
into shutdown as instinct took over. Fully in attack mode, her
snarl filled the room and it was only when she was caught around
her middle by Lawrence's arms did she realise she'd catapulted
across the room in a bid to get to her mate. What the fuck was that
bitch doing with Taylor?

“Whoa,
Cujo.”

Oh, he
finally cracks a funny,
stated some part of her human brain,
but it was drowned out by the sheer brutality of the animal inside
her, so close to emerging and
fuck!
Another female's scent
was mingling with her mate's!

“Lydia, focus
… focus…”

She didn't
think she could – could barely hear him over her rush of pumping
blood – but somehow, she did calm down, and when calm enough, she
undulated against the feel of Lawrence's hand stroking her belly in
an almost hypnotic way. “What…” She looked down and mentally
orientated herself, to find her back pressed up against his front,
his left arm pinning her in place, his right hand under her dress
and moving in soothing strokes, up and down her abdomen.
“Lawrence…”

“A wolf's
underbelly is extremely sensitive,” he murmured in her ear. “You
could do a lot of damage if you kicked a wolf here, or a lot of
soothing.”

She moaned
gently, and let her head fall back onto his shoulder. Even that
lust-fuelled heat was dissipating a little.

“Because this
is your first change, everything you're feeling is ten times
greater than normal – all that fire and desire; every instinct is
coming alive in you, demanding to be exercised. It's not your
fault, but ask one of us for help if you need to, okay?”

“I don't want
to be a slave to this,” she whispered, her body kind of deliciously
numb now from his rhythmic stroking.

He paused, and
then resumed his caresses. “I know what you mean.”

She stiffened
once more when Taylor's scent brushed past her again.

“Sshhh, sshhh,
sshhh … It's all right.”

“What's she
doing with him?”

“I'm going to
go and find out, and I want you to stay here.”

“No,
I
—
”

“Do you trust
yourself around her with how you feel right now?”

Damn
logic.

She shook her
head in defeat.

“Then you're
staying here. I'll take care if it. It sounds bloody weird for me
to say this, but by default, he's my mate too. As is Ryan. What
happens to them affects you, so it affects me. I'll take care of it
Lydia. Trust me to take care of it.”

Trust me to
take care of you.

Take care of…
Had he said that, or thought it, or had she just imagined it?
Sometimes wolves communicated telepathically, but she was a little
too dazed to separate reality from illusion, so she just nodded.
“Okay.”

“Good girl.”
He kissed the top of her head, and then removed his hand from under
her dress. Turning her to face him, she watched as he took off his
shirt, leaving him in the thin T-shirt he wore beneath, and handed
it to her.

She took it,
confused, until he moved her hand, holding his shirt, up to her
nose.

Aaahh…
He was leaving her with a piece of himself in case she flipped out.
She breathed his scent in, strongest around the collar.

Lawrence
gently pressed his thumb against the dip of her bottom lip, made
one of those crappy attempts at smiling, then walked out the door
to greet Taylor and Selena.

The silence in
the study grew with every second, only disrupted by the faint
sounds of the conversation taking place downstairs.

“What the hell
just happened?” she said to the empty room, then gave her head a
shake to clear it.

You just
submitted, that's what.

She gasped in
indignation. “I did not!”

Yeah, you
did.
He tamed you with the stroke of a finger.

She
bristled.

Annoyed, she
strode towards the door, prepared to break her promise for the sake
of her independence, and then Selena's scent hit her again.

In the panic
that followed another impromptu snarl, she reeled herself back and
brought Lawrence's shirt up to her nose.

She would. She
really would attack Selena if she went downstairs.

Shit.

No!
Sadness seeped in through the panic. Was this her life now? Was she
always going to be some kind of animal unable to follow human
decency during whatever crazed moment might happen upon her?

No – he said
it was ten times worse during the first change. It's going to get
better and easier.

It had
better.

She made one
last attempt to prove her humanity, walking carefully this time,
towards the door. Selena's scent caught her again.

Shaking, she
rammed Lawrence's shirt in her face and continued.

And then
stopped.

Trust me to
take care of you.

Goosebumps
danced over her skin at the memory of his words – if she hadn't
imagined them.

Who was she
doing this for?

It was all
well and good needing to believe the human in her could be stronger
than the wolf. But Lawrence needed to believe she could trust
him.

Go down now,
and you might break that trust, just when he's starting to let you
in.

Stay up here,
and how could she know she had what it took to control herself when
needed? The next twelve hours were going to be brutal.

She stood
there for what felt like an age, and then she dropped the shirt
from her face and retreated her steps, made her way around the desk
and sat in the chair. Bringing her legs up, she curled into the
seat, getting herself comfy, and then put the shirt on.

Trust me to
take care of you.

He needed to
prove to himself that he could, not just for them but for his pack
– and for every piece of himself he would be exposing to them
tonight.

She did a
couple of the buttons up and then settled into the groove of the
chair.

He needed to
know he could protect his pack.

She wouldn't
take that away from him.

Chapter Three

“She's not
taking anything from you.”

“Only my
history, my life
—
”

“Beth…”

“She's
re-writing my past and making me an adulterer!”

Sarah sucked
in a breath and held it, determined not to let the tension get to
her.

Beth had no
such desire. “I'd never bloody do that to you!”

“I know.”

Her best
friend huffed and fumed, and blew outwards and upwards, catching
the fringe of her hair as she did so.

“Please calm
down.”

“I am calm!”
she snapped.

Sarah looked
down to hide her exasperation and continued sewing, wishing she had
been the one to answer the phone fifteen minutes ago. But it had
been Beth, and Holly had been on the other end and had proceeded to
lay into her because … well, all signs were pointing to Holly being
insane – at least temporarily.