Here to Stay (Silhouette Special Edition) (19 page)

As Miles slammed the car trunk shut, he was struck by a painful irony. Somehow they’d gotten their original positions crossed. From the start, Sasha had counseled him to use his memory loss to make him-self over from scratch. He’d argued that he needed to reclaim his past before he could think about a future. Not once did she even hint that she might want him to stay, with or without his memory. No pres-sure to influence his decision. No emotional blackmail. Exactly what he’d told her he wanted: no commitment.

Miles climbed into the car and turned the ignition key. For the last time he drove down the long gravel driveway. He didn’t dare go to the barn to say goodbye, to Sasha, to the horses and cats. It had been hard enough to give Copper and her pups a final pat and say goodbye to Lucy and Kevin over the phone. Now that he’d hurt Sasha so badly, it would be cruel to force her to say goodbye again. Cruel and point-less, since her silence made it clear she didn’t want him to come back once he got himself sorted out.

Almost on automatic pilot, Miles drove south on Woodbine Avenue, past the horse farms and plowed fields, past the sod farms and the golf course. He realized how green and fertile everything around him had become in four—almost five—weeks. Above the two-lane country road, two hawks circled. Red-winged blackbirds fluttered up from ditches beside the gravel shoulder and balanced on the utility wires. Impulsively he lowered his window to let in the sounds and the fresh smells.

At Davis Drive he turned toward the entrance to the 404. He stopped for the red light and looked at the crisscrossing of entrances and exits at the end of the highway below. Crossroads, he thought. He was at a crossroad in his life, too, and like the highway, one direction seemed to stop too soon, but there were alternative routes.

The light turned green. Miles pressed on the gas pedal and steered toward the highway entrance. As he took the tight curving ramp a little too fast, his tires squealed a protest. Suddenly that sound brought back the memory of another time he’d driven a little too fast, on his way to the hospital where he’d just discovered his mother lay dying.

* * *

From Desperado’s paddock Sasha heard Miles driving away, but couldn’t bear to watch his car disappear down the lane. Instead, she risked her toes, at the least, to stand close to the stallion and wrap her arms around his neck. His muscles were warm and firm. He smelled comfortingly earthy, and, bless him, he stood patiently, as if he understood her sorrow.

“I’ll miss you, old boy,” she murmured, but she knew there were no words to express the ache Miles had left behind. Desperado snorted softly, making her smile weakly. “It’s for the best,” she told him, fighting the sting of her tears. “You need a proper home, a place where you know you belong.” And so did Miles.

This time his snort sounded decidedly skeptical, and felt emphatically damp. Laughing and choking back a sob, Sasha stepped away from the horse and wiped the spit off her arms and jeans. As she did so, she glanced at her watch. Oh, God! Miles would be halfway to the airport, and Desperado’s buyer would be at the farm any minute! She’d better busy herself getting the horse ready. Maybe work would dis-tract her from the urge to throw herself into a stall and cry her eyes out.

Ten minutes later, as she was leaving the house after splashing cold water on her face in a vain attempt to erase signs that she’d been crying, a black pickup truck pulled into the yard. A man in his mid-forties climbed down from the driver’s side, and a woman who looked to be in her late teens hopped down from the passenger side. Both wore jeans and T-shirts. The man wore a straw cowboy hat shoved back on his head. The pair walked toward the barn.

“Hello!” Sasha called out. They stopped. “Mr. Eckley? I’m Sasha Reiss.”

“Call me Dan,” the man boomed back. When Sasha caught up with them and shook hands, he added, “This is my daughter, Candy.”

“Hi, Candy,” Sasha said, extending her hand and striving not to feel uneasy. There was nothing wrong with the Eckley family, or their horse-breeding operations. She’d checked them out before making this appointment. She wasn’t going to take any chances on another Darrel Hogg. Desperado had had enough bad experiences to last a lifetime.

When he saw them approaching his paddock, Desperado snorted, wheeled and bucked, then trotted around with his tail flagging and his neck arched proudly. Since his bath the day before, he was gleaming white with shining black spots. As if he knew he should make a good impression, he reversed and showed his paces in the opposite direction, then trotted to the fence and stuck his nose out to be petted. Candy obliged, earning a sloppy kiss across her palm.

“I saw this fellow a few months ago at that swamp Hogg calls a farm,” Dan Eckley told her. “Candy said he’s like a new horse, but I had to see him for myself. You’ve worked a miracle with him.”

“I’m thrilled that he’s for sale again,” Candy added with a bright smile. “If I were in your shoes, I’d never let him go.”

Sasha’s answering smile froze. She felt as if a fog had lifted from her brain—and her heart. Why was she giving up this magnificent animal who had grown to trust her? Who had begun to thrive under her care? Who had shown her as much affection as he knew how to give?

Why, in fact, did she feel compelled to let everyone and everything she loved go? Why wasn’t she keeping Desperado?

Why hadn’t she told Miles she loved him and wanted him to come back once he’d faced his past?

Was Miles right, was she an emotional coward? Had she been strong to let Miles go, or afraid to risk asking him to stay?

“I’m sorry, Dan, Candy. I really did intend to sell Desperado when I spoke with you. But the more I think about it—”

“I’ll double your asking price,” Dan interrupted her to say.

She shook her head. “It isn’t the money. It’s the horse.”
And the man.
“I’ve decided to keep him.”
Please, God, I hope he’ll want to come back.

The man eyed her suspiciously. “You aren’t going to geld him, are you?”

“Certainly not! Not with his bloodlines and conformation.”

“Well, if you aren’t going to sell him, how about giving us an exclusive on his stud services for this season? Since we came out here in good faith and all.”

Sasha chuckled as an enormous sense of relief washed over her. “No problem. Have your lawyer draw up a contract and send it to me.” She offered her hand to Dan and Candy. “I hope you don’t think I’m rude, but I just realized there’s something very important I have to do immediately. Will you excuse me?”

* * *

The instant the Eckley truck started, Sasha revved her own engine and followed them down the driveway, fidgeting while they waited for a dump truck to bump and bang its way past. Then she had to wait for a car going the opposite way to pass her driveway. “C’mon, c’mon,” she muttered as the car approached. To her irritation, the white sedan slowed, then blocked her entrance. Furious with the driver, whom she couldn’t see, Sasha leaned on her horn.

The driver’s door opened. She lowered her window to give him a piece of her mind. A man stood up on the far side of the car. Numbly, Sasha’s mind registered what her heart was afraid to believe.

“Going somewhere?” Miles asked, leaning on the roof of his rental car.

Her fingers fumbling with the door latch, Sasha finally opened her door and nearly fell out. A heartbeat later Miles stood in front of her. Her pulse raced, suffusing her with heat as she looked up at him.

“Did you forget something?” she asked in turn.

Miles flashed a devilish grin. “Isn’t that where you came in?” he murmured. Then, before his small jest registered, he said, “Actually, I remembered something. In fact, everything.”

Without stopping to think of the consequences, Sasha threw her arms around his neck. “Oh, Miles! I’m so happy for you!”

His hesitation took long enough that she started to pull away. Then his arms went around her and held her closer, so that her breasts snuggled against his solid chest and his hips cradled hers. For a long moment he simply held her. Then he let out a deep breath.

“It’s a mixed blessing,” Miles told her. “Most of my memories are worth forgetting. I’d had this fantasy that my mother had been searching for me, and we would have one of those fairy-tale reunions. I used to tell myself that one of her evil boyfriends had carried her off, forcing her to abandon me.”

He sighed heavily. “Turns out when I found my mother, she didn’t exactly welcome me with open arms. She told me I had been the worst mistake of her life and she wished I’d never been born. After she died I went to her funeral. I was the only one there besides the minister, and after the way she’d rejected me, I felt as if my reason to live had been yanked out from under me. I got into my car and drove, be-cause I think better when I drive. And I drove all the way into Canada, and stayed at a bed-and-breakfast out in the countryside.”

Miles stopped speaking and Sasha waited patiently for him to go on. Instead, he ran his big hands over her back, then found the end of her braid and released the elastic. Sasha clung to him as he unbraided her hair, their closeness allowing her to feel his growing arousal, which matched hers. But just when she was about to tell him to finish his story after they made love, he spoke again.

“It’s so ironic, Sasha. You’ve been telling me to start over and not worry about remembering my past. And I’ve been insisting I had to get my memory back before I could go on.”

He paused to press a kiss to her forehead, but it was long enough that she murmured, “What’s ironic about that?”

“I sat around that bed-and-breakfast for two days, sulking. And finally I realized that who my mother was didn’t matter. I didn’t have to wallow in arrested development and live like a hermit. Hell, I’d started with nothing and ended up with a small fortune. I got in my car to head for home and start over, then nearly wiped out any chance of having a future.”

Miles lowered his head and took Sasha’s lips in a long, sweet kiss that filled her with yearning. When he broke the kiss, he pulled her close and sighed.

“I never wanted to hurt you.” He tightened his arms around her. “But I was so sure I had to leave to get my memory back.”

Sasha pushed away enough to look up into his eyes. “I know that. You didn’t have to come back to tell me.”

“No,” he interrupted in a low growl. “I came back because I couldn’t stand leaving.” Miles drew back and looked into her eyes. She slid her hands up to his powerful shoulders and gazed back, smiling in answer to his rueful grin. “The last thing I remember thinking before I woke up wrapped around a tree was that I wanted to find a woman I could make a life with. Next thing I knew, my mind is a blank slate and there you were. The only catch was, I was too stupid to recognize you. Until now.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve decided to stay.”

“Stay?” Sasha echoed. “Here?”

“Here.” Miles pulled her hips closer to his and rocked her slowly against him. “Given my clean record and all the bucks I’ve pumped into the Canadian economy already, I won’t have any trouble getting landed immigrant status.” He tipped his head to one side as if weighing a decision, but there was a definite glint in his golden eyes. “Of course, it won’t hurt if my wife sponsors my application.”

Sasha felt the blood leave her head. “Wife?”

Miles grinned. “If you’ll have me.” His grin faded. “I know it’s fast, but I love you so much it hurts to think of not being with you.” He brushed a kiss across her lips. “What do you say, Sasha? Think you can do as much with this reprobate as you did with Desperado?”

Suddenly the day seemed brighter. Sasha smiled. “It looks like I’m keeping both of you,” she told Miles, “but only Desperado gets to perform stud service to outside mares.”

Miles grinned wickedly. “Only one mare this stallion is interested in, and I intend to mate for life.”

His low, husky voice sent shivers of anticipation up Sasha’s spine, but she couldn’t quite shake practical matters. “What about your business? And your home?”

“This isn’t the horse-and-buggy era, Doc. I’ve got my fax machine and modem. I’ll just have to put an extra phone line in your house, and I might have to travel occasionally. I’ve got some ideas for Secret Island, as a retreat, maybe. But I’d like to take you there first, for our honeymoon. How soon can we plan a wedding?”

She smiled at his impatience, which perfectly matched her own. “Let me think. This is May, so my parents are in Italy. They’ll be in England for June. We need some time to do this right. Can we wait until July?”

“Barely.”

Miles bent and kissed her thoroughly. When her knees buckled, Sasha wound her arms around him and simply held on. His hands roamed her back and her bottom, drawing her closer, sending unmistakable mes-sages to her rioting nerve endings. “Oh, God, I want you!” he breathed, then took her mouth again.

Miles broke the kiss slowly, his hand on her breast kneading, giving pleasure, promising more. “The house or the barn?” he growled.

“The barn is closer,” she whispered. But when he took her hand she stood her ground, tugging him to a halt. “Wait,” she said, trying to keep a straight face. “I’m afraid I forgot something.”

Miles whirled and gaped at her.
“What?”
he bellowed.

She smiled. “I forgot to tell you I love you.”

He grinned. “I know just the cure for that kind of amnesia,” he told her as he led her toward the barn.

S
asha stood beside the Jeep wagon and watched her husband carefully take their two-day-old son out of his car seat. She smiled at the sight of the tiny bundle cradled so tenderly in Miles’s large, strong hands. As he handed Matthew to her, their eyes met for a long, tender moment. A precious mo-ment, since it was likely to be their last alone for a while.

She snuggled her sleeping son against her shoulder and breathed in his sweet baby scent. Then she turned to walk the few steps to the nearby pasture, where three mares grazed beside three striking Appaloosa foals. In his high-walled stallion paddock, Desperado lifted his head and nickered, as if welcoming them home.

“I think the significance of this introduction will be lost on Matt,” Miles murmured as the mares and foals approached.

Sasha grinned. “Never too young to start living and breathing horses.”

Miles grinned back. “Or too old.”

“It was your idea to buy the mares and expand the barn,” she reminded him.

He sighed and slipped his arm around her. “Chalk it up to male bonding,” he explained. “I couldn’t bear to see that poor stallion pining for female company when I have my mate right here.”

His quick kiss might have turned into one that lingered, except for the slamming of the front screen door and a cry of, “They’re here! They’re here!” from Lucy. With Kevin close behind her, she raced across the yard toward them. “Sasha! Miles! We want to see the baby!”

Miles released Sasha and crouched to catch Lucy in a hug. As always, something warm and soft expanded within him when the little girl threw her skinny arms around his neck and held tight. Kevin, still more reserved, hung back until Miles reached out and drew him into the hug. When they let go of each other, Miles stood and lifted Lucy so she could see Matt.

“He’s pretty,” she declared. “Is he gonna call you Mommy and Daddy?” She turned those wide, heart-melting blue eyes toward him, then looked at Sasha, who nodded. “Can
we
call you Mommy and Daddy, too?”

Deeply touched, Miles hugged the child and looked at Sasha for guidance. She smiled, and he could see that her dark eyes sparkled with tears. A quick glance at Kevin showed that the boy was standing with his head tipped down, gazing up through his lashes at Sasha. When she extended her free hand toward the boy, Kevin hesitated, then rushed to her side, where she held him with her hand on his shoulder.

“We’d love it if you call us Mommy and Daddy,” she answered, her voice husky with the emotions Miles saw shining in her eyes.

“Yay! I’m a big sister!” Lucy crowed. She wiggled for Miles to let her down. “I’m gonna tell Gran and Gramps and Auntie El’nor and Uncle Jon’than!” she called before charging off toward the porch where Sasha’s parents and Jonathan Dobbs stood beside Eleanor in her new portable wheelchair, watching and smiling.

“I guess that means I’m Matt’s big brother, eh?” Kevin asked hesitantly. Miles nodded, watching the boy carefully for signs of his hidden feelings. The poor kid had been through too much already, and still didn’t seem to know how to trust or just plain enjoy life. “He’s gonna be too little to play with for a long time, huh?”

“For a while,” Sasha agreed. “But you’ll be surprised at how fast he grows up. And Miles and I can’t think of anyone who would make a better big brother than you.”

Miles watched the hope glow in the boy’s eyes. The kids had been with them for almost a year, slowly healing under Sasha’s tender, loving care. With the help of a sympathetic judge, Miles and Sasha had been named the children’s legal guardians shortly after their mother had been convicted of a number of crimes. The kids never spoke of her, or of Elmore Hogg, and Miles hoped they’d be able to leave their bad memories behind forever. If he and Sasha had any say in the matter, Lucy and Kevin would never have to worry about security, safety or love.

Miles looked up at the sound of crunching gravel to see Lucy running toward them, with Sasha’s parents following at a more sedate pace. Copper and her not-so-runtish daughter Penny bounded joyously around the little girl. Lucy barreled into his legs, looked up and said, “Hi, Daddy! Hi, Mommy! Hi, baby Matt. It’s cake time.” Then she slipped her little hand into his.

Miles rested his hand on Kevin’s head and waited for his in-laws to join them. When they were all together, he looked from one to another, from his beautiful wife and the miracle of a son they’d created together, to her warm and generous parents, to the two children who reminded him so much of himself.

“Now that I’ve got you all here,” he said, a little surprised to find his voice choked with emotions, “I’d like to thank you all for the best gift anyone could ever give a man.”

Sasha met his eyes and gave him that special smile that touched even the coldest, darkest part of his soul and warmed him to the core. “And what’s that?” she asked softly.

“A new life,” he answered.

* * * * *