His by Valentine's Day (11 page)

"Exactly what are you sorry for? I really want to know." His hand stopped but he kept it flat against her bottom.

Shawna didn't move, didn't speak. Everything was such a muddled mess. Scott and Alan had read her the riot act as soon as she'd arrived here last night. First they had hugged her until she'd worried about being crushed, and then they'd led her into the ranch house they would all be sharing now. She'd barely said a word the entire hour they had explained how they had bought the Double D, how they didn't need her money from selling Bessy, and mostly how she was never, ever to go off on a whim like she'd done. She'd sat there and cried silently most of the time. She'd been such a fool. Now everything was so messed up. Now she didn't have Bessy and her friends were still angry with her. And Cade...

"I'm waiting," Cade prompted and gave her bottom a brisk smack.

"Stop it! I'm thinking." She didn't know what to say to him. Her feelings for him were so confused. And she didn't know why he was here, besides, of course, that he wanted to spank her. He had shown up at the ranch a half hour or so ago, been directed here by one of the men, and shared a very annoyed glance with her before dragging her to this bench. But she'd seen not only anger with her but also hurt in his eyes. It was the hurt--well, and the fact that she loved him--that kept her lying on his lap.

"So are you sorry you took off without talking to Scott and Alan, without giving them a chance to explain their plans? Sorry you worried them half to death?" He swatted her bottom twice.

She sucked in a breath, wincing. Jeans or not, her bottom was stinging. "I knew their plans to buy this ranch," she admitted quietly. She remembered her frustration, her doubt that they could pull it off without her help. "I needed to do my share."

Cade heaved a heavy sigh, irritation seeming to thrum through him, so much that she felt it, too. "I only wanted to help."

"Your help was unnecessary. All of this was unnecessary. If any of you had only given me a chance to talk to you. If you had just waited until I got back from London." She heard the frustrated disappointment in his voice, but didn't understand it. "You are all so damn stubborn."

She angled her head back to look around at him, her long braid bopping her in the face. She awkwardly reached a hand up to push it over her other shoulder. "And you aren't?"

He held her gaze, frowning, looking torn between wanting to spank her some more or stop. "To get where I am today, yes, I've had to be stubborn, determined." He narrowed his eyes. "I also don't jump to do something. I think it through. Weigh the consequences."

She wriggled off his lap and he didn't try to stop her. Ignoring the pain of the tight fabric rubbing her sore bottom, she put her hands on her hips and scowled down at him. "I didn't just jump to do something, if you're referring to my deciding to sell Bessy." She blinked back tears, swallowed a lump in her throat. "I thought it was the only way to help my friends and I move on. We had to move on. Your buyer for the Rolling Hills showing up made that pretty darn clear."

If anything he only looked more frustrated. "That wasn't my fault. I didn't even know what Stockton was up to...or Arnold either." He closed his eyes for a second and appeared to steady himself. "Stockton has been fired."

She wasn't sorry about that, but it really meant nothing to her. "Probably a wise decision. I don't think he really had your best interests at heart."

"I've sensed that for a while and should have gotten rid of him long ago. I just never had the time to deal with the problem. My life hasn't been easy."

He glanced at her again, studying her. "You don't think much of me, do you? I'm just some annoying businessman who walked into your life one day and upset your world. That's all you see, isn't it?" The man who usually sounded so sure of himself, so doggedly determined, now only sounded sad, defeated.

"It's what you did." Even as she said the words, she knew that wasn't how she felt about him now. As impossible as it was, she had fallen in love with him. But how could she ever fit into his world? How could he ever fit into hers?

He straightened his shoulders, some of the confident man she'd come to know coming back to life. "I'm a different man now, Shawna. You forced me to see something about myself that I didn't like. I'd hoped..." He stood and reached for the heavy sheepskin jacket he'd draped over the nearby stall door before sitting down. "I'd hoped you might give me another chance."

"Why? Why do you want that? And even if I did, what would it matter? I'm out of your life. We're all out of your life." Her heart ached with an agonizing pinch. All she wanted was to run back to her bedroom and have a good cry. She needed him to leave. "You can sell the ranch to that disgusting man and go off to find another business to buy and sell." It still hurt to talk about him selling the place she'd once called home. It also hurt to know he would soon be gone from their lives completely.

Cade was silent for several seconds; his expression hard to decipher. Then his strong jaw jutted out. "I'm not selling the ranch to Arnold. I'm not selling the Rolling Hills at all."

What did he mean? "I don't understand."

"I'm keeping the ranch."

"But..."

He blew out a breath that seemed to come up clear from his toes. Grimly, he shook his head. "When you're willing to really listen to me, you can come see me at the Rolling Hills." He started walking down the center aisle. "Tell your partners the same thing."

Shawna stood there shocked. All she could do was struggle with what she'd learned. He wasn't selling the ranch. Why?

In the next instant she raced after him, catching him as he was climbing into his big black Ford pickup truck. "Why? Why did you come here today? Why aren't you selling the ranch?"

He settled onto the seat and glanced down her body. "I needed to warm the pretty butt of the woman who drives me crazy. You scared the hell out of not only your partners but also me. I couldn't fly back here from London fast enough."

He turned away from her and added mysteriously, "If you want to know why I'm not selling the ranch, you'll have to come see me."

* * *

The first day of February roared in with an unpredicted wintery blast, which in a way was welcome. At the Double D it meant Shawna and the ranch hands were kept busy trying to round up a herd of cattle that had gotten anxious and confused in the storm. They had trampled down one of the fences and started meandering their way down the country road. Once that situation was under control, the heat went off in the barn that housed their prized rodeo horses. And the back-up generator failed. By the end of the day everyone was dead tired, especially her.

She barely managed to shed her clothes and drag herself into bed. But she couldn't drift off into a much-needed sleep. Her mind finally remembered exactly what day it was: the deadline Cade Calloway had at one time given them for buying the Rolling Hills Ranch. Even though they had moved past that heartbreaking event, the whole matter weighed heavily on her.

Moonlight crept in through the window of her upstairs bedroom and tears began trickling down her face. She missed the little house she'd lived in for years. She missed the Rolling Hills even though the Double D was beginning to feel like home. Most of all she missed Cade Calloway. She hadn't talked to him or seen him in four days. She didn't know what they could possibly talk about if she did go to see him. Why couldn't he just sell the damn ranch like he'd planned and leave? You don't want him to leave, not really.

She rolled onto her stomach, squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to force sleep. Instead she ached for him. Her body yearned for his touch, his intimate touch. And she wanted to run her hands over him as well. She'd never wanted another man as much as she did Cade. But they were wrong for each other. Her mind knew it, but her heart evidently was being stubborn about accepting that.

With a sigh of resignation, she decided to drive over to see him tomorrow...or soon, anyway. She'd hear him out about whatever it was he'd wanted to discuss with her. And then she'd... What? She had no idea what she'd do when she finally saw him again. All she could hope for was not making a fool of herself.

* * *

Cade stood in front of the stall admiring Bessy. She'd been delivered to the ranch two days ago and he'd struggled with calling Shawna about it. He'd bought the horse back for the woman he loved. But the problem was that the woman he loved was being pig-headed stubborn now. He hadn't seen her in fifteen days. Fifteen days! He didn't think he could stand much more of this. He wasn't sleeping; he couldn't eat. His new ranching clothes were beginning to hang on him. His tailored suits would look even worse.

"Bessy, girl, what are we going to do about her?" And now he was talking to a horse. He sighed.

Bessy walked closer and butted his arm where it rested on the stall door with her nose. Looking into her big brown eyes, he could almost see her sympathy for his frustration. He thought she seemed to be losing weight as well. The new ranch foreman had told him this morning that he didn't think she was eating right. The man was worried about the valuable mare. Cade was, too, but more worried about Shawna.

He patted Bessy's velvety head. "I'll give her until tomorrow. If she hasn't shown up or called by morning, I'm going over there again. This time that darn stubborn woman is going to hear me out."

* * *

"Would you just go see him!" Alan snapped as he walked into the great room and found Shawna pacing in front of the fireplace.

She gasped in surprise and faced him, hand held over her heart. "Good Lord, you about scared me to death." He wasn't a light walker and he was wearing boots. How had she missed hearing him? Had she been that lost in her troubled thoughts? Clearly, yes.

He sat in his favorite chair and stretched his boots out onto the coffee table. She frowned at his action, but he ignored it. "It's been over two weeks since Calloway came here to see you. Over two weeks that you've been moping about, pining for him. Give Scott and I a break from watching you. Go see him."

"Moping about? Pining for him?" Shawna complained, even though he might be right. "I don't know what to say to him." She slumped down on the leather sofa across from Alan. "Why didn't he just sell the ranch like he'd planned? Why doesn't he do it now and leave?"

"Do you really want him to do either of those things?"

"Yes!" She blew out a breath of frustration. "No." She'd learned to live without being on the Rolling Hills Ranch. She'd learned to accept that the Double D had potential and realized the men really liked the idea of owning a spread they could handle and grow some day. But she hadn't learned how to let go of her feelings for Cade.

"There's been talk in town that Calloway is settling in at the ranch. That he's fixing to stay permanently. He even hired a bunch of new hands, some good men." Alan looked at her directly, sounding concerned.

She'd heard a couple of the Double D men mention that, but hadn't really believed it. It didn't make sense. This had to be a temporary situation. He must be between big deals, just taking a break and playing at ranching for the moment.

"Are you guys okay with that? Calloway hiring other men?" Oddly, Alan didn't look the least bit upset.

"This is better for all of us, really. We can deal with the smaller ranch and it'll be easier for those of us still wanting to get away to rodeo now and then to do it." He leaned toward her, his expression tense. "But we've all been worried about you. Rolling Hills was your home, not really ours. Just a place to us, not like to you."

Now that she looked back on things, she realized he was right. They had all lived in the bunkhouse, comfortably and without complaint. But now at least Scott and Alan had a real house to live in, a real place to call their own. Well, along with the other three men who had partnered into this ranch and were talking about building their own small houses next year. They had all moved on with their lives. She was the one who hadn't.

She gathered her courage and stood. Her heart was still racing with nerves, but she was determined to end this pity party she'd been stuck in for too long. Raising her chin, she said, "It's time I went to see Cade. Time we settled some things."

As she walked toward the halltree to get her coat, Alan called out to her, "Follow your heart, darlin'. Give him a chance."

The advice Alan had given her played over and over in Shawna's thoughts as she drove to the Rolling Hills Ranch. Each mile she got closer had her feeling more and more anxious. As she turned onto the ranch property and looked around, her stomach tightened. Nothing appeared to have changed and yet so much had. There was a completely new crew of ranch hands working here. And the owner was in residence...for now.

When the main yard came into view, she almost turned around. She didn't think she could really face him. But she couldn't do it. Wrong or right, she had to see Cade at least one final time. One final time. Her heart pinched at the thought of not seeing him ever again. It wasn't what she wanted. Did she have the courage to follow her heart? Find a way to convince the man that she loved him?

Then she saw him, walking toward that big, fancy pickup he'd bought parked in the driveway of the main house. Without hesitation, she drove up right behind the truck.

He glanced up in surprise. At first his expression was tight, even a bit angry, probably because she had taken so long to come see him. And then he smiled, a cautious smile.

She would take even that small bit of encouragement. Shawna flung the door to her truck open and climbed out. "Got a minute?" she asked nervously.

"I was about to head over to the Double D. I'd decided you'd had enough time to come see me." He walked toward her and she saw the vulnerability in his eyes. "You're a darn stubborn woman."

Warmth spread through her. "That I am."

He watched her thoughtfully. "Were you planning on spanking me again?" Her buttocks clenched at the idea, but she wasn't totally opposed to it. She would accept it if he felt he needed to do it. And she would make sure they had a seriously hot making up time after it.