Read How to Beat Up Anybody Online
Authors: Judah Friedlander
How to Beat Up Anybody (26 page)
What I’m about to show you in this chapter is not part of the lesson.
IF YOU TRAIN REALLY HARD AND DEDICATE YOUR LIFE TO IT, YOU WILL ONE DAY NEVER BE ABLE DO THIS.
I KNOCK OUT 50 CRIMINALS WITH ONE KICK. REMEMBER: PUNCH TO PARALYZE BUT KICK TO KILL.
ANOTHER VICTORY FOR THE WORLD CHAMPION.
I COULD LAND, BUT I CHOOSE TO LEVITATE.
THE VIEW IS JUST TOO COOL FROM UP HERE.
Plus, I just got a call from The World Championship Committee and I have to be in Antarctica to defend my title in 30 minutes. Beating up these thugs turned out to be a good warm-up for my upcoming World Championship match. I’m going to win this one easily.
I’m The World Champion and I can beat up anybody
.
Keep training. You’re a winner.
This book contains no glossary. Karate is about beating people up, not looking up words.
Extra-special HUGE thanks to Shirley Friedlander, Arthur Friedlander, and Josh Friedlander. BIG thanks to Mike Weiss. BIG thanks to Kurt Iverson (digital effects and design work). I could not have made the book without all the help from the people mentioned above.
BIG thanks to everyone at It Books and HarperCollins. My editor, Kate Hamill; Carrie Kania (It Books publisher); Amy Vreeland (production editor); Lorie Pagnozzi (production designer); Sue Walsh (designer); Milan Bozic (jacket designer).
BIG thanks to everyone at Gersh Agency and 3 Arts Entertainment. My literary agent, Richard Abate; managers: Dave Becky, Josh Lieberman; agents: Bernie Spektor, Doug Edley, Jen Konawal.
All photography: directed by Judah Friedlander. All photographs are owned and appear courtesy of Judah Friedlander. All drawings and clay art by Judah Friedlander. Thanks to all the photographers: Angela O’Neal, Maja Leibovitz, Dexter Stallworth, Melissa St.Louis, Josh Petrino, Vanja Cernul, Bonnita Ann Bell, Howard Dover, Helin Jung, Josh Friedlander, Mike Weiss, Morgan C. Pitts, Alex Morgan, Russ Meneve, Paul Quinn, Lelani Lei Gibbs, Jon Gardner, Judah Friedlander.
Thanks to everyone who appears in the book. Jason Pollock (Bigfoot), Kazuyuki Yokoyama (ninja), Joe Adam (one-armed man), Rondell Hartley (3-armed man), Mad Dog Joe Stone (flipbook victim), Danny McDermott (male-pattern baldness punch victim), Marc Vivian (dislocated shoulder blade bully), couch ladies (Ninja chapter: Helin Jung, Brooke Lola Marie Maggie, Candice Fortin); Ravi Sagar Seepersad (man with sword and gun), Jared Rydelek (man with gun), Marvin Li (Karate Fart victim), Jack Krupey (stairway attacker), Dexter Stallworth (daytime mugger), Alex Morgan (night creep), Tahl Leibovitz (pizza delivery guy), Sean Pirzada (gang member), subway gang (from left to right): Grant Cooper, Vinny Cedeno Simon Kwok, Maja Leibovitz, Jordon Ferber (leader); Cooldown Chapter chicks: Laurence Gulyette Yang (Nicole), Lindsay Teed (Nikki), Heather Bunch (underwater mouth massager), MartiBelle Payano, Daveeka Sade, Fabiola Fung, Andrea Miele, Chelsea Marshall; Daniel Picciotto (unicyclist), rooftop victims (from left to right): Adeel Ahmed, P.J “Big Red” Landers, Steve Corcoran, Craig Loydgren; Cleve Manning (South American President), Michael G. Chin (Duke of China), James Hutchison (ball-kicked guy), Jason Mello and Jim Ng (guys lifted up by their balls); Jason Mello and James Hutchison (airborne muggers), James Ng (trash can victim), 50 muggers: Hector Genao, Adrian Goulet, Steven Jay Weisz (dirty cop), Ryan Dowling, Mark Dowling, Vincent Matheis, Luciano Janz, Ric Borja, Blaine Kneece, Alex Dziejma, Steven Sviridoff, Mik Thronveit, Dino Sossi, Michael Baez, Patrick Schramm, Cory Tervis, Sean Manning, Rolando Caraballo, Cory Jarvis, Mark Pagano, Peter Villahoz, Jamie Senicola, Joe DeLong, Isaac Betancourt-Sabillon. Eric Jensen, Sean Lavelle, Richard Mercuri, Vincent Shakir, Francisco Toribio, Sean Whiteley, Matt Pavich, Lance Svendsen, Reggie Wade, Santo D’Asaro, Rob Gordon, Frank J. Riley, Jesse Rafe Myerson, Mo Mozuch, Joe Pascuzzo, Ray Wagner, Zach Levin, Salvatore Cossart, Andrew Hillmedo, Joe Urban, Tim O’Neill, Andrew Hillmedo, Rob Gordon. For Chapter Nineteen: Charity Work—special thanks to Susie Quigley and everyone at The Harem in Lodi, New Jersey. And the dancers from left to right: Heather, Savannah, Adrian, Cali Mack, Amber.
And more thanks to: Dexter Stallworth, Maja Leibovitz, Tahl Leibovitz, Yvonne Mojica, Laura Heywood, Josh Petrino (Bigfoot costume/makeup and additional digital gore effects), Yi Lin Ye (Mandarin translation), Judy Hugh, Lisa Qiu, Cecilia Leibovitz, Andrew Signoriello, James Lenzi, Brooke Lola Marie Maggie (beauty makeup for couch ladies and Cooldown chicks), Dan Paczkowski, Chris Ann Pappas, Paul Soule, Vincent Mallardi at Alcone Company, J. Travis and NY Health & Racquet Club, JR Ravitz, Tommy Zito, Annie Kuty, John Petrino, Cheryl Petrino, Jessie Swain, Peter Sabotka, Barbra Sabotka, Jason Katz, Mark Manne, Aaron Haber, Barbara McNamara, Aaron Seals, Arthur Dutkanicz, Abbie Hunt, Robert Michael Bell, Kevin Ladson, Eric Metzger, Morgan C. Pitts, Albert Cadabra.
If there’s anyone I left out—it’s accidental and I’ll make it up to you with a free karate lesson.