I Will Always Love You (6 page)

“Yes, I did. But I don’t have it anymore,” Melissa replied unhappily. “But
I do have the few letters that Stefan wrote to me.”

“Good. I want you to go home and re-read those letters and write down any
new emotions they invoke in you and bring that to our next appointment.”

“Okay.”

Dr. Foster stood and handed Melissa a card along with a prescription.
“We’ll meet in three days at the same time. I also want you to get that
prescription for Prozac filled and begin taking it immediately.”

“Why do I need Prozac? Am I that crazy?”

“No, Melissa, you are not crazy,” Dr. Foster said gently. “But I do believe
that you are clinically depressed. And that medication, along with intense
therapy, will help you to work through that depression.”

“Okay, but my father won’t like this. He thinks that psychiatry is a bunch
of bull.”

Dr. Foster smiled. “Your father can think whatever he wants to think,
Melissa. Just as long as you come to every appointment with an open mind
and are ready to do some hard work.”

“I’m ready to work to get better, Dr. Foster.” She stood and gave the
psychiatrist a half smile. “At least, I think I am.”

“Good. Keeping a positive attitude is always helpful. I’ll see you in three
days.”

They shook hands and Dr. Foster watched Melissa walk out of her office
before she turned her attention back to Melissa’s file on the desk.

During the elevator ride down to the lobby, Melissa thought about Dr
.
Foster and what she said.
Hard work
, she thought.
I’ve had six long years of
hard work just trying to hold it together for my family. I’m not really sure if
I can do any more.

Chap
ter 9

Later that evening, Melissa was having dinner with her parents and her
daughter.

“Melissa, how was your session with Dr. Foster?” Greta asked.

Melissa hesitated as she looked at her father. Seeing that he was not going
to interrupt, Melissa turned to her mother. “It was fine, Mom. I go back in
three days. Dr. Foster said that she wants to see me twice a week for the time
being.”

“Twice a week,” Peter exclaimed. “Why does she want to see you that
often?”

“I guess she thinks that I’m really crazy, Dad.”

Peter frowned at his daughter. “You don’t need to get sarcastic with me,
young lady.”

“Sorry, Dad,” Melissa mumbled as she berated herself for letting her
father make her feel inadequate once again.

“I’m sure the doctor will cut back on the appointments once she gets to
know Melissa,” Greta said to her husband. “Besides, Melissa needs to do
something to get out of this funk she has been in.”

Funk
, Melissa thought.
They have absolutely no idea.

“I read somewhere that psychiatrists sometimes give homework to their
patients. Did Dr. Foster give you some homework?” Greta asked.

“As a matter of fact I do have an assignment to do,” she answered.

“Homework?” Peter snorted. “She should be going to college and doing
homework from there,” Peter stated to his wife.

Melissa ignored her father. “I’ll have to get started on the work after I put
the baby to bed.”

“Oh, I can do that for you, Melissa. I hardly ever get to put her to bed.”
Greta looked over at her granddaughter who was happily eating mashed
potatoes and gravy. “I will read her a long story and she will probably fall
asleep before I ever get it finished,” Greta remarked.

“Thanks, Mom. I appreciate that. I think I’ll go get started now.” Melissa
stood up and kissed her daughter on the forehead. “You be a good girl for
Oma.”

* * *

In her bedroom, Melissa pulled an old shoebox out of the back of her
closet. She tucked it under her arm, grabbed a pad and pen from her desk and
sat down on her bed. She laid the pad and pen next to her and rubbed her hand
over the shoebox before she gently placed it on the bed. She lifted the lid and
pulled out the letters from Stefan. She noticed that they were well worn from
years of re-reading them. She took the first letter out of its envelope and began

reading.

Dear Melissa:

I am writing this letter while sitting in my bedroom looking at a picture

of us. You only left this morning, but I am missing you so very much.

I fear these next twenty-eight months are going to be very long indeed.

But all I have to do is look at some pictures of you, and I am able to find

the strength to make it through this time. What did your family say

when you told them of our plans? I hope that they were as happy as my

family. I know that you begin university next week and that you will be

very busy with schoolwork and studying, but I will patiently wait for

your letters. Take care of yourself. Know that I love you very much,

and I am thinking of you all the time.

Love with all my heart,

Stefan

Melissa wiped a tear from her cheek. She picked up the pad and pen and
began to write.

I still cry when I read the first letter from Stefan. I received this letter

after I was home for about eight days. I was so happy to get it. I

remember that I re-read it several times and told my best friend,

Valerie, all about it. She was so happy for me especially since over the

same summer she met a great guy named Dennis Rogers. They are now

married and have a child of their own. I also remember that I was so

upset about how my own family was reacting to my news of Stefan and

our plans that I did not even answer this letter. I feel ashamed of that.

Stefan was writing to me on the day that I left Germany, but I didn’t

even answer the letter.

Melissa put the pad and pen down on her bed and returned the first letter
to its envelope. She picked up Stefan’s second letter, tenderly removed it
from the envelope and began to read.

My dear Melissa:

I have not received a letter from you yet. Are you all right? I hope that

nothing is wrong. I tried to call you but when someone answers they

just hang up on me. At this time, my imagination runs away with me.

I fear that you have changed your mind about coming back to Germany

and to me. I hope that this is not true. I think about you all of the time.

I miss you so much. I imagine how busy you are at university, and I tell

myself that this is the reason why you have not written to me yet. I am

also busy finishing up my studies in university. I will leave for the

army in about three months. I am looking forward to serving my

country, but more
than
that, I am looking forward to leaving the army

because that is when you will come back to Germany and we will be

married. My mother is already talking about the wedding plans. Is your

mother excited about the wedding? Women can be so funny about

those things. (I hope you know that I do not mean any harm in this

sentence!)

I went to a party last night at Rolf’s parents’ home. All of our friends

were there, but it seemed so lonely without you. I cannot wait until we

can go to parties together once again.

That is all for now. Know that I love you and miss you so much. Please

write me as soon as your schoolwork permits.

Love with all my heart,

Stefan

With tears in her eyes, Melissa stood up and grabbed a tissue from her
dressing table.
My poor Stefan
, she thought.
How could I have done what I did
to you?
Melissa wiped her tears and blew her nose. She pulled a few more tissues
from the box and sat back down on her bed. She picked up her pad and pen and
began to write.

This letter still makes me cry. It shows how much Stefan loved me.

How could I have hurt him? He deserved much better than I ever gave

him. I will have to live with this for the rest of my life. I ruined my life

at the age of eighteen. Nothing will ever be the same for me. I know

that I’ll never feel that kind of love again.

Melissa put her pen and pad back down. She carefully picked up Stefan’s
letters to put them back in the shoebox. As she looked into the box, she saw
the rough draft of the letter she sent to him. She remembered how many times
she started and stopped that letter. Melissa lifted the letter out of the box and
read it as well.

Dear Stefan:

This is the hardest letter that I have ever written. I don’t know quite

where to begin. I will not be returning to Germany in two years to

marry you. I have thought about this, and I believe that it is for the best

if we do not contact each other anymore.

I feel that the things we said to each other were not true. We are both

very young and what we shared this summer was nothing more
than
a

summer fling or infatuation. We need to move on and just keep the

memories of this past summer as something that we can recall fondly.

It was a good time, but we do not love each other.

I do not love you.

Goodbye,

Melissa

Melissa sat and stared at the letter while tears streamed down her cheeks.
She picked up the tissues, wiped her eyes, and blew her nose again. She took
a deep breath in an attempt to calm down. Melissa picked up her pen and pad
and began to write.

I still can’t believe that I actually sent this letter to Stefan. The letter is

full of lies. I did love him. I
still
love him. I remember the telephone

call I received from Brigitte two weeks after I sent the letter to Stefan.

Brigitte was furious with me and rightly so. She told me that Stefan

was devastated by my letter. She went on to tell me that Stefan sat in

his dark bedroom listening to Beatles records over and over. He told

Rolf that listening to the Beatles made him feel closer to me. My poor

Stefan. How I hurt him. I hate myself for what I’ve done to him. But I

also hate my parents and sister for forcing me to do it. I remember how

happy they all were when I wrote that letter to Stefan. It still makes me

feel sick to my stomach every time I think about it.

Melissa threw the pen and pad down on the floor. She lay down on her bed
and cried into her pillow as she had every night all those years ago. She
thought about how wonderful her life could have turned out if she would have
gone back to Germany and back to Stefan. She thought about how she spent
the last six years of her life and she cried even harder.

After what seemed like hours, Melissa finally sat up, wiped her eyes and
blew her nose. She took another deep breath and took the only picture that
was left of Stefan out of the shoebox. It was taken one night in the local pub
in Knauppshausen. Melissa was wearing a white peasant blouse which
showed off the tan she got that summer. Stefan was wearing a black tee shirt
which made his blue eyes look even a shade lighter. They were holding hands

and smiling into the camera. It was obvious to everyone that they were very
much in love with each other.