Icarus Rising (10 page)

"Be sure to rest, eat and then arm yourself with a dose of

the tranquilizer before you continue your search. Regardless

of what happens once he arrives, we still have to bring Dr.

Faulkner back here safely."

"And Dr. Abbott," Namara added. Ari hid her smile. She

had no intention of rescuing Zara Abbott, but no one needed

to know that.

"Do you think he's injured her?" she asked, forcing a

thread of concern into her voice.

"He could never—" Namara began, but her mate spoke

over her.

"The symbion will attempt to mate with her, and if Dr.

Faulkner cannot control these urges, he will very likely harm

Dr. Abbott by forcing himself on her. We may be too late to

save her from injury."

Arilani's face heated at the thought. Why hadn't
she
been

the one he'd taken? She'd have gladly surrendered for

mating, and all their problems would be solved by now. "Allow

me to go to Dr. Danson, my liege. We cannot waste any time

if we want to spare Dr. Abbott from mating against her will."

With a solemn expression, Jidar gestured for Arilani to

leave. She bowed to him and to Namara and strode up the

beach, seething. One day the Icarian leaders would bow to

her, but for that to happen she needed to be the first female

of her generation to give birth after the upcoming mating

cycle. She had to find Caleb soon while his symbion still

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controlled him and its desperate desire to procreate guided its

actions. The tranquilizer Danson had prepared would come in

handy though for keeping Zara Abbott out of her way.

Caleb forced himself to concentrate on Zara's voice and

the task he'd assigned himself. Slowly roasting a fish he'd

caught over the small fire they'd built at the entrance to the

aerie kept part of his mind occupied and allowed him a brief

respite from his symbion's desires as it, too, focused on the

smell of food.

Ever since Zara's confession that morning that she would

not resist his next attempt to seduce her, he hadn't been able

to think straight. Not that he'd been thinking straight before.

"When the symbion communicates with you, does it use

words or images?" she asked. The firelight cast her features

in amber, giving her a glow that made it impossible for him

not to stare. Caleb had always found Zara beautiful, but

tonight, with the sun setting behind her and flames dancing in

her eyes while she waited for their modest dinner to cook,

she looked like an angel. All she needed was a pair of wings.

"Um ... I can't really explain it. I guess it's more like

flashes of emotion. My brain supplies the words, so it seems

like the symbion is speaking to me when it's really just

thinking at me through the link." Talking was good. It helped

him focus his own thoughts and ignore the petulant

mutterings of the creature who wanted more to eat than just

half of one small fish. Capturing this one had been hard

enough, and locating a few necessary supplies from aeries on

nearby islands had left Caleb almost too exhausted to care

about eating.

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Right now, the only thing keeping his eyes open was the

vision before him. He could have watched Zara forever.

"It doesn't use language in the traditional sense, yet when

you speak to it, it responds?"

"Yes. It seems to follow the explanations the Icarians have

given me during my research. That part of the link seems to

be working normally. It's the chemical exchange that's not

right."

Zara licked her lips when he pulled a piece of fish off the

roasting spit and handed it to her. Desire flared in him once

again and this time he knew it had nothing to do with the

symbion.

"You believe the Rennard's is interfering with the chemical

link?" she asked.

"It has to be. That's the only explanation that makes

sense. All of the physiological structures needed to complete

the joining are present in humans. The only abnormality I

have is the Rennard's, so that has to be the problem."

"Unless there's something wrong with the symbion. Maybe

a different one might have been able to overcome the

imbalance caused by the Rennard's."

"Danson ran every test he could think of, and Arilani

confirmed this was a prime specimen, in perfect health."

Zara finished her food, and Caleb caught her eyeing the

piece he'd set aside for himself. He pulled it off the spit and

handed the plump, white flesh to her. "Here. I'm not hungry."

"Sure you are. You haven't eaten in a day and a half." She

put her hand over his and pushed the offering back toward

him. "At least I ate a little bit yesterday."

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"I'm sorry I couldn't find more."

"You're a sociologist, not a fisherman. Tomorrow we'll be

back at the station. We'll feast then. For now, we need to

work on getting you enough control to be able to get us back.

Look, I hate to suggest this, but what if we went to the royal

aerie instead of the station? There, your symbion could

communicate with Jidar's and it wouldn't feel threatened by

the lab equipment."

"That's an idea." Caleb let his gaze wander to the

darkening sky. "If I had any idea how to get to Jidar's aerie

from here."

"Haven't you been there dozens of times?"

"Sure. We've always flown there directly from the station,

and I have to admit, the first twenty times or so, I kept my

eyes closed. From here, I have no idea which direction to fly."

She gave him a long-suffering look. "So you're lost?"

Caleb managed to laugh. "I am. My symbion knows exactly

where we are, but right now, he's not talking."

"You seem like you're in control now, though." Zara looked

hopeful. Caleb knew he'd frightened her earlier today. To be

honest, he'd scared himself as well. Practically drugged by the

enticing scent of her arousal, he'd been seconds away from

tearing her clothes off. Holding her body against him while

she quivered in orgasm had left him insane with desire of his

own, even beyond what the symbion had produced. If she

hadn't shoved him away he'd have taken her over and over

again.

He shook off the dangerous memories. "I think so. It's

hungry, but that's all."

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"Then feed it before it gets angry." She spoke with a hint

of humor in her voice, but her eyes told a different story. She

regarded the symbion as a wild animal, unpredictable and

completely alien. She'd counseled him numerous times about

the difficulties of merging man and beast and how close to

the surface a human's primitive urges lay. He knew too well

how little it took to bring out the worst aspects of human

nature.

Violence, greed, desire and fear manifested instinctively

when people were pushed to the limits of their endurance.

Those were the emotions early man had often relied on to

help him survive. Kill or be killed. Take what you need. Flee

when threatened. Demand satisfaction. Those four decrees

governed the lower brain of all sentient beings, even those

who considered themselves highly evolved.

Humans had, over time, developed the mechanisms to

control their base instincts. They'd learned to suppress their

anger and embrace non-violent ways of controlling their

environment and their fellow humans. They had learned to

share their bounty and sacrifice for others in need when

necessary because it served the greater community. They'd

taught themselves to stand against what frightened them and

to face danger head on and ultimately they'd tamed their

need for instant gratification.

In a heartbeat, Caleb had thrown fifty-thousand years of

evolution out the window and fused his brain to a creature

who could neither speak nor walk upright.

He was lucky he could still hold a conversation.

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To please Zara, he ate his portion of the fish, and the

symbion expressed its gratitude by shaking its wing tips.

"Does that mean it liked the fish?" Zara asked.

"I think so."

"How long before its own systems begin to shut down?"

Caleb lowered his voice, as if that might stop the symbion

from hearing his words. "Danson says some of the symbion's

organs shut down almost immediately after the joining. In

less than two days it will be completely dependent on me."

"By then you need to have gained control over your

biochemistry and the link. Jidar will help you. He wants this to

work more than anyone."

"I know. I'm pretty sure tomorrow I can get it to take me

to the royal aerie."

"All right. Now, we need to talk about why you lied."

Caleb rose, leaving Zara by the fire while he paced to the

edge of the island and back. "That's simple. I didn't want to

die. I didn't want to stop working. I wanted to pretend the

Rennard's wasn't real, so that's what I did. It's a classic case

of denial, Doc."

"But you're not in denial anymore?"

"No. So what comes after that?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know, in the lineup. Denial is first. Then?"

"Oh, anger comes next. Are you angry?"

"At myself, yes."

"Normally the anger is with a higher power or with

whoever is seen as being responsible for the situation."

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Caleb sighed and spread his arms. "Well, I'm responsible,

aren't I? I took the position in the Belt. I knew the risks. I lost

the gamble. My fault. I'm angry with
me
. What's next?"

"Bargaining. Also usually done with a higher power."

"I think I went through that already when I decided not to

tell Danson about my illness. I bargained with myself. If I do

this and it works, I'll help everyone and no one will ever have

to know. If it doesn't work—"

Zara raised a brow. "What was the deal if it didn't work?"

"Denial. It had to work. There was no other option." He

sketched a rueful smile, which she didn't return.

"And now?"

"Let me guess, anger again?"

"No. Depression. The symbion hormones might help you

through that stage, or they might make it worse. You need to

be prepared for those feelings. Sadness, lethargy, maybe

even self-destructive tendencies."

Caleb crouched by the fire and stirred the embers with the

empty roasting spit. "Can't I skip right to the end?"

"Acceptance? You could. Some people do. There's no law

that says you have to experience every stage in any

particular order. But that cycle is the most common."

"Well, since nothing else about my life is normal at the

moment, at least I have this."

"That sounds like the beginning of depression. You're right

on schedule."

Caleb laughed. "Thanks, Doc. You're already getting me

patched up." He waited for her reply, but she remained quiet

for a long time, studying the dying flames. Tears formed at

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the corners of her eyes and one glistening drop slipped down

her cheek.

"Zara?"

"Hmm? Yes. I guess my work is done." She chuckled then

sniffled and wiped at her eyes with the heels of her hands.

"I wasn't mocking you. Honestly. If it wasn't for you, I'd

have lost my mind a long time ago."

"It's not that. I'm just thinking, I guess I'm still in denial

all over again."

Caleb squinted at her and sidled closer to the fire. He

wanted to keep his distance, but her pain drew him in. Seeing

her cry made his heart ache. Knowing he might be the cause

made him feel sick.

"I've already been through all of this. Every stage. The day

Danson announced he'd chosen you for the experiment, I

went into denial. I kept hoping you'd change your mind, even

while I was talking you through all the advantages of putting

yourself into the project." She didn't look at him, only busied

herself with twisting a length of
alor
vine until the spicy scent

wafted on the fire-warmed breeze. "I got so angry at Ray.

Haven't you noticed in the past two months that I've barely

spoken to him?"

"No. I guess I've been too wrapped up in my own issues. I

just figured the two of you only discussed the project anyway.

You never really socialized with him. I guess he was the one

you bargained with?"

She laughed, but the sound was thick and humorless. "No.

I bargained with a higher power. I'm ashamed to admit I

prayed you'd change your mind or that Ray would find some

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flaw that would make you ineligible. I should have

remembered that adage about being careful what you wish

for."

It should have bothered him that she'd hoped he'd wash