Imperfectly Bad (18 page)

That pissed me off because I had given her my heart so many years ago, and she did nothing but shit on it. “You know, Jenny, once upon a time I was. And a lot of good that did me.” I used my hands to gesture to the courthouse for a little added emphasis.

“You’re not the only one who got hurt back then, Rob.” By the way her jaw rocked back and forth, I could tell she was doing her best to keep her voice low, but the anger was definitely still there. It always was with Jenny. She was edgy as fuck, even back then. It had been part of her allure. She was a badass, and I loved that about her.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, both of us clearly still fuming. The tension in the air was palpable. Although I tried to think of any but, I couldn’t prevent the last memory I had with her from slipping into my conscious…

I want—no, need to see her. We’ve never been this long without speaking before, and under the circumstances I know that isn’t good. She’ll be getting out soon and I want to tell her everything. To let her know that it wasn’t my idea. That I had no part in it.

Before I can change my mind, I call a cab and sneak out of the house. It takes all of thirty minutes for me to get there and check in. They lead me to a stark white room. I know how this goes. I’ve seen enough movies to know that they’ll lead her in, sit her down and we’ll pick up the phone and talk. A nest of rats fight in my stomach and I feel so close to vomiting it’s untrue. This is Jenny—my Jenny—yet I’m nervous as hell.

They brought her in with handcuffs on, her bright orange hair slick with grease and her face hard as stone. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this pissed before. Not even when we were fighting. She sat in front of me, the other side of the Plexiglas, and grabbed the phone. I did the same.

“Jenny, I’m sorry.”

“Fuck you, Rob.”

“Jenny, I tried—”

“You didn’t try shit,” she cut in. “You just sat there with your hoity-toity parents and let them paint me as a monster.”

“What was I supposed to do? Stand up in the middle of court and tell them they were lying?”

“Something would have been nice—anything, Rob! Anything would have been better than watching you sit there doing nothing.” A tear fell down her cheek.

“Jenny, don’t do this.”

“Do what? It’s already done., My life is ruined. Not that it was all that great before, but at least I had a job and a semi clean record. But now, well now I’m locked up in here like a wild animal.”

“You’re getting out soon, then we can be together again.”

She laughed. “You’re more naïve than I thought if you actually think we’re going to be able to be together, Rob. Your parents couldn’t be happier that this happened. Now they’ll be rid of me forever and you can go off and live your big dreams.”

“I’m eighteen in a few months, then they can’t tell me what to do.”

“I wont be here in a few months.”

I choke on air. “You what?”

“My parents are sending me away. I’m going to live with some aunt and uncle that I’ve never met. Mom and Dad say they can’t handle me anymore. They expected me to be living on my own by now, but I apparently just continue to be a handful. They really just don’t give a shit.”

I feel like my heart’s being ripped from my chest. “Where are you going?”

“I can’t remember but to be honest I don’t know, and I don’t care. Doesn’t matter anyways does it? You and I are done.”

“But we’re—”

“No, we aren’t. You used a fake ID, it isn’t real.

I watch as she hangs the phone up and motions for the guard to take her away.

Obviously it had been real or we wouldn’t be sitting here. I hadn’t used my fake ID like she’d thought for that reason, and that reason only. I should have kept my mouth shut, but I just couldn’t.

“So, did he make you dye your hair?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’ll have you know that I made that decision on my own. It was time for a change. I can’t be a suicide girl forever.”

Oddly enough, this tugged on my heart strings more than it should have. Jenny and her suicide girl appearance had been the thing that had attracted me to her the most. It felt like something else had changed, and I didn’t like it.

“That’s too bad,” I muttered. “It was always one of my favorite things about you. Your individuality. How you never gave a fuck about what people thought.”

She sighed and I could tell that she was bothered that I was being so forthcoming with my feelings.

“Well, we all have to grow up eventually.”

I nodded, understanding exactly what she meant. We did have to grow up, but did we have to change in order to do it?

The bailiff came out from behind the doors, and I immediately got to my feet.

Lawyer habits.

“Mr. Ziviani, Ms. Jenkins, we’re ready for you now.”

“Thank God,” Jenny said as she stood and pushed past me. “I’m so ready for this to be over with.”

It wasn’t even as if we’d had a marriage to begin with, so I shouldn’t have cared. This chapter in my life had been closed for a long time, and I had Layla now, but her words still cut me deep. Jenny Jenkins would always be my first love, my first heart break, my first everything. Moving on was healthy, but I’d never fully recover from losing her no matter what some smug ass judge makes me do.

Jenny would always be part of me. I had the proof of that on my arm.

Forever.

Two painful hours later, we were walking out of the courtroom. At thirty-two I was officially divorced, and Jenny was free to marry Mr. Fucking Wonderful.

“I told you I didn’t want anything,” she said just as I opened the courthouse door for her.

“I didn’t think you did.”

The cold air damn near stole the breath from my throat as I followed her out into the streets of New York City. Despite what had just gone down, I still couldn’t believe that she was here, that she had been fifteen minutes from me for all these years and I hadn’t had a fuckin’ clue.

“So why the game, Rob? Seriously, why not just sign the papers?”

“Because you deserve better than him. I was just wasting your time, hoping that you would realize what a douchebag he truly is.”

“That’s not your job,”

“Maybe not, but the truth is that I’ll
always
care about you, Jenny. No matter all the bullshit, I just want the best for you, and that guy is not it.”

A tear slid down her cheek just before she turned away from me. Seeing her upset made the ache in my chest almost unbearable and I reached out and touched her chin, forcing her to look back at me.

“Jenny, please, I don’t care about what happened with us. Let me help you, let me be your friend.”

She brushed my hand away. “I don’t need a friend, Rob.”

“Then tell me what to do, Jenny. I don’t know what to do, how to help you.”

Before I knew what was happening she had wrapped her arms around my waist and her cheek was pressed against my chest, holding on to me like her life depended on it, and suddenly it felt like the situation between us was getting out of control. “Jenny,” I pleaded into the air.

She sniffed as she broke our embrace and looked into my eyes. “You got a smoke?” she asked without missing a beat.

The change of topic threw me, but I pulled my pack from my pant’s pocket and held them out to her. She snatched them from my hand, grabbing one and lighting it, inhaling quickly as her eyes rolled in the back of her head in ecstasy. “Fuck, I’ve been weeks without one of these.” She held it up to her face and appeared to be inspecting the cigarette. “This is glorious.”

It became very apparent to me what was going on. “Why are you letting him change you?”

“Rob, he’s not doing anything. This is all me. These are
my
decisions. If I’m going to be his wife I need to look and play the part.”

The curiosity was killing me. “How in the hell did you two meet?”

“Listen, it’s cold out. Let’s go get some coffee and I’ll tell you there.”

Experience told me I knew better, that I should run in the other direction. That part of my life was over, and I had Layla now. The exact parameters of our relationship were still unclear but at least I she kept me sane. My feelings for her were my saving grace, pulling me out of all the bad shit I had surrounded myself with, but damn it all to hell if I didn’t still want to know Jenny. It would probably kill me, but I really didn’t care. What did I have to lose?

And just like that, I made a decision. I followed her again, no questions asked, just like I had all those years ago.

It was a lot warmer in the coffee shop and after setting our mugs down on the table, I plopped down into the chair across from her.

“Thanks,” she mumbled, taking off her scarf and jacket. The weight of everything must have been wearing her down and she let out an exasperated sigh before taking her mug into her hands. She stared down onto the cup for a few moments, warming her hands while doing so, before finally looking up at me.

“We met at an underground club. I used to Go-go dance there some nights.” The mere mention of her past job made her shiver. That didn’t bode well. “He’d come in drunk with a bunch of other doctors. They were good tippers, and one night they invited a bunch of us girls to an ‘after party.’”

“I always knew he was a scum bag—”

“Don’t,” she interrupted. “Don’t act like you know him.”

“Oh, but I do.”

“No, you don’t. Bradley and I talked all night that night. He was a complete gentleman. He talked about his past, his loves lost.” Jenny’s eyes burned on mine and I knew what she meant he had been talking about.

“Emma?” I asked.

“Possibly. He never mentioned names, but he talked about a girl who could have been the one had she not been in love with someone else.”

I shook my head in disgust. “Yep, that’d be her.”

“Anyway, listening to him open up to me that night made me realize that I missed being close to someone. I’d shut the world out since you and I had ended, and in that moment I decided it was time for me to let love in again.”

It amazed me that she could be so dumb, yet it sounded familiar to what I was feeling with Layla. My blood boiled. “So you decided to marry the first jackass to show you a bit of interest? Sounds dumb to me, Jenny.”

“Whatever, Rob. You don’t have to understand my motives, but you need to understand one thing. Losing you, it hurt more than I would let on… to anyone. I spent years just trying to forget you.”

“Same here,” I said.

“Seems we’re both a little fucked up, huh?” She looked up at me from under her long lashes.

In spite of my shitty attitude, I felt the corners of my mouth turn up into a smile. “I’d say.”

“We sure did have some great times together.”

“Best six months of my life.”

“Is that all it was? Six months?” She sighed. “It felt like we had been together for a lifetime.”

“We certainly did click.”

“Too bad your parents hated me.”

“Well, you
were
older than me, and corrupting to boot.”

She reached across the table and playfully slapped my shoulder. “Was not!”

“You most certainly were, Jenny Jenkins. There was me, a naïve seventeen year old, whereas you were almost twenty. Up until I met you, I’d never drank a drop, smoked a cigarette—hell, I didn’t even know what pot was!”

“That was funny.”

“Yeah, you got quite a kick out of that. Handing me over that first joint.”

The laugh that came from her was straight from her stomach, and I responded with a chuckle of my own. Well, there was one thing that hadn’t changed. Jenny’s laugh was still infectious. When she was finally able to get a handle on it, she continued.

“The look on your face was priceless. I guess I did do a bit of corrupting, huh?”

“And that’s not even counting all the teaching you did between the sheets.”

The words left my mouth before I could think about what I was saying. Jenny and I had inexplicable chemistry when it came to sex—some might say that our relationship had solely been based on it—but the truth was that we each knew what the other wanted before they did. Jenny had been my first, and I had yet to find a girl that matched her chemistry. Jenny was always “the one.”

“Listen, about that night…” she started.

Things were getting too heavy. I needed to get out of there, to separate myself from Jenny before it was too late.

“Don’t worry about it. Your secret’s safe with me.” I pushed up from my chair, grabbing my coffee cup with my free hand.

The path to the exit was blocked when Jenny stood in front of me. “It’s just, I don’t… Jesus. I’m not a cheater.”

“I know.”

Priority one was trying to get myself out of there and I tried to push past her, but she placed her hand on my chest preventing me from moving any farther.

I sighed. “Jenny, it’s not cheating if you’re in love.”

Even though she’d never been one for grandiose professions of love, her eyes glassed over with emotion. “Do you think we’ll always love each other?”

Taking a moment, I considered the possibility. After all, it was probably my last chance. The last chance for me to tell her everything I’d ever felt, to lay it all out on the line so that she knew and could have a little peace.