In Your Arms (9 page)

              Suddenly, I couldn't see straight. Everything was moving very slowly. I felt sluggish. This couldn't be good.

              Someone grabbed my hand and I was being pulled upstairs. My head felt heavy, so I couldn't see who it was. My brain couldn't send the signals to speak, so no words were coming out. Slowly, I was realizing that I had been drugged by Alex.

              I must have passed out from the walk from the staircase to the bedroom he took me to. Next thing I see is him pulling his clothes off. I felt cold, and I'm pretty sure he took off my clothes. I tried to move, and he just laughed as I made some incoherent sound.

              “You're not going anywhere, and you won't remember this.” I closed my eyes.

              Where the fuck was Tanner? Even he couldn't handle being in a fight for longer than a couple hours. Someone must have seen me go upstairs with Alex, they'll tell Tanner. I hope. I pray.

              Beeps were becoming louder. I managed to groan, and I felt someone grab my hand. I felt so groggy, I didn't want to wake up, but I knew I had to.

              Slowly, I opened my eyes. My friend, Sarah, was there. Her eyes widened when she realized that I had woken up. I started crying, remembering what happened to me. It was waves of emotions, and I wasn't sure what to feel.

              “I didn't know if you wanted me to call your parents-” She began to say. I shook my head and looked at the petite girl who I grew up with. We were friends, but not best friends. I never got along enough with people to call them that. But if I had to choose my closest friend, it'd be her because she's always been there through the ups and downs.

              “No. Please, tell me that you didn't.”

              “I didn't, but I did have a plan that if you were out for more than one day that I would. That creep drugged you enough to tranquilize a horse.” I took a deep breath.

              “Where's Tanner?” I ask.

              She diverted her eyes away from me, and I knew that I did not want to hear what was about to come out of her mouth.

              “Sarah. Where is Tanner?” she looked down, and answered.

              “He's being held at the police station.”

              “What?” I sat up, but started to feel nauseous. I laid back down. “Why is he at the police station?” Something inside told me that  I already knew. I may not remember it all, but I knew. He found us.

              “He beat Alex into a bloody pulp when he found out what he did. Cops arrived at the house, took Alex to the hospital, and Tanner to the police station.”

              I closed my eyes. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare. This could not be happening to me, but it was.

              “Alex is with his parents, and a lawyer. They're going to press charges. Also, Alex is going to jail for what he did to you.”

              It was a week after I got released from the hospital. I talked with a counselor at school, I couldn't return to classes, so the teachers are emailing me lectures, and I just have to go to the testing center for tests.

              Tanner's lawyer got a hold of me. I hadn't gone to visit Tanner at his house because I couldn't face him. At school, he was just gone for personal leave. He hadn't been charged yet. As for Alex, he was out as well, but couldn't be near me, so also not at school.

              I sat in front of Tanner. He looked...bad. He couldn't look at me in the eye and he looked like he had lost serious weight in the last week.

              “I have only asked you to love me, Ashton. So asking you this, it's really hard for me. I love you so much, and I don't want you to do this. My lawyer has set up a meeting with Alex's lawyer, and you. They want you to repent, so I can keep my record clean and get drafted next year.” I'm pretty sure I was frozen. “I can't pay for another school, I'll lose my scholarship and go to jail. You can always afford to go to another school to avoid Alex-” I stopped listening to him.

              He wasn't serious was he? I could afford to go to another school? I realize in this moment that Tanner does not really care for me. He would never ask me this. Tanner only cares about his football career. Someone who loved me would never say that to me or ask that much of me. I earned my right to come to Northwestern, I have an IQ of 169, and I worked my butt off for myself. But I don't need this. I can barely be at school without seeing pity in their eyes, everyone knew. Everyone knew that I just ruined Tanner's career. I can never go back, ever.

              “Fine. I'll go to the meeting.” He didn't know this then, but the relationship was definitely over forever.

              He looked hopeful.

              I didn't.

              Alex's lawyer slid the check over to me. Alex's dad, the senator, needs this to stay quiet. They won't press charges against Tanner if I deal with this quietly. The senator has a lot of pull to seal these records and about how we deal with them.

              “Take the money, Ashton. Sign the papers.” I signed them.

              I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but I had to do it. I couldn't ruin Tanner's career, and I barely remember what Alex did to me. I had to move on from this. Alex and I were sworn from ever talking about this with anyone, Tanner was a part of this deal as well. If he talked, I could go straight to the police and file formal charges against him, and if I talked, I'd owe him double the money they paid me off with.

              My parents knew nothing of this. I couldn't go to them with this, they'd make it public, they’d make my life public. I couldn't afford that. I needed a clean slate. I just hope they understand why I won't be going back to Northwestern.

Chapter 14

Present...

Ashton Pennington

              “...I know it's been a rough year, but I just want to make amends, Ashton. I still love you, you were my best friend for a year and a half, and I still want you in my life even if we can't be together. Just...please call me back when you get a chance...End of new messages.”

              I can't believe Tanner had the nerve to call me. He's been trying to keep tabs on me, people still email me with gossip, but he only has my number, don't know who gave him the new one. No one from my old life knows I'm in New York. I've managed to figure out that Tanner was using me, and so were many of my old friends. Sarah is the only one who still emails me since I don't pick up my phone for any Illinois area code.

              “Well, that sounds like a sorry bastard.” I didn't hear the door to the roof open, and somehow Braxton found his way up here and heard that message.

              I lit up my cigarette and ignored him. It's been a week since Braxton decided to blackmail me. Charles stopped trying to call me, finally took the hint that his best friend ruined it. Nothing was every going to happen between us.

              “Was that your real boyfriend?” He asks.

              “Ex.” I blow out.

              “Was he as rich as you?” Braxton was just pushing my buttons. I wasn't going to let him win again. I was done being pushed around.

              “No.” I admit. “He went to Northwestern on a football scholarship, grew up dirt poor, still is. Well...not sure, I haven't talked to him in months.”

              “Why'd you break up with him?” I never officially broke up with him, but when I began not answering any means of communication, he assumed the relationship was over.

              “Because of the same thing you did. Assumed things about my life, and thought I'd just give up everything for him, and that I had nothing to lose because I was rich. I gave him what he really wanted from me, and I never talked to him again.”

              “And what was that?” Braxton was surprised I was giving him this much information. I could see it all over his face.

              “Doesn't matter. He's a part of my life that I never want to talk about. If I could rip that part out of my story and burn it, I would.” I closed my eyes. Hot tears were starting to fall. It was cold as balls outside and I had this light sweater on with pajama bottoms. “Ignore me. I'm fine.”

              “Can I admit something to you?” I nod without looking at him.

              “Growing up, I was never good at expressing myself. It stemmed from my father, he wasn't a good guy. I learned early on that I should just keep it all bottled up, and as many therapists have told me, that is not a coping mechanism that I need now. I'm going to say that the same applies to you.” I look at him and wipe away my tears.

              “So what's your deal with women?” He smiles.

              “Nothing, really. I love women. They're just easier to write about because I grew up with sisters, and the things I write about are things I learned by watching them.” I bite my lip. “And by dating and all that shit.” I shake my head.

              “Why are you actually being decent to me?”

              There had to be some deeper motive. At this point, I'm not sure I cared. I've learned that people are all the same, one way or another. Can't trust anyone but myself.

              “In the spirit of Christmas, I may have realized that I was wrong to have blackmailed you. You were good for Charles, and I was wrong to ruin what you two had.” Christmas was five days away, New York had become quiet, even the streets weren't very loud, everyone was staying indoors because of the snow that was constantly falling every other day.

              Now I knew what this is about.

              “This isn't about you being sorry.” I flick my cigarette into the snow. I wasn't a frequent smoker, I just knew I'd need one when I saw Tanner's voicemail waiting to be heard as soon as I woke up.

              “What? Yes. It is.” I roll my eyes.

              “This is about Charles still not talking to you.” He paused and I knew. “Go fuck yourself, Braxton.” I got up and went into the building.

              My grandmother was sipping on eggnog, laughing with her nursing home friends. I was at the retirement home for their holiday party. Christmas was now two days away.

              I thought about going back to Chicago, but I didn't want to know what would happen if my father had another outburst. I sent a hearty email to my brother, and that was it. He was the only one still talking to me in that family. A family that may not even be mine...

              I know that there has to be some trace of Joan in my grandmothers museum, but I still have not looked. Since the recreation center is closed until after New Years, I planned to look through the stuff and get drunk to keep from admitting that I'm alone for the holidays.

              My grandmother hasn't said anything else about Joan. My grandmother has lived in New York her whole life, and she hasn't gone anywhere in years. This woman has to live here, for all I know, she could be my neighbor.

              Callie went to Paris for Christmas, it was a Christmas vacation with her parents. She told me that she didn't want to go, but had to because family is very big with them. I told her it was fine and to bring me back a snow globe or something. I could tell that she felt bad for leaving me, but I put on a front to reassure her it was fine.

              It was getting to be almost eleven, and I grabbed my grandmothers hand. She was having so much fun, and her face told me that she had no clue who I was.

              “Hello, you must be new to the neighborhood. I'm Elizabeth Pennington.” She shook my hand, and I took a step back to respect her space.

              “Ashton.” I omit my last name.

              “I have a granddaughter named Ashton, she'll be one in about a week. I can already tell she'll be as gorgeous as her mother, Joan.” Now she omits the last name. She does this every single time, it makes me angry.

              “Really?”

              “Yes! You have to meet her. You know, you two actually look alike! What a coincidence!” My grandmother was really happy.

              “Sorry to run out on you, Elizabeth, but I have to go.”

              “It's fine, dear. Don't be a stranger.” She hugged me, and I let it comfort me for only second, before I let go and walked out of the party.

Chapter 15

Braxton Wright

              It was Christmas Eve and it has been five days since I talked to Ashton. I don't blame her for not wanting to talk to me, but I just wish that she could find some way to forgive me. Deep down, I knew that may not happen.