Miriam's Quilt (10 page)

Miriam’s heart pounded as soon as she saw Ephraim walk through the Yoders’ door for Sunday services. Her eyes followed his every move as he shook hands with Gabe Yoder, said something to his brother, and waved to the bishop. His eyes, however, did not stray to her side of the room.

She already sat in her place on one of the benches with Susie so she couldn’t very well leap from her seat to greet him, but she felt jealous of everyone Ephraim talked to or smiled at. She wished he would send one of his smiles her way. Although they hadn’t been cross or disagreed with each other on the night Yost came home from detention, she felt they had not parted on good terms. She hadn’t seen him since that night over two weeks ago and she ached to talk with him, to get his comfort for the tragedy that had befallen her family.

Yost had his elbows propped on his knees with his face buried in his hands. Even though Dat had insisted, Miriam admired Yost’s courage for coming to church. Despite his angry denials, she knew how embarrassed he felt about his arrest. If it had been her, she would have crawled under her bed and never come out again.

Ephraim and his brother always, always sat beside Yost at gmay. There were no assigned seats, but many boys and girls had the habit of sitting in the same place week after week. Yet today, something changed. Ephraim looked directly at Yost, patted his brother Freeman on the shoulder, and guided him to the row behind Yost. Miriam caught her breath and quickly averted her eyes. What had just happened?

She took a deep breath and tried to relax her tense shoulders. The change in seating arrangements was out of the ordinary, but surely it wasn’t a cause for alarm. With all that had happened in the last two weeks, she was overly sensitive.

Even though the room felt cramped, no one else filled the row after the Neuenschwanders abandoned it—mainly because they were all in the habit of sitting somewhere else. Miriam glanced at Yost in concern, but he sat with his head in his hands and didn’t seem to notice his surroundings.

Halfway through the first hymn, the Lambright children slipped through the front door. Seth nodded sheepishly to the minister and mouthed “Sorry” to the congregation in general. Priscilla and Laura tiptoed to the back row of benches behind the women, and Seth and his little brothers filled in next to Yost. Out of the corners of her eyes, Miriam saw Seth grab Yost firmly by the shoulder and hold out his hand to him. Yost took the proffered hand, and Seth pumped it vigorously as if the whole congregation weren’t right in the middle of a hymn.

Miriam smoothed an imaginary lock of hair from her face and studiously kept her nose in the
Ausbund
as warmth spread through her body. Seth would have her undying gratitude for that small gesture of friendship.

She didn’t listen to much of the sermon given by the visiting minister. She sat with her heart in her toes, wishing she could steal into Ephraim’s thoughts simply by staring at him. No matter what else happened today, she determined to talk to him, to assure him that she stood strong and loved him beyond expression. The final hymn couldn’t be over soon enough.

As the service ended, women separated to the kitchen to prepare the afternoon meal and men stacked benches to use as tables. Miriam kept her gaze glued to Ephraim as she left Susie with Mamm and weaved her way through the men and benches. Ephraim walked out the front door with his fater and brother before she could reach him.

When she finally made it to the door, he was halfway across the yard.

“Ephraim, where are you going?” she called.

He looked back at her but kept walking. “We are going to visit the shut-ins.”

“You can’t even stay for dinner?”

“Nae, I will see you later. I need to go.”

He hopped into his buggy without so much as a reassuring smile and rode away. Miriam wrapped her arms around her waist and watched his buggy travel down the lane until she could not see it anymore.

She knew Ephraim had a gute heart—always thinking of others before himself—but she wanted to be with him.

She trudged to the kitchen and helped spread peanut butter on bread for dinner. When it was her turn to sit down, she ate a small pickle and a red beet but couldn’t muster an appetite for anything else. How could she think about food?

So many ladies helped with cleanup that there was hardly any room left in the kitchen to stand. Miriam wiped a counter then stood in the middle of the room looking for something to do.

“Miriam,” Mamm said, “take this basket to our buggy, will you?”

Glad to be occupied, Miriam grabbed the basket of empty pint jars and walked it to the buggy, enjoying the beautiful summer day. The fleecy white clouds hung high in the sky, and the apricot tree in the Yoders’ front yard sagged with bright orange fruit. Miriam breathed the fresh air and said a prayer of gratitude for her many blessings. The troubles would pass, Lord willing, but His mercy remained constant.

Seth sat on the lawn under a willow tree while Mary Shetler stood a few feet away. They seemed to be having a conversation, but Miriam couldn’t be sure.

After delivering her basket to the buggy, Miriam walked back to the house. She stopped before she opened the screen door and watched the younger children play in the backyard. Seth still sat under the tree, but Mary was nowhere to be seen. He caught sight of Miriam staring and waved. She smiled and waved back.

“Joe Bieler and Yost Bontrager? I hadn’t thought it possible.”

Miriam froze as she heard her brother’s name uttered by her neighbor, Treva Kanagy, on the other side of the screen door.

“They say Yost has been selling drugs for months.”

“It wonders me that John and Lisa did not know about it,” Treva said.

“John is busy working and managing his farms.”

“He should be more mindful of what is going on at home.”

“To be sure. I work my sons so hard, they don’t have no time to fritter away. Some parents are not careful. I am sorry for them.”

Miriam could not move her legs even though she wanted nothing more than to be a hundred miles away from this conversation.

“We reap what we sow, Ruth. ‘A child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.’”

“They used to be one of our strongest families.”

Miriam slowly backed away from the door and somehow stumbled down the steps without falling flat on her face. Her hands shook uncontrollably, and sweat beaded on her forehead. She wanted to run as far away as possible, but it would soon be time to go and Mamm mustn’t be forced to come searching.

How could her family have sunk so low? Why was God punishing them like this? They had gone from being the most highly regarded people in the community to a family of troublemakers. Was this what it felt like to be a leper?

In long, purposeful strides, she made her way across the yard to Seth’s tree. She sat down next to him so that her back faced the yard and the children.

Seth arched an eyebrow. “Do you find that trunk interesting?”

“Okay…,” she began. “Okay, I need to tell you…” Her voice cracked, wavered, and shook, and before she could control it, she once again found herself bawling like a newborn buplie in Seth’s presence.

Sincere concern covered his features and he leaned toward her. “Are you okay? Do you want me to fetch your mamm?”

Miriam shook her head and went right on crying while Seth watched her. She had already made a fool of herself in front of him once. No need to hold anything back now. “Will you…will you pretend we are having a conversation so this doesn’t look strange to anyone watching?”

A ghost of a smile flitted across Seth’s face. “Do you want me to move my lips as if I am talking to you, or would you prefer that I actually say something, like I’m doing now? If I just move my lips, you won’t actually have to listen to any boring speeches, but I don’t know if I am skilled enough to move my lips and make it look like I am actually talking. Simply moving my lips might appear more peculiar than you and I sitting here in silence. I don’t want to trouble you, but the strangest part of all this is that you are sitting next to me and staring at the trunk of a willow tree while I talk to the side of your head.”

Miriam couldn’t help giggling through her tears. “I think I can pull myself together now.” She wiped her eyes with the hanky Susie had embroidered for her and blew her nose as discreetly as possible.

“Gute,” Seth said. “I was running out of things to say.”

“I am sorry about the blubbering.”

“Every time we meet, you cry. I am starting to wonder if there is something wrong with me.”

“Nae, there is something wrong with me.”

“Not likely.”

“Okay,” she said, her voice shaking like a leaf in the wind. “Okay, I want to apologize for being a snob.”

“That is out of the blue.”

“It has been too long in coming.”

He sprouted a sheepish grin. “Why in the world would you think you are a snob?”

“A wise young man told me.”

Seth looked down at his hands. “He sounds like a rude young man to me.”

“I am grateful to him for showing me the truth.”

“Miriam, I never should have said that to you. It was in a moment of anger, and I wish every day I could take it back.”

“Will you forgive me?” Miriam said.

“You don’t have to apologize—”

“Quit avoiding this, Seth Lambright.”

He threw up his hands in surrender. “Yes, I forgive you, a thousand times over, if you’ll forgive me for saying it. We understand each other better now. I do not think you are a snob.”

“Anymore.”

He curled up the corners of his mouth. “Okay, not anymore.”

“I heard two women behind that screen door. They talked about my brother and my family the way I used to gossip about your family with…”

Seth’s eyes stopped dancing. “Ephraim.”

“Jah.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I am so ashamed. I thought I felt compassion for you, but in reality, I judged your mother for her illness and decided that your parents were neglectful in rearing their children. I wish I had been a different person back then. I wish hadn’t been so blind to my own faults. I am very sorry for how I behaved.”

Seth stared at her for what seemed like an eternity. His solemn expression melted into a cautious smile. “Thank you. That means a great deal to me.”

“I want to be a better person, Seth. To love better and to quit casting judgment.”

“My friend Doug says that when something bad happens to someone, it’s normal to seek a reason, to tell ourselves that they somehow deserved the bad thing. It helps us to make sense of life. Even the disciples thought that way. When they saw a blind man, they asked Jesus who had sinned to cause the man to be born blind. Do you remember His answer?”

“He said that neither had the man nor his parents sinned but so the works of God could be made manifest.”

“Jah. We shouldn’t consider our trials a curse from God for some bad behavior or believe that God does not love us if He lets us suffer. The greatest One of all was despised and rejected by men. He was perfect and sinless, yet He suffered. None of us is greater than He.”

“But Ephraim says we are blessed when we follow the Commandments. Doesn’t the Bible say that?”

“We are blessed when we try to follow the Commandments. But that doesn’t mean unfortunate things won’t befall us. Ephraim believes that nothing bad has ever happened to him because of the righteousness of his family. That is what Job’s friends thought too, but they were wrong and God chastised them for their unrighteous judgment.”

“It wonders me if there is a reason for anything, then.”

Seth looked away and fixed his eyes on a lone fence post. “I finally gave up asking why my mamm took her own life. I cannot work out an answer that brings any peace. I must trust in God and lean not to my own understanding. When something bad happens to us, it is easy to become bitter with God if we don’t understand why it happened. But the opposite is true also. When good things happen to us, we can be tempted to be proud. We think that maybe God loves us more than someone else. He doesn’t. Rotten things happen to people who are minding their own business, doing their best to live as God wants them to.”

Like he had in the stable yesterday, Seth gently laid his hand over hers for a moment before quickly pulling it away. The gesture felt like a warm blanket. “I am very sorry. What you heard at that door must have stung.”

“Mostly because I’ve heard those same words come out of my mouth. It was dreadful to come face-to-face with my own weakness.”

“I hope you will not let it burden you. Someone like you should always be smiling.” He leaned back on his hands. “How is Yost?”

“He tries to be contrary and angry, but he is hurting badly. You were right about his conscience plaguing him. He won’t admit it, but he feels terrible about what he did. Most people try to be understanding, but a few look at him with suspicion or avoid him altogether.”

“What does Ephraim think?”

Tears sprang up again. “He hasn’t talked to me since the night Yost came home from detention.”

Seth furrowed his brow. “He hasn’t?”

“He and his brother always sit next to Yost during services, but they sat on a different bench today.”

Seth rubbed the whiskers on his chin. “I noticed.”

“I feel like the walls are closing in around me. I don’t know what to do.”

“Would you like to take a walk?”

Miriam immediately saw the advantages of being away from curious eyes. She nodded.

“I’ll be right back,” Seth said.

He jumped up and ran into the house. When he reappeared, he found Priscilla, who was playing in the yard, and took her by the hand and said something to her. She looked at Miriam and waved. Miriam waved back and tried her best to smile.

Seth came back to the tree, held out his hand, and pulled Miriam to her feet. “The only bad thing about a walk is that you must forsake the shade.”

“It is not that hot.”

Miriam motioned to Callie, who ran around like a wild man. “Callie, tell Mamm I walked home.”

Callie’s eyes darted to Seth. “Okay, I will tell her.”