Nil on Fire (7 page)

“You won't.” I leaned over and kissed his temple.

He said nothing.

A weird, wired silence fell between us. Around us, business went on as usual. The flight attendants moved smoothly down the aisle, passing out cool beverages with warm smiles; a woman with her hair twisted up and speared by a pencil worked furiously on a laptop, totally intense; a balding man leisurely browsed the front page of a newspaper in a language I couldn't read; a boy sat beside us, headphones on, rocking out to tunes I couldn't hear. Nothing out of the ordinary,
except the fact that Rives's dead girlfriend was in my head
.

It was as extraordinary—and as extraordinarily creepy—as Nil.

I tried not to picture Talla, but with Rives beside me, I had no choice. His mind was in overdrive, so naturally, mine was too. We usually only heard each other when the thoughts were specifically directed toward the other, or when the thoughts were rich with emotion. And now that I'd consciously let Rives back in, our mental connection had resurfaced full force. Now Rives's thoughts flew through my head without break, flashes of another Nil. Another
time
, one painfully real and just, well,
painful
.

Talla, the girl trapped in my head, fully alive with Rives.

I'd never seen her so clearly.

Talla sprinting down the beach, her face in hard profile, her long blond hair swinging behind her; Talla strapping on a glider harness, her chin lifted and abs tight; Talla talking to Rives with sparkling eyes, an angry bruise on her face; Talla holding a spear in her hand, a dead rabbit in the other, her expression cool; Talla paddling out on a surfboard, her eyes bright, looking like there was no place she'd rather be; Talla closing her eyes in Rives's arms in the darkness, her smile relaxed; Talla lifeless in Rives's arms in the daylight, her eyes closed forever.

I couldn't block her out, couldn't stop the flow of memories; they rode cascading waves of Rives's lingering pain and growing fury. Soon it was too much. Some things I didn't want to know, memories that weren't mine but hurt as if they were. And if it was too much for me, it was killing Rives.

“Rives.” I turned to him. “You're torturing yourself.”

His jaw spasmed. “And Nil's torturing you.”

“Not really.”

He laughed harshly. “How can you say that, Skye? Nil won't let you sleep, and now you're hearing the voice of someone I buried.”

“How?” I asked, my eyes searching his. “How is this even possible?”

He shook his head. With his free hand, he pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing shallowly; his other hand still held mine tight. “I hate it. I absolutely
hate
it, Skye. We made it. We
left
. So why is the island still messing with you? With us?”

“I don't know.” My voice was soft. “But until we talk to my dad, talk to me. Tell me about Talla. Maybe if I know more about her, I'll know what to do. What was she like?”
Besides apparently a very fit blond badass.

He half smiled. “She
was
a very fit blond badass. She was the most competitive person I've ever met.” He paused. I knew he was turning his feelings into thoughts, shaping his thoughts into words. “She was a swimmer,” he said quietly. “She'd placed second in the US Nationals in the four-hundred-meter free not long before she landed on Nil. It killed her to be second. She wanted to win. To be the best, at everything she did. She dreamed of the Olympics.” He sighed. “But Nil stole that from her.” He looked out the window, visibly struggling to keep himself together. “Talla the girl? She wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy. But she was incredibly honest and loyal to a fault, like someone else I know.” He rubbed his thumb across my palm. “I don't know if Jillian ever said anything, but there are certain things about you that remind me of Talla. At first it kind of scared me, to tell you the truth. But then I got to know you, and fell for everything that makes you Skye. Including the parts that reminded me of Talla.” He said this all matter-of-factly, but I felt the rawness of it.

“She was Jillian's best friend on Nil.” A statement, not a question.

“She was. But Jillian also was close to Charley, and Macy. And later, you. But we buried Talla, Skye. And we said good-bye.” He turned to me in disbelief. “I can't wrap my head around this. Or maybe I just don't want to.” His last words were quiet.

“Me either. But we're going to have to.”

Rives nodded, but said nothing.

There was nothing else to say.

*   *   *

An hour after we landed, my dad couldn't wrap his head around the situation either. And the expression on his face told me he liked Talla's voice in my head even less than Rives did. Rives had gone for a run, giving us some space, probably trying to find some space in his own head. I wouldn't mind going for a run myself. I wouldn't mind running until I was too tired to dream, think, or be haunted.

It was wishful thinking.

Dad still looked shell-shocked. He hadn't moved from his makeshift desk in his temporary office in Mom's guest room. I maneuvered around a towering stack of books on the floor to stand directly in front of my dad.

I waved my hand in front of his face. I needed him thinking clearly, and back on track.

“For the love of Nil, focus, Dad. Did Uncle Scott have dreams about darkness when he got back? Or dreams about any person in particular?”

My dad didn't answer immediately, but at least he looked coherent. “He did have dreams when he got back from Nil,” he said finally. “Nightmares, too. I remember him waking up. Sweating, sometimes talking. We shared a room, so I witnessed that myself. From what I recall, he mostly dreamed of Jenny. He called for her in his sleep, doodled her name on paper. You know that from the journal. He thought of her constantly; he told me that point-blank. And I know he went to find her.” Regret flashed across my dad's face. “He had other dreams too, Nil-related I'm sure, but he never mentioned dreams of darkness. However,” he added quickly, smiling supportively, “that doesn't mean he didn't have them.”

“What about dead people?” I asked bluntly. “Did he dream of them? Of people buried on Nil? Or one person specifically?” My voice rose with each word, bordering on hysterical. I teetered on the edge; I could go either way
because I never slept
. “Because I'm not dreaming of just anyone, Dad. I'm dreaming of one person. The person Rives cared for most on the island, the person whose death affected him most. I hear her, Dad.
Every night.
She talks to me. Begs me. Pleads with me. I don't know what she wants, but
she won't leave me alone
.” Tears pricked my eyes.

“Oh, honey, come here.” My dad wrapped me in a hug, the sort that made me feel like everything would be okay even though every brain cell in my head screamed otherwise. He held me long enough for me to get myself under control. Then he dropped his arms, and gently rested them on my shoulders.

“Skye, you're the toughest person I know. My girl who has stars in her eyes, but feet firmly on the ground. You're going to get through this, get
past
it. I know you will. And you have Rives. He's part of it too.”

“But what do we do? What do
I
do?” I searched his face for a clue.

“I think,” he spoke slowly, “you're going to have to listen to her. The girl. But I don't believe it's really who you think it is. It's not Talla you're hearing. I fear that Talla is merely a voice. A face. A conduit. I'm afraid you're actually hearing Nil.”

The truth of his words hit me like a cold slap.
Nil.
I was hearing Nil.
Nil
was in my head,
Nil
was talking to me.

Of course it was Nil.

I'd just refused to see it.

“How?” I whispered, frightened on a whole new level. “How can I hear Nil? How can this be happening?”

Dad shook his head. “I don't know. But I don't think the
how
is as important as the
why
. There is one thing I
do
know.” He smiled. “You're strong enough now, just as you were then. Trust yourself. Trust in your strength, in your own sense of self and right and wrong. It's what helped you survive Nil last time. You can do it again.”

I gasped, stumbling backward, falling into a totally surreal
what-is-happening
moment. “What are you saying, Dad? What do you mean, I can do it again?
Are you saying I have to go back to Nil?
”

“Over my dead body.” Rives stepped through the doorway, eyes flashing, looking every inch the furious and ruthless Leader I'd first run into on a Nil beach. “There is no way in hell I'm letting Skye go back to Nil.”

 

CHAPTER

17

RIVES

JUNE 10, NIGHT

The room exploded in noise and heat and
oh HELL no
.

Skye turned on me, her eyes narrowing, her hands on her hips. “Do not tell me what to do, Rives. I'm a big girl. But”—she whirled back to her dad—“are you really telling me to go back to Nil? Are you
kidding
me? Because I don't think—”

Professor Bracken's exclamation competed with Skye's. “I'm certainly not telling you to return to Nil! Absolutely not! What I'm trying to say—”

“Because you don't understand the darkness, Dad!” Skye stared at her dad like he'd grown a second head. “It's horrible! And if that's really Nil, then I can't—”

“Stop.”

The steel in my own voice sliced through both Skye's and her dad's at once. Silence fell like a dark cloud.

“No more Nil.” I didn't care how harsh my voice sounded. “We're
done
. There is no way in any world I'll let Skye go back there.” An image of Dex's mangled body in the meadow coursed through my head; it was Skye's bloody memory, not mine. “You have no idea what she went through. What she
survived
. What she did—for all of us.” I glared at the professor. “A return trip for her is not negotiable. It's not happening.”

The professor's expression softened. “Rives, I agree. Hear me out. What I was trying to say”—he shot Skye a look that said
let me finish
; she tipped up her chin in a
go on, you've got thirty seconds
move—“is that Skye is tough. Skye beat Nil once, and escaped. And she can do it again,
here
.” He emphasized that last word, then looked directly at Skye. “I have full faith that you can get Nil out of your head without stepping anywhere near that hellish island.”

“What do you mean, ‘Skye can get Nil out of her head?'” I crossed my arms.

The professor spoke calmly. “Rives, obviously Skye isn't hearing Talla. It's not possible for reasons you know all too painfully well.”

Because she's dead
, I thought harshly.
Because I buried her, six feet under in Nil dirt.
I had the most insane thought that Nil had resurrected Talla and brought her back to life. But I knew that wasn't possible. Nil might play God, toying with people's lives, but Nil wasn't God. Stealing people's lives didn't make the island all-powerful; it just made the island cruel.

And a murderer.

All the checks fell squarely in the evil column of Nil. Apparently I was still keeping track.

The professor had stopped talking, no doubt sensing my mental drift.

“Go on,” I said. “Please.”

He nodded. “Skye's not imagining Talla's voice, or her image. She wouldn't be able to manufacture someone so real if she were delusional. So, if Skye's not hearing Talla, she's obviously hearing Nil. Nil is using Talla to speak to Skye. The question is, why?”

Nil is using Talla to speak to Skye.

I knew exactly why. I stared at Skye, feeling sick. She wasn't the pawn; that was me.

Skye was the prize.

“Rives.” Skye's hand slid into mine. “Come with me.” She pulled me out of the office and down the hall. Then outside. Onto the back porch, under the misty Florida night sky. Humidity buried the stars; only the moon shone bright. Nil was out there somewhere too. Watching, laughing. Plotting. My free hand clenched.

Skye's soft voice breathed into my ear. “I know you're freaking out. I kind of am too. But I need to talk to you. I need you.”

I turned, and not caring how sweaty I was from my run, I wrapped her in my arms.

“I hate Nil.” I spat the words. “I hate that place. Using Talla, using me. Using you, definitely wanting you. Why won't it let us go?” I pulled back to look into Skye's eyes, my hands finding hers. “I cared for Talla. I really did. But what I felt for her back then is like a drop in the ocean compared to what I feel for you, Skye. I'm not downplaying my feelings for Talla, I'm just stating the truth. And the island knows how I feel. How you feel. So it's using her for something.”
Like a warning
, I thought. Like a
Hey, I screwed with your head and your heart once, I'm not afraid to do it again. And that was just a taste of the pain I can make you feel
.

It had gutted me to bury Talla. Ripped something open that took months to heal, leaving a brutal Nil scar.

But if I lost Skye, I was done. I didn't deserve her, but I sure as hell couldn't imagine life without her. She was my best friend and my future, the girl I dreamed of traveling the world with as a two-person team, me snapping pictures, Skye writing the stories. The fact that Nil had linked us so completely in our final minutes on the island ensured that, if Nil tore us apart, I'd have more than a scar—I'd have a crippling wound that would never heal.

“Rives?” Skye tucked her hands in mine. “Worry is pouring off you, but right now I have no idea what you're thinking.”