On Her Own (13 page)

Paul forced his gaze away from Barbara and tried to focus on Bishop Frey’s sermon.

“ ‘Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.’ Psalm 127:3–5,” the bishop read from the Bible he held. “And chapter 128, verse 1, says, ‘Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in his ways.’ ” He smiled. “Be fruitful and multiply and be blessed.”

Paul shifted uncomfortably. Were the bishop’s words directed at him? Was God speaking through John Frey, telling Paul he should get married and raise a family and that by so doing, he would be blessed? He thought about his conversation with Noah Hertzler the other day. Noah had mentioned the bishop’s interest in Barbara. Maybe the man’s sermon was directed at himself. Could be that John thought if he took another wife and had more children, he would be twice blessed. That wife could turn out to be Barbara Zook.

I’ve got to quit thinking about this
, Paul reprimanded himself.
If the bishop should marry Barbara, it’s none of my business. She has the right to choose whomever she pleases
. He shuddered.
Then why does the idea of her becoming the bishop’s wife make me feel so miserable?

After the noon meal, Barbara put the baby and Zachary down for naps. She stared at her youngest son, sleeping peacefully on his side, and a lump formed in her throat. She knew she was more protective of him than she had been with her other three. Maybe it was because this little guy would never know the wonderful man for whom he’d been named. Or maybe her own insecurities caused her to feel overly protective. Ever since David had been snatched away so suddenly, Barbara had been a little paranoid. What if something bad happened to one of her children? What if she died and left them with no mother? Sure, her folks would step in and raise the boys, but because they were getting up in years, it would be difficult for them to take on such a big responsibility. Her four married sisters might be willing to take the boys, but two of them lived near Sweet Springs, and the other two had moved to Minnesota. It would be hard for the boys to move from the only home they’d ever known.

Try not to worry
, she admonished herself.
As the book of Matthew states: “ ‘Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?’ ”

Barbara turned away from Davey’s crib and tiptoed out of the room. She needed to turn the future of her sons over to God. She decided to go outside and enjoy the rest of the day.

As soon as Barbara stepped onto the front porch, she spotted Paul sitting under a maple tree with Joseph nestled in his lap. Her heart nearly melted at the sight. He looked so
natural holding her son, and Joseph appeared as content as a cat lying in a patch of sun.

I need to speak with Paul
, she told herself.
I need to apologize for my abruptness the other day
.

Barbara walked swiftly across the lawn before she lost her nerve.

“Hi, Mama,” Joseph said with a wide smile. “Me and the harness man—I mean, Paul—we’re plannin’ a fishin’ trip.”

Paul’s ears turned pink, and he gave Barbara a sheepish-looking grin. “Guilty as charged. I thought maybe next Saturday after I close the shop in the afternoon.”

Before Barbara could respond, Joseph thumped the spot beside him. “Have a seat, and we’ll tell ya all about it.”

Barbara knelt on the grass next to her son. “I’m all ears.”

“I heard there’s some pretty nice catfish in the pond over by Ben Swartley’s place,” Paul said. “I thought it might be fun to take the boys fishing.” He motioned to Barbara. “You’re welcome to come along if you like.”

The thought of going fishing was like honey in Barbara’s mouth. She hadn’t been on such an outing in over a year. Not since David had taken her and the boys to the pond for a picnic a few weeks before his death.

“It sounds like fun,” she murmured. “But I couldn’t leave Davey that long.”

“You wouldn’t have to,” Paul said. “You could bring the baby along.”

Joseph nodded enthusiastically. “Jah, Mama. The boppli can come, too.”

Barbara shook her head. “He can’t be in the sun all day.”

“We could put up a little tent,” Paul suggested. “We’ll set his baby carriage inside, and he’ll be just fine.”

Barbara had some netting in her sewing cabinet. Maybe she could drape it over the carriage to keep the bugs away, and if she put the carriage under the shade of a tree, it might work out okay. It would be nice to get away and do something fun. But did she really want to spend several hours alone with Paul?
Of course
, she reasoned,
I wouldn’t really be alone with him. The boys will be there, too
.

“Can we go, Mama? Please?”

She patted her son’s shoulder. “I’ll think on it. In the meantime, I’d like you to go find Aaron.”

“What for? He don’t wanna play with me; he said so.”

“Tell him I want to head for home soon.”

Joseph’s lower lip protruded. “Aw, do we have to?”

“Jah. I’m going back to the house to get Zachary and Davey in a few minutes, and I’d like you and Aaron to be ready to go.”

The boy stood and squeezed Paul around the neck. It was obvious that he’d taken a liking to the man. And from the way Paul responded by grinning and patting Joseph on the back, Barbara was fairly sure the feeling was returned.

As Joseph skipped away, Barbara searched for the necessary words. “I. . .uh. . .owe you an apology for the other day.”

Paul’s eyebrows rose.

“I shouldn’t have been so testy about Aaron’s black hands, and I didn’t mean to question your judgment. I hope you’ll accept my apology.”

A slow smile spread across his face, and a familiar longing
crept into her heart.
David used to look at me like that. Oh, I surely do miss him
.

“No apology needed,” Paul said. “Aaron’s your son, and you had a right to be concerned.”

“I appreciate your understanding.”

He plucked a blade of grass and stuck it between his teeth. “I hope you’ll consider the fishing trip.”

Barbara was taken aback by the stark emotion she saw in Paul’s eyes. What did it mean? Was he missing someone, too? Maybe Paul had a girlfriend back in Pennsylvania. Barbara had never thought to ask. Should she say something now? No, she’d better not; it might embarrass Paul.

“I’ll give it some thought,” she finally murmured.

“While you’re thinking on it, I hope you’ll remember how much Joseph wants to go fishing.” He leaned back on his elbows and smiled. “For that matter, from the look I saw on your face when the fishing trip was mentioned, I’d say it’s something you might be looking forward to, as well.”

Barbara rose to her feet and hurried toward the house with her heart beating an irregular rhythm.

O
n Wednesday morning, a group of women including Margaret Hilty and Faith showed up to work in Barbara’s yard. Barbara felt torn between helping them and going to the harness shop. She knew it could only be for an hour or two, as she didn’t have the energy to work a full day yet. Her plan was to wait until lunch was over and then take the three younger boys to her folks’ place so her mom could watch them. She figured Aaron might like to help in the shop, too.

“I feel like I should be helping you with the yard work,” Barbara said when Faith came up to the house to get a jug of iced tea for the women. “But I’m planning to work in the harness shop a few hours this afternoon, and if I work in the garden this morning, I won’t have the energy to work in the shop after lunch.”

Faith shook her head. “We don’t expect you to help us in the
garden.” She touched Barbara’s arm. “If you want my opinion, you shouldn’t be working in the harness shop yet, either.”

“Why not?”

“Have you looked in a mirror this morning? You’ve got dark circles under your eyes, and your face looks pale and drawn.” Faith nodded toward the steps leading to the upstairs bedrooms. “What you should do after lunch is take a nap.”

“I don’t need a nap, and I don’t need any lectures.” Barbara gritted her teeth, and her hand shook as she pushed a strand of hair back into her bun. She wished people would stop telling her what to do.

Faith drew back like she’d been stung by a bee. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Barbara’s face relaxed some. “It’s me who should apologize. I don’t know why I’m so testy lately.”

“You’re tired and no doubt feeling a bit stressed with all the responsibilities you have.”

“That’s true, but it’s no excuse for me being rude. Will you forgive me?”

Faith nodded and gave Barbara a hug. “Of course. And I’ll keep praying for you, too.”

“Danki. I appreciate that.”

“Well, I’d best head back to the garden so the women can have a cold drink.” Faith made a beeline for the yard, and Barbara hurried upstairs to check on little David.

“Looks like a group of women have converged on Barbara’s yard
today,” Samuel said to Paul as he glanced out the window of the harness shop.

Paul stepped up beside Samuel. “I see that. I wonder what they’re all doing.”

“From what Alice told me, they came to weed the garden and get Barbara’s yard in shape.”

Paul craned his neck as he watched several women bent over the garden with hoes and rakes. “Looks like my sister-in-law Margaret is here.”

Samuel nodded. “Alice heard that John Frey invited Margaret, thinking it would give her something meaningful to do that might take her mind off her grief.”

Paul cringed at the mention of the bishop’s name. He didn’t care for the way that man looked at Barbara. . .like he owned her. He turned away from the window and grabbed a hunk of leather that needed to be trimmed.
Maybe I’m overreacting. Bishop John might not have a personal interest in Barbara at all. He may just be doing his job as head minister of this community when he pays her a call, same as he’s been doing with Margaret
.

“Did Barbara tell you she plans to come out to the shop this afternoon?” Samuel asked.

Paul shook his head. “She never said a word. I guess it’s her right to drop in and check on things, since this is her shop.”

Samuel glanced out the window again as the rumble of buggy wheels could be heard coming up the driveway.

“Guess there must be more women coming to the work frolic, huh?”

Samuel shook his head. “Nope. It’s John Frey’s rig, and he doesn’t seem to be headed to the harness shop, so he must be
planning to pay another call on Barbara. Or maybe he came by to see how the yard work is coming along.”

Paul clamped his teeth together.
More than likely the bishop’s here to see Barbara
.

Knowing the three older boys were playing in the barn, Barbara opened the door and stepped outside to call them in for lunch.

“There’s a buggy comin’, Mama,” Aaron said as he, Joseph, and Zachary hurried across the lawn.

She shielded her eyes against the harsh glare of the sun and noticed Bishop Frey’s rig heading toward the house. Instinctively, she reached up to straighten her kapp.