On Her Own (20 page)

She nodded but didn’t return his smile. Paul felt a sense of relief.

“Come now, boys,” Barbara said, grabbing Zachary’s hand. “Let’s see about eating our supper.”

Aaron, Joseph, and Zachary followed her to the quilt, and in short order, she had the food set out.

“Yum, this looks good,” Joseph said, licking his lips.

“Let’s pray, and then we’ll eat,” Paul said, handing Barbara the baby.

She turned to face the bishop, who was watching them like a hungry cat ready to pounce on its unsuspecting prey. “Would
you care to join us, John? That is, if you haven’t already eaten.”

“Haven’t had anything since lunch, so I’d be much obliged.” John quickly reeled in his line and set the fishing pole aside. Then he took a seat beside Barbara.

Paul gritted his teeth. It didn’t surprise him when the bishop accepted her invitation, but did he have to plunk down right beside Barbara, as though he was the one who’d brought her and the boys to the pond?

The bishop cleared his throat. “Shall we pray?”

All heads bowed. When he cleared his throat a second time, they opened their eyes.

“Everything looks mighty good,” the older man said as he reached for a piece of Barbara’s fried chicken.

“I hope it tastes as good as it looks.” Barbara handed the container to Paul, who took a drumstick. Then he passed it to each of her boys.

“Want me to get the boppli’s carriage from the buggy so you can eat with both hands?” Paul asked, looking at Barbara.

She nodded. “That would be nice.”

Paul set the drumstick on his paper plate and stood. When he returned a few minutes later, he set up the carriage and took the baby from her. After the little guy was settled, he draped the netting across the top and sides of the carriage. He sat back down and was about to reach for his piece of chicken when he noticed Aaron’s plate still had most of his food on it.

He tapped the boy on the shoulder. “You haven’t eaten very much.”

Aaron shrugged. “I ain’t all that hungry.”

“Well, I sure am. Guess a few hours of fishing gave me a
hearty appetite.” John chomped down the last hunk of white meat he’d taken and licked his fingers. “Your mamm is one fine cook, Aaron.” He turned to Barbara. “Got any corn bread or baked beans?”

“As a matter of fact, I do.” Barbara handed the man the bowl of baked beans, followed by the basket of corn bread.

“Danki.”

“You’re welcome.”

It was all Paul could do to keep from telling the bishop what he thought. He had wanted to spend the evening with Barbara and her boys, do a little fishing, and hopefully work on his relationship with Aaron. Instead, he was being forced to sit here and watch the bishop eat the choicest pieces of meat, listen to the man praise Barbara for her cooking skills, and worst of all, watch John make cow eyes at her. Paul was beginning to wish he had never suggested this outing.

He gritted his teeth.
It’s only natural that Barbara would be interested in a man like the bishop. He has the respect of those in the community, he plans to stay in Webster County, and he has the smarts to outwit me
.

Paul leaned back on one elbow and took a bite of chicken.
Might as well make the most of the evening, because if John has his way, this will probably be the last time I take Barbara and her kinner anywhere
.

John studied Paul as he ate his chicken. He couldn’t figure out why the man would be showing such an interest in Barbara and
her boys when he didn’t plan to stay in Webster County—unless Paul planned on staying with the hope of marrying Barbara and taking over her harness shop. If Barbara accepted John’s proposal, then Paul would know he didn’t have a chance and would soon be back in Pennsylvania, where he belonged.

“How’s Margaret doing these days?” Barbara asked, looking over at John. “I’ve only seen her at church since the day she came to help with my yard work, and we haven’t had much chance to talk.”

“She’s getting along all right, but of course, she still misses Dan.” He smiled. “I think it did her some good to help with the work frolic, so maybe if you’ve got more work that needs to be done, you might see if she’s free to help.”

“I’ll be going back to work in the harness shop full-time soon, I hope,” Barbara said. “It’ll be even harder for me to keep up with things around the house and yard, so I might have to ask for more help.”

John was tempted to tell Barbara that if she married him she’d have all the help she needed from his daughters and that she wouldn’t have to work in the harness shop at all because he would suggest that she sell it. But it would be out of place to mention his marriage proposal in front of Paul, so he merely nodded and said, “Anytime you need some help, just let me know, and I’ll spread the word.”

“Danki.” Barbara lifted the container of chicken and held it out to him. “Would you care for another piece of chicken?”

He nodded and licked his lips. “Don’t mind if I do.”

O
n Sunday morning, Barbara awoke with a headache. Church would be held at her in-laws’, and as much as she enjoyed visiting with Mavis, she dreaded going. It wasn’t merely the constant pounding in her head that made her want to stay home in bed. After yesterday’s picnic supper and fishing, she wasn’t looking forward to seeing either Paul or Bishop John. They had acted like a couple of little boys the whole time, causing Barbara to wonder if they both might be vying for her attention.

Barbara swung her legs over the edge of the bed and rubbed her temples. She knew the bishop wanted to marry her, if only to help raise his girls. But why would Paul try to gain her attention? He would be going back to Pennsylvania soon and surely had no interest in her. So why had he seemed irritated because the bishop had been at the pond?

She padded across the room to check on the baby.
Maybe I’m imagining things. It could be that Paul was just worried the bishop would take all the good fish, like I’d suspected in the first place. Paul is a strange man—sometimes friendly and relaxed, other times distant and uptight. I wish I could figure him out
.

Barbara stared down at her son sleeping peacefully in his crib and thought about the baby’s father. “Oh, David, why did you have to die and leave me with four boys to raise and a business to run on my own? I feel so helpless and confused. I miss you so much. If only you were here to tell me what to do.”

Barbara glanced around the room she had shared with her husband for ten years. Everything looked the same—their double bed and matching dresser made by David’s father, the sturdy cedar chest at the foot of the bed given to Barbara by her parents when she’d turned sixteen, and the beautiful Wedding Ring quilt her mother had made as a wedding present.

Her gaze came to rest on the Bible lying on top of the dresser. It had been David’s, and she always found a measure of comfort by simply holding it in her hands. Not because it was God’s Word, but because it had belonged to her husband and she knew how much the Bible had meant to him. Truth was, Barbara had been neglecting her Bible reading lately. She was too busy during the day and too tired at night.

Barbara left the crib and made her way across the room. As she picked up David’s Bible, tears coursed down her cheeks. The feel of the leather cover made her think about the harness shop. Should she sell the business and hope to make enough money so they could live off it? She certainly couldn’t rely on her folks to support her and the boys. It was all Dad could do to help
part-time in the shop. But the wages she gave him were a much-needed supplement to the meager income he and Mom made selling some of their garden produce and the quilts Mom made. Dad’s arthritis had kept him from farming for quite a spell, and even though Barbara’s sisters sent money to their folks whenever they could, Barbara still felt the need to assist her parents as much as possible.

“Of course, I could sell the shop and marry the bishop,” she said with a weary sigh as she sat on the edge of her bed. “Maybe Paul would be interested in buying it.” She opened the Bible to a place marked with a slip of paper. In the book of James, David had underlined the fifth verse of chapter one. “ ‘If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him,’ ” she read aloud.

Setting the Bible aside, Barbara closed her eyes. “I’m so confused, Lord. I need the wisdom of Your words found in this
Biwel
. I need to know what to do about the bishop’s offer of marriage, the harness shop, and my befuddled feelings toward Paul.”

She released a sigh as she thought about the verse from Ecclesiastes that John had quoted to her awhile back, about two being better than one. Maybe she did need someone to share her life with. But could she ever be truly happy married to the bishop, for whom she felt no love? Could she take on the responsibility of raising the bishop’s four girls plus her boys? She would have to give up the harness shop unless she could count on the girls to watch the boys.

Barbara rubbed the bridge of her nose. There was so much
to think about—so many conflicting thoughts whirling around in her head. Truth be told, she was falling in love with Paul, but she couldn’t let him know that. If they were meant to be together, he would have to make the first move and let her know he felt the same way.

With another long sigh, she stood. It was time to set her thoughts aside and turn things over to God. She needed to wake the boys up, start breakfast, and get ready for church. “I’m going to pray for wisdom and leave my future in God’s hands, just as David always did. And I’m not going to let a little old headache keep me from worshipping the Lord today.”

Paul had a hard time keeping his thoughts on the preaching service and not on Barbara, who sat directly across from him on the women’s side of the room, holding her baby. On one side of Barbara sat her mother. The bishop’s oldest daughter, Betty, occupied the other spot. Paul wondered if it was merely a coincidence or if John Frey might have asked Betty to sit beside the woman he hoped to marry.

It was all Paul could do to keep from staring at Barbara’s dimpled cheeks, which were slightly pink, no doubt from the heat of this warm summer morning. He wished he were free to fall in love with her and stay in Webster County. But there were too many complications to prevent them from having a relationship—his insecurities about becoming a husband, her possible marriage to the bishop.

Paul thought about yesterday’s trip to the pond. Despite
his irritation over the bishop’s presence, he had enjoyed being with Barbara and her boys. With the exception of Aaron, who’d remained aloof all day, Barbara’s children had really warmed up to him. Even the baby had seemed content when Paul held him, and the little guy sure was soft and cuddly. When the infant had nestled against Paul’s chest, it made him feel loved and appreciated. It had also caused him to wish for something he felt sure he would never have.

The bishop’s booming voice drove Paul’s thoughts to the back of his mind. “The Bible says, ‘For the Lord God will help me; therefore shall I not be confounded: therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed.’ Isaiah chapter fifty, verse seven.”

John Frey was preaching on challenges, and Paul wondered if the verse he’d just quoted was an announcement of the man’s personal challenge to win Barbara’s hand in marriage.

At the moment, Bishop Frey’s face looked like it was set in flint. He pursed his lips and held the Bible in front of him as though it were a weapon.

Paul stared at the floor.
Maybe his message is directed at me. Could be he wants me to realize how determined he is to make Barbara his wife
.

He grimaced. It didn’t seem likely that the bishop would bring his personal life into the sermon. But the man was only human. And he obviously needed a wife to help him raise his four girls.

Paul was pretty sure John had God on his side, him being a spiritual leader and all. Still, that shouldn’t give him an edge with Barbara, at least not to Paul’s way of thinking.

Forcing his thoughts aside so he could concentrate on the rest of the service, Paul reminded himself that he needed to keep his focus on God.