On Her Own (7 page)

Mom placed a bowl of coleslaw on the table. “The boy probably misses his daed, and being in the shop is a reminder that David’s gone.”

“Maybe so.” Tears sprang to Barbara’s eyes. “Aaron reminds me of David in so many ways. He enjoys working with his hands, and he’s got his daed’s determined spirit.”

“Maybe someday, when you’re ready to give up the shop, he’ll take it over.”

Barbara nodded. “He’s not old enough to do a whole lot out
there yet, but after he finishes eighth grade and is ready to learn a trade, we’ll see if he has any interest in the harness business.”

Her mother smiled. “If he takes after his mamm, he surely will.”

When Paul entered the Rabers’ kitchen, the first person he saw was Barbara. She sat at the table, holding the baby in her arms. He halted inside the door and stared. The sight of her kissing the infant’s downy, dark head brought a lump to his throat. He’d seen plenty of women with babies, but never had it affected him like this. It made him long to be a husband—but a father? No way! He didn’t have the patience for that.

What’s the matter with me? I shouldn’t even be thinking about marriage or children. Maybe I worked too hard this morning and it addled my brain
.

“Hello, Paul,” Barbara said. “How’d it go in the shop?”

He hung his straw hat on the closest wall peg. “Everything went fine. There’s a lot to be done out there, that’s for sure.”

She nodded. “With me not being able to work for the few weeks before the baby came, we really got behind.”

“We’ll catch up quick with this man minding the shop,” Samuel said, following Paul into the kitchen. “I’ve never seen anyone work as hard as him.”

Paul’s ears burned, and he reached up to rub them, hoping to hide his embarrassment.

“I–I’m glad to hear it.” Barbara’s voice wavered when she spoke, and she stared down at her baby.

Alice Raber lumbered across the room, her generous frame pushing at the seams of her long blue dress. “If you men have already washed, then sit yourselves down at the table, and I’ll call the boys inside.”

“We cleaned up in the harness shop,” Samuel said, “so we’re ready to eat.”

“I’ll be right back,” his wife said and went out the door.

Samuel sat down at the head of the table, then motioned for Paul to take a seat.

Paul complied but shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He felt out of place.

Barbara seemed equally ill at ease. She kept her attention on the baby.

The tantalizing aroma of sugar-cured ham tickled Paul’s nose and made his stomach rumble. This meal was bound to taste better than the cold sandwich and apple he’d brought to work. Struggling to come up with something intelligent to say, Paul felt relief when Alice returned with three young boys in tow.

“Paul, these are Barbara’s boys,” she said, tapping each one on the shoulder. “This is Aaron—he’s close to nine. Joseph’s nearly six, and Zachary is three and a half.”

Paul nodded as the boys took their seats. “I met Aaron the other day. It’s nice to meet the rest of you.”

The two younger ones giggled, and Joseph nudged Aaron. Paul didn’t know what they found so amusing. Could they be laughing at him? Maybe so. He remembered one of the young English boys who’d come into Andy’s harness shop not long ago had laughed at him, saying he was so tall he looked like a beanpole.

As soon as Alice sat down, Samuel cleared his throat, pulling
Paul’s thoughts aside. Everyone at the table bowed their heads for silent prayer. When Samuel cleared his throat a second time, it was time to eat.

“Why don’t you let me put the boppli in the crib?” Barbara’s mother suggested. “That way you’ll have both hands free to eat.”

“I’m good at doing things with one hand.” Barbara glanced at Paul and caught him staring at her.
Does he think I’m overly protective?
She looked away and reached for her glass of water.

“You’re not going to let me put the boppli down?” Mom persisted.

Barbara lifted the infant and placed him across her shoulder. “He’s fine, and so am I.”

Mom shrugged.

Barbara speared a piece of ham with her fork and realized as soon as it touched her plate that it would be difficult to cut with only one hand. Little David was almost asleep; she could feel the warmth of his head against her neck and hear his even breathing. A weary sigh escaped her lips. “Maybe I will put him down.”

She sensed Paul’s eyes upon her again as she stood and slipped out of the room.

When she returned a few minutes later, Dad and Paul were engaged in conversation, while Mom looked content overseeing the boys. Barbara lingered in the kitchen doorway. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the meal and the camaraderie. She knew it was silly, but Barbara felt out of place. Since she wasn’t working in the harness shop, she had nothing to contribute to
the conversation the men were having.

A sudden wave of dizziness hit Barbara with the force of a strong wind, and a need to sit swept over her. She had to eat something, even if her appetite was gone.

She moved slowly to the table and sat down.

“Did you get the little one settled?” her mother asked as she poured a glass of milk for Zachary.

Barbara took a sip of water, hoping to dispel the feeling of nausea she felt every time she looked at food. This was worse than morning sickness. “Jah, he’s fast asleep. It’s his second nap this morning,” she said with a weary sigh.

Mom studied Barbara intently. “I can see by the dark circles under your eyes that you’re not getting enough sleep. Would it help if I started keeping the older boys at our place during the night?”

Barbara took a bite of coleslaw, but it could have been shreds of straw for all the enjoyment she got from it. She knew why she was tired but didn’t understand the depression she’d been plagued with or her lack of interest in food. It wasn’t good for her or the baby.

“Daughter, did you hear what I said about keeping the boys overnight?”

“The older ones aren’t keeping me awake.”

Mom reached across the table and patted Barbara’s hand. “This boppli sleeps less than the others did, jah?”

Barbara nodded. “I wouldn’t mind being up half the night if I could make up for it during the day. But I’m way behind paying the bills and sending out orders for supplies needed at the shop.”

Paul spoke up. “Is there anything I can do to help? I’d be
glad to send out the orders for you.”

Barbara bristled.
He’s already doing my job in the shop, and now he wants to take over the paperwork, too?
She forced a polite smile while she shook her head. “Danki for the offer, but I can manage.”

Paul shrugged and took another piece of ham.

Barbara pursed her lips. Did he think she was unappreciative? Didn’t the man realize how badly she needed to take part in her own business? She cut her meat.
If only I wasn’t so weak. If I could work in the harness shop, I might not feel so useless
. She felt like bursting into tears for no good reason as she swallowed the ham and washed it down with a gulp of water.
Am I experiencing postpartum depression, still missing David, or just out of sorts because I’m feeling so drained?

“Grandpa, can I help in the harness shop this afternoon?” Aaron asked.

“I reckon it would be all right, if your mamm has no objections.” Barbara’s dad swung his gaze over to Paul. “And if it’s okay with Paul.”

A muscle along the side of Paul’s cheek twitched.

Barbara was happy to hear that her oldest boy had an interest in the shop again, but Paul seemed uncomfortable with the idea. “Aaron, maybe you should wait for another Saturday when I’m back working in the shop,” she suggested.

The boy’s forehead wrinkled. “But that might take a long time. Grandma says you’re real tired, and the boppli’s gonna need you for a while.”

Barbara couldn’t deny it. She might not be able to return to work for several weeks. She glanced at Paul again to gauge his reaction. He looked as uncomfortable as when he’d first entered
the room. “If Grandpa and Paul are both okay with it, then you can help a few hours this afternoon.”

Paul reached up and rubbed his jaw. “I guess we could use some help cleaning up the place.”

“Is that all?” Aaron scrunched up his nose. “I’ll bet if my daed was still alive, he’d let me do some fun stuff. Always did before.”

“We’re out there to work, not have fun,” Paul said with a frown.

Barbara stiffened. “You don’t have to be so harsh with the boy. He meant no disrespect.”

Paul’s face turned bright red. “I was just stating facts.”

“I think working in the harness shop is fun,” she asserted.

Mom’s head bobbed up and down. “That’s right. Why, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard Barbara say how much fun she has in the shop. Of course, that’s not to say I agree with her. Personally, I think harness making is too hard for a woman, and I’ve told my daughter so many times.”

Obviously, neither Paul nor her mother saw things the way Barbara did. She grabbed a deviled egg and bit into it, determined to get her strength back. As soon as she was on her feet again, she would be ready to take over the shop. Then Paul Hilty could hightail it right back to Pennsylvania.

“I think I hear Davey, so I’d better go check on him.” She rushed out of the room.

Alice stared at her daughter’s retreating form. Why was Barbara being so unfriendly? She seemed almost rude to Paul. Didn’t she
appreciate that he had agreed to take over the harness shop until she could return to work? And why did Paul seem so testy with Aaron? It was no wonder the boy shied away from him.

“So, what’s for dessert?” Samuel asked, smiling over at Alice.

“I made a fresh batch of oatmeal cookies this morning, and we’ve got some applesauce to go with them.”

“I’ll have some,” Samuel said with a nod.

“Me, too,” Joseph put in.

Alice looked at Aaron, but he only shrugged. She turned to Paul and said, “What about you?”

“Dessert sounds good, but I think I should get back to work. Danki for inviting me to join you for the meal. It was very good.” He pushed his chair away from the table, grabbed his hat, and headed out the door.

Alice looked at Samuel. “Do you want to take your dessert with you so you can get back to work?”

Samuel shook his head. “Paul’s real capable. I think he can manage without my help awhile.”

He looked over at Aaron. “You comin’ out to the shop with me, boy?”

“Huh-uh.”

“Why not? I thought you wanted to help.”

Aaron shook his head. “Not today, Grandpa.”

Samuel shrugged, glanced at Alice, and lifted his eyebrows. He was probably thinking the same thing she was—that it would be great when Barbara got her strength back and things returned to normal.

I
’m glad Mom could watch the kinner this afternoon so we could make this trip,” Faith said to Noah as they traveled down the road in their open buggy toward Barbara Zook’s place. “I really need to check on Barbara.”

“And I need to visit the harness shop.” Noah smiled. “So it works out well for both of us.”

They rode in silence awhile; then Faith spoke again. “I’m worried about Barbara.”

“Why’s that?”