PICTURES OF YOU: a gripping psychological suspense thriller (8 page)

Chapter 24

When the spilled water had been cleared and the table tidied Mary looked at her friend and knew that now was the time to face the music and get the situation out into the open. She took a deep breath, steadied her nerve.

“Actually Jane, I am, I mean we are – we did, you know – what you said.”

“How old did you say he was?”

“He’s twenty one.” As she said it Mary raised her eyes and looked at Jane directly, she didn’t blink and though her heart was pounding she kept her gaze steady and her hands curled in her lap.

“Twenty one. He’s twenty one – Christ.” Jane swallowed hard, her eyes were popping, her mouth gaped. “He’s a kid, Mary he’s a kid. Tell me you’re making it up. Please tell me it’s not true.”

Mary held her peace as she watched Jane process the information. “You have got to be kidding me, you let a boy, that’s what he is, a boy, you let him come and live with you. A kid you didn’t know and then, then – No. Are you really telling me that you had sex with him? Oh, I don’t believe this. How could you? What were you thinking? Mary tell me it’s not true.”

“It is true. I met him; he came to stay with me. I was drawn to him, I couldn’t help it and then when he, well when we – oh it wasn’t like you’re making it out to be. It was wonderful. He is wonderful.”

“No, no stop there. I don’t want to hear any more. I can’t believe this, I’m sorry Mary, I really am but I don’t think I can talk about this with you. I’m shocked. You’re old enough to be his mother, his mother. Oh – yuk, it’s as if I slept with one of Millie’s friends. It’s not right, it’s – well yes, it’s disgusting.” Jane leaned down and picked up her bag.

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know, I can’t stay here with you. You appal me.” And then it came, the final thrust. “Just exactly what do you think Bill would have said, eh, your husband, how do you think he would have reacted? Well, I thought I knew you, but I was wrong I would never have believed it, never in a million years. It’s horrible.” With that she pushed back the chair and flounced from the little restaurant leaving Mary with tears rolling down her face, hands shaking and bile rising in her throat. As she bent to retrieve her things the phone pinged again.

See you later? xx

She ran out of the building and down the front of the shops towards the car park. Her mind was in turmoil. Jane had vocalised all the thoughts that she had been trying to quell, had opened the Pandora’s Box of fear and guilt. She reached the car park but her feet carried her on down the road, on and on, blindly away from the awful scene, on and on thrusting between Saturday shoppers and loitering teens anywhere that was away from what had just happened.

By now she was crying wildly, attracting interested glances from people as she hurtled past. She was gasping, her coat flying behind her, bag dangling madly from her arm. Still she ran on, past the shops, out away from the town centre and up to the park, in through the gates and down towards the lake. By now the headlong flight had eased. Shortage of breath slowed her and she plonked onto a wooden bench, lowered her head into her hands and sobbed as she hadn’t done in all the years since first hearing that she was to lose her beloved husband.

Chapter 25

The storm passed. Gulping and wiping at the tears on her face, Mary tried to regain her senses. What had she expected, really?

It, the wonder of Jacob, had happened quickly. It had all been so quick, so unexpected that she hadn’t thought beyond the moment, those precious moments in his arms, wallowing in the bliss of sex and amazement.

Of course, there had to be a reckoning. Life had taught her that pleasure brought pain, there was always a time to pay and here it was.

She tried to clear her mind and consider. After the horrible things that she had heard, how did she really feel? Was Jane right? Had what they had done been wrong, had it been disgusting? She wrapped her arms around herself, swallowed hard and blinked back the new tears.

The phone pinged.

It was Jacob. –
Are you on schedule? I’m free now; let me know when you get home. Have a nice day with your friend.
– She didn’t know how to reply, should she tell him not to come? Turn him away and move beyond him, draw back from the new intimacy. She took a deep breath and glanced around. The park was deserted, the only sounds were the birds in the trees and shrubs and the shush of the water against the hulls of the little rowing boats all tied together beside the jetty. It was peaceful and pleasant but she couldn’t stay. She would see him tonight and talk to him. The direction of the talk was yet to be decided. She needed time before then to sort her scrambled thoughts.

Jane had been her friend for a long time and had seen her through so much. She had been the strong arm to lean on, and seeing the shock and the disgust on her face had been painful. If that was to be the way that everyone would react, her mum and dad, her other friends, then maybe it really was wrong. It had been a mistake, irresponsible and now this was a whack on the side of the head, a warning that she had taken steps down a forbidden path and must turn back before it was too late. Again the tears, she dabbed at her face with a soggy tissue and stood up. Leaving the peace she trudged back to the car and once inside fished in the bottom of the big handbag to find her phone.

On my way home. See you soon.
– As she responded to his text there was a stone in the place where her heart used to be and a lump of sadness choked her throat. It was going to have to stop now, this pleasure wasn’t for her, what had she been thinking? A boy, as Jane had said, just a boy and surely then, out of bounds. She had been tasting forbidden fruit and she would see him one more time and then must let him go. She wouldn’t do what she had heard others did and tell him by text, her standards were higher than that. A face to face conversation was the only option though the thought was torture.

There was no point trying to dash aside the tears. More followed more, they just had to be let go, and so she sniffed and snivelled and raised a hand from the steering wheel to clear her vision when the weeping filled her eyes. She parked in her drive and staggered through the front door. Dropping her coat and bag she thudded upstairs to the bedroom and collapsed face down across the bed and indulged at last in an unfettered bout of crying.

Why was she crying? The thought inveigled its way into her roiling mind, well for herself. But why? She rolled onto her back. She was crying because of embarrassment, no one should see a look on a friend’s face like the one that had been on Jane’s. Okay, was that all? No, she was crying because of Jacob. Wishing right now that she had never met him, and been drawn to him and now must let him go. The tears were for all of it, the passion and the pain and the misery of realising that she had made a stupid mistake that may well have lost her an old and well-loved friend.

She heard the slam of the front door and shot up from the bed in panic, “Hi, Mary, it’s me. I used my key, I hope that’s okay.” His footsteps pounded on the stairs as he ran up to where she was desperately trying to repair her ravaged face.

“Give me a minute, I’ll be out in a sec.”

“Oh, okay, can I put the kettle on?” She heard him thump back to the kitchen and then the water running. She went through to the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red and sore looking, still swimming with unshed tears. No matter, she must talk to him right away and so how she looked didn’t matter. She held a cold cloth to her eyes to sooth them and then turned to go and join him in the kitchen. She would tell him straight away, tackle the thing quickly, she would be strong.

Chapter 26

Jacob looked up from where he was pouring the tea. He smiled and it tore at her heart. He put down the pot.

“Hey, what’s matter, what happened?” As his arms went around her she stiffened. He pulled back still holding onto her, bending to look into her eyes. For long moments emotion stole her voice, she gulped and stepped away. If she allowed herself to melt against him, to listen to the thud of his heart and relax into the heat of his body then she would be lost.

She must be strong.

“Jacob, I’m sorry.” She yearned for the feel his skin against her hands, she stepped further away. “I’m sorry, you mustn’t come here. I don’t think you should visit me. I think that…”

She couldn’t continue. He embraced her and she leaned in and took the comfort. “I’m sorry Jacob, we’ve made a big mistake, I’ve made an error of judgement. We need to stop it. We can’t do this.”

“We can’t do what?”

“See each other, be together. We can’t have a relationship, we mustn’t.”

“Why?”

It was simple, innocent and in its innocence it bewildered her. He hadn’t been there, hadn’t seen the look on Jane’s face. While she had been suffering an agony of embarrassment and grief he had been moving into his new home, spending time with his friends. Coming to the situation cold he had reacted with honesty and now she had to explain, somehow.

“Well it’s wrong.”

“What’s wrong? I don’t know what you mean. What are you talking about?” He led her to the table, pulled a chair away for her to sit and then knelt in front of her on the floor. He held her hands in his and looked into her eyes. He searched her face for answers and she searched her mind for ones to give that would be kind.

“I met Jane,” he nodded, “I told her about us.” He tilted his head to one side and narrowed his eyes, “I don’t know how it happened, it just slipped out. I told her that I had met you and that you stayed here.” He nodded but he had let go her hands now. She was aware that on top of everything else she had actually been indiscreet and discussing their relationship had been a betrayal in itself. Shame reddened her cheeks as she tried to continue. “I don’t know how it happened and I think now that I was wrong but, I told her, you see. I told her about us.”

“Yeah?” He was waiting for more. She was going to have to be more specific.

“I told her that we slept together Jacob. I told Jane about that. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have but I did.”

“Yeah, I see. It isn’t her business is it, so what’s the problem?”

“Well, she was appalled, she was disgusted. She stormed out of the restaurant.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Well, I mean why did she storm out of the restaurant for one thing but, why was she appalled and disgusted? Has she never had sex then?” He laughed as he said it. This conversation wasn’t going the way that Mary had expected and she was floundering now. There was a gulf between them, he didn’t understand. How could he not understand?

“Well, of course she has, it’s not that, not the sex, well it is but not only that. It’s us, don’t you see? It’s us – you and me having sex.”

“Why?”

“Oh Jacob don’t be cruel, you know why, surely you know why. Please this is so hard for me, don’t be mean.”

He drew back his hands. “I’m sorry Mary, I just don’t understand. So you told Jane we had sex and she thought that was disgusting but I don’t see. Nothing we did was disgusting, we just had sex, actually I rather thought we made love but whatever, what was disgusting? Is she a Catholic, is it because we’re not married? Shit that’s so old fashioned.”

“No, well yes – I suppose that’s part of it but don’t you see it’s us, you and me? The age difference.”

“Oh for goodness sake, don’t be silly. It can’t be, well I mean, how can that make any difference? No, no you’ve got it wrong.”

“No, I haven’t. She said as much, said you are just a boy and that I’m old enough to be your mother and she’s right, isn’t she?”

“Well, I suppose so if you want to just count years, but – well, so what? What has it got to do with her anyway? I know she’s your friend and all but really she needs to get real. I’m not a schoolboy, you didn’t force me, nothing like that. Oh come on now, don’t start crying again. This is all silly, it’s a nonsense. This is what happens though isn’t it? When you let other people in, it spoils things.

“Unless of course you really mean it and you don’t want to see me again. If you tell me that then it’s a different matter but if you tell me make sure it’s for your own reasons Mary, and not because of what some busybody said to you in a restaurant.”

She studied him for a moment, his beautiful face below hers where he knelt on the hard tiles, his look open and clear, his expression honest. There was something else there though, behind his eyes, impatience, possibly anger, and why not? He hadn’t asked for this, she had been gossiping and he had a right to be upset. Didn’t he?

“I’m sorry Jacob.”

She bent to him and kissed him. It was instinct and need and as their lips met the trouble and fear took wings and left her and all that was left was the feel of his breath on her face and the strength of his arms as he cuddled her close. She relaxed against him and knew that she wouldn’t let him go. Not for Jane, not for appearance’s sake, and not for Bill who she couldn’t believe would deny her happiness even if it came from a strange and unlooked for place.

Chapter 27

He stayed, they sent out for pizza and then they made love. If Jacob noticed that his room had been cleaned and reinstated as the guest accommodation he didn’t mention it. He made no attempt to take Mary to her own bed, though after the trauma of the day and the new resolve it had led to she had already decided that she didn’t mind where they went as long as it was with him.

She pushed the painful memories away. Time enough to deal with it when he wasn’t here and wasn’t kissing her and smoothing away the worries with his caresses.

After the sex he fell asleep and Mary lay beside him in the tumbled bed, calm and relaxed. Today had shocked her to the very core of her being but now, in this warm space with Jacob, she didn’t care what anyone thought. She would deal with it all and surely this peace, this happiness couldn’t be wrong. She would grasp this unexpected measure of joy in her life even though it was late in coming.

Later they went back downstairs; wrapped in robes they drank wine and listened to music in the candle lit living room until it was late and the street outside was silent. He dragged himself from the settee and stood looking down at her. “I’m going now Lovely Lady, shall I see you tomorrow? Don’t worry about Jane she’ll probably come around but, well you know, sometimes it’s best to try to keep private things private – it’s something you women seem to have trouble with – eh?” She was going to retort to the chauvinism but he was leaving and there had been enough friction for one day.

“Can you not stay tonight?”

“No, I need to get back. We’ve got an early start tomorrow. Steve’s taking me to the gym and then we’re meeting some of the others for a drink. You can come if you like, well maybe not to the gym,” he grinned, “but for a drink. It’ll just be the pub but you can meet some of my friends and it’ll be fun.”

She was already shaking her head, “I can’t, I don’t think I can do that Jacob. Do your friends know, about me, about us?”

“Well, I haven’t made a thing about it you know, I don’t gossip, not like some people!” He smiled as he said it but she was aware now that he had referred to her conversation with Jane several times. Was he more put out than he was letting on? She studied his face and saw nothing there that could be construed as anger or disapproval but yet, there was something. He was collecting his things together and heading for the stairs. “Steve knows I was living here, well I suppose the others do as well but I haven’t been carving our initials on the door frame or anything like that.”

He turned back and came to sit beside her, his face was serious and he reached and took her hand. “Mary, what do you want to do here? I mean, for me this is great, it is what it is. We like each other; we’ve got a connection, yes?” She nodded. “We like being together, we enjoy the sex, I don’t know why you’re worrying. As far as I’m concerned you are not some big secret, no I haven’t told all my mates that we’ve got a thing going on, but that’s only because I don’t talk about stuff like that. Why don’t you come and meet them? If you like I can just tell them you’re a friend but honestly you don’t need to hide anything, we don’t need to sneak around, this isn’t a nasty little affair with other people to be hurt. Come on meet my mates, come to the pub.”

Her heart was pounding. He was so open and honest, he was so much better than she was. As far as Jacob was concerned they were simply living and enjoying all there was to it, for him there was no hidden agenda, no subterfuge. They were loving friends engaged in a relationship, could it really be that the age difference mattered to him not at all? It all seemed too good to be true.

“I don’t think I can, not yet.” As the words left her mouth she remembered again the ugly look on Jane’s face and it brought her up short. Maybe hiding what was happening was just another version of Jane’s prejudice? If Jacob had been in the world for just a few more years would she not now be planning what to wear to meet his friends? Could it be she was buying into the attitude she had been so hurt by? What other reason could she have for not going for a drink with a friend except that she was ashamed to be seen with him and that was wrong, she wouldn’t do that – she owed him more.

“I’ll tell you what, why don’t you send me a text when you get to the pub, in case there’s a change of plan? Send me a message and let me know where you are and I’ll come and meet you.” She pulled a wry face as she spoke, a gentle way to let him know this was costing her effort but he smiled back at her and leaned to give her a peck on the cheek.

“Great stuff, we’ll be going local so don’t bring the car and then maybe later we can go for something to eat.”

“No, don’t let’s do that, let me cook for you, I’d like to.”

“Great, sounds like a perfect plan. Right, if I go now I’ll catch the last bus. See you tomorrow, yes?” She nodded and stood to walk with him to the door.

She watched his indistinct silhouette through the mottled glass as it wavered and faded in the light from the street lamp. Back in the living room she tidied up the glasses and turned off the music. She wrapped her arms around herself. “
Okay, you’re committed now lady,”
she muttered quietly
, “heaven knows where this is all going to end. What a day
.” She reached and turned out the light.