Rage Within (2 page)

Now her body was lying in the corner. He didn’t even think about trying to get rid of it. He wouldn’t be in this house much longer. The earthquakes were coming and after that he’d go wherever the voices told him to. They would
have more work for him to do and he’d have to travel to another city first.

When he was finished here, the entire town would be dead.

Upstairs, he could hear his children arriving home from school. Three children. One boy and two girls. Twelve, ten, and seven. Cursing, he looked at his watch, wondering how the entire day had gotten away from him so quickly.

“Mom? Dad?” his oldest son was hollering, loud enough to wake the dead.

“I’ll be up in a minute,” he said, pleased at how calm his voice sounded.

He picked the gun up off the table and double-checked to make sure it was loaded. Standing up, he winced a bit as his knees popped. He turned and headed for the stairs. The voices whispered away at him, a soft seduction wrapping around his brain. They knew what to do and everything they said made so much sense.

There would be no remorse.

Just another job to do.

DANIEL

“Hello, Daniel.”

He didn’t look up. Instead he kept his gaze on the walls. Someone had washed them recently. He could see smears of dirt from where they’d tried to wipe it away. Cracks. Something had smashed up against it. Black cracks on white wall. Odd. Somehow he’d expected this place to be spotless, but it wasn’t. The tiled flooring was worn and he could see tracks in the dust from where someone had moved the desk chair a few inches closer to the window. There were scuff marks on the door, and the window blinds were bent and crooked. The janitorial staff must be slacking off.

The woman in front of him didn’t wear a white lab jacket with a stethoscope around her neck. She wore a business suit, beige, and had on running shoes. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders and she didn’t wear glasses.

She looked very normal.

“I’m Dr. Coats,” she continued when he didn’t answer or acknowledge her smiling face. “As you know, I’m here to talk with you for a bit.”

He crossed his arms and then changed his mind. He’d
read about that in psychology. It was considered a defensive position. It made him look like he had something to hide. Guilty. Instead he shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and tapped his foot against the desk. His shoelaces were dirty.

“Daniel?”

His eyes flickered over toward her. She was holding a clipboard and a pen but she hadn’t started writing. She was waiting for him to talk. To spill his guts. So she could take notes and make decisions.

He didn’t have anything to say.

“Daniel, do you know why you’re here?”

Don’t say a word. They can’t do anything anyway. It’ll be over soon.

But he had to say something. He didn’t want to spend the next hour just gazing at the scuffed walls. Why did people always feel the need to cover stillness with sound? Even at home his mother had the television on almost twenty-four/seven. She said it calmed her nerves but she never paid any attention to it.

The problem was he didn’t know where to begin. A lot was riding on this conversation. There were countless words he could use, too many versions of everything going around in his head these days. How did he begin a conversation with such variables, each of which might lead to a different outcome?

“Daniel?”

“He started it.” There. First words. Not the best choice. He should have said something else. Inwardly, he cringed.

Dr. Coats’s lips curled upward. “So you can talk. I was beginning to think you were a mute.”

Daniel shrugged.

“Excellent beginning. But no, we’re not here because he
started it.” She moved over toward the side of her desk and sat down on the edge. Daniel could smell the shampoo in her hair. Or maybe it was her hand lotion. Coconut.

There was a long silence in the room while Dr. Coats waited for him to speak again. He knew he should say something, but what? There wasn’t any point in talking about it as far as he was concerned. It happened. He couldn’t change the past.

There was no taking it back.

He wanted to take it back.

No, you don’t. You want to do it again. Don’t deny it. You hated Chuck Steinberg. Hated him. He treated you like dirt every single day of your life. What about the time he kicked the stray dog you were feeding? Then he told your mother you did it. What happened then? No, he deserved it.

“You told the police you don’t remember doing it.” She pulled the cap off the pen and waited. “So how do you know he started it?”

“I remember that much.”

She wrote a few things down before continuing. “Would you like to tell me about it? The parts you do remember?”

You’re dead meat, pretty boy. I’m gonna mess you up good.

He’d spent too much of his life being invisible to most adults. Now everyone knew him. In a few short minutes he’d gone from average nobody student to the one everyone talked about in the teachers’ lounge and PTA meetings. Hell, this even made the newspaper. No one came near him anymore. Students actually went out of their way to avoid his locker. The group of girls who used to giggle when he walked past now turned and looked the other way. The last part he didn’t mind so much. He preferred being alone.

Safer that way.

It’ll be over soon.

“Daniel?” Dr. Coats tapped her fingernails on the clipboard, staring directly at his face. “Remember, everything you say in here is confidential. But I’ll also remind you, we’re here to talk. I can’t help you if you don’t help me.”

He really wished she’d stop repeating his name. No one liked being reminded they existed.

He sighed. “He came up to me after class. Slammed me into the lockers. Said I’d side swiped his car with my bike. I hadn’t been anywhere near his car. I don’t even know what it looks like. When I denied it, he punched me twice.”

The room was quiet except for the sound of Dr. Coats’s pen as it scraped the paper. She wrote for a few minutes before looking back at Daniel. He didn’t continue. The phone in his pocket began to ring. He’d forgotten to turn it off. Quickly he pulled it out. The Ryan Adams song grew insanely loud as the guitars seemed to bounce off the walls. He turned it off.

Suddenly his cheeks flushed and he felt like he’d done something terribly embarrassing. It was as if he’d shown up for this appointment wearing nothing but a raincoat and a pair of wet shoes. He glanced up at the doctor for a second and noticed how she was studying him intently.

“What else do you remember, Daniel?”

His mouth was dry and he couldn’t swallow. What did he remember? They told him that he’d gone crazy. Grabbed Chuck by the shirt and punched him several times in the face. Once Chuck dropped to the floor, he’d kicked him repeatedly in the head until the math and biology teachers managed to drag him away. Chuck had to go to the hospital and get treated for a concussion. The doctors had to take X-rays because they were afraid Daniel had cracked the bigger boy’s skull. Afterward Daniel discovered that the
blood had soaked through his sneakers, and his white socks were stained red.

But he didn’t remember.

He only knew what they told him.

“I don’t know,” he said. “That’s pretty much it.”

The doctor lowered her clipboard. “That’s all you can recall?”

“Yes.”

“Has this ever happened to you before? Not being able to recollect certain events?”

He hesitated and then shook his head. Lied. Waited while she made more notes on her clipboard.

“Head injuries?”

“No. Maybe when I was little. Nothing major, though. Basic kid stuff. I think I fell off the couch once. Had to go to the emergency room.”

“So nothing recent, then?”

He shook his head.

“Any other fights?”

“Nope.” At least none that he’d admit to.

“What about aggressive tendencies? Have you had thoughts about hurting people?”

He’d never considered himself violent before. He was the quiet guy who went to school each day and hung out with a few good friends. The semipopular boy who was always reading during lunch period and playing guitar on the front lawn when the weather was good. He was a lover, not a fighter. There were a few girls who would agree with that. He was the guy everyone assumed would go on to college, get a liberal arts degree, and end up being some obscenely successful writer. Even his yearbook picture said he was the guy “most likely to win a Pulitzer Prize in literature.”

But violent? No, that wasn’t his style. At least that’s what he thought. What he kept telling himself.

Make them suffer. They will all die.

Daniel grabbed his jacket. “I’ve got to go.”

Dr. Coats looked up at him in surprise. “We’ve still got forty-five minutes. I’ll have to report this if you leave now. You know this isn’t voluntary.”

It doesn’t matter. None of this matters.

“I’m sorry,” Daniel said. “I don’t want to talk anymore. I’ve got to go.”

He grabbed the handle and was out the door before she had a chance to say anything more.

Outside it was raining and he pulled his hood up over his head and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jacket. Turning around, he looked back at the hospital, half expecting to see big, burly orderlies running out the door to hunt him down. But no one came after him, only an older guy in a wheelchair, his pencil-thin legs sticking out from under his hospital gown as he tried to open a can of Pepsi.

A cold trickle of water worked its way into his shoes, soaking his feet. Looking down, he realized he was standing in the middle of a large puddle. He stared at the water, mesmerized as the raindrops pelted a steady beat into the ground.

It made him want to go swimming. Maybe he could catch a bus out to Buntzen Lake and go for a swim. It wasn’t that cold yet. It would be nice to float with the rain tickling his face as the mountains loomed over him. Maybe he could get a diving mask so he could hold his breath and watch the fish swim beneath his feet.

The car honking its horn from behind pulled him out of his trance. Daniel stepped over to the curb, shaking his head slightly to try and clear it. Swimming? Now? Man, he needed
to get his priorities straight. There were far more important things to worry about.

Looking back at the hospital, he knew he was going to get in trouble for leaving early. Part of his probation was the weekly visits to work on his anger issues.

But all of that seemed so insignificant.

He didn’t know what it was but only that it was coming.

Soon.

None of this would matter.

MASON

“It’s suicidal.”

“Nah, it ain’t. People have been doing this for years. My dad was talking about it last summer. They used to make the entire football team do it for an initiation or something. Told me he’d break my legs if he ever caught me doing it. But he’s done it. I could see it in his eyes.”

Mason stood with his friends at the edge of the Diefenbaker train bridge. They’d been there for the past half an hour, trying to gather the courage to climb up into the metal rafters and make their way toward the middle of the Saskatchewan River.

Although it was September, the weather was crazy warm. People were wearing shorts and it felt strange walking through the mall and seeing all the back-to-school clothing for sale. The snow seemed a million years away.

The river was still the perfect temperature for getting soaked, and although it was a weekday, everyone and their dogs were taking advantage of it. There were people water-skiing and kayaking. A few minutes ago, a motorboat full of pretty girls in skimpy bikinis crossed under the bridge. They’d hollered and waved their beer bottles as they passed. Both
Tom and Kurt screamed at them to come back.

All this fine summer weather. Girls in sundresses and short shorts. It really sucked being back at school.

But even Mason had to admit he must be missing a few extra brain cells, since he was now standing under a bridge, debating the most efficient way to crawl across it without falling and breaking his neck.

The bridge was old. The bottom part was built with steel so ancient, it was dyed a permanent black from the years of train exhaust. Up above were a system of wooden boards (also stained a variety of dark colors), two long parallel steel rods, and hundreds of railway ties. There was no walkway to cross to the other side. In fact, there was a huge chain-link fence around the perimeter to try to keep people from trespassing. Of course that didn’t stop the teenagers in the slightest. There were several places in the fence where kids had cut holes in order to sneak through. Although the bridge was on the outer limits of Diefenbaker Park, it wasn’t heavily monitored at night, which made it the perfect party place. Mason had done plenty of drinking here in the past.

But it was a Thursday afternoon and not a weekend evening. Thankfully none of them were hitting the bottle. Of course, Mason realized, the whole situation would make more sense if they were.

It was known in Saskatoon that the ultimate way to test one’s bravery was to jump from the bridge into the river.

“Mason. Dude. Brother. What do you think?” Tom grinned at his friend. Mason knew that look. It usually meant they were about to do something that would get them in a big heap of trouble.

“Definitely suicidal,” Mason said.

That seemed to be the general consensus. Scotty and Kurt nodded in unison.

“No one said we’re going to live forever,” Tom said. He pulled his shirt up over his head and dropped it into the wild grass. He took his car keys and phone from his pocket and tossed them on top of the shirt. “Can’t lose those. Mom would have a bird.”

“I dunno,” Scotty said. “This really isn’t a great idea. There was that kid a few years ago who broke his back. Remember that? It made the papers and everything. Cracked his neck on a rock or something. Water’s kinda shallow this time of year. We should test it first.”

“First of all,” Tom said. “I heard all about that. Dude was drunk out of his skull. Tried to do some sort of backflip and landed hard. It’s his own damn fault he broke his back. Second, the water is deep. Look at the banks. If the water was low, we’d be able to see it. No sandbars either. Bottomless blue, baby. It’s all good.”