Sinners and Shadows (29 page)

He had seen her and was standing, waiting in front of his desk. Edward hadn't exaggerated about the change in him. He had lost an alarming amount of weight and looked as though he hadn't eaten or slept since she'd last seen him.

‘Please, sit down.' He offered her a chair. ‘Would you like something? Tea? Coffee?' He was so polite; he might have been talking to a stranger.

She shook her head. Tears burned at the back of her eyes and a lump rose in her throat, preventing her from speaking. She pulled the chair away from the front of his desk and sat down.

‘I got your letter. Did you get mine? That is a stupid thing to say,' he said quickly. ‘Obviously you've read my letter. If you hadn't, you wouldn't be here. Did you have to come far?'

‘Across the road.'

‘You've been in Edward Larch's office for the last two weeks?' He lowered his voice at a noise outside his door.

‘I've been living in rooms in the house next door to his office.'

‘The house that Michaels the builder has been renovating?'

‘Yes.' They were exchanging words, but she was aware that neither of them was saying what they wanted to.

‘Rhian, what you saw – me and Tonia – it wasn't what you thought.'

‘I read Tonia's letter.'

‘And it didn't make any difference?'

‘I meant what I said in my note, Joey, this is the last time that I'll see you alone like this.'

‘Why, when –'

‘Please let me speak, Joey. I have had two weeks to think about what I'm going to say to you, and it's not going to be easy to remember it all. When I saw you holding Tonia and she told me that you'd been having an affair and she was carrying your baby, I believed her. Until that moment I didn't think a heart could break but I felt as though mine had cracked.'

‘I have felt that way for the last two weeks.'

‘I loved you so much …'

Loved –
past tense. Joey gripped the edge of his desk until his knuckles turned white but he didn't interrupt her.

‘… And then, when I received Tonia's letter and she said that she'd lied, that the secret you'd kept from me was that she'd been having an affair with Geraint Watkin Jones, I realized it didn't make any difference. I loved you, I should have believed in you but I didn't.'

‘Because of my past?' he questioned.

‘Doesn't it bother you, that I was so ready to believe the worst of you? A wife should stand up for her husband no matter what he's accused of. Murder, robbery, rape … all Tonia accused you of was loving and sleeping with her and I believed her.'

‘So you're saying that we should end our engagement just because you believed Tonia's lies?' he demanded incredulously.

‘Yes.'

‘Oh, no, Rhian! I'm not going to allow something so stupid and vicious to end what we have.'

‘You have no choice.'

‘Yes, I do. Do you think for one minute that I'd stand back and let you walk away without a fight?'

‘There's nothing left for you to fight for, Joey.'

‘You've stopped loving me?' he challenged.

‘Love is nothing without trust and we've proved that I don't trust you. Don't you see that if we married, I'd turn into a nagging, jealous wife?'

‘Providing you were my nagging, jealous wife, I wouldn't mind.' He smiled, a ghost of his old mischievous smile, and it was as though someone had stabbed her and twisted the knife.

‘You would mind in time, because you would learn to hate me and I couldn't live with that.'

He propped his elbows on the desk, sank his chin on to his hands and stared at her. ‘I can understand you wanting to postpone the wedding after what has happened, but if we continued to see one another –'

‘No, Joey, I'll not lay myself open to your persuasion a second time,' she countered firmly.

‘Mrs Williams told Sali that you'd left Llan House.' He had to ask the question, although he dreaded the answer. ‘Are you moving from the Rhondda?'

‘No, Mr Larch is opening a shop in the building he's had renovated. I am going to manage it for him.'

‘Then we will see one another.' He continued to clutch at the hope, unwilling to let it go.

‘There's something else that you should know, Joey.'

She glanced uneasily at the open door.

‘Shall I close it?'

She looked at the window that overlooked the shop floor. Everyone there could see them, but they wouldn't hear anything that she and Joey said if the door was closed. ‘Yes, please.'

He left his seat and walked past her chair to the door. He had to tense his muscles to stop himself from reaching out and embracing her. She was like a magnet drawing him inexorably towards her, and he couldn't bear the thought of never being able to touch her again. Of never making love to her …

He closed the door.

She stared at his back, so broad and finely muscled beneath his shirt and waistcoat. Noticed the way his hair curled above his collar. Traced the line of his jaw …

He turned and walked back to his chair, taking a detour around hers. ‘What is this other great revelation, Rhian?'

‘I have become Edward Larch's mistress.'

He stared at her dumbfounded for a full minute and when he found his voice it was hoarse from shock and anger. ‘He took advantage of you!'

‘If anything, I took advantage of him,' she said quietly. ‘When I ran from here I didn't know where to go. Mr Larch has always been kind to me so I hid in the yard behind his office.'

‘In the hope that he'd find you?'

‘I wasn't thinking that clearly.'

‘But he did find you.'

‘The woman he pays to look after his offices and the new building did. She fetched him.'

‘And then you went to bed with him.' Joey left his desk and pulled the blind on his window.

‘Mr Larch wanted to take me to Ynysangharad House. I wouldn't go. And I refused to return to Llan House. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be alone. He asked the woman to take care of me then went home to Llan House.'

‘And afterwards? How long was it before you jumped into bed with him?'

‘What difference does that make?' she asked uneasily.

‘I have a right to know when you are engaged to me.'

‘I made love to Mr Larch when I realized that I didn't trust you and never would, and that was no basis for a marriage.'

Joey turned his back to her and ran his hands through his hair. ‘Do you love him?'

‘No.'

‘Does he love you?'

‘I don't think he's capable of loving anyone other than his first wife.'

‘You don't love him, he doesn't love you and yet you're prepared to remain his mistress? Why?' he demanded harshly.

‘Because we respect one another. And because we don't care deeply enough about one another to inflict pain. I know I'm being selfish, Joey, but I feel safe with Mr Larch. I can be totally honest with him knowing that he'll take care of me, no matter what I do.'

‘You trust and respect him? A married man who sleeps with you instead of his wife, and yet you leave me because you think that I
might
cheat on you? I promised you I wouldn't –'

‘But your promise wasn't enough to make me believe you,' she reminded him. ‘Mr and Mrs Larch's marriage is a disaster. It was from the outset. He spends more time with me than his wife.'

‘Then why did he marry her?'

‘Because he went insane with grief after his first wife died.'

‘If I lost you I'd go insane too.' He looked into her eyes.

‘I'm sorry, Joey.'

‘The day after tomorrow is our wedding day.'

‘You haven't cancelled it.' She paled at the thought of all the hours he'd waited for her to return.

‘No.'

‘But you will?'

‘Only if you make me.'

‘I won't be at the church, Joey.' She gripped the back of the chair for support as she rose to her feet. ‘It's time I went.'

He blocked the door. ‘Your sleeping with Edward Larch makes no difference to me, Rhian. I love you. I still want to marry you.'

‘It would make a difference in time, Joey. And I've told you why I can't marry you. If you want me to see Sali, Megan, your brothers and your father to explain the way I feel, I will.'

‘I'll do all the explaining that has to be done.'

‘Then I'll write to them.' She opened her handbag and removed the handkerchief containing his mother's ring. She untied the knots and laid it carefully in the centre of his desk.

‘You may as well keep that; I won't be giving it to any other girl.'

‘I couldn't keep it, Joey. Not now. Please, try to understand, if I wasn't so afraid of being hurt again or turning into a shrewish wife I would …'

‘Marry me?'

She shook her head. ‘Goodbye, Joey.' She stood in front of him and he stepped aside.

She walked past him and he reached out and gripped her hand. She returned the pressure of his fingers for a few seconds, then opened the door and walked away. She didn't look back, not even when he finally released her.

Chapter Fifteen

Edward Larch was sitting in the living room, ostensibly reading a book, when Rhian returned from the store. He watched her remove her hat and gloves, walk into the hall and put them away in the cupboard. She returned, sat on the edge of the chair opposite his and stared into the empty fireplace. Disturbed by her silence, he asked her a question he already knew the answer to, because he had seen her enter Gwilym James from his office window.

‘You saw Joseph Evans?'

‘I returned his ring, and told him that I couldn't see him alone again. I also said that I was going to manage your shop for you and,' she raised her chin defiantly, ‘that I am your mistress.'

Shocked, he said, ‘I know we may not succeed in keeping the rumours at bay, but is he likely to tell anyone?'

‘After this afternoon I doubt that Joey will want to mention my name to anyone ever again.'

She looked so crushed and devastated that he longed to gather her into his arms and offer her comfort, but he sensed it was too soon. ‘I'm sorry; it must have been difficult for you.'

She continued to stare at the vase of dried flowers that filled the grate.

‘You look exhausted. How about we send out to the White Hart for dinner tonight?'

‘If you like,' she answered carelessly. It made no difference whether she opened or closed her eyes; the desolate expression on Joey's face had imprinted itself on her mind. She could still feel his hand burning hers. Hear the emotion in his voice as he had pleaded with her to reconsider. She loved him! She'd even told him she loved him! Why had she walked away?

Then she recalled the agony of seeing him with Tonia. The way she'd felt afterwards. And she knew she had done the right thing. She was hurting, but she knew from the painful experiences of her own childhood that time was a great healer. Whereas marriage to a man like Joey would be interminable torture because she would never be able to trust him out of her sight.

‘If you pack, we could leave first thing in the morning. It would give us an extra day.'

‘Leave?' She looked blankly at Edward.

‘That holiday we delayed the opening of the shop for. The one we're going on this Saturday, remember?'

‘I remember,' she murmured distantly.

‘I checked the railway timetable.' He switched the conversation to practical matters in the hope of gaining her attention. ‘There's a train leaving Cardiff at nine o'clock tomorrow morning for London. We can change there for Brighton.'

‘Don't you have to work tomorrow?'

‘I only have two appointments. I'll ask my secretary to cancel them, clear my desk, then go to Llan House and pack. I'll stay here tonight and leave an hour before you in the morning. I'll buy our tickets at Cardiff station and meet you there. We'll breakfast in the dining car on the train.'

‘Won't Brighton be full at this time of year?'

‘The cheaper boarding houses perhaps, but not the best hotels.' He left his chair, leaned over her and stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. ‘Get some rest. I'll be back for dinner. Do you have a suitcase to pack your things?'

‘Mrs Williams sent my clothes down in an old Gladstone.'

‘Use it. We'll buy you new luggage in Brighton when we buy you a new wardrobe.' He looked back at her from the doorway. He knew she was going to start crying once he left, and he was coward enough not to want to see her tears.

The pang of guilt he had felt when she had told him about Tonia George's letter intensified. For all her protestations to the contrary, he suspected that she would have married Joseph Evans, if he, Edward Larch, hadn't made love to her.

But he would make it up to her next week. He had already made enquiries. One of the largest seafront hotels had an expensive suite with a balcony vacant. He would book it by telephone that afternoon and introduce her to a life of luxury she had never experienced. He'd take her to the best restaurants, theatres and shops that Brighton had to offer, buy her clothes, perfumes, jewellery and books – anything she wanted. Give her all the things he had longed to lavish on Amelia when they had honeymooned, and he hadn't been able to afford as a young man. He was determined to make it a perfect holiday, one they would both remember for the rest of their lives.

‘When Sali last called into the store, she told me that I could take as much time off as I wanted to. And with it being miners' fortnight, Dunraven Street's never been quieter. Sam's ambitious, he won't want to remain an assistant manager for ever, and there won't be a better time for him to learn to run Gwilym James on his own.' Joey dropped the small suitcase he'd packed inside the kitchen door and set his straw boater on top of it.

‘I can understand you wanting to get away, but wouldn't it make more sense to wait until morning?' Billy Evans was concerned by Joey's abrupt decision to leave. His son had walked into the house unexpectedly in the middle of the afternoon and informed him that he'd finally seen Rhian. He said she'd broken their engagement, returned his mother's ring and asked him to cancel the church and the other arrangements that had been made for Saturday. But he'd refused to elaborate as to why she wouldn't marry him.

‘I want to go now,' Joey said flatly. ‘Will you do me another favour, please?'

‘If I can.'

‘Write to Aunt Jane and tell her that I won't be needing the house on the Gower for the next two weeks, but I'll be happy to pay her the rent if she can't let it to anyone else.'

‘I'll write, but I doubt she'll need your money. There are always people looking to rent places down there at this time of year.' Billy reached for his walking stick. Leaning heavily on it, he levered himself to his feet. ‘Is it too much to ask where you're going?'

‘Swansea. Being a port town it's livelier than the Gower villages and far enough from here for me not to meet too many people I know. It has a beach I can sit on, pubs I can drink myself stupid in and music halls if I feel like being entertained.'

‘Sounds to me as if you may need some help to guide you back to your bed at night. Want some company?'

‘No thanks, Dad.' Joey's refusal was firm. ‘I'll be all right,' he added unconvincingly. ‘I just need some time on my own.'

‘You going for the full two weeks?'

‘Yes.'

‘And when you come back?'

‘I'll live here and carry on working in Gwilym James. What else do you expect me to do?'

Billy laid his hand on his son's shoulder. Sali and Megan were the demonstrative ones in the family, kissing everyone indiscriminately on the cheek, men as well as women. He and his sons rarely embraced one another. ‘If you don't look after yourself you'll have me to answer to when you do get back, boy,' he warned gruffly.

‘I know.' Joey tried to smile, but it was a shadow of his usual roguish grin. ‘Say goodbye to Victor, Lloyd and the girls for me, kiss my nieces and nephews, and tell them I'll be back with sticks of rock.'

‘Do you have enough money?'

‘More than enough, Dad. I'll send you a postcard.' Joey picked up his straw boater, pushed it on his head without checking the angle in the mirror and walked out through the door.

Hearing noises in her husband's dressing room, Mabel Larch crept out of her bedroom, stole along the landing and froze when she saw that the doors to Edward's dressing room and bedroom were open.

Edward walked through the inner door that connected the two rooms and dropped half a dozen starched white shirt collars into a suitcase that lay open on the day bed in his dressing room. He glanced up and saw her watching him. ‘Careful, Mabel, you're almost in my private quarters. You may see something that will bring a maidenly blush to your cheek.'

‘This is the first time you've been home in four days and you're packing.'

‘I have business in London.'

‘You're leaving tonight?'

‘In the morning.' He went to the tallboy, opened it and removed two piles of drawers and undervests.

‘You are staying here tonight.' It was an appeal more than a question.

‘No.' He dropped a boater into his hatbox, closed the lid and fastened the leather strap. ‘I have an early start and I wouldn't want to disturb you. I have ordered Harris to pick me up at my rooms in Dunraven Street.'

‘You will at least stay for dinner.' She was almost begging him. And not only because Mrs Hodges and Mrs Hadley had taken her aside to warn her that she wouldn't remain respectable for long if her husband persisted in living apart from her.

Since Julia and, more especially, Edward had moved out of Llan House, she was lonely. She had discovered that fundraising coffee mornings, charity bazaars, bring-and-buy sales and afternoon teas with the Ladies' Circle were no substitute for family meals, even ones fraught with tension. And perfectly decorated rooms were simply empty spaces when she didn't have anyone to share them with.

‘I have ordered dinner to be brought to my rooms from the White Hart.'

‘How long will you be gone?'

‘I will return to Tonypandy one week Sunday.' He flicked through the ties on the rack in his wardrobe and chose two.

‘To here?'

He turned and gave her a cool smile. ‘No.'

‘This is your home. You haven't slept here –'

‘I did warn you, Mabel,' he cut in dispassionately.

‘You could at least try to keep up appearances.'

‘I'm here now, aren't I? I haven't thrown you out on the street. I give you personal and housekeeping allowances.'

‘We're married –'

‘I think not, Mabel, and that's not an invitation to discuss the subject. You know my feelings.'

‘I miss you.'

‘Really?' Sock-suspenders and braces in hand, he stared at her in astonishment.

‘I'll do anything –'

‘Then open that door for me, please. I asked Mrs Williams to bring up the rest of my laundry. But, as it happens, I don't need it. There are more than enough clean clothes here to last me the week.'

‘Edward, please. I am trying.'

He couldn't help but contrast her clumsy attempt to make amends with Rhian's effortless lovemaking. ‘As you don't want to obey me and open that door, I'll take the opportunity to tell you something before you hear it from Mrs Hodges or Mrs Hadley.' He dropped a bundle of socks into the suitcase, snapped it shut, lifted it down to the floor and set it beside his hatbox. ‘I have a mistress, we live in the rooms next door to my office, she has made me very happy and no, she is not Mrs Ball, the elderly widow I employ to clean the building.'

‘You have another woman!' She couldn't have looked more pained if he'd struck her.

‘It shouldn't come as a surprise after I told you that I would look elsewhere for what you wouldn't give me.'

‘And you're happy living in sin, knowing that you will go to hell for turning your back on God and the Christian way.'

‘Much happier than I was living in respectability with you,' he divulged frankly. ‘When I return from … my business trip, I will examine my finances. You brought very little into our marriage, but I will make a settlement on you, and a more generous one than the allowance your father gave you before you left his home. However, there is a condition. You will have to return to Carmarthenshire to live with your parents for the greater part of the year. We could let it be known that your father or mother is in ill-heath and you're needed to look after them.'

‘You are talking about a separation and I have been an exemplary wife.'

He lifted his eyebrows. ‘Really, Mabel, we both know that is not true, as do the servants. And witnesses are forced to swear the truth and the whole truth so help them God in court.'

‘You would bring up our private life in court?'

‘Eventually, in ten years or so, when I retire from business.' He was polite, icily so. He'd answered every question she'd asked him. He'd left her nothing with which to reproach him, no cause for criticism other than his absence from the house and her life.

‘Edward, please –'

‘Think about what I've said, Mabel. This house is expensive to maintain. If I reduce the staff and close up most of the rooms, it will mean more money in your pocket. And if we handle our separation discreetly, no one need know how final it is until I retire.' He checked his reflection in the mirror, straightened his tie and smoothed the grey hairs back above his ears.

‘But if you cut back on the staff and close up most of the house, I won't be able to hold my head up in Tonypandy or the Ladies' Circle ever again.'

‘That is the least of my concerns.'

‘How can you say that when the Ladies' Circle is so influential and we all live here!' she exclaimed.

‘I doubt Julia will come back to Tonypandy. Hopefully, she is a respectable married woman by now. And no matter what we may think of her choice of husband, I am confident that he won't want to settle too close to her family.'

‘There's Gerald.'

‘Who was only too glad to accept his friend's invitation to holiday in France because it meant that he didn't have to come home and face you this summer.' Edward's voice was neutral but, rightly or wrongly, he blamed his children's problems and his estrangement from them on his disastrous marriage. ‘And, as he spends most of his time away at school and will soon go on to university, any alteration in our domestic circumstances will have very little impact on him.'

‘I live here,' she reminded him in a small voice.

‘The way we are at the moment, I am sure that you would be happier returning to your father for most of the year. You could assist him with his work just as you did before. Think about it, Mabel.' He retrieved his cases. ‘We will discuss the subject on my return. Please open the door.'