Southern Beauty (19 page)

He
did not follow her.  He hurt as much as she. He watched her slowly run out of his life. He closed his eyes, mounted his horse and rode off to his next mission. Her kiss still lingered on his lips. 
 

#   #   #

“Miss Johanna, what are you doing in Baltimore?” asked Jacob surprised to see Johanna sitting on a bench looking out over the harbor. “It’s not safe here anymore.” 

“I don’t know,” Johanna answered him as if she were in a daze, tears running down her face.

“Did you see David?” Jacob asked.  “He is here.”

“I did, please thank Emma for her letter,” she wiped her tears and took a deep breath. “She sent word to let me know you two were on your way here.”

“You saw David?  What did he say? Why are you here by the dock alone?” Jacob confused by her predicament.

“I was wrong
, Mr. Evans.  I came here like some harlot after a man who never really loved me.  I guess I was chasing a dream,” she felt in shock now.

“No
, you were not.  I am sure David loves you.  I did everything in my power to prevent him from pursuing you, but it was no use, you were all he wanted,” Jacob tried to console her.

“
He must have had a change of heart,” said Johanna.  “Or he was fooling everyone to get the map from me.  He has never told me he loved me, not ever.  I came here to tell him I wanted to be with him but he just said goodbye,” said Johanna.

“I don’t know what he is thinking,” said Jacob.  “
Unless of course, he thought it was in your best interest to let you go.”

“It’s in my best interest or his?” she asked. 

“I don’t know, both I suppose,” answered Jacob.  “Look at all the heartache this has already caused.”

“I think it’s only heartache on my side.  I convinced myself that he loved me. 
That he felt more for me then just wanting some military papers. I have been so wrong.” Johanna stood up and took a deep breath. “I guess it would have never worked anyway, my uncle has chosen to fight against the Union.”

“
I did hear about your uncle.  His decision has caused sorrow to many,” said Jacob sadly. “I am heading to Harrisburg, why don’t you come with me? Emma and I would love you to stay with us,” he said.

“Thank you, but I just can’t
,” she said in barely a whisper.

“
I understand, but where will you go?” he asked.

“I am going home,” she tried to smile.

“Virginia?” he asked.

“No, that is not my home anymore,” she frowned.
“I fear I do not belong anywhere.”

“
Emma will be in touch. She will be very upset with me if I don’t make sure you are okay. Can I do anything for you?” Jacob asked equally worried about her. “Can I get you a carriage?”

“I will be just fine
, Mr. Evans.  I don’t need a carriage to get to where I am going,” she kissed him on the cheek. “Please know that what ever happens, it is for the best.”

Jacob watched Johanna silently walk
away as if she was in a daze.  He had never seen her so beaten before. It broke his heart. 

“
You are not doing anything drastic are you?” Jacob asked worried about her safety.

Johanna didn’t answer him.  He wasn’t sure if he should follow her or not. 

Jacob grimaced, “What are you doing, David? You are going to lose her forever.”

Chapter
27

“H

ere is one ticket to
Southampton, England,” the clerk handed Johanna a ticket. “Sailing alone?”

“Yes,” she confirmed her worst fear, “I am alone,”

“You should be able to catch a train to Paris once you get there,” he smiled.

“Yes, thank you,” she tried to smile without tearing up again. She needed to be brave. 

“I can understand why you would want to leave this country,” the clerk said, “you never know who is Union or Confederate, you can’t trust anyone nowadays.”

“No kidding,” said Johanna as she held the ticket in her hand the weight of it seemed a lot heavier than it actually was.  She walked toward the door.  Her head felt as if it was in a dream, a very sad and lonely dream.  Her heart continued to deaden with each beat.  She stepped outside to get some air to clear her thoughts and there before her stood David.

Her astonishment kept her from speaking and she stood in silence staring at him.  He did not change his expression for one whole minute to Johanna it felt like forever.  His manner did not make her feel at ease. 

David had no idea he sat in silence that long.  His breath was caught in his throat along with his words. 
              “Are you going somewhere?” He asked her in almost a whisper stepping closer to her so they were face-to-face.

“I am,” was all she could say.

“Yes, you are going to Harrisburg with me,” he said with authority.

“I am not,’ Johanna felt angry at him barking orders at her. “Who do you think you are? I am not
your Southern whore, Mr. McPherson.”

“No,” he smiled. “You are my Southern Beauty, and I…” he swallowed, “am madly and hopelessly in love with you, and I know, God willing it will all work out.  You just have to
have a little faith.”

She stared at him. She
wasn’t expecting him to say this.  She thought for a moment she must be dreaming or she must have finally gone mad. She didn’t know what to say. Could this work out? She didn’t know anymore.  She had been waiting for the day that he finally expressed his love, but now that he did, she wondered how many people would be hurt by it.  She eyed him with uncertainty.  She didn’t know even if she could believe him.  Did he want something from her? She couldn’t go through more heartache another betrayal.

“Did you hear
me?” he grabbed her shoulders and held her up close to him, trying to make her understand.  “I said that I love you,” He felt desperate to get through to her.
              “I don’t know what you want me to say,” she still felt afraid to let go. Could she trust him?

“Just say it.  Why won’t you finally admit it to me, to yourself?” he asked.

“Say what pray tell,” she asked as if she didn’t know what he was talking about, still guarding her heart.

“That you
are in love me.  That you can’t live another day separated from me.  That instead of logic, you followed your heart, you chose me,” he said. 

Johanna continued to hold her ground and stay guarded. Her mind raced.  She couldn’t open her mouth.  She was frozen in fear.

“I see,” David’s eyes began to tear and he let go of the hold he had on her. “Then I guess there is nothing more to say,” he tipped his hat toward her with a slight bow of his head and he walked away.

What had she done?  What was she thinking?  This is what she dreamed about, what she had been praying for.  He was all she had ever wanted.  She loved him with her whole being. How could she ever let him go or give him up?  She stood there not knowing what to do.  She watched him walk out of her life without even looking back at her, not even once.  He couldn’t do that to her.  Not after all they had been through. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and opened her shielded heart in faith.

“How dare you walk away from me, Mr. McPherson!” she yelled angrier at him for giving up so easily in defeat. “How dare you walk away from the woman you love?”

He continued to walk on as if he wasn’t listening, she bit her lip.
“How dare you walk away from the woman who loves you?”

David turned and stared her down.  He thought how beautiful she looked so vulnerable, yet hands on her hips as if she was in control scolding him. She had finally said it. She had finally stopped trying to convince herself that she didn’t love him. She stood her ground unsure what he was going to do.

“Pardon, I didn’t hear you,” said David cupping his hand to his ear. “What did you say?”

Johanna’s faced flushed and tears began to fill her emerald eyes but she said it anyway, “I said
,” she hesitated, “I love you.”

“
Well, then,” David smiled relieved his tactic actually worked on her stubborn self.  He then ran to her and picked her up in his arms and kissed her like he never kissed her before.

Epilogue

“W

hat do you have
there?” asked David as he came behind Johanna and slid his arms around her, “rocks?” 
     She smiled as she felt the warmth of his body and the coolness of a warm summer breeze on her face. “They were given to me by the Voodoo Queen in New Orleans.” 
     ”Ooh, sounds mysterious,” said David.

Johanna began, “I didn't figure them out until now. One smooth, this represented Rene. He always knew what to say, charming, handsome...”
     David interrupted, “Okay, okay, I got it.”

Johanna laughed, “Did he really bother you that much?”

“Only when he was holding you in his arms,” he smiled and hugged her tighter.

“Well, he did have an amazing kiss,” she laughed.

“Hey, that’s not funny,” said David.

“Nothing will ever compare to our first kiss,” she assured him.
“The thunder and lightening just intensified it.” 

“And the fact that you couldn’t stand me,” he added.

“And Malcolm knocking you out,” she laughed. “How can you beat that?”

“I am sure I can try,” he insisted.

“I would love you to,” she laughed.

“Were you ever taken in by Rene?” he asked seriously.

“Not ever,” she said. “I knew he would never be faithful to me.  He loved the fact that I wasn’t taken in by his charm.  That was why he found me so appealing.  Anyway, he definitely was a lot of fun to be around.  I am glad we could stay friends.”

“Should I be concerned by his letters he writes to you?” David asked.

“You have nothing to fear, my love,” she said.

“I think the only time I feared for your safety is when you were near Malcolm,” said David.

“Was it my safety you feared or that I would fall in love with him?” asked Johanna.

“Both,” he admitted.

She held out the other rock, “speaking of Malcolm, he represented this rock. One rough, no matter how hard he tried the wickedness in him continued to show.” 
     “If your stubborn self would have listened to me in the first place, you could have saved yourself from a lot of heartache, or at least from being shot,” said David.

“Then I wouldn’t of known how much you really cared for me,” she sighed. 

“Yes, it seems I had to follow you across several states, pretend I was courting a ghastly woman, get into numerous fights with Malcolm, stay by your bedside for a week and then chase down your carriage for you to finally get it,” he said. ”It would have been simpler if you would have just believed me in the first place.”

Johanna laughed.  “Wait, you never told me you loved me until I followed you to
Baltimore.” 

“You never asked,” he said.

“How was I to believe that you loved me? Every time we were together you would insist on that bloody map and of course, kiss me. I thought you were trying to trick me into falling for you.”

 
“I always told you the truth.  I never lied to you,” he said.

“
No, you just didn’t tell me about Kathleen,” she said.

“Well, I didn’t know how to tell you,” he said.

“I am so glad she found someone.  It made it so easy to befriend her since she is happy and in love,” said Johanna.

“Yes, that worked out for all of us. It was quite awkward having to explain to her how much I loved you,” he said.

It seems you told everyone but me,” said Johanna.

“If you wouldn’t have left
Harrisburg in such a hurry, I would have told you myself,” he said.

“You could have told me when you hijacked my carriage
,” she said.

“I just thought you knew,” he
answered.

“No, you just
insisted that I loved you,” she said.

“I wasn’t wrong,” said
David.

“No, you were not,” she smiled.

“And that one?” he pointed to the last rock she held.

“
This one, oh, it seems rough on the outside, but,” she opened up the rock to show its beauty, ‘a treasure to behold.’ This represented you,” she smiled.

”You didn't realize until now that I am a treasure?” he mocked.
 

”Oh, I knew you were something,” she smiled.  They both laughed.
 “Want to help me do the honors?”  She handed him one.

“Of course,” They each took a rock and skipped it into the pond. At the end of the pond’s shore, a dragonfly whizzed by inhaling the sweet scent of swamp lilies. “Let's keep this one just in case you forget how valuable I am.” He held up the small geode.
 She laughed.

“Have you heard from your uncle?” asked David.

“Not recently.  I know he is safe.  Aunt Mary writes and keeps me informed without divulging any information of his whereabouts,” said Johanna. 

“I am sorry this conflict has been so hard on you,” said David seriously.

“I just want it to be over.  It saddens me that there are those who are fighting against friends and family,” she said.

“I know.  We will make it through this,” said David trying to assure her.  “I will keep you safe
here in Harrisburg, no matter the cost.”

“I do love you, Mr. McPherson,” said Johanna smiling again.
She then turned to him and searched his handsome face, “are you happy?” 

He kissed her softly and then whispered in her ear, “Ever since I captured my Southern Beauty.”