The Devil Inside (Wolf Guard Book 1) (17 page)
The scent of whiskey woke me. A smell that
both burnt my throat when I breathed deeply and brought a thousand images of
liquid gold soothing the rawness that had been left in Carver's wake. I opened
my eyes to changes.
The sun had long since set and shadows
darkened the room. A lamp illuminated the corner, throwing a circle of
burnished amber arching to the ceiling. My bed was draped in cloaks of night.
Heavy in its Darkness, smothered in midnights silent oblivion.
I saw this in even sharper vision than I'd
already known. A crystal clear picture of the room around me, perfect clarity
in the world outside. I felt stronger, as if I could bench press Lane if I felt
so inclined.
I felt a searching emotion taking over me.
A cloud of confidence and vitality; some kind of pride in myself. This, I could
only attribute to Carver. This new emotion that was trying to take over, trying
to wipe out all that worthless insignificance and wretched inferiority. His
centuries of bravery and leadership which had created that proud wolf were
leaking into my very soul, a connection that not only brought me increased
strength and ability, but a sense of self that was eclipsing all that I'd been
before. I was eternally conflicted about how that made me feel.
My wolf's vanity had grown in abundance
while I'd been sleeping. She now pranced around my head as if she were Queen of
all she surveyed. Once again I tried to remind her that she was not, that she
was only stronger now because of Carver and she still, would not be able to
beat that Captain. She huffed inside me and continued to ignore my words, we
both may not like Carver right now but she for one, certainly appreciated his
gifts.
I on the other hand, wanted to burn his
house down.
Muffled snores came from the armchair at
the side of the bed, I turned to look at the figure bent in an awkward shape.
One that would prove hell on old bones when he woke up. Two lumps of tan and
black on the floor added to the symphony of snores periodically and I smiled at
their twitching legs as they dreamed.
I heard muffled voices from the floor below
and I made out Carver and Fraser’s tone as they whispered to one another. I
screwed my face up in a scowl; I could not wait to see that wolf, see him
wither beneath my glare.
I twisted in the sheets and Sam grunted
from his armchair. I reached for the whiskey on the side table and took a long
gulp that washed over the delightful burn it produced as it hit the back of my
throat. Sam moved in his chair and blinked his eyes open, grumbling incoherent
words as his eyes met mine and he stretched his limbs, wincing at the ache that
must have followed. He yawned widely and spied the glass in my hand. His beady
eyes quickly caught on to the second glass and he grabbed it as if I was going
to steal it right from under his nose. I rolled my eyes and took another sip as
he gradually woke up.
"Mornin' girlie," he sighed.
I glanced at him, "it's night-time
Sam."
He chuckled, his voice rough from
sleep,"I'm awake, therefore it's mornin'."
I sighed and clinked my glass with his,
he'd argue the sea was pink if it made him right and I wasn't in the mood for
arguing.
"Ya been up long?"
"No, just before you."
Sam hummed as he drank, pure appreciation
in the sound. "Figure it 'bout time we had tha' talk girlie."
I peered at him,"What talk?"
He grinned, "Tha one we shoulda had
long ago. Watcha been dyin' ta know, tha one 'bout me."
I winced a little. He was too observant
sometimes and although I felt justified in my suspicions I also couldn't help
but feel guilt with it.
He turned a little in his chair to face me
properly and slouched until he relaxed against the overstuffed back.
"I knew Clara." His confession
was blunt and a shock to my system. I stared at him and felt water gather in my
eyes that I didn't have a hope of stopping.
"Ah dun worry girlie, no' your fault.
She knew wha' she was doin', she knew tha risk."
I shook my head at him, it was my fault.
I'd underestimated him and she'd paid the price.
Sam returned the head shake, "Won't
hear no more 'bout it ya hear? His fault, no one else's." He sighed and
took another sip as he continued, "knew her from b'fore, she been tha'
Alpha's secretary fo' years. I used ta be a governor ya see..."
I snapped my head to him and he chuckled at
my expression. ".. Yeah, yeah. I know. Thing is, it weren't always like
this, use ta be 'bout furtherin' all wolves, improvin' things no' 'bout power
for greedy men. My Amelia always said they were gettin' too full of
themselves."
He grinned at memories I couldn't see,
"Shoulda listened ta her sooner I 'spose, woman always was smarter then
me. I left when she died, didn' wanna be no wolf, didn' wanna see anyone, jus'
wanted ta be left alone."
Sam picked up a bottle from the floor,
apparently he'd forgone the glasses and just brought the whole bottle upstairs.
He refilled both our tumblers as he spoke.
"Eventually I was more human than wolf
and those governors more corrupt from greed. I'd known Clara sum twenty five
years by then, she made a habit of stoppin' by ta talk. One day she say she
found sum papers, sum stuff 'bout you. There was sumthin' wrong wit' it...tha
Alpha jus' leavin' ya there." He caught my shocked face that hadn’t
changed expression throughout his little speech. Sam laughed at my face and
raised his eyebrows.
"Wha'? Couldn' ignore ya could I?
Clara said he weren't righ', said sumthin' wrong wit' tha' man you were livin'
wit'. She found a way in an' I was meant ta meet tha both of ya in tha
woods..." he smiled at me, "...You were always 'spose ta come ta me
crazy, I was jus' waitin' on you."
Tears flowed freely. I couldn't speak over
the heavy block in my throat.
"I'm sorry it took so long," he
looked down at his glass as if ashamed. "We couldn' get close at first,
then we didn' understand wha' was goin' on till it was too late and I'm sorry
for tha' girlie."
I managed a whisper through my
tears,"No, I'm sorry for Clara."
Sam took a large gulp again."She was
happy she got ta ya, you jus' remember tha'."
A bubble of laughter broke through my
throat and the tears finally stopped. "I was so worried Sam. That I'd been
wrong about you."
He chuckled back at me, that glorious deep
southern sound."ain't nuthin' suspect 'bout an ol' black man livin' alone
in tha woods," his wink at the end had me laughing again.
I was full of the beautiful sound of Sam.
Gorged on the light he emitted. Overflowing with relief at his part in my life
so far. Those tricky feelings of trust were finally put to rest when it came to
this man, no swirling conflicting whispers that broke my heart and turned my
ear. At this moment I knew, without a doubt, if nothing else made sense, this
one thing would remain; Sam was mine and I could trust him.
"Ya know tha' Captain goin' ta find
out now too."
I stared at the old man, "What do you
mean?"
He grinned, "well, watcha think tha
bond do? It gives ya both a connection to each other..."
I remained clueless.
Sam huffed and rolled his eyes,".. Ya
get each others strengths and weaknesses. Ya know sharin' tha load an all
tha'."
I felt a true moment of panic, that heated
wave that washes over your skin as your heart starts pounding harder in
reaction to the sudden anxiety.
"You're stronger righ'?"
I nodded mechanically.
"So will he be. Soon you'll be
dreamin' of all tha things he's done, all those wars he fought. Watcha think
he'll be dreamin' 'bout?"
Full. Fledged. Panic.
"No...."
Sam moved to sit on the bed with me and
refilled my glass yet again. "He was always goin' ta find ou' eventually.
How long ya think ya coulda kept it secret?"
I frowned at the old man, "forever
obviously."
He grinned at me,"girlie, tha' were
nuthin' bu' wishful thinkin'."
I grabbed Sam’s hand and squeezed
lightly,"I need out Sam. I left him locked in that room, I need to go back
and finish."
Sam’s hand stroked the hair back from my
face, "He be jus' fine waitin'. He ain't goin' nowhere righ'?"
I replied with a stiff nod, as long as no
one else entered that house he'd remained locked in that room.
“Now Watcha goin' ta do 'bout ya Captain?”
"I don't want him interfering in
what's mine. It's mine to finish do you see? He won't let me if he knows."
Sam nodded and sighed,"Well, guess
tha' means I be gettin' myself in trouble again."
I frowned at him.
He sighed again and his shoulders moved up
with his breaths. "Guess I need ta go shoot me sum wolves."
I shook my head slightly, "And you
call me crazy."
He chuckled and drank some more,"it
ain't crazy if there's a plan involved."
I shrugged at him and raised my glass,
"I'm thinking we should forget problems for one night and do our best to
get as drunk as possible, you think a new wolf can out drink you old man?"
Sam chuckled, "Ya serious? I got sum
four hundre' odd years on you, I may be more human now bu' I can damn sure out
drink a little thing like you."
I looked at the bottle on the side table,
"we're going to need a hell of a lot more."
Sam raised his tumbler and nodded,"I
got me a secret stash, dun you worry."
We sat quietly for some time. I think I was
the most relaxed I'd ever been. It was a false feeling though. A small amount
came from Sam and the talk we'd had tonight. But the largest piece, the part
that turned my muscles to limp and brought a calmness only Charlie could
produce previously, came from Carver. He was at ease in his claiming. As angry
as I was at the moment, his wolf was content in the knowledge that I was now
irrevocably his.
I liked the relaxation. It was certainly a
nice break from the usual frantic changes within me. I was able to push passed
the usual crowded world that was my mind and focus only on the thought of this
new bond. A bond that pulled at me already. I'd been slowly accepting Carver,
maybe I would have eventually fallen wholeheartedly into the idea of us. But
now there was a time limit, I was on a countdown of acceptance that I would
ultimately lose.
What I could not forgive is not the mark
itself, not the wolf that pushed too hard but the knowledge that yet again I'd
allowed things out of my control. My fear that he would take over and I'd be
left with nothing that was me. And now the knowledge that all my secrets would
be spread out, wide open and unlocked, all for him to see and flick through.
I wonder if now he'd be sorry. If he'd read
through all my nightmares and realise finally what he'd been given, realise
just what he'd claimed.
Maybe now he'd know. That I was fallen. And
now that I'm all the way down here, relishing in the blazing fires that stoke
my vengeance and primitive nature, that not only can he not save me....
I
don't want him to.
He was an animal in a fragile constraint of
human. A mockery made of refinement and fallibility. I don't know why I ever
thought him anything else but pure wolf. The beast was constantly pacing just
below that superficial covering, a flash in his eyes, a movement under the
skin, all signs pointing to the creature one step from breaking free. He sat
with his father at the table, guilt and pride warring for position on his face.
The night would turn out much better for him if he stuck with guilt.
Sam followed behind me and placed our two
glasses on the table in the empty places left for us. The dogs sat at my feet
and I coveted the warmth and safety they provided. I glared into those black
eyes before finding a spot on the wall to settle on, refusing childishly to
share my obvious feelings with the man and felt my own war within. A struggle
of rage and redemption, my very own salvation in the same man that brought me
such bitterness. I was not one to let things go easily, I could admit that, I
would allow these feelings of blame to fester and grow black with decay until
they withered away to dust leaving only resentment behind. All those platitudes
of forgive and forget; a nice thought meant for those not drowning in rivers of
hate.
"Would you look at me Arya...please?"
His voice stoked only my burning need to
destroy all that he'd built. I snapped my eyes to his and let him see. I let
the Captain see exactly what he'd done, driven back all those steps we'd taken,
wiped away the progression. He put his head in his hands and swiped those large
fingers angrily through the strands of ebony hair.
Frustration. I smirked at this, he only had
himself to blame.
Fraser’s voice cut through the mounting
tension, "It's nice to meet you properly Arya, after that débâcle of a meeting
we had." His words were quiet and soft, as if he spoke to a timid animal.
I peered at him curiously and wondered
about the man so alike my own apparent mate. "Why were you there?" I
decided it was time for a few answers, Carver owed me that much.
Fraser frowned at me, "I head the
governors for the moment."
I shook my head,"No, why. Why is
Carver's father the head of the same organisation that he openly defies?"
Fraser smiled at me while Carver's hands
clenched. He spoke up from the end of the table, the space between us now
obvious in my chosen seat. "This is not the time Arya."
I scowled at the Captain, sitting in his
throne, deciding for me what I needed to know. "I disagree, it's exactly
the right time..." I stared into his black eyes, "...in fact I'd say
it's now or never."
I gave him a moment to understand the full
extent of my words. Never, was a very real possibility at the moment. He nodded
at his father and that same feral grin that would always cross Carver's face
now stretched his father's smile.
"It's a placement, I'll be in the
right place at the right time."
His answer was only one sentence but in
that I gleaned everything he failed to say. He was Carver's plant, a man loyal
to the Captain who would play games from the inside, twist and test those
governors and sort the rats from the pack wolves. Pawns on his tangled chess
board, players in his favourite game. I wondered what my role was to be.
"Am I to be part of your plan
Carver?" I looked at the wolf perched on the end chair, his gaze never
once leaving my face. "Do I have have a role to play?"
His face fell, full of sorrow creased at my
question, a look of utter devastation in his eyes. "Never," he
whispered to me, "Just mine cherry, that's all you have to be."
I scoffed at his pretty words,"You're
reaching, if you think I'll be yours any time soon."
He winced before he gathered his confidence
again and straightened his shoulders." Doesn't have to be soon, just
someday."
I shook my head and sighed at him, I don't
even know how to begin again, if I could begin again. I gave him his chance and
he failed, how many more must I offer?
"I'm not sorry for marking you."
I growled at him, my wolf as affronted as
the human. She seared within, burning rage that ignited and spread and
flourished in the fury the human fed her. She may preen over the gifts he gave
her but she was a different kind of animal. One that could take selfishly
without remorse and leave the captains wolf with nothing. She had yet to
properly meet that beast and gave me no indication she wished to.
"I could never be sorry for making you
mine cherry, you are faultless and unequalled to both myself and the wolf
inside. I apologise for how it happened I have no excuse for that." His
eyes were a never-ending pit of honesty and against my will I found that
connected part of myself swirl in a heated flush of gratitude for this man that
saw nothing but perfection in an otherwise blemished soul. And yet I could not
force that forgiveness, even in the face of such true appreciation.
He smiled at me, a look that was nothing
but chasing love, searching for feelings I couldn't give. "I will spend my
life making that right Arya, but I won't apologise for having you next to me
while doing it."
My face was flushed from heat. The constant
emerging and receding anger that had taken over my body. I was a mess of
contradicting emotion. How Charlie must feel at all times, it was exhausting.
I met his gaze for a long moment, "And
the visions you'll have of me? Will you apologise for that? For taking what I
wasn't ready to show you?"
He gripped the table in a white knuckled
fist and the cracks of wood made me roll my eyes, another piece of furniture to
add to the pile. He hissed out a breath, "that'll be my punishment...to
see what you went through and know I couldn't stop it, to see my failures as
your mate."
I quirked my eyebrow at him,"it'll be
a long punishment Carver," those cracks became more prominent through the
otherwise silent room. "I don't want your anger or your pity, you'll see
everything that made me but you'll allow me my retribution, I need it."
He nodded, a tight grip on the table, his
lips white as he clasped them shut, keeping his words inside before they forced
an even bigger gap between us.
A knock a the door made Carver stand instantly.
"It's Duncan, he has some information for me."
Carver passed my chair on the way to the
door, I felt a slight breeze where his hand passed lightly over the air
surrounding my hair. Not touching but close enough that should I want to, I
could lean back into it. I stayed rigid in my seat and his sigh was audible in
the quiet.
Sam dropped a bottle on the table, a
magician's trick of illusion by making the whiskey appear from seemingly
nowhere. I frowned at his cheerful grin. "Wha'? Ain't nuthin' wrong wit'
celebratin'."
I screwed my face up at him,"What are
we celebrating?"
A shocked expression fell over his face
before he answered seriously, "Why...you no' killin' tha Captain yet
obviously."
Fraser chuckled and held up his glass for
Sam to fill. I sighed and tipped mine in his direction, rolling my eyes at his
amusement. As the two men talked softly between themselves I sipped at my glass
and narrowed my hearing, blocking out the two laughing quietly at the table and
focusing entirely on the whispers from the front room. A husky gravelled voice
and one with a hint of Gaelic.
"We should make our move soon Ceann,
they're suspicious. Asking questions they know I won't answer, maybe while
they're all still in town?"
"No, not yet I still need to find out
who did it." A growl from his angry wolf. "Someone knew and I won't
do anything until find out which one, he'll be made an example of, his head
will swing from the courtyard."
I heard Duncan’s confirmation and then
swift steps towards to kitchen. The redhead zeroed in on me and a smile lit up
his face.
"Arya, good ta see ya lass."
I peered at him and nodded an
acknowledgement, I could not work that wolf out and it bothered me, how I
couldn't predict his actions.
Carver clapped Duncan on the back and
offered him glass full of smooth amber which he gratefully accepted. I looked
to see Sam watching Duncan with a thoughtful expression, very different to how
he originally greeted the man.
Fraser tipped his glass in greeting and I
had a feeling these men were long time allies, a group of hardened warriors who
knew each others darkest secrets and buried skeletons. Something I would soon
have in common with them. Something I had no choice but to now share with the
Captain standing slightly behind my chair. He reached out again, while the
others were caught up in meaningless conversation, a small, insignificant touch
to my shoulder. I think it was more his wolf than the man and yet I treated
them both the same and gave no leeway to the human that made the move. I stood
from my chair taking my glass with me and turned to face the Captain. I leaned
close so my words would be swallowed by the livening conversation from the
three others at the table.
I whispered in his ear the truth of our
situation, "Don’t think you have the right to touch me wolf. You lost
that, now you have to earn it back." I enforced my words with a show of
claws that my beast flashed before him, we were in agreement and it was
dazzling in its synchronisation.
I stepped around the large figure he
presented and took my drink to the living room, Remy padding behind me. Leaving
a trodden man staring at the spot I'd been standing in, nothing but anguish
plain on his perfect face.
I sat on the sofa, glass rapidly emptying
and slowly on my way to the drunken state I'd hoped to be well into by now. I
heard the door swing open and looked up while patting the mastiff's strong,
soft head; at least one animal in this household I had absolute trust in.
Sam grinned at me from the doorway and
waggled the bottle at me as if he'd gotten away with the perfect crime.
"Need a refill?"
I huffed at the old man and raised a brow,
"won't say no."
He chuckled and made his way to the couch
turning on a radio I'd not previously noticed. A haunting rendition of La
traviata came from the speakers. Loud enough to drown out the conversation from
the kitchen. Loud enough to drown out any words he said to me.
He sat beside me and leaned in while
topping up my glass.
He still whispered, despite the music, and
I thought that maybe those wolves had better hearing then even I did.
"Watch ya back girlie, no' all is
righ' In your Captains house."
I stared into Sam’s brown eyes and saw fear
flash for a moment, not for himself but for me I think. My wolf rumbled away,
not liking the look of fear from people she considered hers. Sam had bought
himself not just a forever companion in me but a manically possessive animal as
part of the package.
I thought about his words and stewed them
around in my mind, not all was right in this place.
What a twisted Web we weave.