The Joy of Sex (21 page)

flanquette

extra clitoral pressure from the man’s thigh if he presses hard with it

The half-facing group of sexual postures – she lies facing him with one of her legs between his, and consequently one of his legs between hers, the frontal equivalent of the
cuissade
. These positions give extra clitoral pressure from the man’s thigh if he presses hard with it. Good for when he needs to slow down, she is sufficiently pregnant that she can’t take his weight, or either of you are exhausted. Not good if you want deep penetration. See
illustration
.

standing positions

standing positions

designed to spin out the pleasure

The traditional upright is a quickie, and apt to produce stiff male muscles unless she is tall. Many women need to stand on two thick phone directories, or equivalent. Best undertaken up against a solid object such as a wall or a tree (not a door, whichever way it opens). Alternatively, you can be freestanding, legs apart for stability and arms clasped around each other’s buttocks – looking down as you move can be really sensual.

There are two kinds of position – this one, subject to a good match in height, and the Hindu versions, where he picks her up: these are tremendous if she is light as an Oriya dancing girl, otherwise they need to be executed in water to make her weightless (
see
bathing
). For a tall woman, try with her arms around his neck, one of her feet on the ground, and the other around his waist or over his elbow. She can then go legs around waist, both legs over his arms, and even both legs around his neck, lying back, if he is strong enough, into a head-down position. Try this over a bed in case he should drop her, but stand on a firm floor, not a mattress. If he is back up to a wall, she can swing herself with one foot. Not good orgasm positions – designed rather to spin out the pleasure. Standing positions from behind need no special comment – she needs to lean over or hold onto something rigid.

If you have real height-discrepancy problems, try the upright positions – carefully – on a flight of stairs. The head-down genital kiss is a winner if he is strong enough to be able to hold her up, and she takes a good leg grip (
see
mouth work
for her).

rear entry

rear entry

the physical payoff is intense

The other human option – for most mammals it’s the only one. Works admirably standing, lying, kneeling, sitting, or with the woman astride. The lack of face-to-face contact is more than compensated for by extra depth and buttock stimulation, hand access to breasts and clitoris, and the sight of her rear view. For the
standing positions, she needs something of the right height to support her; in the head-down kneeling positions, he needs to be careful not to push her face into the mattress. In all of the deep variants, he should avoid going too deep too hard, otherwise he will hit an ovary, which is as painful as hitting a testicle.

A few women are put off by the symbolism – “doing it like animals”, “not being valued if we aren’t face to face” – and if that’s the case, then of course avoid; but the physical payoff is so intense that it’s a good idea to at least attempt it once before passing.

They could try it first with the man lying on his back and the woman lying faceup on top of him, or kneeling astride facing away, though these approaches don’t give the unique depth and total perineal stimulation of the rear kneeling positions.

In the classic version, she kneels on the bed, hands clasped behind her neck, breasts and face down. He kneels behind. She hooks her legs over his and thus pulls him to her – he puts a hand on each of her shoulder blades and presses down. This very deep position is apt to pump her full of air, which escapes later in a disconcerting manner, but is otherwise excellent. He can also hold her breasts or pubis, or, if she likes to be controlled, grasp her wrists behind her. A pile of hard
pillows under her middle will help to prevent the position from collapsing if she doesn’t like being forcibly held, or she can kneel on the floor with her chest on the bed or a chair seat. The head-down position is best for depth and total apposition – avoid it if it hurts her, if she has a weak
back, or if she is pregnant.

Many women like a finger, either his or hers, on the clitoris during intercourse and this is easy to accomplish in all rear positions. It’s worth trying in any case, as it totally alters the range of sensation. Grasping the whole pussy in one hand gives a different sensation again and doesn’t give the excessive sharpness that comes from strong clitoral stimulation. Alternatively, he can withdraw briefly and give a few clitoral strokes with the glans, guiding it with his hand.

While the deep kneeling position is, or can be, one of the toughest, from behind on your sides is about the gentlest (
à la paresseuse
– the lazy position) and can even be done in sleep – best if she draws her top thigh up a little and sticks her bottom out. This is one position that, for many women, can be managed with very little or even no erection; it can help to cure partial impotence or nervousness on the male side by restoring morale. It’s also excellent if you want gentle sex for reasons of
pregnancy, illness, or disability.

It’s well worth experimenting with the full range of rear positions at least as fully as with the face-to-face series, because there almost certainly will be at least one you will use regularly along with the matrimonial, and its variants, and the woman-astride positions.

rear entry

extra depth and buttock stimulation, hand access to breasts and clitoris, the sight of her rear view

postillionage

The name French erotica gives to anal play – putting a finger, tongue, or sex toy on or in a partner’s anus. Symbolically a huge intimacy – touching or being touched there is the ultimate sign of trust. Physically, the thousands of nerve endings give an intense effect; in addition, for him, the
prostate gland is his G-spot equivalent, more or less guaranteeing an orgasm or at least an additional kick to a penis-induced one.

As to safety,
HIV and
hepatitis are the best known but not the only potential problems – the anus itself bleeds easily and allows in infection from feces; this can be nasty, and she is more at risk. But given that you’ve been tested for
STDs, this need not be a life or death issue; wash before and after with a soapy finger, then use especially strong
condoms on body parts and
sex toys, with gloves for hand work and latex dams for mouth work. Never put anything that’s already been “there” into mouth or vagina (
see
safe sex
).

To start, place the receiver on their back or – for the more vulnerable – sitting up with open legs. Lubricate, lubricate, and lubricate again; the anus doesn’t do it naturally (
see
lubrication
). Use a fingertip or two at the entrance, then let the receiver push back rather than you pushing in; once inside, don’t poke but wait for the sphincter to relax, then trace gentle circles. For his prostate, reach back and up to a small indentation about two inches in, then stroke or press; your other hand wraps around his shaft and pushes it towards his stomach for added sensation.

Accompany all this with good finger and tongue work on penis, clitoris, vagina. Once you both know what you are doing and are able to hit the spot reliably, get the other to the point of orgasm first by the usual methods, then slide a finger in at the last moment as you finish them off. When withdrawing, come out gradually or let the receiver pull away; otherwise you risk causing pain and tearing.

All of the above can be done equally well with a condom-covered
butt plug or anal
dildo. Get dedicated ones with a fluted base; few things are more embarrassing than having to seek emergency treatment for losing something somewhere that you can’t retrieve. One variation is
anal beads to be inserted and pulled out during climax; traditionally she used her
pearl necklace, though the specially made
sex-shop versions are safer.

Of all sexual variations, this and what follows (
see
anal intercourse, opposite) are likely to be the ones that need most emotional support. Go slowly. Encourage. Caress. Tell that that they are in control. If panic sets in, call a halt – there are plenty of other nice games.

anal intercourse

Nowadays one of the last taboos, but hasn’t always been so; before reliable contraception, a popular virginity preserver or protection technique and in the original version of this book introduced as “something which nearly every couple tries once.” Today this might not be as accurate: many individuals have prejudices and many cultures have laws, the acceptance of
homosexuality has helped while the
HIV epidemic has hindered. Even so, some surveys suggest that nearly half of all couples have tried it.

Traditionally it’s him penetrating her. Many women like it, many others find it hurts and simply won’t; insisting isn’t acceptable and neither is sleight of hand. She says “Please don’t simply go for it and, when we flinch, pretend you got the wrong hole. Say so and let’s negotiate.” (The same goes for if she wants to try it on him). Both he and she should “receive” at least once to learn how it feels and how carefully to go. Liking to be on the receiving end, despite male fears to the contrary, does not mean that he is gay.

From both sides, the start is the same as for
postillionage
, with lots of
lubrication – and preferably a standard orgasm first, to relax tense or nervous muscles. Of course, use
condoms – the ones made specially for anal use, which are thicker and hence safer than their standard equivalents;
see postillionage
(opposite) for further safety notes.

The classic position for anal intercourse is with the receiver on their knees, posterior raised and buttocks spread. But she in particular may feel this one is just too similar to the antics in the monkey cage; if so she can lie back with her knees up to her chest, or squat and lower herself down.

He should never thrust straight in – the anus curves and he’ll simply slam into her rectal wall. Instead, he should angle slightly, aiming for her belly button. It’ll help her to bear down, to breathe deeply, to relax. It typically hurts more at the start but any sharp or lasting discomfort should call an instant halt to the proceedings. The key to pleasure rather than pain is for her to be in control, so give her a safe word (
see
hazards
).

Three things to expect. One: expect full penetration to take several sessions as the receiver accommodates both physically and emotionally. Two: if he’s the one penetrating, expect a quick climax – the anus, unlike the vagina, stays tight when penetrated. Three: expect the receiver to get much less pleasure out of it than the giver – feeling nothing at all or being lucky simply to experience fullness. The main kick is likely to be the fact of opening to a partner in a unique and rather “forbidden” way.