The Surrogate (10 page)

I also learned that he always came to the shop alone, but that he was occasionally seen in the company of other young men. “Never the same one, which is strange. Must be a lot of you fellows working at the temple. What is it you do?”

“
I’m not permitted to say,” I said in perfect truthfulness. “I’ll take this.” Like my first purchase, it was old and cheap, but it was from Jendon and reminded me of home. I feared I was going to spend all my coin on nostalgia at this rate.

Joa felt no need to excuse the book at all, and invited me back to see others that might come in, if such was my taste. “We get a lot from your country. Lot of fellows selling their precious books for a bite to eat—such a shame really. I hope they get to replace them when the drought breaks, though it will lessen my supply.”

I thanked him in words and in my heart for such consideration to my countrymen, rare among his kind, and bid him good day. By then, I judged it late enough to buy a bite to eat for lunch, so I got a good hot meat roll and a mug of ale, then retired to a bench to consume them. I realised it was the same bench where two weeks ago I had been in such despair, wondering how I would survive after being robbed. Had I been able to talk to the man I’d been then, I couldn’t decide if I would have advised myself to follow the course of action that I had, or to just throw myself into the harbour and be done with it.

I wasn’t, when you got right down to it, that unhappy. I suppose I felt worse for Jaime than myself, and wished I’d found more honest labour than what I had. I no longer felt I was a whore. A whore delivered pleasure for money. Unless you counted Minas (who I was pretty sure went back to his cell and masturbated furiously after each session, unless he was worried his ancient cock would fall off if he used it), I wasn’t pleasuring anyone. I was more like a rake in the hands of a gardener, and aroused as much emotion in Jaime as a garden implement would. I itched to use my hands for something more wholesome. The best I could manage at the moment was kneading dough under Mia’s direction, not an unpleasurable occupation but hardly what I was trained for.

It was one of the reasons I’d bought the second book, which was illustrations and instructions for metalwork patterns used in household decoration. It was rather old, but the designs were still lovely. I sighed. Maybe when I’d finished my contract, I would use the money to buy metal working tools and set up business for myself. I would need to see where the market was best—Egin was no use, it was flooded with craftsmen, one of whom must have sold this very book. I suspect I would have to travel to the west and take my chances there.

I spent an hour or two reading, and then walked some more. I’d really intended to stay out of the temple as long as I could, but I found there really was precious little to occupy me in a city where I knew no one, and those I might know, I couldn’t trust not to rob me. Reluctantly, I took one last turn through the market—and had an inspiration. I hurried to a particular stall I’d always been drawn to, but could never justify buying any goods from. This time, I could satisfy my urges and still have plenty of coin to spare.

Feeling oddly cheerful, I headed back to the temple, though it was still light. Knowing I could come outside the next day and any day I chose, made it easier than it could be to return to this dark and evil place. I was determined Paon and his minions might buy my body for a time, but never my soul, nor my spirit. I would not be like Jaime—at the end of two months I would walk away richer, healthier and in full possession of my self-respect. If Jaime had any balls, he would have done the same. The temple may have had its spies, but there was always a way to escape, if one wanted it badly enough.

~~~~~~~~

Jaime was surprised to see me back, but whether it was a good surprise or a bad one, I couldn’t tell. “I’ll need to make supper,” he said, and I realised he hadn’t been planning to eat at all if I hadn’t come back. I wondered what he lived on—breakfast was the only thing he regularly consumed but that was always a small meal. We’d already fasted in the evening four times by order but he rarely ate more than a mouthful or two when food was served. Tonight, I hoped to change that a little.

He made a simple meal and dished it out. He asked nothing about my day, and I could see he had been at his books all the time I was gone. He stared at his plate with a sad expression, and picked at the meat a little, but he clearly had less appetite than usual. I waited until he went to clear the plates. “No, leave them a moment. I bought you a gift.”

“
I beg your pardon?”

“
A gift, a present—you understand the concept?” I drew the small sack out of my pocket. “Put out your hand.”

“
No.”

I glared at him in frustration. “Damn it, Jaime, I trust you when we have to work, this is nothing like as bad. Put your hand out, man, and stop being so grumpy.” Reluctantly, and with a heavy scowl, he did so. I placed the sweetmeat into his palm. “There you go. The finest Jendon could produce.”

“
What...what is this thing?”

“
You’re kidding.” No, apparently he wasn’t. “It’s a sweetmeat, you eat it.”

“
Sweet?”

I stared. “Are you telling me you’ve never eaten a sweetmeat before?”

He tried to give me it back. “Yes. I don’t want it.”

“
Don’t be stupid, just try it. It’s good—there’s a Jendonese sweetmaker in the market and we make the best sweetmeats in the world.” He was looking at it as if it would explode in his hand. “Jaime, you can suck a cock—I promise you this tastes a lot nicer.”

He sat down, still staring at the thing. “Why?”

“
Why? Because it tastes good.”

“
No...why did you buy this for me?”

“
Because you need sweetening up,” I half-joked. “Please? Just try it once?”

He scowled again but then suddenly popped the whole sweetmeat into his mouth, clearly expecting it to be nasty—maybe he thought I was playing a prank. His face changed as he began to chew. “It’s....” He coughed—shouldn’t talk with your mouth full, I nearly said. “Sweef,” he said indistinctly around the remains.

“
Yes, that would be why it’s called a sweetmeat. Do you like it?”

He swallowed. “It’s.... Yes.”

“
Good,” I said, grinning, and gave him another one, popping one into my own mouth.

But he handed it back to me. “You shouldn’t spend your money on me.”

“
Gods, it was only two quarter coins, and I got a whole sack for that. It was worth it to see the look on your face.”

“
So you just bought it for the entertainment value. I should have guessed.”

He stood up, clearly annoyed. I reached for his arm, but stopped myself in time. “No, I didn’t. I just...wanted to give you a treat.”

“
Why?”

I shrugged. “Because you don’t get any nice things, and this was simple enough to provide. A sweet now and then, what’s the harm in that?”

He turned away. “Don’t spend your money on me, Nikolas.”

“
Why not?” He refused to answer and I sighed. “I went to Joa’s shop today.”

He spun around, enraged. “You
what
?” He advanced on me with murder in his eyes. “You spied on me?”

His knife was in his hand. I dropped the sack of sweetmeats on the table and scrambled out of my chair. “Wait! It wasn’t like that!”

“
Oh no? How, pray, did you light on the one shop in the whole of Egin that I happen to do business with?”

The knife was now under my eye, and his hands were shaking, his face red with fury. “Jaime, calm down! Look, it was almost an accident, all right—damn it! Just listen to me, you bloody idiot!” I shoved him back desperately, and bolted for the bedroom, slamming the door shut in his face.

I leaned against the door to stop him forcing it open. Gods! I thought he was over this. I should have known the madness still lay within him. “The shopkeeper recognised my cloak and said someone dressed just like me went to Joa’s a lot,” I shouted through the closed door. No response. “I admit I went there to find out who they meant, and Joa just starting talking to me. I offered no information, asked no questions. Ask him yourself. He’s got your letters, he wanted me to deliver them for you.”

Still nothing. I looked around me for some kind of shield—the only thing was the pillows. I grabbed one and held it in front of me, then opened the door, ready at every moment for him to lash out at me. But no attack came. Instead, I found he was sitting at the table, his hands clasped in front of him, his head bowed. “I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I admit to curiosity. But I wasn’t prying, not intentionally. All he told me was that you use it as a mailing address. I won’t tell anyone, I swear. But if the temple....”

“
The temple knows,” he said harshly. “They know everything I do.”

“
But why...?”

“
Because it’s all I have that is mine, that isn’t part of
this
,” he said, jerking his head roughly at the room. “A part of my life where I can just be...a scholar, and no one knows that I’m....”

“
A surrogate?”

“
A
whore
. A filthy, faithless, worthless prostitute.”

He still had the knife in his hands, I saw now, so I approached with caution, leaving the pillow on a chair. “You’re not filthy, or worthless. You’re a good man.”

He laughed. “What do you want, Nikolas? What are you after from me? First a gift, then compliments—do you seek to woo me? Shouldn’t the fucking come
after
the wedding?”

Behind the sarcasm, there were raw misery. “I want nothing that you don’t already give. All right, I’d like you not to try and kill me, and a little more politeness would be nice, but I want nothing else. You feed me, protect me, treat me with consideration. You lend me books. You...you care not to hurt me during sex. I just wanted to...cheer you up.”

He blinked up at me, and there were definitely tears on his lashes. “With food? Like a sickly child?”

“
No, like I would do any friend, or my brothers. I had a good day—I wanted to bring you a little of that back to you.”

“
You’re a fool.”

“
Yes, perhaps. I’ve never been noted for my brains or my sense.” Cautiously, I took a seat near him. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to tell me, but I’d still like to know what it is you’re doing here. Are you writing a book?”

He shook his head and wrapped his arms around himself. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“
All right. I really won’t tell anyone, but I’d like to go back to Joa’s shop, with your permission. He has quite a few Jendonese books. I bought one from him. Look.” I wiped my hands on my trousers and then fetched the sack from the coat hook where I’d stored my purchases. I handed it to him. “It’s about metal working.”

“
Yes, I can see. And the other?”

“
Oh. That was a little frivolous of me, but I couldn’t resist.” I showed it to him.

He frowned. “Cooking?”

“
Yes. How to make sweetmeats like the ones I bought, and others. I thought I could show Mia a thing or two.”

He looked down, away from me, away from the book. “So you can bribe her?”

I took the book away from him. “You really think very little of me, do you. Very well. At least I won’t be beholden to you any more for reading material. I can read these and hatch up more dastardly plans to hurt you, and then you can be completely assured that you were right all along.” I picked up the books and the sweetmeats. “Good night.”

I went back into the bedroom, and I admit, I was almost as angry as he had been before. I’d just tried to do something simple, something nice for him, and he’d spat in my face. I figured we were now even in the rank discourtesy stakes.

I threw myself on the bed and picked up my book on metal working, but I was too furious to concentrate. How dare he? I’d had a single pleasant day in six months and it was all ruined, just because he was suspicious and mean-spirited.

I heard the door open but I ignored it. At that point, I really didn’t care if he wanted to stab me from behind. “Nikolas?”

“
What?”

“
May I talk to you?”

“
It’s your place, Master Jaime, how can I stop you?”

“
Please?”

Now he had never said ‘please’ to
me
. Surprised, I rolled over to face him. “What do you want?”

He held out a purse, much larger than the one he’d given me earlier. “I realise...I made a mistake to choose you for this role. You’re not really suitable temperamentally.”