Thief: X (11 page)

“So, you’re just going to leave them?” He we go again,

“I’m sorry, is it your time of the month or something? You’re going all hulk again when I’ve told you over and over that I’m not the good guy here. If we go back we’re gonna get caught, it’s that simple.” I took another gulp of mead as he watched me in disgust…
yet again
! So, I took another drag of cigar.

“You didn’t even bother asking their names!”

“Wolfie and Sister Succubus?” I smiled but apparently Marshall didn’t and I think he may have just broken a tooth grinding them too hard.

“Why don’t you change into something? I’ve seen what you can do. If you did that we could go back.” Anger burned in his eyes and it was all aimed at me.

“Like what? I can’t change into someone. Metals, gems, even water but what good will that do? I’m smoking this, having a bit more mead and then I’m outta here. If you want to go back for them I won’t stop you.” That must have been the last straw for him because he marched towards me.

I backed away until my back hit the lockers in a bang and still he kept coming until I could feel the heat from his body. I didn’t know what he wanted to do but all I could think about was him humping me against the lockers. With his mouth this close to mine it was a very bad idea.

“Urrgh, damn you!” He twisted away from me and marched towards the door, “I thought you were better than this?” And with that he slammed the door behind him.

Damn me? Damn him for making me care! I rolled my eyes for what felt like the millionth time, snapped the safety off the Glocks and followed behind him, cigar still in my mouth; I wasn’t giving up on everything.

As soon as I walked out the door, an alarm screamed down the corridor. This was why I wanted to get out while I could. Now I was going to have to kill more elves. Not that it bothered me much but I was trying...for Marshall. Like that didn’t feel weird. If I was lucky, I could sneak back to the cells with no one noticing me in the chaos. Well, I could have done if a guard hadn’t chosen that moment to stare right at me. Fortunately not for long due to my bullet exploding out the back of his head. I didn’t have time to think about it as two more charged me and I shot them. Swords were no match for guns. Elves were so medieval! Well, that was until I was charged by an elf with a gun.
And
that was the point I realised I was out of bullets. Because I’d been arguing with Marshall, I’d forgotten to check if the clip was full.

If you’ve never been charged by elves, like who would, then you’d probably shit your pants. Unfortunately all I could ever see was Tom Hiddleston’s Loki, mixed with a Santa’s elf and it made me snort every time. I was supposed to be scared, that’s why they did it, but instead I threw the Glocks on the ground and charged them instead. The elf’s confusion made him hesitate pulling the trigger and that was all the time I needed. I wrapped my hand around his gun, clicked out the clip, then pulled the barrel forward releasing it and stabbed him in the neck with it. He gripped at his neck trying to stop the bleeding but fell to his knees. I vaulted over his shoulders, drawing two knives from my belt, twisted and stabbed the next elf in the eyes. I dropped to my knees skidding under the legs of the next, twisting to cut his Achilles heels. He went down and I stamped on his throat, breaking his neck. I know I should have felt bad for doing it, but the adrenalin was addictive and I was really good at it. What I hadn't expected was the thundering mound of a Tracker running towards me.

The last time I'd encountered a Tracker had been at the British Museum and Adram had told me to run. At the time, I didn't understand it because all they'd done was sniff me. Unfortunately, it looked like they were done with sniffing. Its skin contorted over its bones and I watched it muscles tense, ready to pounce. I was about to run in the opposite direction when it bounded towards me faster than I could blink. Before I could even attempt to run away and I openly admit that in this type of situation I was a coward, its claws stabbed me though the shoulders and pinned me to the stone wall. Now I knew why Adram had told me to run. Its claws cut through my skin and shoulder blades as if they were butter, pinning me like an exotic bug ready to be dissected. This was why I didn't do nice things. Why I had to look out for myself and no one else because as soon as I got talked into something different, shit went wrong! The Trackers breath nearly made me vomit as it had obviously been snacking on elves on its way to me. I was waiting for its final blow when it sniffed me again and nuzzled its cheek against mine. Elves shouting battle cries were getting nearer and I was pinned against a stupid wall being sniffed…again. I was about to make a witty comment when the Tracker opened its mouth, showing off an impressive set of extremely sharp teeth,

“Oh for God’s sakes eat me already!” Even waiting for death, I was impatient. What surprised me more was the nasty spit encrusted tongue that licked around my jaw and up my face. To be fair it was a better kiss then some men I'd dated  but when my face started to go numb I knew I was in trouble yet again. My body shortly followed my face and then I was unconscious. Note to self; never let a damn Tracker lick you.

I came awake aching. My face was still numb but I seemed to have some feeling in my body, as I was suddenly very, very cold. I looked down at my naked breasts and sighed. As I looked around the room, I saw more figures. Marshall was hanging next to me naked, chained to a wall with Wolfie and Sister Succubus passed out next to him, fully clothed. What I couldn't understand was why they were upside down. It was only when I heard a heavy door scrape open and a pair of feet that I realise I was the one upside down and hanging from my feet with my hands cuffed and linked to the floor. Well this was a first for me; naked in chains and literally bolted to the floor. Well ok, there was this time…

“I have to admit you impress me. Humans very rarely ignite my curiosity but you my dear are something completely different.” I knew that voice anywhere,

“What do you want now Elk? Is this the only way you can get a woman to sleep with you?” I'd expected a punch to my face and the Elk didn't disappoint.

“Why don't you bleed?” He punched me again,

“Sorry, not my time of the month yet…” He punched me again, “…but if you come back in a couple of weeks…” Another punch to my face,

“There's something very wrong with you and you
will
tell me!”

“I'm the one you've stripped naked and hung from the ceiling like a light fitting and you think there's something wrong with
me
? I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself!”

This time the Elk started punching me in the face over and over. I may not bleed but it hurt to the point my eyes wouldn't stop watering,

“Enough!” I managed to blink the tears from my eyes but then I quickly wondered if the Elk had given me some sort of brain damage with his punches. I blinked again but the image didn’t falter.

A freaky looking clown was standing next to the Elk grinning at me. I hated clowns at the best of times but this was something out of a twisted nightmare. He was dressed in a stained, yellow clown costume, which was probably blood splatter, but it was his face that disturbed me the most. At first I thought it was a mask and I suppose to some degree it was, if you could class someone else’s face a mask. At some point this clown ‘mask’ had been someone’s face, expertly flayed off the skull, painted into a grotesque façade of a clown’s face and then stitched onto this weirdo. The stitches had been made with thick yarn and I could see every stitch through the skin holding it into place.

“I see you’re admiring my face…” I cringed as he walked closer, “…this particular one has an interesting history. I could never get close enough to Grimaldi so I took his brother. It would appear I’m responsible for somewhat of a mystery.”

“Thanks for the history lesson and I admit hanging out with Mr Pointy Ears over there has been fun, but if you don’t release me I’ll kill you all.” It’s really hard to sound menacing when your muff’s on display and the fact that the Elk punched me in the face again,

“Why won’t you bleed?” This time the Elk practically snarled. Then turned to the fugly clown who started laughing, “You know don’t you? Tell me!” For a second I thought the Elk was going to shake the clown but just before he gripped his shoulders, he stopped and thought better of it. That was the problem with elves; they were extremely curious by nature and needed answers for everything.

“Be careful Elk. This little truce we have is volatile at best.”

“Even the Tracker’s claws haven’t made a mark and they’re poisonous!” The Elk actually whined the last past,

“She’s interesting but no longer a concern of yours.”

“What? You promised me answers!” The Elk was getting tetchy and I couldn’t help the snigger. He moved towards me and I expected another slap,

“Sorry to disturb you sire but I found this…creature trying to escape the inner doors.” An elf dressed in battle armour pushed Dorian into the room. His shirt was now shreds of material draped over his dirty chest,

“Ah, I wondered where the Victorian throwback had gone.” The Elk laughed.

“Well love, it seems you started the party without me. Although the chains are a bit much don't you think?” Even half shredded Dorian was a pervert,

“Yeah about that Elk, why am I naked?” I was starting to get a draft flutter on my arse cheeks,

“The last time you were clever and sneaked holy water in. I simply made sure you weren't carrying anymore. If it wasn't for your flat breasts I'd have been impressed with your body.”

“Such a gentleman I see. If it wasn't for your small…”

“Children, enough. Can't you see she's trying to get you worked up to the point you do something stupid?” By the look on the Elk's face, relations between him and the clown were about to crumble.

“So what do you want to do with them? If you won't let me get answers from her then they are no longer any use to me.” The Elk glared at Dorian who was watching me.

“What would you normally do with prisoners who tried to escape? Kill them? I was hoping to use X here but I think you’re right Elk; too much mouth. I'll just have to find another.” If I could just manoeuvre my hand to the left a little that fugly clown would be dead.

“Simply killing them isn't any fun. On the rare occasion anyone makes it out of the cells we throw them into the arena and give the guards some live entertainment.” Crap, this was bad. I'd heard of the arena and no one ever won.

There were monsters there that made even the hardest fighter pee their pants. I needed to get out of these chains quickly but as I tried to concentrate, I realised that maybe I would be giving too much away. The Elk obviously knew I wasn't normal and that stupid clown seemed to know I was a sin eater but the odds of him knowing that the tattoo on my hip was the mark of Cain was slim to none.

“I'm not sure. Haven't you watched films were the good guy lets the bad guy go in an act of mercy for them to turn around and cause more havoc? I'm neither good nor merciful.”

“Come on Clockwork you owe me something.” My heart stopped at the name,

“I told you no names!” Clockwork hit the Elk so hard his body splattered against the wall but within a second he was on his feet with pure rage in his eyes,

“How dare you hit a Prince!”

“You're not my Prince and your father’s debt is now yours. If you speak out of place once more I'll throw you in the deepest, darkest pocket of Hell I can find.” Clockwork was being so serious and I really didn't mean to laugh but I was soon in hysterics, “What the hell is so funny?” If looks could kill, Clockwork would have torn me apart with that glance,

“You! You're the all-powerful Clockwork? I mean you're more disappointing than finding out the Wizard of Oz was just a normal man. I mean really, a clown? Really?”

“Throw them in the arena and you better make them suffer…”

“Oh God stop…I can't breathe…too much…I think Stephen King copyrighted the whole scary clown thing…I at least expected a cloak but…oh God…a clown!” I couldn't stop laughing even when Clockwork pulled out a nasty looking, serrated, edged knife from his clown suit. He was pressing it in my face before I could stop laughing,

“Please Clockwork! I want to see what makes her bleed. Maybe she's an anomaly and can't die. I have to know and you owe me for my service.” The Elk looked pitiful begging a clown,

“Oh she's not an immortal. Just a stupid, little sin eater who's juiced up on the sin in this place. That's why she's not bleeding and acting like a teenage drunk. You can have your way but if she comes back to bite me in the ass I'll take your head Elk.” There was so much wrong with his little tirade I really wanted to put him right but I bit my tongue. I was planning that his underestimation of me would be his downfall,

“Thank you. I'll make sure she suffers but not before she watches all of her friends die first. It's been a long time since the arena has seen a sin eater. It will be a great surprise for my guards.”

“Whatever just make sure she dies. I have places to be and people to see.” With that Clockwork gave me an eerie smile and headed for the door,

“Oh Clockwork, I swear if you turn into a giant spider at the end of all this I'll be so disappointed.” I shouted but instead of turning towards me he glared at the Elk,

“Very dead. You hear me Elk? I want her head delivered to me or I'll take it myself!” And then he was gone, which was a shame because I wanted to make one last joke about his big clown feet.

“I'm going to enjoy your death and I could make you do it naked…” He rubbed at his chin probably thinking how to be creative, “Although I would like to see you put up a little fight. It's been so long since the guards had any entertainment down here; I need to let it last for longer than usual. Guards! Bring these two clothes and their weapons. I may be giving you weapons but that just means you get meaner monsters.”

“She'll kill you, you know?” Dorian was leaning against the wall with guards flanking him,

“Not if she's trying to protect her friends.” The Elk thought he was being clever,

“X doesn't have friends.” Dorian glared at me to make a point and I tried to shrug my shoulders but being upside down restricted my movement. He was right, I didn't. Friends made me vulnerable. Unfortunately, as I looked towards a still unconscious Marshall, that resolve faltered and I knew I was up shit creek.

“Let's get on with it boys.” I smiled.