Where Rainbows End (31 page)

So then the other two guys down the end of the bar were suddenly really interested in me, saw how upset I was, and bought me loads of drinks. They were huge guys Ruby, over six feet tall, muscles so big they looked like body builders, bald heads, one guy had a tattoo of a severed head on his forearm but they were so nice! They were really concerned, asked me loads of questions, gave me tissues when I cried, and told me I could do better than Greg.

I was just really surprised Ruby, they were kind enough to drive me home and make sure I got back safely because I was in absolutely no state to walk.

I pointed out Greg’s house as we passed and they seemed really interested and we all gave him the finger. Such nice guys. It just shows, you can never judge a book by its cover.

Anyway I have such a headache so I have to stop typing but last night proved to me that, at least there are
some
caring men in the world and they’re not just all out for themselves.

Rosie

BANK MANAGER ATTACKED IN HIS HOME

A bank manager was badly beaten in a vicious attack and £20,000 was stolen in a burglary yesterday morning. The victim was forty-three-year-old Greg Collins of AIB, Wall Road, Dublin.

love, rosie

271

The savage raid took place when Collins was awaked in the early hours of the morning by intruders in his home on Abigail Road. The two masked men broke into the victim’s home and demanded the bank manager open the bank and empty the safe. Terrified Collins put up a struggle but was punched viciously in the face by the thugs. His nose, which was healing from a previous injury, was further damaged.

A shaken Collins described how he was blindfolded and forced into their van in his pajamas.

The thugs are believed to be over six feet tall and according to Collins had the appearance of body builders. Although he didn’t see their faces he did notice a tattoo of a severed head on the arm of one thief.

The men stole i 20,000 and sped off quickly leaving Collins alone at the bank beaten and dressed only in his nightwear. The gardai arrived on the scene moments after the men had left, after the alarm had been triggered.

Collins is unsure of how they knew his address. “I’m always careful to look out for anyone suspicious following me home each day but I didn’t notice anyone that night. It was the worst night of my life—an absolute nightmare,” Collins said, visibly shaken. “These thugs invaded my home and attacked me—I’m terrified.”

Collins was home alone at the time due to the recent breakup of his marriage. An investigation into the burglary was underway today but the garda in charge says it is unlikely they will catch the culprits due to a lack of leads.

If anyone has any information regarding this crime, the gardai ask that you come forward now.

Photo above: 43-year-old Greg Collins stands outside the bank and shows broken nose.

You have an instant message from: RUBY

Ruby:

You see the papers today?

Rosie:

Nope. I’ve given up on my star signs.

Ruby:

Well may I suggest you purchase the Daily Star quickly and cast your mind back to Saturday night.

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Cecelia Ahern

Rosie:

Oh no did the paparazzi snap me coming out of the pub? Ha ha.

Ruby:

Not funny Rosie, I’m referring to the men. Now quick, look at the paper.

Rosie:

What? What men? What are you talking about?!

Ruby:

Tabloid newspaper. Now. Quick. Go.

Rosie:

OK

Rosie has logged off

from:

Rosie

to:

Alex

subject:

Today’s article

It’s me, Rosie. Check your fax machine quick! I’ve sent you over an article that was in the paper today. While you’re reading it bear in mind the story of my Saturday night out that I told you about.

Read the paper and tell me what you think. Quick! I need your advice.

from:

Alex

to:

Rosie

subject:

Re: Today’s article

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

You have an instant message from: ROSIE

Rosie:

Oh. My. God. Alex.

Alex:

Yes Rosie?

Rosie:

Are you free to chat or are you busy?

Alex:

I’m just doing a bit of work but go ahead.

Rosie:

My goodness, life-saving surgery on the Internet? Is there no end to your talents, Doctor?

Alex:

Apparently not. What’s the “oh my god Alex” all about?

Rosie:

Oh yeah, you will NOT believe what came through Brian the Whine’s door this morning!

Alex:

A brick.

Rosie:

No!

Alex:

A warrant for your arrest.

Rosie:

No! Don’t say that! Why would you say that?

Alex:

Oh no reason in particular, I was just wondering what the sentence is for people who hire other people to beat up and terrorize their ex-husbands. Hmm . . .

Rosie:

Alex Stewart, stop that talk right now! It’s dangerous to say things like that over the computer you know and I did
not
to do that!

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Cecelia Ahern

Alex:

You’re right the gardai are probably on a stakeout right now across the road, watching your every move through a pair of binoculars.

Rosie:

Stop Alex, you’re freaking me out. I did nothing wrong, the only thing I am guilty of is a bit of naivete, that’s all.

Alex:

A bit? You think those “serial-killer-looking guys” are usually as friendly to lone women in pubs as they were to you?

Rosie:

Look, I was drunk, my suspicions were at an all-time low, and my guard was down. In fact, I had no guard. Stupid, I know but I’m still alive so let’s not keep telling me how foolish I was. Anyway as it turns out they were caring guys. It just so happens that when I came downstairs this morning there was a brown package on the kitchen table with my name on it. Inside was i 5,000, can you believe it?! And you said they weren’t caring!

Alex:

Well, what happened to the other i 15,000? It was hardly split three ways, was it. I think they got a bit of a bargain there Rosie.

Rosie:

Oh ha ha.

Alex:

Well every crime boss must get
some
sort of percentage.

Rosie:

I am not a crime boss! It was an
accident.

Alex:

Was there a note inside, or a little thank-you card maybe?

Rosie:

Alex do you not take anything seriously? No there wasn’t any note so it may not even be from them.

Alex:

Rosie, a brown package appeared on your kitchen table overnight with i 5,000 inside. Unless the postman has a key to your front door I think we can presume it was them.

Rosie:

So what will I tell the gardai?

Alex:

You’re not keeping the money?

Rosie:

Alex, I have a 13-year-old daughter, I do not think keeping knowledge of a bank robbery (as well as some of the money) is exactly the wisest thing to do. Plus, believe it or not I have a conscience.

Alex:

Well usually I would agree with the telling the truth theory and abiding by the rules but this time around I think you should keep your mouth shut.

love, rosie

275

First those guys no you are the only person who nos anything about this, they no where you live, can enter your home in the middle of the night without disturbing the neighbors or anyone else inside.

I don’t think they were giving you this money as a present for a wonderful start to your new life—they don’t seem the type. I think they were showing you what they can do and gave you enough to keep your mouth shut. And I would if I was you and yes, I do take this very seriously Rosie.

Rosie:

Oh my god, I’ve shivers up my spine! This is crazy, like a movie or something. But I can’t
not
tell the gardai.

Alex:

Do you want to die?

Rosie:

Yes, eventually.

Alex:

Rosie, I’m serious. Keep the money and say nothing. Give it to charity or something if it bothers you that much. You can make a donation to the Reginald Williams Foundation for Heart Disease if you want.

Rosie:

Gag, gag, puke, puke. No thanks. But the charity thing isn’t a bad idea. I think I’ll do that.

Alex:

Which one will you donate it to?

Rosie:

The Rosie Dunne Foundation for Women Who Haven’t Seen Their Best Friends in America for Ages.

Alex:

That’s a good charity. Very needy too.

Rosie:

Indeed it is. I think I’ll give it to one woman in particular who is in dire need of a bit of TLC.

Alex:

Excellent idea. I’m sure the poor deprived woman will be delighted with your donation. When do you think she and her daughter will be visiting their doctor friend?

Rosie:

I already booked them a flight for Friday week. They land at nine in the morning and they’ll be staying a fortnight. You’re right; giving makes me feel like such a better person.

Alex:

Ha ha ha ha ha you had this all planned? I’ll be there to pick you up so.

Rosie:

Good, by the way you
still
haven’t said anything about my job.

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Cecelia Ahern

Alex:

Job? You got a job? When? Where? What are you doing?

Rosie:

Alex I’ve only left approximately 22,496 messages on your answering machine explaining this. Don’t you listen to them?

Alex:

I do! But there’s never any from you. I think you’re dialing the wrong number.

Rosie:

Bullshit. I think you need to keep an eye on that Bethany when she’s nosying around your apartment. She might accidentally be knocking her fake boobs against the “delete” button.

Alex:

Don’t start this crap again Rosie. Beth has no quarrels with you and her boobs are not fake. You haven’t seen her for more than ten years so how would you no?

Rosie:

I’ve seen the photographs in the paper and they are fake.

Alex:

Whatever. So what’s the job?

Rosie:

Promise not to laugh.

Alex:

I won’t.

Rosie:

You have to
promise
.

Alex:

I promise.

Rosie:

I’m starting in August as a secretary in St. Patrick’s Secondary School.

Alex:

You’re going back . . .
there
? But our sentence is up! Hold on a minute . . . that means that, oh my god, you’re going to be working with Ms. Big Nose Smelly Breath Casey! Why?

Rosie:

Because I need the money.

Alex:

Wouldn’t you rather starve?! Why on earth did she hire you?

Rosie:

I’m wondering the same thing.

Alex:

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Rosie:

You said you wouldn’t laugh.

Alex:

Ha ha ha ha.

Rosie:

You promised!

Alex:

Ha ha ha ha.

Rosie:

Oh bugger off.

Rosie has logged off

love, rosie

277

Dear Rosie and Katie,

Greetings from Aruba!

Having a wonderful time here in paradise!

Hope all is well with you,

Lots of love,

Mum and Dad

You have received an instant message from: RUBY

Ruby:

Watch out Ireland here we come!

Rosie:

Here who come?

Ruby:

Gary and Ruby Minnelli.

Rosie:

You’re keeping the name I see?! What are Gary and Ruby Minnelli up to now?

Ruby:

Yes we’re keeping the name and Gary doesn’t even mind because it means that he’s in disguise and none of his work colleagues or friends will recognize him. The All Ireland Salsa dancing championships are on in a few months from now. A couple from each county goes forward and whoever wins becomes the Ireland champions, then there’s the European championship, and the world championship.

Rosie:

So you’re going for total world domination?

Ruby:

Well not quite the
world
but Gary and I are willing to take on Ireland.

Rosie:

Gary has agreed to all this?

Ruby:

Absolutely! Now that Gemma and he have broken up he’s got more time to practice.

Rosie:

How does Teddy feel?

Ruby:

He has no idea and that’s the way it’s going to stay. Anyway we haven’t even gotten through the Dublin heats so there’s no point in causing mayhem and bloody murdering sprees until we get further into the competition. It’s on in a few weeks, will you be there?

Rosie:

I’m insulted you even had to ask!

Ruby:

Thanks.

278

Cecelia Ahern

from:

Stephanie

to:

Rosie

subject:

Visit

How’s my brave little sister? I hope you’re keeping well. You’re dealing with everything that has happened so brilliantly, I’m so proud of you. I know it’s been a tough time and with me being all the way over here I feel like I haven’t been there for you like I should have been. If it’s OK with you I would love to come over and visit you. Maybe stay for a week or something.

With Mum and Dad off gallivanting around the world it must be very lonely for you and with them away unfortunately the rest of us don’t meet up like we should. Maybe we should go to Kilkenny and visit Kevin, the three of us haven’t been in the same room together since I don’t know how long. (Don’t worry, we won’t go to the hotel, we can stand outside and throw eggs at the windows if you like!)

I know you’re going over to Alex so maybe I could come over the week before? (That’s next week!) To be really honest with you I need the rest as well. Jean-Louis is just too much for me right now, he’s a bundle of energy and I’m simply not, so Pierre is taking the week off from the restaurant to mind him so that I can see you.