Accidental Leigh (5 page)

Chapter
Six

Leigh
- Paranormal Investigator

Now that I had a few experiments set up, I had some time to try to figure out why all of this crazy stuff was happening. I knew the only thing that had changed in my house was the procurement of the antique desk. I took a close look at it. It was pretty plain. The small drawer at the front was empty when I brought it home. I pulled it out and looked into the recess where the drawer had been. Nothing. I set the drawer down and crouched under the desk to see if I could spot anything out of the ordinary. Again, I found nothing.

I became distracted by Luna who was pleading for her food. I went to the kitchen and filled her dish with
her favorite fatty catty food, but when I called her, she wouldn’t come. She continued to cry from the other room. I went to find out what her problem was. She was laying down with her front paws extended over the drawer. There, between her paws, I could make out a small section that was covered in faded writing on the bottom of the drawer. The writing wasn’t in English. I shooed the cat away and brought the drawer up to my desk lamp to get a closer look. The strange writing appeared to be Latin.

Cave quid dicis, quando, et cui

I don’t know any Latin. This was a job for my internet research partner, Google, more specifically. Thank God, my internet had been restored and I could finally connect to the world again. I sat down at my computer and entered the words into the search bar. The translation shocked me with how appropriate it was for my situation.

Beware of what you say, when, and to whom
.

Exactly. You got that right. Who wrote this? Where
on earth did this desk come from? I scrambled through the papers that I had removed from the drawer. I’ll admit it, I’m a pack rat. I never throw away any sort of correspondence, notes, lists, or receipts. Somewhere in the mess, I had to have kept the piece of paper with the phone number and address of the place where I picked up the desk. I had more than a few serious questions for the old lady. I rustled through the papers until I found it. I quickly dialed the phone number and fortunately someone answered.

“Hello
.” It was the same grumpy old woman I talked to months ago.

“Hi, my name is Leigh. I’m th
e one who picked up your old desk-”

The call hung up. “Bitch!” I yelled. “Rude!” I hate getting hung up on
, even when it’s a wrong number. Which could have been the case. I carefully dialed it again rather than opting for the redial feature.

“Hello
.” Said the same crusty voice.

“Please, don’t hang up on me
. Please?” I thought if I pleaded in a helpless voice, she would have some mercy and talk to me.

“What is it?” Although she said it more like a statement than a question.

“All I want to know is a little history on the desk. You see, someone is very interested in buying it from me, and they would like to know some of its history. I would be willing to split the sale price with you, if you help me out.” I lied through my teeth.

Bingo! Money talks. She started to tell me something. “It is very old. It cam
e from someplace in New England. Massachusetts, I think.”

“Thank you!
How old do you think it is? Do you know who owned it before? Or perhaps you know the story of who wrote on the bottom of the drawer, in Latin?”

“Listen to me
little girl, if someone is willing to buy that desk from you, sell it, give it away. Whatever you do with it, you must not destroy it or your problem will only get worse. That desk is a curse. It belonged to a witch. I think you have found out already that it casts spells. Magic has consequences and you must have found that out, as well, or you wouldn’t have called me.”

“Fine. I’m sorry for lying to you. Nobody wants to buy it. It’s causing everything I write to happen to people I know
. Literally! I know I can handle this. I just want to know one thing. Who was the witch?”

“That is all I know. Goodbye.”

“Wait, I-”

That was it. The end of the call.
The bitty old bitch hung up on me again! I did learn something, or at least I confirmed my suspicions. It was the desk, and I wasn’t the first person to experience its so-called curse. The way I look at it, this desk was bewitched for a good reason, and it even came with its very own warning label!

I really wanted to know more about this original witch
. Who was she? Where in New England? Could it have been Massachusetts? Could it be? Imagine if my very desk was used by a genuine Salem witch! Then again, I don’t think they were writers. I think they were young girls and midwives. Back to my best friend, the internet. I needed to learn more about witches in Massachusetts. I wondered if any writers were ever accused of being witches. There were none that I found in my search, although there were a few very educated and prominent people accused of it. Perhaps, someone who had survived the nonsense of the Salem witch trials decided to actually seek revenge later by trying their hand at
real
witchcraft? Now, that would be a great form of payback. Maybe, just maybe, someone figured out a way to cast spells through writing out scenarios for their victims!

For now, I was satisfied I had enough information to consider that with the power
vested in my desk, I was officially a witch. My heart jumped a little with glee. OK, once I admitted it to myself, I actually jumped for joy. Trust me, this was a childhood dream come true! Sure, I was apprehensive about it all. Once I had talked to the old woman and confirmed my suspicions, I decided to embrace it. This could be great! After all, look at all of the white magic spells I wrote already. Who says that I would need to be the stereotypical Halloween witch? Modern fiction was full of fun and sexy witches and I really was one of them now!

I was overjoyed when morning came, because I knew good r
eports would start rolling in from my friends. The first call came from Lindsey. She told me the wonderful news about winning the home improvement prize. What was probably even more magical, was that the roofers were already at her house and had started to work. Lindsey told me, there were three young men on the crew. She described them as a virtual buffet of delectable and mouthwatering man snacks. She must have been hungry. I had a great idea. It was a warm summer day, we were teachers on summer break and we deserved to have a picnic. I called Kelly and left her a message to come over to Lindsey’s house at noon. I let her know that swimsuits and cold adult beverages were required.

Chapter Seven

A H
ot Picnic

I showed up at
Lindsey’s house at noon. I brought the essentials, suntan oil, a couple of folding beach chairs, and the skimpiest two piece swimsuit I owned. I glanced up at the guys on the roof as I walked in through Lindsey’s front door. She was right. Her house was crawling with hotties. How exciting! We met in the kitchen for a bit and laughed about her good fortune. I didn’t say a thing about the little spell I had written. We headed into another room and changed into our skimpy little bikinis. Now, we aren’t supermodels, but I think we looked damn hot, except for the fact that our pale skin made us look like we had spent our entire lives living in an underground mushroom farm.

We
placed our chairs in the backyard, facing the house. With a cooler full of hard lemonade between us, we watched the show. The guys working on the roof had already stripped off their t-shirts and were covered in sweat. Their hot, toned bodies were well tanned and every bit as scrumptious as Lindsey had described. Kelly arrived and noticed how we had set up to ogle the roofers.

“Holy man feast! How do I get
three hot men to pound on my roof?”

Lindsey
and I laughed hysterically at the look on Kelly’s face as she darted into the house to get changed. Once she came out of the door, she jogged over to where we set up her chair. Drinks in hand, we continued to watch the panty melting entertainment.

Kelly came up with a little game. “So, what do you say
, how about we start by choosing which one has the best arms?”

That was easy, there was one guy whose arms were just incredible. Any girl will tell you that nothing tops off a muscular arm like having nicely developed deltoids, those rounded upper arm bulges
… YUM!

“I have one!” Shouted Lindsey.”
Let’s vote on which one has the best lines or vines or whatever they’re called. The ones that run along his abs and then down and in, on the hips. Those are the best thing to look at, in my opinion. It’s like they are just guiding your eyes down to the prize. Like a big Vegas style neon sign.”

This took a considerable amount of
time to study. They were all in such good shape, but because of the distance and the fact that they were moving around so much, it was difficult to tell. Lindsey surprised us when she called out to the roofers, “Hey, would you guys like to take a break and grab a bottle of water?” Kelly and I looked at her with both shock and amusement. She looked at us and said, “OK, now is our chance, get a close look and decide for yourselves.”

One by one the guys came down the ladders and started to walk over to us. We had already been sipping on our hard lemonades for a while
, so none of us were about to be quiet or shy. We were all giggling like school girls. This promised to be fun. Kelly opened a cooler and tossed them each a water bottle. The situation wasn’t lost on the boys either. They could tell we had been checking them out, and they put on their best display of flirtation.

The alcohol must have really hit
Lindsey, because she got right to the point.

“OK, we want you guys to all stand in a line facing us. We are trying to decide on something.”

Thankfully, they were good sports and lined up a foot away from Lindsey. Kelly and I came closer and we started judging. We asked them questions that probably surprised them.

“So, do you guys work out?” “Do you have a girlfriend?
” And of course Lindsey, “Would you LIKE a girlfriend?”

The
scenario was swiftly digressing into a scene more likely to happen at a bachelorette party. Lindsey started to run her hand over their chests and stomachs and then said, “You guys don’t mind, do you? We are just trying to judge who has the best… parts.”

Of course
, the guys loved the attention, and they started asking Kelly and I to come over and check it out. Kelly was getting a little too carried away on one guy that she apparently really liked. His jeans hung quite low and her hand kept sliding down to the waistband. It became obvious by the huge bulge rising up, he liked what she was doing.

I started to worry that someone would see us and wonder if we were going to start a backyard orgy
. I had to break it up. “OK guys, turn around.”

Kelly said very loudly, “Yeah, let’s get a good look at your asses.” And she wasted no time in patting the ass in front of her.

“OK guys, back to work. The roof isn’t going to put itself on!” Lindsey surprised us and we booed her. “When you get done for the day, I can start the grill and make some dinner for you. Would that be OK?”

They were all in agreement and hustled back onto the roof to work with renewed vigor. It was a glorious day to be young and single
. I had a shadow of doubt about Lindsey’s proposition to them, though. I thought about how at this pace, we would be quite drunk by dinner time. With all of the flirting going on, there was no telling how this was going to end up.

I decided to drag the attention away from the workers for a few minutes
, because the more I thought about it, the more naughty thoughts came to mind. I remembered my magic spell to get the doctor to call Kelly.

“Hey
, Kelly, What were you up to last night? I looked for you online, but didn’t see you.”

“Oh
- nothing special.” She quietly hung her head.

I knew that look of embarrassment, so of course
, I had to seize the moment. “OK, something happened. Spit it out!”

“OK, well you remember that doctor I was supposed to meet at the wedding
, but he never showed? Well, he called me yesterday.”

“And?” I asked
, wondering why she would try to hide it. This was normally something that would make her shout to the heavens. I, however, was filled with a sudden rush of curiosity and anxiousness. This had to have gone right for her. My magic had to have worked!

“
Well, what happened?” Lindsey was just as curious.

“
He came by and picked me up to go out to a new Thai restaurant he wanted to check out. Let me tell you something, he is nothing at all like I imagined.”

“What? You mean all young doctors don’t look like the ones on TV?” I laughingly asked.

“No! Not even close. He is about five feet tall. Scrawny. So scrawny. He has the physique of a twelve year old boy with red hair that he mousses up to make himself look taller. He looked like one of those fucking troll dolls.”

“Ha ha!”
Lindsey and I were in tears with laughter.

“Oh, it gets worse, much worse. I never asked what kind of doctor he was. I assumed that since he got called in during the wedding that perhaps he was a skilled surgeon or an ER doctor. Well, we had to stop by my sister’s house on our
way to the restaurant so I could drop off the shoes I borrowed. My nephew asked him straight up what kind of doctor he was. Ugh!”

“Ugh? Come on, you are killing us. Just tell us!
” I begged.

“He told my nephew that he is a urologist. So, you
all know how curious my nephew is. He asked him what kind of doctor that was. Needless to say, my nephew took full advantage of that, like any seven year old would. He ran around the house announcing, ‘Auntie Kelly’s boyfriend is a pee-pee doctor!’

We were roaring with laughter. I had to console her. “Oh, come on. That isn’t so bad. A
t least he is a doctor and a specialist!”

Lindsey
chimed in, “Yeah, Kelly! A specialist! Maybe he knows some good pee-pee tricks.”

We were laughing so hard that it was almost unbearable. Poor Kelly. She wasn’t helping her cause.

“Sorry to say, I don’t want to find out. I was seriously sick to my stomach, and I cancelled dinner plans right there on the spot. I was physically ill. I got this visual in my head of Florian the troll boy working over a geriatric man’s shriveled twig. Or examining warts on another. I imagined horrid venereal diseases and prostate exams. God forbid, I ever let him touch me. I mean, it’s not like guys with normal, healthy penises have to go get the Florian special. Just the sick ones. Yuck.”

“Seriously
.” I could barely speak and my sides hurt, I was laughing so hard. “You’re killing me! Stop!”

Lindsey
was twice as hammered as we were. “Oh, let’s call Florian up! I want to ask him some things! Imagine the bizarre stories he can tell us!”

“NO!” Kelly and I said in unison.

“I for one, would like to think of the penis as something- nice. It should be thought of as something to appreciate or something that is awesome to play with. I don’t want to hear a bunch of sick stories and get disgusting images trapped in my head!”

“Well said, Leigh!”
Kelly commented as she nodded to the roofers. “Now, those guys. What about them? I should have asked them to show us their penises.”

“Such a slut!” I joked. “Actually, I don’t like it being referred to as a penis. That seems too
clinical, dick sounds too raunchy and pecker or wiener are just childish. And willie- well, that sounds like something only a sideshow freak would say! From now on, just call it a cock. I like the sound of that. Cock. As in a big, thick cock. Yep! And, Kelly, back to your request, don’t you think that would be going a little overboard? Have some shame!”

“Shame? Huh? Well, it’s not every day you are overrun with hunks. There shall be no shame
in this house today!” She lifted her drink up, as if she were toasting to her good fortune.

The rest of the afternoon was spent watching the guys on the roof and getting quite drunk. I realized
, it was a good thing I wasn’t in close proximity to my magic desk or we would have quite the situation on our hands. I looked at my phone and noticed it was nearly four o’clock. Nobody was going to be driving anywhere tonight. Lindsey stood up and stumbled slightly.

“I’m going to get the grill started!”

“You were serious? About inviting those guys?”

“Well, sort of. I mean, we have to eat at some point. If they want to hang out and get a bite to eat
, that’s fine by me. After all, they were good sports earlier. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything stupid. I just think it would be polite and besides, it would be fun to have them hang out for a bit.”

Kelly offered to get the grill started while
Lindsey and I went to the kitchen and gathered the food. When we went back out to the yard, we saw that Kelly was completely surrounded by the three roofers and they were helping her light the grill.

“You guys sticking around for some fo
od? You’re more than welcome!”

They quickly agreed to stay for a while. Everything was casual and the guys were all very nice. W
e talked and found out that two of them were home from college and roofing was their summer job. The one with the nicest arms had just gotten out of the Navy and was going to be starting training at the Police Academy in another month. I tended to feel myself drawn to him more than the other guys. He was so much more interesting to talk to. He was a couple of years older than the others, a little closer to my own age. When everyone was done eating, Hunter, the Navy guy, told the others that he was ready to head home. They were involved in a drinking game with Kelly and Lindsey. To my surprise, Hunter offered to give me a ride home. I really wasn’t sure what to say. I kind of wanted to hang out with Lindsey and Kelly, but something told me that maybe this guy really liked me. Maybe he would ask me out. I decided to be the good girl and see if it worked. I accepted his offer.

I gathered my clothes and purse
. I left my swimsuit on and wrapped a towel around myself, rather than change. I looked back at my friends to say goodbye, but they barely noticed. I asked Hunter if he thought they would be all right with the guys and he assured me they would be fine. I had my doubts. Not because the boys would get out of hand, no, it was the drunken, horny girls I worried would do something crazy. As fun as it sounded over there, I knew they would be regretting something by morning and I didn’t want anything to do with it. Especially if I wanted to show off my best behavior to this guy, Hunter. He just seemed like the nicest guy. I could easily picture Lindsey and Kelly starting a game of strip poker or something. Not the way to meet someone nice, but a nice way to meet someone!

Hunter
and I walked over to his pickup truck and he actually opened the door for me. Right then and there, I knew he was someone I wanted on my radar. We talked about a few things, just getting a little information about one another. He told me about his four years in the Navy and how excited he was to have been accepted to the Police Academy. Inside I was bubbling with excitement, and it wasn’t because of the alcohol. This was the kind of excitement you get when you come across someone with possibilities. He asked quite a bit about me, also. That said a lot. Usually, guys are all about themselves. They never ask much about you. When he stopped in front of my house, he paused for a minute, like he was trying to figure out what to say. Finally, he spoke.

“
Would you mind if I asked you for your number? I would like it, if I could give you a call sometime. Maybe, we could go out and do something fun.”