Accidental Leigh (9 page)

We both started laughing at the exchange of corny innuendoes, and I inadvertently pulled the trigger as I lost control of the barrel
, which pointed straight up. The cork shot out and bounced off of the metal rail above us and directly back down onto Hunter’s head. “Thank God it was only a cork and not another golf ball!” Hunter said.

I went to set the cork gun down and
accidentally caught the barrel on the angled metal support that held up the awning. I forcefully pulled it free and as I did, I pulled the retaining pin free. The awning slipped an inch and then froze in place. I breathed a sigh of relief and then just as I exhaled, it dropped. Hunter ducked just in time, or it would have caught him right in the teeth. He stood back up and laughed.

“You know, I never
thought going out with you would be so danger-”

Then the entire awning frame came crashing down on the top of his head. I screamed and checked on him.
Hunter sat with a blank stare, then he finished his sentence.

“Dangerous
- or painful.”

“This is my fault. I’ve never caused
as much disaster as I did today.”

“It’s al
l right, Leigh. I’m thinking that I need to get some ice.”

“Well, you do have that wounded look on your face. How about we
head back to my place? I’ll get you some ice and some ibuprofen.”

Chapter 11

Reverse the Curse

Hunter accepted my offer and agreed to go back to my apartment. He handed me the keys and this time I helped him into his truck. When we got back to my apartment, I had him lie down on my couch. I went to get ice and ibuprofen. When I came back, I saw Luna curled up on his chest. I was a little jealous because that was the exact position I’d like to be in!

“
Geez! I swear, she never acts like this, not even with me. How’s your head? And everything else?”

“I’m sure the headache will go away soon.” He gulped down the pill
s and put the icepack on his head. “We can still go out for dinner, later, if that’s OK with you.”

“Yeah, of course! But only if you’re feeling well enough. You took a few good shots to the head today. Just relax and shut your eyes
, if you need to.” I left Hunter to recover while I thought about the events of the day. It was almost as if Hunter was under attack from my bad luck. Luna jumped down off of Hunter’s chest and came over to the writing desk. She took one paw and swept a paper off of the desk. When I picked it up, I saw that it was the witch spell I had printed off the internet.

I picked it up and looked at the Latin incantation that I had recited for the spell. I simply assumed the spell was correct. Rookie witch mistake
, I suppose. Something was going on with the way Hunter seemed to be cursed on our very first date. Apparently, Luna had a clue. I needed Lindsey. After all, she knew Latin. I took a picture of the spell with my phone and sent it to Lindsey with a request for her to translate it, if she could. I looked over at Hunter and he was asleep. I took my phone into the kitchen with Luna following me.

My
phone rang within minutes. “So, are you worried about someone attacking you?”

“Huh? No, this is that spell for wisdom, but something w
ent wrong.”

“I’ll say! It literally translates to,
Harm will befall the one who touches me
.”

“Dammit. So, I created
a spell that would curse anyone that touches me? Fuck me! Seriously?”

“No, not likely.
I strongly would suggest avoiding that pleasure, unless you want your lover to feel the wrath of whatever your newfound witchcraft can muster up.”

“Do you
think this is something I can reverse? The spell, I mean?”

“How would I know? I don’t know
the slightest thing about being a witch, let alone how spells work. I did see a TV show once where this witch had to read the spell backwards in order to reverse it, but I don’t remember what else she had to do, or if it even worked for her.”

I thanked
Lindsey and after I hung up, I turned to Luna. “So, do you have any ideas how to fix this disaster?” Luna swatted my wormy smelling candle across the desk. “Light the candle?”

“Meow
.”

“OK, and then
what? Do I read the spell backwards?”

“Meow, meow.”

Could my cat really know what to do? Am I seriously contemplating listening to the advice of my cat? Well, why not? What else could possibly go wrong today? “OK, Luna. If I blow up the neighborhood or something, it’s on you.”

I lit the candle. The pungent odor filled the kitchen. I recited the spell backwards.
The first time I reversed the order of the words and the second by clumsily trying to sound out the words with a reverse spelling.

“Let’s hope this works
, Luna. I don’t want to be considered too dangerous to be around. I actually really like him.”

“Meeeoww.”

“I think you are saying that maybe I already am? Such a sassy little brat! Remind me again why I adopted you?”

I heard
Hunter’s voice calling out from the living room. “Did it rain or something? It smells like worms in here.”

Luna and I went in to check on him. “Hey! Good to see you’re still alive! Sorry about
the smell. I lit a candle that is supposed to have a rain fresh smell, but I agree with you, it’s much more like dying worms. Are you feeling any better?”

“Actually, I feel great! It’s like my he
adache never happened.”

I looked at his forehead and there was only a slight red mark
now. “I’m completely ready to restart our date, if you are.”

“Absolutely.”
Hunter sat up and Luna hopped into his lap. “I think we ought to head out to dinner, maybe it’s a little early, but we haven’t eaten all day. Italian sound good to you?”

“Sounds awesome! Am I dressed OK for the place
that you have in mind?”

“You look perfect, Leigh.”

“Just one thing, Hunter. You’ve got a small red spot on your forehead.” I leaned into him and gave him a tiny kiss on the lingering contusion. Then I waited for the ceiling to fall on him. To my amazement, the red spot faded away. “I just wanted to make you feel a little better and thanks for today. It was fun. Well, at least parts of it were fun. I really enjoyed spending time with you. Let’s hope we have better luck from here on out.”

Hunter
smiled at me and stood up and took my hand, kissing it lightly. I had never been around a man with such good manners and who treated me so nice. It was very refreshing. “The bumps and bruises were all worth it. Let’s head out, shall we?”

We had a short drive to an upscale Italian restaurant where
he maintained his perfect manners. I could tell he was doing his best to impress me and it sure as hell was working. During our meal, the conversation flowed easily and we covered a lot of ground. I asked him what he had planned for the weekend and when he told me, I dropped my fork. Oh FUCK!

“Well, this weekend,
me and a couple of the roofers were invited to a cookout or something. Out in Skokie. I guess the old man wants to thank us for replacing his garage roof.”

“Skokie?
By any chance, was the name Harold Epstein?”

“Yeah, that’s him. Why?”

“Oh my God. That’s my Dad.”

“Really! What a coincidence! How about it? We’ll go together?” Then he paused. “Well, I mean, I don’t want to make it seem like we are going to meet your parents, like we are
in a relationship or something- um, that sounded awkward.”

“No,
no. I understand what you mean, and I think it would be a great idea. Even better, we can bring Kelly and Lindsey along to see your friends again. Seems like they really hit it off last time!”

“Well, we better keep them sober
. I’d hate to see them start another game of strip poker in your parents’ kitchen.”

“Or worse.” I was referring, of course, to the witchcraft induced ménage that was certain to play out unless I
intervened. The next day I would have to do a little rewrite of events.

Later,
Hunter took me home. We stood at my door and I invited him in, but to my surprise, he told me he had to be up early. He held me tight and gave me the sweetest kiss. My heart just melted and then we said goodnight.

Chapter Twelve

Going to a Garden Party

I woke up completely refreshed. The previous day’s date with Hunter had worked out wonderfully and I couldn’t wait to see him again. I was also relieved to have a possible solution to fixing the scheduled orgy at my parents’ upcoming party. I made calls to both Lindsey and Kelly. The party at my mom and dad’s house was going to be mandatory attendance for them. No excuses! I needed their talents to keep any stray roofers from getting snagged in any lingering magic, once I rewrote the script.

I had anguished over whether to just come up with a way to somehow cancel the party.
I was afraid any cancellation would only delay the inevitable and most likely to a time when I would have no control over the events. I gave Lindsey’s and Kelly’s numbers to Hunter so that he could have the guys make their calls and invite the girls. My job was to be sure that they agreed to go.

The party was the next day. Luna and I
both seemed to pace around, trying to decide what would be the best way to rewrite the story. It was nice having Luna around. I had become a witch and apparently she had become my classic witch’s familiar, the black cat. I had been talking to her more, and that certainly had to help our relationship. It was a beautiful Friday afternoon and the weekend that I had been dreading was starting to look a little brighter. I owed that to Hunter.

My door opened and in came chaos. Lindsey and Kelly were laughing and joking
, as if they were two school girls that had just been asked out to the prom.

“They called! Both of us got calls!” Lindsey said in a yelping high voice.

“Do you even know which one was which?” I asked.

“Leigh. You saw
how freaking hot those guys are. You think it matters? I’d take any… or all.”

“Well, I suppose you’re right. Just as long as you keep them both focused on you. I am planning a little rewrite of the magic script, but just in case they feel compelled to do something crazy, you two need to stop them. I don’t care how you do it.”

“Great! So let’s talk about this script. I want to set up some future dates with a roofer. So don’t make it turn out badly for us.” Lindsey’s desperation was showing.

“Yes! Me
, too. Let’s write some steam, Leigh!” Kelly was nearly panting.

“Easy now
, ladies, this has to be done very carefully. Almost anything can be taken very literally, and that is exactly how I got into this predicament to begin with.”

I sat down at my desk and Luna joined me. Kelly and Lindsey looked over my shoulders as I turned on my monitor. “Now, here is the original piece
where I was writing about Harry the werewolf and his evil woman. Harry’s fate will be my Dad’s fate, just as the woman’s fate will be my Mother’s. The werewolf hunters are already set to be played by the roofers. We’ll start here, right before Harry is grabbed and tied up.

“If someone has to get tied up, can it be that roofer with the tattoos? I have some thoughts about that.” Kelly spoke with sincerity as she chewed on one of her nails. Lindsey and I looked at her in disbelief.

“No! The idea is to prevent an erotic encounter, not create a BDSM dungeon in my parents’ family room.”

Lindsey was a little more helpful. “OK, write
it so that we are all there at Harry’s with our dates. God, I love saying that. With our dates. Anyway, so we all mingle about, and enjoy a good meal. The guys will be so focused on us they won’t be able to pay attention to your parents.”

“Good. Then, we can have Harry and his lady be totally and happily focused on each other. I really hope that I can change their fates, I just don’t know if it will work. So please,
at any sign of craziness, we all have to jump into action and clear the boys out of there. Just in case, I want to write in some silly, yet urgent reason for the boys to leave a little early.”

“
I got it. Just write in the guys were so happy to spend time with Lindsey and me that they begged to take us out for the evening, or something.”

“Sounds good.”

I tapped away on my keyboard and out came a couple of new paragraphs.

Beatrice had carefully set up her trap for Harry, but suddenly she felt something in her heart change. There was no way she could go through with any plan that would torment or hurt Harry. She realized that he was her
mate. Her one true love. Harry felt the same way about her. The plans would change. She couldn’t stop the werewolf hunters from coming over, so she decided that she would not disclose to them what Harry really was.

Meanwhile, the wolf hunters decided that perhaps they didn’t want to go to Beatrice’s lair alone and they brought along their beautiful girlfriends for company.
The wolf hunters, Derek and Luke, were enamored with their new girlfriends and couldn’t think of anything other than the women by their sides. What had once been planned as a trap by Beatrice to torture and humiliate the werewolf had become a friendly gathering and a time to celebrate newfound love.

“You know, I think that is probably going to be good enough. What do you think?” I looked back over
my shoulders. Kelly and Lindsey nodded in agreement. With the new script in place and the backing of friends, I felt at ease about my parents’ party.

The following morning went
by without a hitch. Hunter arrived on time and was once again dressed smartly. Kelly and Lindsey both called to say they were on their way with their rooftop escorts.

Our little caravan met up on the freeway and we headed for Skokie. We arrived at my parents’ house by mid-afternoon.

I was happy to see my parents when we arrived. They were standing in the drive way as we pulled in. My Mother, as always, was dressed smartly in a light blue dress and matching blue heels. She wore her favorite white pearls with the matching earrings and bracelet. Her hairstyle had been unchanged since Ronald Reagan was president. There is not one time from my childhood that I can remember my Mom ever experimenting with her hair or her wardrobe. My Dad was wearing his typical embarrassing cookout clothing. Plaid shorts, a white button down shirt, and black dress shoes. Black dress shoes! His white socks were pulled to the maximum stretch level, nearly covering his pale bony knees. Ahhh… What can I say? It was good to see them.

The
small crowd gathered on the driveway and after brief introductions, we all went into the somewhat tackily landscaped back yard. My parents loved lawn sculptures. The kind that were made out of poured cement and carefully arranged throughout the yard. Then, they were unceremoniously crapped on by every bird in the neighborhood.

All in all, things went great. My Dad ran the grill with
Hunter as his assistant. The girls were busy getting to actually know their new friends. I was talking to my mother. The world was right again. As the afternoon wore on, my parents seemed to be getting a little cozy with each other and I patted myself on the back. It seems like being a witch is OK, once you get the hang of it.

Hunter
and I took a walk through the yard. He commented, “So, is this like a pet cemetery or something?”

“No, my Dad owns a cement company and one of the things they make are these lawn ornaments. Angels, frogs, turtles
, and fairies. When I was little, I would have nightmares after looking out here in the moonlight. They still creep me out.”

“What’s up with those monkeys? I’v
e heard of the see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil monkeys, but what happened there?” Hunter pointed to a cement log with three monkeys squatting along the top of it. Each cement monkey had a huge set of balls hanging below them and a very noticeable erection.

“
Ha! It was from the shop. My Dad brought it home. I guess the guy that made it was quitting his job and thought it was funny. Just another thing that left scars on my young mind.”

We walked back over to the gathering and I noticed my parents were missing. I led
Hunter into the kitchen. He took me by the hands and looked me in the eye. For a minute I thought he might kiss me, until we heard a very odd sound. It was like a muffled sound coming from a person trying to talk with a mouth full of food.

We looked across the room and saw my Dad. He was on the other side of the kitchen island, leaning against it. His back was toward us and he didn’t notice we were in the room.

“Dad? Are you OK? What’s that noise?”

His head spun around and he had a shocked and embarrassed look on his face.
My mother came up from behind the island. Her lipstick was smeared and her hair was tossed into disarray. Then I noticed it. Her blue dress had several gobs of thick, nasty, white stuff spattered on the front. You guessed it, love potion.

I stood there with my mouth hanging open as my mother very casually took a napkin and wiped her mouth off. “Hi
, Leigh. Sorry, we didn’t know you were in the kitchen.” Some of the sticky liquid was on her chin. I started to gag. I turned away so that I wouldn’t throw up.

“Oh. My. God.”

“Leigh, your mother was just helping to tie my shoes!”

“Dad!
You are wearing slip on shoes!”

I took
Hunter by the hand and we walked briskly right out of the kitchen. “I’m sorry you had to see that, Hunter. I sure as hell hope
that
little blue dress makes it to the cleaner or the landfill.”

“Ha! Well, I know one thing. I’m not about to accept a cigar from your Dad anytime soon!"

Hunter took me home and before we parted, he had to tell me something. “Leigh, like I said, I’m going into the Police Academy. I would like it very much if we could hang out a couple of times, at least until then. I’m not expecting anything, you know. I just thought it would be nice to spend some more time with you.”

“I agree! Just so you know,
I’m not dating anyone, or just out of a relationship, or any of that. Tell you what, we’ll hang out, and I’ll be there when you graduate at the top of your class to cheer for you. Then… we can go from there. Until then, I count today as our second date. I’m looking forward to a third.” I winked at him and now that I had thrown my cards on the table about how I felt, I hoped our third date would rise to another level, just a bit.

It’s good to be a witch. I’ve got the rest of summer ahead
of me before I have to go back to teaching. I’ve got some crazy friends, parents that were in lust if not love, and a cat that has finally decided it’s not all that bad to live with me. And best of all, the prospect of a great boyfriend. One that could actually measure up to my book boyfriends. Life is good.

For a short moment that is! I no sooner walked in the door and my cell phone started to buzz wildly. I looke
d at the caller ID and flipped my phone open.

“Hey girl
ie, how was the rest of your date? I saw that you and Lindsey made an early escape with your two beef cakes.”

“What did you do to us? Leigh
, this isn’t funny. You have to fix the spell. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb seem to have lost all ability to think of anything but Lindsey and me. They don’t even know their names anymore!”

“Oh
, come on. It can’t be
that
bad. So, they are a little fixated on you. You should appreciate it.”

“Leigh! You have no idea.
Luke was trying to tattoo my name on his chest with a nail. Thank God I was able to stop him. It’s getting worse! We need you here, now. Help us, please!”

“I’ll be right there.” Like I said, things were looking good.
I went to the living room to grab my purse. I stopped dead in my tracks. A large puff of smoke filled the center of the room, but that wasn’t the strangest part. Luna walked out of the cloud of smoke and stood before me with a small scroll in her mouth. She dropped the scroll at my feet and greeted me with a loud “Meooow.”

I picked up the scroll
and broke the tiny seal that was placed in the middle. The wax seal was very old fashioned and had the number 1313 in the center.
What the hell is this?
I thought. I unrolled the scroll and began to read.

Ms. Epstein,

Congratulations on your new found powers. It has come to our attention that you have been practicing witchcraft as a non-union member. The practice of witchcraft is strictly forbidden in the mortal world without proper training and union membership.

You are hereby ordered to cease all magical use of any kind
. You are ordered to appear in front of the Union Board immediately.

Plea
se recite the following incantation out loud and you will be transported immediately to Union Headquarters. Please remember to bring a check book with you for any and all union dues along with any fines.

** Transportation Spell

Witches Local 1313, Take me there, Take me now. With ease and grace, This is how.

Seriously,

Esmeralda Jones

Command Secretary

Witches Local 1313

I read the letter twice to make sure I was reading it right! “Seriously?” I pulled my cellphone from my purse and called Kelly. “Hey, you’re going to have to handle things there for a little bit without me.”