Sweet Reflection (25 page)

I order a steak and salad, and James has a triple something burger with everything on it. I’m amazed he can actually eat all that and still look as good as he does. We talk about everything and we spend so much time deep in conversation that I’m startled when the rowdy table in front get up and move in closer.

“Looking forward to our date, Laurel. Call me.” Ollie walks past with his friends, and I start laughing because I never thought he’d have the balls to do that actually in front of James. But he walks in the centre of his friends like they’re a barricade. James is fuming, his nostrils are flaring and his voice has taken on a whole new level of pissed. “You took his number?” He says, as he stands and preps his body to run after Ollie.

The gaggle of girls I saw crowded round him inside, walk through the door whispering to each other and smiling at him. The one I spoke to reaches out her hand and pushes a piece of paper in between his fingers. She winks at him in a way I’m sure she thinks is seductive, and shakes her hips as she walks across the road. He’s not really concentrating and blankly opens the piece of paper. He stares at it for a few seconds and a small smile reaches the corners of his mouth. He crumples the piece of paper and throws it in the bin before pulling me up by the waist and steering me towards the car.

“So, funny story. Apparently my sister told that girl I was single, and that’s why she gave me her number. Thing is, I’m pretty damn sure I don’t have a sister.”

I struggle to keep from laughing and shrug my shoulders, “Maybe you just didn’t realise you had one.” He gives me a look that says
what the hell
and chuckles away to himself as he starts the engine up and pulls away, “You’re an idiot.”

He says it playfully but I gasp and feign mock-horror, “Hey, name-calling is my thing, jackass.”

“When did we get so old?” He asks thoughtfully.

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve just been hit on by eighteen year olds. That’s so wrong I cringe just thinking about it. It’s barely legal.”

“Hey, we may be old, but we’re still sexy as hell. Well, you are anyway.”

“What, and you’re not?” He scoffs, “Laurel, you make Megan Fox look like Susan Boyle.”

“Megan Fox, huh? You like brunettes? Maybe I should dye my hair.” I’m just joking but then I think back to the girls I’ve seen him with. And there’s been a lot over the past nine months. They’ve all had brown hair. And Shannon, the one who hung around a while was brunette too. Yeah, he definitely prefers them.

“Don’t. Please.” He says as he pulls over into a lay-by. His voice is soft, serious, considering I was just messing around. “I see the look on your face. I know you’ve been thinking about the others. But that’s what I love about you. You’re different. And…”

I raise an eyebrow and wait but the rest doesn’t come. “And what?” I press, eager to hear how he feels.

“After
that
night, I tried to get my mind off you. Blondes just reminded me of you, but none of them could compare, so I only hooked up with brunettes. It started off as a subconscious thing then I realised and made sure that it carried on that way. I love your blonde hair.” He leaves one hand on the steering wheel and picks up a lock of hair, twirling it round his fingers then runs his fingers through the strands. “It makes you,
you
, Laurel. And it’s
you
I’ve fallen for.”

My heart rate has soared so high I feel like it might hit the clouds. I’m falling for him too, in a big way. He’s told me he loves me once, but I haven’t said those words back yet. I think I do. I just can’t quite get them out yet. I don’t want to admit it, because if I do, it leaves me completely vulnerable. I told Darren I loved him. And he broke my heart. I feel so much more with James, that I’m just too scared. Maybe I’ll get there, maybe I won’t, but for now I kiss him with everything I feel inside.

The adrenaline fuelled action for the afternoon we eventually decide on is go-karting. I’ve never been an outdoorsy type, but give me something competitive and I’ll put my all into it. James is exactly the same. He’s only done it a couple of times when he was a kid, but I can see as he gets changed and we go through the safety briefing and kart controls he’s taking it all in, assessing everything, taking every detail and storing it up, because with an ego like his, the last thing he wants is to lose.

“Ready for a
girl
to beat your ass?” I tease as we put our helmets on and get into the karts. I take in the look of his kart, and imprint the number, twenty-one, into my brain.

“Born ready, babe. I’ll show you how the boys do it.” His grin is a cocky mix of playful and macho, and my eyes narrow to the track in front of me. I get in the zone, and think of nothing but the track. We’ve had our practice laps and I got it quicker than he did, but there’s no telling what will happen now. The flag comes down and I’m zooming off before James which brings out a little cackle from my mouth. I sit up straighter to concentrate, then feel myself relaxing into the way the kart moves under my control, how it turns and corners, I move to the side round other karts, and breathe more steadily when I don’t see James. I know I’m ahead of him. We’re doing fifteen minutes, I don’t know how long we’re on so I’ll just wait for the flag. It’s fun, and I can feel all the tension leaving my body, until I see a blur of red coming up on my right side. I note the way the track moves in front then chance a quick look over my shoulder. It’s James. He’s going to overtake me. I’m momentarily blindsided, and the kart veers to the side, hitting him. The car shudders and the flag comes up to pull me over. Oops, I’m in trouble. After smiling sweetly, and fluttering my eyelashes at the marshall I’m back on track and ready to catch up. Laps pass and we must be at least halfway through when I spot the number I’ve been looking out for. I go for it, hitting the accelerator hard, and move quickly down the left side of him. I see his double-take and decide to have a little fun by blowing him a kiss as I pass. His eyes are still on me and something brings my attention back to the track, I see the tyres and swerve over so I don’t hit them. I lean into the corner and when I look across the track to the spot where I overtook James, his kart has crashed. Ha! That’ll teach him. It feels like we’ve been going for ages. Any time soon the flag is going to come up. I feel his presence beside me and try to accelerate away but I can’t, he’s keeping up. His kart is close, he’s right next to me. He salutes as he passes and zooms off way in front, clearly he’s been holding back. Then the flag comes up to end the session and I growl a little as I pull over. Losing’s bad, but losing to a cocky bastard like James is worse.

He gets out and as he pulls of his helmet I see the smug satisfaction all over his face. Ugh. “And that’s how the boys do it,” he chuckles, walking over to me. Actually it’s not a walk. It’s a swagger. “You look really sexy in those overalls.” His deep voice vibrates in my ear, and then I’m no longer thinking about losing. I’m picturing us going at it against the wall of tyres behind me. “So do you,” I reply, breathing heavily as he unzips the front of mine and pushes it over my shoulders, running his fingers against the bare skin of my arms. We have to get out of here, before I end up a puddle in front of the team of guys running the track. Now that would be embarrassing.

Chapter Nineteen

Laurel

After taking the day off, Proposals takes up most of my attention for the next few days. I’ve been going over some marketing ideas with Alex and she’s helping me tune the finer details of an event I’m trying to pull together with the men’s suit hire company. We’re thinking some kind of fashion show, but instead of just a catwalk, it’ll be laid out like an actual wedding ceremony. There’s excitement in her face as we go through it all, and I’m so happy to have someone there who understands the business, and I can bounce ideas off.

“I love it darling,” she smiles, as sips her glass of wine at lunch. “It’s going to be fantastic. Really pull them in. We’ve got to put the emotion into it too. That’s the way we’re going to grip people. It has to be like a real wedding. Heartfelt.”

“I agree. I’ll run it all past Joe and see if he’s got anything to add. Things are definitely picking up though.”

I’m distracted by a text on my phone. It’s from my mum.

Mum: Can you meet me at the hospital at four? X

Me: Everything okay?! x

Mum: Just an appointment, but really like you to be there xx

Me: Of course. See you soon xx

I'm dazed as I walk out the doctor's office. The last thing I expected when I woke up this morning was to feel my whole world come shattering down around me. I’ve spent the last couple of hours worrying what it could be, and it’s far worse than I ever imagined. The burn in my eyes makes them sting, and the thundering agony in my chest is making its way up to my throat. I feel so helpless, it's happening all over again and I'm powerless to stop it. My fears are becoming a reality and it's the most horrifying feeling I've ever experienced. I know I have to be strong, for her, she's going to need my support now more than ever, but as soon as my eyes land on James, with his arms outstretched, expression full of concern, I crumble. He wraps his strong arms around me as my knees collapse to the floor, and I bury my face into his shoulder, letting the chokes and sobs come barrelling out. He's rocking me and whispering comforting words in my ear. I don't even realise we're moving; I just know I feel safe and protected in his arms.

Sometime later I open my eyes and notice I'm stretched out on his sofa with a patchwork blanket around me and my head is on his lap. The lounge curtains are still wide open and the light outside has disappeared so it must be night time. We've been here a good few hours and he hasn't left my side, even through the river of tears. I realise then that I must look hideous; all puffy eyes, streaked make-up and red blotches. I carefully lift the arm that's draped over my stomach and move as stealthily as I can to the bathroom to gather myself into a more presentable me. As I slump forward against the sink I have to count to ten to stop myself from crying again. It won't do any good but I'm still reeling from how unfair it feels.

Cancer
.

I test the word out loud, and just trying to get my mouth around each letter brings up the sick feeling from my stomach to my throat again. She already had to watch my dad die. It must be scaring her, but she was so strong in front of the doctor. She's my whole world now, the only person who was really there for me when dad was ill. Even though she helped to take care of him, she always made me a priority too. I have to shake my head to pull myself out of it. I'm so grateful for James being there, but I have to get back to mum. I wash my face with one of the cloths that's folded up on the side and pull my hair back into a bun. It's a mess and I don't have a brush to make it look nice. With one last deep breath in I leave to go and get my things whilst contemplating whether or not to wake James up. As I step in the kitchen my eyes land on him sitting at the table; he's leaned back in the chair and has one foot up and resting on the other knee. Even though his hair is messy and his clothes aren't straight, he still looks perfectly handsome and my hearts starts beating a little faster just like it always does when he's around.
He smiles when he looks up and sees me, and opens his arms out to pull me down to his lap, "Hey," I say burrowing into his neck.

"Hey yourself beautiful." He wraps his arms around me tightly and rests his chin on my head.

"Thank you for looking after me this evening, I really appreciate it, but I should get going now. She needs me." I pull away to see his reaction but he doesn't give anything away. Then I see his eyes narrow as he contemplates something.

"What?" I question.

"Don't think I'm an interfering jackass, as you so gracefully put it when you call me names," he says playfully, "but your mum rang while you were asleep."
I can tell from this that he answered it and I'm not sure how I feel about him going behind back so I just raise an eyebrow at him to urge him to continue.

"I just didn't want to wake you. You were finally sleeping."

"So you were worried that I would wake up and be a crying mess again?"
He squeezes me gently.

"No babe. That's not it. I just wanted you to get some rest. You were tired, we both agreed it would be best."

"Both?"

"Yeah your mum and I had a chat and thought it would be best if we didn't wake you."
Great, now they're ganging up on me.

"Just so you know, I don't need anyone making decisions for me. I am a big girl now."

"I know. But we're worried about you."

"Well I can take care of myself. I better get going."

I wriggle under his hold and clamber off his lap to get my bag.

"Babe, please. I know that. But I'm here to help. Your mum's not at home anyway. She's spending the night with Mrs Pullman; she needs her friends around her. She was happy that you were here." Relief washes over me; Marissa’s a great friend to my mother just as she was to Cassie's mum before she died, so I'm thankful she’ll be there for her too. I relent, because even though I've been asleep for a few hours, I'm tired, and I need to rest before the hospital appointments and treatments start. She’s been doing it alone for a couple of weeks, but I’ll be there with her every step now. The cancer’s so big at the moment that they want to do chemo first, to try and shrink it before surgery. James notices the weary nod I give and crosses the room to wrap me up in his arms again.