Sweet Reflection (27 page)

I clink my glass against hers and watch as her smile reappears now she’s remembered, “Well, you totally stole that from Hitch but I love it.”

She sips her Champagne and I see her visibly relax in the chair. The waiter comes back to take our orders then leaves us alone for a while.

“So, how’s work going on The Shepherd?” Laurel leans forward again and my eyes are back to those damn lips. Red. Plump. Just calling out to me. I’ve never needed to exercise so much self-restraint with a woman before. I only see her. She’s got right in there and taken over my body, my brain and my heart. It scares the shit out of me. Then she’ll smile, or kiss me, or tell me how much she wants me and it’ll feel like the most natural thing in the world.

“Really good, we’ll be ready to reopen next Friday night. They’re having a big party to celebrate. Wanna come with me? Blake and Cassie will be there too, we can make it a kind of double date. I know you two haven’t seen each other that much lately.”

She sighs into her glass, and stares at the bottom of it. “Yeah, I’ve missed her. We’ve been talking on the phone, but it’s not quite the same. I’d love to come.”

When my mum told me about her cancer I shut everything else out and focused on her. Although I don’t like the fact that Laurel spreads herself too thinly trying to please everyone, I’m glad she’s not shutting herself off. Of course Judy needs all the support she can get, but Laurel needs support too. And right now, she’s allowing me to give it to her. She dives into her bag and checks her phone. I see the breath she’s holding as she swipes over the screen, then the air whoosh out as she realises there’s no missed calls.

Laurel notices me watching her then flinches as she looks back down, “Sorry, I was just making sure mum hadn’t called.”

What the fuck? Why is she apologising? Maybe it’s from Darren. Maybe he would have been annoyed by her checking her phone. But I know exactly what she’s thinking and why she’s thinking it. I couldn’t be annoyed with that.

“Babe, don’t apologise for worrying about your mum. I get it. Leave your phone out on the table and put it on loud. Now.”

“Bossy much?” She says light-heartedly, but I notice the subtle slump of her chest and shoulders, and evening out of the crinkles in her forehead as she does just that. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me for that Laurel. Please. Give me some credit.”

She throws her champagne back then pours herself another glass. I didn’t mean to sound pissed. “Sorry, babe. Tonight should be about fun, not sniping. Ignore me. He just gets to me sometimes.”

“Who?”

“Dickhead Darren.” I say flatly, downing the rest of my glass too.

“God, we need a subject change. I let him get to me because I’m so damn stupid, but the last thing I want is for it to affect you too. So, what shall we talk about?”

“Your sexy dress, and how much I want to strip it off you. Let’s talk about that.” I’m gonna forget Darren, and their relationship. It’s all about Laurel and I now, and I know how good I’ve got it.

Her megawatt smile is back to lighting up the whole flipping room and that’s how it stays for the rest of the meal. No talk of ex-boyfriends or illness or cancer. It’s just carefree flirting, insinuation and innuendoes that I’m ready to discuss more as we leave the restaurant.

Laurel

My mum hasn’t rung all evening, I’m so glad she’s okay. Of course I would have gone straight home whatever it was, but I’m happy James and I got to spend a relatively untroubled dinner alone, and without any other complications. We needed it, we’ve not seen each other as much as we used to, even before we were together. We talk on the phone all the time, but there’s so much going on, I rarely have time to take a break. We’ve left the restaurant and I’m missing the connection already but at least we’ll have next Friday too.

“Are you taking me back home now?” I ask as James drives out onto the main road.

“I had planned to. But I’m open to any other suggestions?” He looks at me pointedly out of the corner of his eye. I guess it’s up to me to decide what next. I don’t want to be too far away from mum, but I know she’s alright so I don’t want to leave him either. I look over at his profile and follow it down over his shoulders, the curve of his back and the biceps flexing as he changes gears.

“Laurel, don’t look at me like that unless you want me to follow through on the things I’m thinking about.”

“Well, what are you thinking? And I’ll see if I
want
you to follow through with them.” I say flirtatiously, slowly running my hand over his thigh, and the restraint I’ve been showing all night is slowly crumbling away.

“I’m thinking I wanna stop this car and kiss the hell out of you.”

“Yes, I want that too.” I say breathlessly, desire sparking every part of my body with its warmth. He checks the mirrors then pulls over sharply on the side of the road. His hands clasp the steering wheel so hard his knuckles are turning white. “Tell me you don’t want this babe and I take you home. No worries.” How could I not want this? I get turned on just looking at him.

“Stop worrying, I’m not gonna break. You can have your wicked way with me and I’ll live to tell the very naughty tale.”

He’s still thinking. I have to show him, this is as much what I want, as what he wants. I turn on the radio for a little distraction and Jason Derulo and his trumpets pound out the speakers, with a blazing determination.

I lower my seat back as far as it will go, and slowly edge up the bottom of my dress. His eyes fix on me, I can feel their heat penetrating right through me, and I love seeing the way his body tightens, his hands twitch like he wants to reach out and touch me, and his pupils dilate with pure, unadulterated lust. He shifts in his seat to take in the way my hips move, and my chest rising quickly, and I haven’t even touched myself yet, but I can see his cock tenting his trousers.

“James.” I breathe out, thinking about how sexy his name is dripping off my lips.

“Right here, babe. Touch yourself,” he commands.

I lower my hand down over my stomach and further to my sex. He captures it and brings it to his lips, slowly kissing the tips of my fingers, then gently caressing them with his tongue, and tingles spike all over my skin. He moves both our hands back down and slowly guides my finger in small circles over my clit. His body edges in closer and he strokes the hair away from my neck, trailing his wet tongue over my shoulder.

“You like touching yourself babe?”

“Yes,” I gasp out quickly, feeling the flames licking up and down my body. His mouth meets mine with an intensity that takes my breath away. The feel of his hand down there showing mine what to do, and his tongue breaking free to feel out every inch of my mouth has me begging for release,

“James.” His name falls out in a desperate moan.

He pulls back to see my face, then moves his fingers deep into me with frustratingly slow thrusts. “God, I love watching you fall apart. You look so beautiful,” he whispers, his breath on my lips sending a shiver through me. He’s the only one that’s made me feel this sexy, but treasured and loved at the same time. He
loves
me. Then the waves hit me in long hot pulses of pleasure seeping into my bones leaving them molten and fluid, and he’s pulling me over the console into his lap as the shudders fade and subside. He wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my shoulder, then my neck, my cheek and my nose. I can’t force back the silly grin on my face, not that I want to.

I rest my head in the hollow of his neck for a while, enjoying the silence, breathing his scent in, the warmth of his skin and his soft touch stroking my back.

I finger the collar of his shirt and play with the small buttons.

“How are you feeling about all this?”

It makes my heart ache I haven’t asked this before. He gets on so well with my mum, and the memories it must bring back of his mum’s cancer have got to be affecting him in some way. I can’t believe I’ve been so selfish. So wrapped up in me. I feel his grip on me tighten, and his breathing quicken.

“I miss her,” he confesses, “I’m just glad Judy told you, and you didn’t miss out on so much like I did. I could have been there for her, but she didn’t let me. They only told me when the doctors said there was nothing more they could do.”

His voice breaks, and he coughs to try and hide it, pressing a kiss on top of my head. “Hers was caught too late though. It had already spread. Judy will get through it.” He squeezes my hip and I relax further into him.

“If it ever gets too much though, tell me. I don’t want it to bring back bad memories for you. When you first told me about your mum, you smiled the whole time. I don’t want that to change when you think of her. Or for you to feel you have to stay with me because of it. Promise me?”

“Babe, I promise. I would never do that.” I know James is nothing like Darren. But maybe when he’s faced with the same situation he’ll react the same. The thought worries the hell out of me, and I feel myself pulling away from the connection we’ve just deepened.

“Let’s get back home.” I climb back into the seat, and his furrowed brow eases when I use mum as an excuse to put some distance between us.

“You’re sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, I just need to check on her.” Seemingly happy with my response, he starts the car and drives me back home.

Chapter Twenty

Laurel

The first thing I notice as we pull into the road is the light on in my mum’s bedroom. I would have thought she’d be asleep by now. The fear that something’s wrong stabs at my chest, and I double check my phone again to make sure she hasn’t called. Nothing. I’m just being stupid, but it doesn’t stop my heart rate from kicking up a few notches. “Want me to come with you?” James’ voice startles me, it’s loud, close. I turn my head and see him standing next to me holding the door open. I feel stronger with him here, like everything’s going to be okay so I nod and give him half a smile.

I shrug off my cardigan and put my bag down on the chair in the hallway. It’s quiet downstairs, she’s probably fallen asleep reading. I walk upstairs and knock lightly on the door that’s closed over. I don’t get a response so I push it open softly so I don’t wake her. The bright light hits me as I walk through, but so does the sick smell that knots my chest and makes me heave. I scan the room quickly and see her body curled round the covers on the bed, with vomit all around her. My eyes burn, tears pooling, and I grip my stomach to stop from throwing up. I bring my hand up to stop the sob when I see the cloth and bowl next to her. She tried to clear it up on her own. I wasn’t here. I’d left her on her own. The disgust builds inside me until it’s successfully eaten away all the happiness of the evening. I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and walk back out, “She’s been sick. I’ve got to clean it up.” My voice is robotic, void of all emotion. If I had been here, she wouldn’t have had to lie in it. She could have choked on it and I wouldn’t have known until now.

“God, okay. I’ll get some cleaning stuff. Kitchen?” He can’t stay.

“No, she wouldn’t want you to see her like that. I think it’s best if you go.”

“At least let me help by-“

“NO. Just go.” I say vehemently. I’m too angry to speak to him. It’s not his fault but I can’t look at him without the guilt torturing me. I brush past him and run downstairs to get some more cleaning products and run back up again. He’s still standing there watching me and I ignore the anxiety on his face.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” I say as I slam the door shut. I busy myself in cleaning the bed up a bit before waking her. She doesn’t need to see this. Gently wiping her clothes and her face, I move her softly and she stirs, “Oh honey you’re back,” she says groggily. She looks down at herself and the bed, then slumps her head back onto the covers. “You shouldn’t have had to deal with that. I’m so sorry. I tried to clear it up but there was just too much and then I didn’t feel like I had the energy, so I told myself I would just shut my eyes for a few minutes’ rest.” She glances over at the clock and tuts, “I guess that turned into a couple of hours. I’m so sorry.”

It hurts she’s apologising. She’s my
mother
. “Stop it. I don’t mind. Come on, let’s get you up so I can change the bedcovers.”

By the time I finish it’s nearly midnight, and I fall into bed feeling annoyed and frustrated in myself. I should have been here. She’s fighting the biggest battle of her life, and I’ve been out, having fun and flirting with my boyfriend. I’ve never been more selfish.
My dad would be so disappointed in me
, is my last thought before sleep grabs hold of me.

Marissa comes round the next day to spend the day with mum, both for our peace of mind, but also as a distraction. I think mum’s feeling embarrassed about being sick last night because she hasn’t said much to me. I decide to give her some space and go to work. She doesn’t need me fussing over her all the time; it was something she spoke to me about when she first told me about the cancer. The store’s busy, I’m booked solid with appointments all day, and watching so many happy brides to be takes my mind off everything. Closing time comes quickly and I decide I need to at least apologise to James for the way I treated him. He did nothing wrong, and I completely cut him off so I send him a text.